Also anyone who talks/shouts on their phone while being served in a shop/pub/bank etc is a pig ignorant fucker…
Nominated by: Norman
I’d like to say a few words about people who use mobile phones in public. Or rather I’d like to say two words to them – fuck off !
I’m tired of hearing people on buses and trains prattling away about nothing and talking twice as loud as they need to. I’m sick of these cunts who can’t walk down the street without having their phone clamped to their ear, who can’t shop in a supermarket without giving someone a running commentary on what they’re doing.
English people used to be renowned for being quiet and reserved. Not any more. Now the whole fucking world has got to know every detail of their pathetic uninteresting lives. To these cunts I say – We don’t want to hear it ! You’re not impressing anybody ! Shut the fuck up !
Nominated by : Allan
What gets my goat is the cunts that walk along with their iphone four inches away from their face, earphones plugged in and oblivious to what is going on around them.
The cheeky cunts even have the audacity to tut when they bump into you.
If you can’t see a six foot bloke with a Rottweiler six feet away from you, then you’re not going to see the bunch of hoodrats on BMXs lurking in the next alleyway who are aching to relieve you of your toys.
Nothing is that important that it can’t wait five minutes until you get to a place of safety you stupid cunts!
And what the fuck is this holding your phone horizontally in front of your face chatting away like a cunt. Either hold the thing to your fucking ear like a normal person or get a hands free earpiece (which makes you look like an even bigger cunt).
Tosspots!
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And now they have their own lane on the pavement.
http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/text-walking-lane-for-smartphoneaddicted-pedestrians-introduced-in-european-city-10318429.html
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99% of conversations / texts on mobiles are unnecessary. How the fuck did we manage in the old days? God forbid people were to realise that they’re not really that important. People who play with their phones when I’m talking to the are massive cunts. Two people sat together in a pub, both playing with their phones are two massive cunts.
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Where I live is a haven for tourists during the summer months, and another consequence of the ubiquitous smartphones is the number of predominantly Japanese tourists who, when not speaking on their phones, are using them to obsessively photograph every single thing they see: lamp posts, letter boxes, shop windows, etc. Round here these cunts are known as the Japarazzi.
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Couple of years ago when my missus was working in a local convenience store in our rural village I had called in to discuss something or other when a fucking “Yah, Yah” cock came in with his phallic symbol clamped to the side of his pudding head giving it large to the whole shop about “….Saw Granpa’ Yah….” and other banal, facile shite which we weren’t interested in as he wandered, loudly, around the aisles. We live around 7 miles from an East Coast mainline station so this fucking sample had so clearly just got off the train from ‘Landan’. My missus. knowing me all too well watched me warily as I locked onto him better than any ground to air missile. I knew, what he was going to do, so I hung around long enough to witness him do it. Sure enough, up to the counter with his mong head cocked to wedge his manhood between ear and shoulder. “….yah, tea, yah, maybe chinese, yah….”. My missus is trying to serve this ignorant cunt as his fucking drivel sends my blood pressure up to eye-lid twitching mode. “Put that fucking phone down…..” My missus gives me the rabbit eyes, the cockhead half turns. “Yah, some guy giving me a…”. “Tell her” I said “That I am going to wedge that fucking phone into your forehead if you don’t put it fucking down and show some respect”. The manageress appears. My missus is blinking. “Who do you think you are?” The chav asks, still with his mobile phone voice. “I’m the bloke who is waiting until you step out that door then I will properly introduce myself” says I with that shit-eating grin you get as you move inexorably into attack mode. The manageress informs all within hearing that she wants no trouble, my missus is imagining her dismissal letter but not serving him. The chav, gets the message and bolts, STILL talking utter bollocks into his phone as he crashes out the door!! I stood laughing while the manageress, who we knew, and my missus start giving me a hard time!! You can’t help some people!! I got my bollocks chewed off for that but I had this sort of warm, ephemeral glow about me for the rest of the night……Chav nil, old nasty bloke, one!!!!
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I remember in the days when I had to work for a living going up to London on the train. Every fucking morning this dickhead would stand on the platform (7:20 am FFS) and ring his secretary to abuse her and give her instructions for the day. Then on the train he’d sit in the carriage in the same seat every day shooting off his gob all the way to Waterloo.
One day, the bloke next to me had had enough. He neatly folded his newspaper, got up, opened the window, grabbed the guy’s phone and chucked it out the window, then sat down again and went back to his paper.
Not a word was said by either of them. Fucking priceless!
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Back in the day, when drinking was listed as one of my ‘hobbies’, myself and an infamous villager were drinking in one of our local pubs when an unknown, unassuming fella came in and stood at the bar. Ordering a pint he pulled this strange, shiny object from his pocket and proceeded to scrutinise it keenly. This was in the 80’s, well before mobile phones, and, upon enquiry it was discovered that this was a ‘pager’, a new fangled techno-bollocks that beeped and displayed text. This fella had no idea that he was walking into a bear trap as my 6’7″ companion, feigning interest, enquired if he could ‘have a look’……… I know what was about to happen; The landlord, who knew who was who in the village, knew what was going to happen; all the locals sat in the corner on this booze raddled Saturday afternoon had a good idea what was going to happen, but the sample just handed it over…….. “Mmmmm.” said my colleague, “What do reckon to this?” “Mmmmm.” I says “Fucking clever that, but nobody needs to page us cunts.” “Mmmmm.” said my mate. Turning back to the be-suited sample he said again, “Mmmmm” then promptly dropped it straight into the bloke’s own, full pint of lager……. There was a moment of silence, then a sound like a deflating balloon as this fella scrambled to extricate his electronic marvel from the bottom of his glass where it sat with bubbles rising from it……!! Eventually, he recovered it and he probably still wakes in the night in a cold sweat remembering how he fled with the sound of raucous laughter following him out of the door……!!!!!!
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We used to call them the “crick, cricks”
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I’d like to nominate those sanctimonious stupid cunts who post things like ‘innocent until proven guilty’ on discussion forums on the subject of Grevile Janner. Don’t the fucking thick fucks not realise that’s the fucking problem as the CPS have prevented these allegations being heard in a court of law for the past 30 years !!! FFS guilty bastard.
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Yeah – like Jimmy Savile, there’s another cunt who some say is “innocent until proven guilty”
“Oh, but the poor cunt’s dead and will never get a chance to defend himself in a Court of Law,” they bleat. Never mind the several hundred victims whose statements were all uncannily similar and the various inquiries that have reported back – if Uncle Jim hasn’t had his day in Court, how dare anyone slander his good name? Fucking cunts can fuck right off.
And as for Janner, funny how his dementia hasn’t stopped him attending the House of Lords, voting in the House of Lords and sitting on committees in the House of Lords over the last six months. And we’re being asked to believe that he’s too ill to stand trial? FUCK OFF. He’s a nonce and the cunt should be tried in absentia if need be.
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Exactly these cunts and their cunt protectors have been ensuring for decades that these allegations are not heard in a court of law and then and then the dopey useful idiot cunts have a fucking check to bleat innocent until proven guilty. Fuck right off you dopey child raping protecting wankers. Guilty as fuck !
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My spell checker/ predictive text is a cunt.
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Janner is an evil cunt, given an easier ride by being Labour. My Mum has Alzheimer’s. He fucking hasn’t. Cunt cunt cunt.
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If you the customer, at the hotel where I work as chef, pisses off the staff or upsets the quiet ambience whilst eating at our esteemed restaurant by yapping on your mobile phone – so be it you fucking anti social moron. You get copious amounts of saliva mixed in your ordered food or drink.
Hence the proverbial saying: ‘Revenge is a dish served cold’. I cook your meal with cold hearted revenge!
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Jobsworth security stewards are cunts….
These minimum wage monkeys in high visibility jackets are pig ignorant, power mad wankers… Little Hitler syndrome isn’t in it…. At Old Trafford these cunts are the scum of the earth…. Throwing people out for singing, standing up or bringing in flags (unless you’re the untouchable Glazer stooge cunt, Tufty, with your crappy and tasteless ‘official’ banners: like that dreadful ‘Chosen One’ monstrosity for Moyes)…. These cunts even stopped an elderly away fan bringing in his crutches…
But these bastards are everywhere these days…. Acting like the Gestapo on crack if a player celebrates a goal with the fans… Wading in as if Jack Kennedy has been shot for a second time… These thugs also throw a fit if someone dances a little jig at a concert… I know Elton John can be a cunt, but he was right to bollock one of these steward Nazis when they got tough with a fan dancing at one of his gigs…. These power mad twats using the health and safety crap to get up to all sorts of nastiness need a good kicking… I never thought I’d say this, but I would rather go back to when the cozzers did matchday security….
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