is a cunt.

The Wanking Banking System.. On Friday last week, i went for a meal with my son. Due to operator error, I was charged twice for the meal, and wasn’t aware of it until the following morning. I returned to the restaurant and had no problems with getting a refund credited back to my card. The following Friday, the refund was still not credited to my account, this morning (Wednesday ) the payment was finally credited to my account. Where in fucks name has my money been for the last week and a half? Last night I googled the question. Apparently processing a transaction can take between 1 and 14 days. Why? In today’s high tech world, why does it take so fucking long for a computerised system to move money from one account to another ? Surely in future I can delay all my bill payments for 2 weeks or so, as it will take me 2 weeks to “process” a payment.?

I suspect the Banks have got a fiddle going somewhere.

Nominated by Just another Cunt.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s travel correspondent Ron Knee bringing you first news of an incredible new holiday destination for 2025.

Are you feeling a bit jaded by your familiar jetset holiday round of Monte Carlo, Saint Moritz and Antigua? Tired of bumping into the Waleses and the Clooneys, and the other same old faces?

Well I’m here to bring you news of the new ultra cool, ultra chic destination for 2025. Say ‘hi!’ to the glittering sophistication of Majeon Beach, North Korea, the former missile testing site that has been utterly transformed into one of the world’s most glamorous playgrounds.

Majeon (that’s Korean for ‘New Benidorm’, by the way) is the utterly exclusive 10 star resort* that has recently been blessed by a visit from none other than the Dear Leader Kim Jong Wrong-un himself, whose portrait graces every room in the place.

This playground of the mega rich and famous has everything you’d expect. Luxurious accommodation; rooms have an indoor toilet (with one toilet roll provided per visit) and electricity and running water for no less than two hours every day. Only the finest cuisine is offered, featuring local delicacies such as seaweed and sawdust porridge and desiccated locust, washed down by vintage North Korean wines, certified to have matured and aged for a least three weeks. Also featured are a three hole mini golf, a paddling pool, and twice weekly bingo sessions.

The beach is of the finest soft sand, and female visitors will be allowed to frolic in bikinis, a pleasure denied to local women. In fact, you can rest assured that you won’t be troubled at all by bothersome locals, as they aren’t allowed near the place. Should you become tired of lounging on your sunbed, a variety of exciting excursions await, such as a visit to a chicken manure processing plant or a guided tour of a salt mine. You may even be given the opportunity to participate in the time-honoured North Korean tradition of floating shit-laden balloons across the demilitarised zone into South Korea**, or viewing the execution of disgraced officials***.

Indeed Majeon Beach is so exclusive that so far it has only been visited by a select group of Russians, in recognition of the accord shared between two of the world’s great leaders. But the good news is that the NK International Travel Company is now considering the acceptance of a limited number of visitor registrations from Westerners. So if you want to be among the first to visit this world class facility, my advice is to get in fast.

One cautionary note. It’s believed that initially at least, only one-way tickets will be available for purchase, with punters only able to buy a return ticket at an incredibly extortionate price once in the country. Therefore be prepared to pack large amounts of Yankee greenbacks, Swiss francs, uncut diamonds and gold sovereigns in your case****.

This is Ron Knee for IsAC, wishing you ‘bon voyage!’ and returning you to the studio”.

*official rating, North Korean State Bureau of Classification
**subject to prevailing wind conditions
***sentences may be commuted to public flogging and humiliation
****visitors should be aware that a hefty bribe will also be payable to administrators

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Too much negativity from me on this site, so I would like to raise my hat to one of the only Labour MPs to know what integrity is. This lovely and wonderful woman has for years had to endure the wrath of shit like Nadia Whittome, a very fifth rate BAMEr and Sir Kweer himself, because she calls men in drag out for what they are. Starmer thinks women can have a cock – perhaps the “wimminz” he knows do.

She resigned from Starmer’s farty party on Saturday and has since given an interview which, I think, confirms what many of us has long suspected with his hobnobbing with the likes of Mandy, half his cabinet and of course choosing an ex-cottager as a mentor, and a rich gay P*ki as a sugar daddy. There’s nowt so kweer as folk!:

Daily Fail.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

It pays to be a middle aged, morbidly obese dyke in Saddick Khan’s London, and this American porker proves it.

Until she stepped down this week, after 8 years as London’s “Night Czar” this talent-free slab of lard was “earning” £132,000 plus for this otiose job, which she has done badly – there is much less night life now than there was when Slubberguts started. It seems also true Labourite that she is, she arranged to be both employed by the GLA on staff, to avoid scrutiny from political opponents, at the same time as having her salary paid into her company, Amy Lame’ Ltd, to reduce her tax bill.

In other words a fifth rate grifter well down to Khan’s low standards:

Wiki Link.

MSN Link.
(Link to the news story provided by our Night Time Correspondent, Night Admin – NA)

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

are cunts.

We’ve all encountered them. Those individuals whose perpetual droning could send you to sleep. Those whose company you run away from as though they had a dose of the bubonic plague.

A couple of former workmates spring immediately to mind. One was a triathlon bore. He’d stun you into submission at the drop of a hat, going on about his personal timings, the cost of his gear, his gym training schedule or his strict diet. Another was a ‘real ale’ bore, and a twat with it; ‘you still drinking THAT piss? You should try Hopsworth and Trumpington’s “Olde Pisshead”, ABV 8.2. That’s a real man’s drink’ etc.

My own current pet bore is a guy who lives a few doors down. Now Ken’s a lovely bloke, but he could bore professionally. His pet obsession is golf, and he’s got the true bore’s capacity to turn any conversation to this topic in ten seconds flat eg;

Me; ‘Morning Ken, lousy day’
Ken; ‘Should’ve been golfing this morning, but some of the holes are waterlogged’
Me; ‘A waterlogged hole’s not a pleasant thing Ken’

Me; ‘Evening Ken, off out?’
Ken; ‘It’s the golf club agm and dance tonight…’.

Me; *straightening up*; ‘Alright Ken? This weeding’s doing my back in’
Ken; ‘I’m the same Ron, but the guys at the club say that they don’t know how I do it at my age. The 11th’s a par five, but on Saturday I was on the green a foot from the flag in two…’.

In fairness, I suppose we can all be a bit of a bore in our way. My specialist subject is the Villa**; ‘conceded another early goal against the tractor boys on Sunday, defence is fucking shite, should have sorted it in the summer blah’.

So how about you guys? Is there someone who makes you run and hide if you see them coming? Are you willing to concede that you can bore for England on some topic or other?

**My specialist subject would probably be tits, ass and fanny, but I’ve never met another bloke who gets remotely bored by this.

golf/cunt

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Seconded by Norman.

Seconded. Ron.

What I hate is boring cunts who can’t – or won’t – talk about anything.

When somebody asks what are you watching? They reply, ‘A film’.

What are you reading? ‘Book’.

Where are you going? ‘Out’.

Who are you going out with? ‘A bird’.

Dull as ditchwater cunts who can’t string two words together.