Modern Warfare


Now back in the day and automatic rifle gave you the edge.

Then frag vests then ballistic vests. Fuck, we used to work on satellite info, pictures of sandpaper.

Not so much now.

Fuck it’s real time now. No longer “we expect ‘ but ‘ just round the corner,’ A very different war….,.

Gone are my days of the gun knife and shovel. Trust me they are the ultimate battle axe, but you don’t want to go there.

So I nominate someone cunt flying an EOD at me on a child’s toy.

Nominated by : Lord benny

Surrey Police

Are the police going too far, or are they simply out of control and making it up as they go along?

Honest to Dog you really can’t make this shit up. Poor lass, took her daughters iPads off them, so they could do their homework without distraction. Fair enough.

Vanessa went to visit her mum, an elderly woman.
Next thing, police are at mums door, arresting Vanessa for theft and treating the old mum like she’s a modern day Fagin!

Vanessa is then held in custody for several hours, until the officer who had custody of the shared braincell that day decided there was no case to answer!

Now, reading between the lines, it looks like kids phoned Dad to moan about Mum confiscating their iPads, and Dad, being a total cunt, reported them as stolen. This has not been checked by BBC Verify, BTW.

So far, Surrey Police have failed to either

Apologise to Vanessa, or
Arrest the cunt for making a false report and wasting police time.

Shabby wedding, Surrey Police, very shabby.

lbc.co.uk

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

The First All Female ‘Crew’ Since 1963

 

Pop star Katy Perry comes out of the capsule in

A cunting for the first all female crew since 1963

I have just witnessed the most pointless ‘piece of history’ , a crew of 6 women including Katy Perry went up to the edge of space, start to finish the whole thing lasted 11 minutes. Yes that’s up, hang around for a few seconds then back down

The ‘mission’ leader was some plastic faced tart who happens to be the fiancé of Jeff Bezos.

Now to be fair it’s something that isn’t without risk although this wasn’t the first flight of blue horizon, it has been tried and tested with no issues so it isn’t the maiden flight type of risk.

What is actually annoying is that this nothing more that a joyride, no scientific interest, no new breakthrough so what is the big deal, it could have been 6 monkeys or 6 sacks of sand.
The description of the 6 as crew is a bit of a stretch, they have zero control of anything and other that the G force (no more than a high end fairground ride) the training is pretty minimal.

The crew are now technically Astronauts 😂, I would prefer a much more accurate description

PAYLOAD – the load carried by a vehicle, particularly an aircraft or spacecraft, that is not essential for the vehicle’s operation itself. This can include passengers, cargo, equipment.

I would say that if offered I would go for the ride 😂

Daily Fail

Nominated by Sick of it.

Not travellers, van dwellers

This is how people are living, they aren’t our lovable painted horse-drawn wagon folk, nor are they the top of the range SUV driving folk who park their caravans in your local Lidl car park, tap into the water/electric, nick everything that’s not nailed down within a mile radius, and fuck off before the police arrive.

No, these are people who are living in cars, vans, horseboxes, old removal vans, etc., because they can’t afford to rent!

However, they are still leaving the same amount of human waste and general debris, so what makes them different?

Well, they’ve mainly got jobs. They go to work, earn a wage, pay tax, etc., and are generally law abiding citizens.

Apparently, the number of folks living like this is so great the local council is looking for a proper site for them.

Great, Britain. We’re just building our first shanty town!

bbcnews

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

My “Pure” hatred of cremation adverts

Let’s face it, none of us are going to cheat a visit by the Grim Reaper… the most we can do is follow the advice from Blue Oyster Cult and try not to fear him. Most of us don’t want to be reminded of our frail mortality as life is fleeting enough already. Each year that goes by seems to disappear quicker and quicker.

I don’t watch a lot of TV, most of it is crap. However when a rare bout of curiosity sets in and I do try the idiot box, my piss always boils as nearly every other advertisement shown these days is one about planning your cremation. They show OAPs cheerfully talking about their impending Sudden Existence Failure as if it is something to look forward to, smiling whilst they talk about how lovely it is going to be when their bones are pulverised by hammers and then the fragments incinerated to ashes.

I especially hate the ones by Pure Cremation and the one with the smug twat lying in a bath going on about how lovely the funeral was they just went to. He seems to go to an awful lot of funerals and is always talking about them when having a bath; his relatives must be dropping like flies, maybe they all live in that charming village of Midsummer. Well if you like funerals that much you irritating cunt, let me speed up yours for you, that will wipe the smile off your face and give someone else a chance to use the bath.

Cremation adverts in general are all cunts, with the biggest of them being Pure Cremation.

youtube

Nominated by Chunder Tunt.