Have been a British Gas customer ever since I purchased my first property back in 1983. Thirty five years.

Have been in my current property since 1993 (twenty five years in August).

Throughout that time our gas consumption has been fairly consistent from one year to the next- using more gas in the winter naturally than in the summer. They can clearly check this from their records if they could be the least bit bothered.

Despite this our direct debits have varied from £25 a month up to an eye watering £160 month. At one stage we had built up a credit in excess of £1,600, which I demanded back and which they paid (not with interest of course).

The last time I spoke with the cunts was paying £110 a month and was in credit (again). Told them just to take my average usage over the past year and divide by 12. They said they would be reducing my monthly direct debit to £35 a month. I said call it £50 because sick and tired of the yoyo effect of the monthly payments. After doing this within two months have already increased from the agreed £50 to £70. Cunts.

Last week I decided to submit my meter reading online which I did. Thought this would help matters. During the process I was continually directed towards getting a smart meter. Did I want a smart meter. Did I want to learn more about smart meters. Did I want to speak to someone about smart meters. No, no and for fuck sake no.

Regarding smart meters I have hear many bad reports about these devices using old technology and being unreliable, saving on average only £26 a year (whoopidoo)- scrub that, after this weeks news make that £11 A YEAR, and NOT having the ability to send the usage details back to the supplier, have arrived at the stark conclusion that they are a complete waste of fucking time, money (everyone contributes towards the cost of the useless devices) and simply not worth the hassle.

Have been waiting for my latest bill to arrive. Instead, this morning, whilst having breakfast I received a knock at the door from a dopey cunt gas meter reader. This is despite my meter having been read by me only a week ago (and the reading forwarded to British Gas as per their two automated phone messages) and again within the last two months.

Rather unusually for me I became rather irked, questioning the necessity of having my meter read (unannounced and during breakfast) yet AGAIN. I questioned the logic of this and what was the point on submitting a reading online? He (the outsourced cunt) informed me that they are usually sent out to read a meter when they have had a reading already submitted by a customer. This I understand (from my reliable next door neighbour) to be complete bollocks.

I will be writing directly to British Gas to complain about this mornings incident as it was unnecessary and an unwanted intrusion of our privacy.

Surely in the 21st century it is not beyond the realms of possibility for British Gas have a system that works efficiently for the customer? By not having meters read every 5 fucking minutes, not increasing and decreasing direct debits every two or three months especially with long standing customers, and not persevering with smart meters which has condemned as being a waste of time and not fit for purpose.

Perhaps if they did the would not be losing so many of their long term customers.

Nominated by Willie Stroker