Modern Day Sweets/Candies

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Today`s Sweets` (Candies`) Woke Manufacturers … Are CUNTS.

Facts About Sweets.

There was a time, many years ago, when all was lovely and innocent in the world. Way back then, you could buy sweeties/candies which were bursting with sugar, e-numbers, chemicals and various other artificial and probably carcinogenic additives.

And they tasted fucking wonderful.😛

But now they aren’t allowed to put in anything that is not natural. They have to make fruity sweeties out of real fruit juice. They can`t use chemical dyes to coat the shiny shells of delicate confections so that would glow in the dark like they used to; a little bit uranium-enriched industrial colouring didn`t do us any harm.

Anyone remember the pink Tooty-Frooty®? Bearing no resemblance whatsoever to any actual fruit, it was the tastiest flavour in the packet.

Of course, others have been banned outright: All the cigarette/tobacco-type confections, naturally. So now they just flog vapes to the toddlers instead – much healthier and with more profit.

Gobstoppers: So fucking big you could barely fit one in your mouth – and you couldn`t crunch the bastards either so you had to suck them for days until they attained the perfect choking radius. Far too dangerous for today’s brats, you see.

Bitter lemon boiled sweets made with sulphuric acid so strong they would dissolve the lining of your mouth – and take a couple of teeth with them during the crunching stage.

Toffees so chewy and claggy that they used to extract your fillings.

All gone.

So nowadays what we`ve got is insipid nodules of blandness, in environmentally-friendly wrappers, obviously.

And they`re smaller, for twice the price.

I can`t tell you the amount of pleasure I used to get from an original sized Mars Bar®. Now it`s just a `finger of Fudge®`. They tasted OK too.

Cunts.

Nominated by : Sam Beau

120 thoughts on “Modern Day Sweets/Candies”

  1. I remember the Old Jamaica. Beautiful, that was,

    The once great Cadbury’s Roses have all but been destroyed. People may think just one or two of the Roses classics have been axed. But, this is a full list of all the chocolates it no longer has in them…

    Brazilian Darkness (red wrapper with gold edges)

    Praline Moment (silver wrapper)

    Chunky Truffle (blue wrapper)

    Bournville (famous miniature)

    Almond Charm (blue wrapper)

    Coffee Creme

    Montelimar (green foil-twist wrapper)

    Marzipan (red foil-twist wrapper)

    Turkish Delight (dark purple wrapper)

    Nutty Truffle Log (emerald green foil-twist wrapper)

    Orange Crisp (orange wrapper)

    Chocolate Bite (pink wrapper)

    Noisette Whirl (green and transparent wrapper)

    Lime Barrel (green wrapper)

    Black Cherry Cream (pink/purple wrapper)

    Caramel Velvet (green wrapper)

    Almond Caramel Bite (light brown wrapper with purple twists)

    Reply ↓

    • Your right Norm.
      Roses are crap nowadays.

      A pale Imitation of what they once were.

      My old dad likes those Nougat bars that are half pink half white,
      Type you get at the seaside.

      But he calls it Nugget.😁

      ” Where you going?
      See if they sell that Nugget!”

      Reply ↓

      • Too right Miserable.

        The big jar of Roses at Christmas was a big deal and magic.

        Now. they’re in a crappy plastic tub, with shit wrappers and crap chocolates.

        The Mars selection stocking was ace too, Treets, Revels, Topic, Milky Way, Marathon, Opal Fruits. Bounty and Mars Bar.

  3. It’s not just sweets and chocolate, though, is it?

    For years, I’ve bought a particular spread, Flora Buttery. Great for toast, sarnies, etc. Suddenly, it’s not spreadable even out of the fridge for an hour. I mentioned it to Younger, she pointed out that it had changed, and was now Vegan.

    So I don’t buy it any more. Good move there.

    Also, sausages. Now encased in some kind of substitute casing, so when I want to “peel” sausages to use them for stuffing, I have to remove this tissue paper like coating with the precision of a surgeon performing micro surgery, otherwise I end up with bits of the faux pig gut shite in my food.

    Both are utterly disgusting, the spread and the hostage casing.

    Reply ↓

    • Evening JP 👍

      Missus Miserable was always a sucker for low fat margarine, olive oil margarine etc,
      Shite that pretends to be healthy.

      She’s now in agreement with me and we only use butter.
      English salted butter.🇬🇧

      Rats don’t eat margarine,
      Fact.
      Rats eat most things but not margarine.

      If it’s not good enough for rats it’s not good enough for me.

      Reply ↓

      • I like a particular kind of hostage, and Morries only sell it in meat form at Christmas. Although I buy as much as I can reasonably freeze, I have to leave room for other stuff, so it’s peeling to stuff the tomatoes and peppers or use a bland product, assuming you can get your hands on it at all. It’s not marketed, outside of Turkey stuffing season, sadly.

      • More stories of goings-on in Lord Back Alli’s £18m penthouse yet to come out apparently. Rodney seems to be a frequent visitor.
        Sausagegate?

        And who’s feeding all this stuff to the papers?
        Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.
        Five Bellies maybe?

        Great entertainment is this.

      • Starmer is a millionaire so why couldn’t he rent a flat/house for his son to study at for three months over the election campaign?

        Or a library. Remember those? But maybe they have all been closed and sold off or full of n*ncing weirdos for drag queen story hour.

      • @GT

        Perhaps he’ll be making his own castaway soon, him and Schofield.

        One of his MP’s told him to stick his party up his are tonight. He’s always going to have trouble with socialists.

    • It’s the wurst thing anyone can say to him.

      I bet Kielbasa Starmer’s climbing the “Wall’s” JP.

      He ought to have sought the advice of a wise old sage (& onion) before he spoke.

      Reply ↓

    • The television news cheers me up no end these days Barry. They’re apparently desperately short of food in Gaza. We had sea bass and all the trimmings tonight with a bottle of good white wine. Very nice it was too.

      Reply ↓

      • Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

        When this country provides suitable support for our veterans, and they are all accommodated, financially stable and given suitable counselling, they can then start on the homeless born in the UK, and the people chucked out into “care in the community”.

        That would be the same community whose only thought is how to screw the benefits system, yes?

        Once we’ve cleaned up our own shit, and donkey stoned the steps, then we can turn our attention to other things.

        Sort out our country first, fuck sending money to other countries.

      • Me and the Mrs had the classic sausage egg and chips.
        The best Beef bangers from Bury Market. Chips made from proper spuds, and Tescos finest eggs.

        Oh, and Branston Fruity Sauce.

    • Snackbar owner Alan must be running out of virgins too.
      Ah well, it’ll just have to be goats. Not what they were expecting, but at least they’ll be used to them.

      Reply ↓

    • Why doesn’t that scruffy gobshite cunt Bob Gelldaft do summat for Gaza?

      He could resurrect Cunt Aid, with the help of Bonio, Ed Sheercunt, Phaggy Styles, Fatso Capaldi and other pop twats.

      Mind you, I doubt if Gaza types are black or African enough for Geldaft and his cronies.🤣

      Reply ↓

  6. Anyone watching Celebrity Gogglebox?

    That Ellie Simmons was on, bet your gutted if you missed it!

    Somewhat O/T.
    But worrying.

    My Senior travel pass expired on Wednesday. I checked the South Yorkshire Travel ( SYT) website, which says they auto renew, four weeks before expiry, and it’s only if you want to update your photo that you need to
    go in person with a new photo.

    I’ve emailed on their contact site and had a generic ” will be processed in 7 days”, but I strongly suspect that’ll be the next old person’s benefit to go.

    Wait while the figure out stopping the £10 Christmas bonus, unchanged since 1972, is worth £100m.

    That’ll buy a few hostages.

    Reply ↓

    • My Railcard app fucked up for the second time in a month earlier. It replaced the ‘view Railcard’ button with one requesting a new download code.

      Reply ↓

    • My wife had a card for free travel on the buses down here Jeezum. Being eighteen months older than her I could have had one earlier but as an incorrigible petrol-head I never bothered. She used it once and never again. There were niggles including waiting around for the bus and then the slow progress on the journey. The most infuriating thing though was the drivers demanding to know where she was going and why. She now just gets in the car and drives there same as me. I actually found her card in the back of a drawer just last week. Long expired anyway, I threw it in the bin.

      Reply ↓

      • The puzzle is, Arfur, why did the drivers want or need to know where she was going ( perhaps they were unsure of the route, and needed help from regular passengers to guide them), and why she was travelling?

        They’d have got ” mind your own, bus boy, show ME your driver’s license”

  8. The much loved Picnic and Star Bar still exist.

    Kit Kats, however, have been bastardized in many ways.
    White ones, orange ones, mint ones. salted fucking caramel ones.
    The peanut butter one is an abomination. Straight from the devil’s arse.

    And a ‘Chunky’ Kit Kat is simply not a Kit Kat.
    Sod off.

    Reply ↓

    • Wasn’t that the one that had the jingle

      ” what has a hazelnut in every bite”, Norman?

      To which the response is
      ” a squirrel!!”.

      You’d think at 40+, I’d be a bit more adult.

      Reply ↓

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