I know this will probably be an unpopular cunting but fuck it, i hate the stuff.
Perhaps not so much the cold stuff sitting in the fridge that you make a nice ploughmans with,
but cheese that gets cooked and heated up. Unfortunately, the melted stuff now puts me off the cold stuff.
As far as i’m concerned, melted cheese is, in my humble opinion, the most vile, appalling, disgusting, abhorent food substance ever to have been slewed from Satan’s hairy ringpiece.
I don’t think there are the words of a dictionary to accurately describe my reaction upon going in to a place that has cheese cooking. It’s like walking into a giant cheesy shitcloud. It makes me recoil in abject disgust and look for the exit.
I’ve heard it described as ‘food crack’ by some who find it addictive.
It’s slathered all over your food like a farmer’s slurry, whether you want it or not, not that most seem to mind.
Takeaways are the worst, a slice of processed cheese with everything like it’s a government diktat.
Cheese in your burger, cheese in your fries, cheese in this, that and everything else.
The last time i was in Mcdonalds, (conveniance at the time) i had to wait for a burger without the wretched stuff.
I was in their with a girlfriend and she ordered a chicken burger. We both opened our burgers to pull out all the other dross they like to fill burgers with and her chicken burger had a slice of processed cheese in there. For fuck’s sake!
You don’t make a nice Sunday chicken roast then decorate it with filthy slices of cheese do you?
Adverts with a slice being lifted out of a pizza and all those stringy bits of cheese still attached causes me to cover my eyes, a bit like when two iron hoofs unexpectadley kiss on tv. Nooooooooo, i don’t want to look.
When i was little, i remember being banned from going out on the playground at school at lunch time one day because i refused to eat the cheese flan/pizza or whatever the horrific cheese infested concoction sitting on my plate was.
To make matters worse i accidentaly hoofed it into the cutlery bucket instead of the waste bucket when the teacher finally let me leave.
I had to scoop it out with my hand and put it in the waste bucket, the horror, i was fucking traumatised. I thought the pigswill was meant to be
in the waste bucket, not served up on my plate for lunch.
I once shared a flat with a friend and his girlfriend, fucking cheese freaks the pair of them.
I had to remember to close my bedroom (nearest the kitchen) door when they cooked anything with cheese so i didn’t get assaulted by the aforementioned cheese shitcloud if i went into my room.
Ready meals have to be carefully inspected for ingredients (yes i know, my fault for eating ready meals)
Last time i was out with friends, they were considering eating in a slurry pit, sorry pizza restaurant, Luckily we went elsewhere.
Not that i complained, i don’t want to restrict other people’s enjoyment.
So there you have it, i fucking hate cheese with a vengeance and always will.
You eat it.
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Nominated by Polite cunt.