Have long been arsed orf by those ghastly workshop manuals written in lowest com denom yank mong shite full orf Californian teen speak idioms you guys. To whit the Dummies series. Admit to owning one, “Rotweilers for Dummies” (I kid you not, and recommends Duck Tape if the bastard punctures yer bollocks) and no, certainly did not buy it, purloined it orf a charity stall.
“Hey Guys! Often times you wanna hook up at the beach or maybe at a drive-in. How you gonna know that those crazy guys or gals are not a bunch of cunts? Eazy Peazy my friend. Now the hard stuff – I know, what a bummer, but you gotta read this book. Seriously now, as soon as you get on in there a whole new world will open up. See you there Cunts!”
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Dummies books – a subject that has oft mystified me.
Posted on it meself a couple of years back on Shitipedia…
Nominated by: Dioclese
I confess I’ve got: ‘Burning stuff for dummies’.
0
I have the companion book, “Blowing Shit Up for Dummies”.
0
I received a 7 bullet point customer complaint from a customer about a cultivator he hired, point 1, being it wasn’t a rotavator! Then telling me it had no riving knife on it! (Its not a fucking circular saw), how it didn’t do the job he “expected” (judging by his complaint, he may have been trying to mow the lawn with it) in fact the guy is a total cunt and prooves there is a market and need for books like this.
So I am affrai sir cunting only valid on grammatical grounds.
0
My favourite is ‘Super injunctions for dummies’.
0
Mannequin making for dummies.
0
Or Manchester City FC: Champions League Semi-Finals For Dummies…
And not forgetting Managerial switchovers for dummies…. Daft, classless blue cunts…
0
Nice to see Tottenham trophyless again but don’t fret Spurs fans as there is still the end of season celebratory DVD……..
” 100 Great Throw Ins “
0
You could even set it to music. Oh, hang on – some cunt did…
https://chascmusic.wordpress.com/2011/10/13/superinjunction/
0
I think I saw Islam for dummies, but surely that is just the Koran?
0
Koran? oh you mean toilet paper
0
How about islamic mayor’s for dummies ? I can only imagine when the next bomb goes off he’ll have’em over for tea and biscuit’s. Saying how the true moslems would never do this and it was just a few kids gone astray even though most are bloody fucking adults. If we dare say anything wrong about terrorists being evil cunts then we are horrible people who just need to be more tolerant of bombings.
This whole liberal run world has me feeling like I’m in the twilight zone or groundhog day where every day is the same as the fucking last but the difference being is I can’t break the time loop and I’m surrounded by wogs. http://dsbbsuploads.s3.amazonaws.com/original/3X/3/3/3345b6eff3caf36a960b9bc14b87fd5171044801.jpg
0
Inflatable love doll for dummies was very helpful, the servicing and cleaning chapter made my love doll like new.
0
That Danish Girl film deserves a cunting…
Was in the doghouse with some bird I know the other day (why the fuck do they get so upset about such trivial and pointless shite?!)… I reluctantly watched that film, The Danish Girl, with her… What a pile of fucking crap… There she is, blubbering sympathetically, while I’m looking at my watch…. She asked what I thought of it, and I said it was crap… Cue storm clouds (yawn!)… She then asked did I feel sorry for him/her/it? I said no, and that it was his own fault if he was insane enough to have his John Thomas cut off and he knew the risks… More clouds and sulking… So I said, ‘Would you watch a film about a dog that is butchered to turn itself into a cat?’ Her reply was, ‘No, Because it’s not natural and cruel…’ So I pointed at the screen at that bad impersonation of Hinge and Bracket and said, ‘And that is?!’ Storms into kitchen… Whine, sulk etc… Whoever made the film is a clever cunt though… They made a new type of chick-flick: which almost all silly tarts will love, and they all feel sorry and want to cuddle the tranny instead of a puppy dog… Bloody good trick, that… For those stupid enough to fall for it…
0
The British film industry should be cunted.
A film is being made about Dunkirk. That event early on in World War Two where we dragged defeat from the jaws of annihilation. Yes, it was a triumph of sorts, managing to get most of the B.E.F back to Blighty, minus all our equipment. But, it was a humiliating defeat for the British, no question. Why can’t we make a film about where we get it right, for instance, the events at Pegasus bridge, where lightly armed paratroopers took and held bridges vital to the success of the d day invasion, landing a few feet from their objectives in gliders, a feat which has been described as the greatest display of airmanship in WW2. The true events have everything, drama, humour, lots of action and a happy ending.
So what is missing? Oh, probably the whole war is hell, pointless murder and soul searching hippy crap. How can we have a pop at the yanks for films like Saving Private Ryan, which portrayed events that happened on an American beach, when we don’t blow our own trumpet, and show what we did to end the war.
0
Last big British war movie I can remember was “A Bridge Too Far” back in the 70s. Oh hang on, that was a sort of defeat too….
0
Nicola Sturgeon. I’m sick to the fucking of this ugly, arrogant, strutting gimp of a broken record. “Independence referendum, independence referendum, independence referendum, independence referendum”. That’s all the Krankie faced cunt goes on about. What gets me though, is that NOBODY has ever asked this transgender twat to explain just how Scotland would be independent, when the Scottish Nazi Party’s plan is to hand full control of the cuntry to the EU. There just swapping one fucking Union for another. The difference is, they at least get a vote in the British Union.
Give the English a referendum on Scottish independence, I’m confident we’d give this nasty pile of Aberdeen Angus shit what she wants. Then she’d have to explain why the Scottish economy is growing SIX times slower than England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Wee Jimmy recently announced her intention to hold another “once in a lifetime” (non) independence referendum within the next two years. That’s going to be a bit difficult though, given that the Scottish Nazi Party lost its majority in the recent elections, (although, she’s trying to pretend that she HASN’T dropped votes). That’s their own fault, given their insistence on bringing in what is a breathtakingly nannying piece of legislation, known as the children and young people bill. On the face of it, its quite a good idea. It basically guarantees free school meals for children in primary year one to three and a significant increase in nursery provision. However, in a rather sinister twist, it also provides all children with an ‘appointed person’.
This is basically a state approved and sanctioned guardian, who is charged with ensuring the needs of every Scottish child are met, whether the parents want their child to have one or not. And with virtually EVERY parent in Scotland, it’s NOT! This could be a teacher or a classroom assistant, paediatric nurse, etc. And if someone makes a complaint to them, or they think a child is being mistreated or not getting the correct food or whatever, they can get social services to investigate. And there’s nothing parents can do about it.
I can fully understand parent’s opposition to this bullshit, because this is very much a case of a national government telling parents, “we don’t trust you. We don’t think you know what’s best for your child, so we’re going to stick our nose in, and there’s nothing you can do about it”. It’s staggeringly Orwellian in its breaches of privacy and human rights.
How typical of this arrogant slag. A socialist control freak, with NO children of her own. She was told before the election that this bill was a vote loser, but she ignored the warnings. Which goes to show that the woma…thing…all those in political circles thought was a brilliant politician, is nothing more than a fraud.
Had she dropped this Naziesque piece of legislation, the SNP would have kept its majority. But because the loony left can NEVER admit to being wrong, they ploughed on with it. Now, Sturgeon will need the cooperation of other parties if she’s to get her second, “once in a lifetime” referendum. And given the official opposition in Scotland, are now the Tories, I reckon she’s got fucking Buckley’s chance.
0
Premier cunting right there.
0
I read about that State Guardian shit and it sounds really fucking sinister. Every child with their own Political Officer to oversee their upbringing on behalf of “The State/The People”. Actually substitute “sinister” for “absolutely fucking terrifying in any number of ways” and all, of course, done for the “common good”.
0
I watched the leaders debate up here in jockland and confess that Sturgeon was bloody impressive! She tore seven shades of shite out of kez the lez and the Tory totty. Made them look like bloody fools.
Love her or hate her she is bloody good at what she does! Just saying…
0
Problem is that there is no credible or even competent opposition to Sturgeon and the SNP and having watched the leaders debate on scottish TV while I was up there I can see why she’s where she is. She might be a cunt but when it comes to debating and negotiating, she’s a fucking impressive and highly competent cunt.
Shame Cameron wasn’t as good when the ‘renegotiated’ with the EU…
0
Peter Kay is a cunt…
The money for old rope king has done it again… Not only has he cornered the ‘Putting out the same old crap every Xmas, but add on an extra few minutes and sell it as a new DVD’ market… But this unfunny as fuck cunt has now got a whole new series commissioned by the BBC… And it consists of clips from all Kay’s previous series, including the ones he did for Channel 4… Licence payers money spent on a whole series of Peter Kay’s old shows and outtakes… They’ve gone from Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Steptoe & Son, and Hancock’s Half Hour to the recycling of Phoenix Nights and Max & Paddy…. It’s like they are scavenging the bins of other TV channels… But, of course, Kay has no problem with it… A cunt getting easy money from a load of other cunts…
And he was never funny anyway… My dad had an aversion to cheesecake and garlic bread, but I didn’t piss myself laughing at it or make a career out of it…
0
If you want the definition of BBC comedy cuntishness don’t miss Mr Khan, all the shit that wasn’t funny in any other shite written on the bog BBC sitcom is now hilarious because they changed the central characters to a Muslim family.
Two issues with that, there is nothing funny about Islam, the script writer should spend a few days with those jolly japers in IS to get a feel for their subject.
Spraying a shit gold doesn’t stop it being shit.
BBC is cunt central
0
The BBC are undoubtedly cunts… As my nana used to say: ‘You can put a ribbon around a turd… But, at the end of the day, it’s still a turd…’
0
Always assumed the The Danish Girl was a porno. Must thumb through the pages orf Porno for Dummies. Interesting that the Jesuit cunt Mark Thompson who has done most in recent years to fuck the BBC and is now running the New York Times where he is dancing to a vast number orf law suits.
Firing the over fifties, creating a staff orf pretty young middle class men, sound familiar? Having a much harder time getting away with it in America. Apologies for the source:
http://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/apr/28/new-york-times-ceo-sued-discriminatory-hiring-practices
0
Thompson is probably a jesuit boy fiddler most jesuits are, so fuck him. The Jew York Times is also bunch of sensationalist lying cunts filled with half truths. Concerning the BBC leftist controversy if this quote doesn’t convince Fred, nothing will.
Thompson said
“In the BBC I joined 30 years ago there was, in much of current affairs, in terms of people’s personal politics, which were quite vocal, a massive bias to the left”
Of course Jesuit’s always play both left and right but are loyal to neither only subservient to the pope.
0
I can’t trust anyone who has an aversion to Cheesecake. Cheesecake is fucking awesome. Cheesecake will be the answer to the problem of Climate Change. I don’t know how yet. But it will. Garlic bread sucks dead donkey dick.
0
I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy VE Day. Or to give it’s alternative name “Jerry Gets a Pasting Day” or maybe even “EatKnuckleFritzmas” Not sure if the Beeb is doing anything for it but fuck all mention on the radio news. Presumably such “offensive triumphalism” would boil the piss of the Merkelfuhrer but hopefully that’s all part of the fun….
0
The BBC will ignore it, they were too bust letting Brits get attacked for the empire by left wing fuckwits with a chip on their shoulder. Britain is full of evildoers who destroyed the world where ever we went.
That being the case why does every cunt want to come and live here?
0
They won’t mention VE day this year, it’s too close to the referendum. The BBC won’t mention anything that reminds the British people that 71 years ago, we kicked the living shit out of the krauts. They can’t have us getting all patriotic. We might vote to tell Jerry that she can shove the EU right up her arrogant fat cunt.
0
Perhaps that is the reason behind the Dunkirk movie I ranted about above. A big analogy on the whole leaving Europe was a disaster for us. And they are even getting a cunt from 1 direction to star in it, guaranteeing dumb cunts will look into it. This time, we’re not getting kicked out by the krauts, just leaving them to it.
0
There was a very good Dunkirk movie made in 1958 and I guarantee the new version will sacrifice historical accuracy for a load of PC touchy feely shite in some way. Especially with Tom Hardy (faggot) and Ken fucking Brannagh (cunt) on board…
0
Lecturing lefty Mark Rylance is in it too. Bollocks!
0
If you find the cunt who gave Spivey ‘Photoshopping for Dummies’ shoot him.
0
Spivey.com for dummies, would be a good read don’t cha think ?
0
Full of pictures comparing one half of one oersons face the obe half of another. Oh look this one has a nose and so has this one. Both have two eyes and each has a mouth.
0
If a half of one percent of the fantasising wank that that colossal cunt blabs on about were true, then some government agency would take him out, and I don’t mean for a fucking happy meal at Mcshitburgers. I wish they would. What a retarded bucket of fly blown shit.
0
Warming (haha!) to the subject of the Beastly Bosch’s unpleasant historical behaviour, Volkswagen are lying, cheating, scheming, emissions test rigging cunts. And they make Audis in black for flash, impatient, wannabe Jason Statham twats too.
0
Yep take one German car and put anyone in it and in minutes their level of cuntishness is exposed for all to see. Every wannabe drug dealer buys a shite used AUDI now. All them cunts in the jungle camp wanted to get here for was a trashy blonde a German car and a pair of reeboks.
The Germans, just love fucking up the streets of the UK, the latest out of Brussels or lesser Berlin as we call it is they want to fine us £250,000 for every Refugee we turn away.
June 23rd is fuck off EU day
0
Why don’t we fine the cunts £500,000 for every refugee they allow to leave Europe and sneak into Britain. Cunts.
0
And double it for the camel jockeys that cunt mayor is going to bring over directly once the border closes.
0
Problem is that our illustrious PM has no balls. Thatcher would have just told them to fuck off and refused to pay
0
Must confess I’m a GTI/R32/R man myself, but VW do indeed also own Audi and Audi drivers, like BMW drivers, are pure undiluted cunts.
0
I had a 1980 Sirocco MK1 GTi many years ago and it was a brilliant little car but I detest the “classic” Beetle with a passion. Draughty, rattly little fireboxes that drive like shit….
0
Hey Mr. B – The Sirocco was a smart car. The wife was given a Beetle as a loaner while her R32 was in for service. Got to agree, it’s absolute dog shit. No pick up. No handling. Noisy and embarrassing to be seen in.
0
Manchester City fans are cunts….
Now, I could write a book about their bitterness, air crash celebrating and general all-round cuntery… But today they are cunts for leaving their own ground virtually empty and not staying to see Manuel Pellegrini’s farewell speech…. Gorton Globetrotters manager or not, he deserved better than that… A small few loyal diehard blues stayed, but the rest of them are a fucking disgrace… There’s no scum worse than blue scum… Cunts… Gloryhunting cunts….
0
Obviously they can’t appreciate class when they had it, I liked the man, I thought he was one of the few genuine classy managers left in the Prem.
Like you say the real fans stayed behind, the plastic glory hunters were of to buy LCFC shirts I expect.
0
I have no love for City, but I did respect Pellegrini…. Not only are their fans a disgrace, most of the players are too… Ever since the ‘Pep’ announcement, certain players just downed tools and couldn’t be arsed playing for their team or their manager… This includes lazy turds like Ya Ya Toure, but there are also others…. Hard to imagine old City players like Mike Doyle, Tony Book, Colin Bell and Dennis Tueart behaving like such cunts…
0
Right there with you, Norm. Shity have some wonderful players and a team that can be a joy to watch. Their erratic form since the Pep announcement is no coincidence. It’s a disgrace considering what they fet paid to kick a bag of air around for a living.
0
Watching Hillsborough on BBC2. I’m not barrister or judge, but I still can not see for the the fucking life of me how all the blame goes on the coppers and none on the fans. Yes their position was used to abuse the use of evidence and withhold information on the mistakes they made, but this all seems to be post the tragedy.
They bring in all seater stadiums BECAUSE the issues terracing caused during the incident. They completely reconfigure how policing is organised around games BECAUSE the 60 year old format was well past it use by date. Ticketing and allocation is looked into BECAUSE the volume of supporters was unmanageable. But the fact that people with full conscious decision making abilities decided to force their way into the ground with no thought for their fellow supporters is bypassed BECAUSE…….?
I don’t for one minute think anyone went there to kill anyone, and it is a genuine disaster for everyone involved, including the plods, but the simple irrefutable fact is people who should not have been in there got in there and people got crushed to death because of those actions.
A cuntish act deserves a cunting. Many people on both sides acted like silly, reckless cunts. Don’t shovel the shit on one half of them because the other half’s loss was greater and they cried a little bit harder. That’s my opinion anyway. Call me a cunt if you so wish.
0
I have no doubt whatsoever about the role those thieving, cheating, lying, turnstile jumping Scouse cunts played on that fateful day… ie: a fucking big one… They are cunts…
0
That’s how it works these days, whatever some cunt does it is not their fault it is society’s fault, their upbringing, racism, sexism any fucking excuse.
The difference between cunts and decent folk is decent folk take responsibility for their actions. Even when decent people do commit an act of cuntishness (we all do it from time to time) they stick their hand up and take ownership of it.
0
So the family and friends of the deceased have campaigned for many years for so called justice for the 96. Sounds reasonable, right?
Then, about 8 seconds after they finally get their ‘unlawful killing’ verdict, they’re suing the North Yorkshire and West Midlands police forces. Coincidence? Suing won’t bring back the dead, but the living sure would like a slice of that compo.
Since the Scousers are known for their good nature, kind generosity, honesty and utmost integrity I expect they’ll be making a substantial donation to the families of the Juventus fans they murdered in the Heysel Stadium. Oh wait…..
0
That BBC documentary was crap… So, none of them were pissed on the day? What virtuous people these Scousers are… I was also thinking will the Heysel documentary be on next week? Didn’t think it would be…
0
They kept banging orn about the coroner’s decision to take blood samples orf all orf the deceased including kids to determine alcohol levels and that this immediately stigmatised the supporters. I was waiting for the results but perhaps I fell asleep and I do not recall being told. Clearly the information either way is there and is being suppressed or am I being a cynical old cunt?
0
Call me a cunt, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck about Hillsborough. It’s history and the enquiry was a farcical waste of money.
0