These things have annoyed me for fucking years. I went to Cheltenham for the day today and saw three of the fucking things, starting with the railway station there. A frowning life size cut-out of a policeman is positioned on the bridge over the track, to strike fear into the heart of any fare dodging cunt that sidles past it. The fact that there is a ticket barrier right behind it is an irrelevance.
The obvious message is – we can’t afford security, or, there aren’t enough police to go around. Even the dimmest of miscreants would not be inhibited by the presence of one of these things, surely. It looks even more stupid when you consider that people are now filling up carrier bags with stuff in supermarkets, and then just walking out without paying, with no challenge. Clearly they are not that bothered by actual police or security guards, so why would they give a scabby rats arse about a bit of cardboard?
Maybe if these cardboard things looked a bit more realistic, with a few poorly executed tattoos, a Greggs bag in one hand and were somewhat bulkier, the shoplifter or faredodger would think again?
It makes you think what other occupations could be replaced by a cardboard cut out, but in a lot of cases that would be an improvement.
Nominated by : Mary Hinge
Sort of seconded by Rt. Hon. Dioclese:
Seconded. Whilst trawling the sordid depths of the internet the other day, I came across an ad for a life size cardboard cutout of no less a musical legend than Liam fucking Gallagher.
While anyone in their right mind would want this is beyond me. The real thing is pretty horrible but on the plus side at least the cardboard cutout can’t sing.
Mind you, nor can the real Liam…
A shop near me put one of these things at their entrance to deter shoplifters.
Some bugger nicked it.
13
That’s the trouble nowadays.
Some people just have no respect for authority.
6
About as much use as a real pig.
At least the cardboard cutout can’t rape anyone.
Wonder how Wayne Couzens is doing in the clink?
11
Hopefully he has, at least, an extensive amount of bruises and a constantly very sore bottom.
8
I struggle to tell the cardboard ones apart from the real ones.
Both fall apart in the rain,
And tend to stay indoors.
This is obviously the answer to the UKs military issues!
Why start conscription and costly recruitment drives when you can have 4000 battle ready cardboard troops sent to the frontline?
Low cost to run, no grieving mothers, and easy to transport.
I could get them in my van.
For a costly military contract anyway 👍
10
Morning MNC/all.
Have you noticed how fatty pigs cut their stubble to attempt to accentuate their jawline (or lack thereof)?
You’re not fooling anyone, porky.
Thought there had to be a minimum fitness level to be a pig?
Lazy, fat, control freak wankers.
9
Morning Cuntengine 👍
Theyd be as well taking a marker pen and drawing abdominal muscles on their t-shirts.
8
Nicely summed up MNC …
3
Is it an offence to swear at one of them?
It probably soon will be.
8
This cannot be real. Surely?
I know I’ve been away for a long time (20 years in January) and I was aware that public services over there have been cut to the bone. But cardboard cut out coppers? What cunt thought that up? Pound to a penny that someone is getting a nice drink out of supplying these to the public sector.
In slightly related news, I really enjoyed handing over $4k to the twats at the local council this morning.
8
Harold Hewitt has had numerous court cases about the withdrawal of his personal police protection,
Why not give him two of these?
Problem solved!
9
All the real ones are policing the ‘far-right’ and the cardboard cut outs are used for everything else.
Here is David Lammy and one of those cardboard coppers.
YouTube
5
They can’t arrest you. They can’t violate your rights. They can’t even kneel on your neck! What good are they?
The answer is, Herr Starmer wants to put one outside the home of every indigenous Brit to remind you not to say naughty things about Peacefuls, Trannies, Leftists or any other Maladjusted Miscreant.
Off topic…that cunt Helene missed me! Nyah!
7
Morning General, as an indication of how severe Helene was predicted to be reports mentioned that even Waffle House was shutting.
5
It was bad LL. Real bad.
Reports indicate close to 1.5 million people are without power with more to come.
Storm surges of 12 – 15 even 20 feet recorded along Florida’s Gulf Coast.
Flood warnings everywhere across the southeast US.
So far only 3 deaths have been reported but they’ll know more at daybreak.
As for me…the impact zone was narrowed during the day on Thursday and we were out of the direct path. However, we were still in a Tropical Storm Warning zone and were expected to get 8 inches of rain along with 30 to 40 mph winds with gusts up to 75 mph.
But the cunt crossed up the forecasters and hit further east than they thought and that put me just outside the Tropical Storm effects zone.
We go 4 to 6 inches of rain (depending on where it was measured) and winds of about 20 to 25 mph with gusts to about 30 mph.
It’s stopped raining here now and the wind is about 15 to 16 mph.
But that cunt Helene isn’t through yet and she’s moving northward leaving a path of widespread destruction and devastation like a Kamala Harris Presidency
As for the White House being closed? Hell! There’s nobody home there anyway.
6
O/T, Starmers was told the rich would vote with their feet….
Thick twat…..!
BBC News – Treasury reconsidering Labour plan for non-dom tax status
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c04pe3653k7o
5
The dumb cunt probably took that literally and wanted to install some sort of special polling place for the podiatricaly* impaired.
(*No, I didn’t make that word up.)
5
It’s hard to work out the thought process of whoever came up with this idea.
Daily stabbings on the streets.
Gangs of Muslim rapists targeting young white girls.
Police moral at an all time low.
Ignoring habitual shoplifters as long as they don’t break their allowance.
Not turning up for burglaries.
I know…… Let’s spend a shit load of money on cardboard policeman.
That will sort things out.
I bet they also have the obligatory Pákí and women police cut outs too.
They wouldn’t want to be seen as racist or exist would they.
5
*sexist.
1
And some clever fucker is toying with Holographic projections of images of police and even regiments of the fuckers in great numbers! .
3
We have a cupboard cutout government so why not policemen..
Do these cupboard ones turn a blind eye to ethnics like the so called real ones do?
Still think about how many flabbottus could hire for three million quid.
3
How long before someone cuts the head off or draws a spunking cock on them? They will be treated much the same as the real ones. Disdain, figures of fun and ridicule.
4
This is what you need. Stick a few of these on the streets during the next Pooftahs for Palestine march and they’ll all fuck off home terrified.
https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo-alnwick-castle-northumberland-turrets-statues-figures-15469168.html
2
Speaking of Pooftahs for Palestine, I see the American who offered $1million to anyone prepared to hold a Gay Pride march in Gaza or the West Bank is still waiting for someone to take up the offer.
Why ever not?
8
There’s bound to be someone in a photograph wearing the comedic clobber of hooped shirt, mask, crowbar and bag with swag written on it, with their arm round one of these real police officers, somewhere ?
6
Maybe the inspiration for our cardboard PM and his rubber kong toy foreign secretary?
I really hope the Don asked Lammy to remind him how he described him…….
There used to be a cardboard cutout copper in a garage near me but some cunt drew a Hitler tash and some lightning bolts on it so they removed it.
5
I needed 100 13mm clout nails.
There was one of these cardboard cops at the entrance to the hardware superstore.
Had a speech bubble that read:
“WARNING! Thieving more than £200 worth of goods could result in prosecution.”
Almost shat meself, I did.
Fuck them, I thought.
Decided to take my business elsewhere.
5
The nails wouldn’t have cost anywhere near £200. You should’ve just grabbed a box and fucked off. Perhaps taken a couple of power tools as well to bring the total up a bit.
0
Nice one Mary.
Cardboard cutout scuffers to go with our cardboard cutout politicians;
https://www.celebrity-cutouts.co.uk/shop/celebrity-cutouts/politicians-cutouts/angela-rayner-floral-top-cardboard-cutout/?srsltid=AfmBOor6L6Tx0zAdwVmdlWUdNIuJxxQu8i7szcAK52Cgc37CljgYXDQo
‘Oh Angie baby, you’re a special lady…’.
Morning all.
4
Are the police not answerable to anyone?
Some senior cunt thought this was a good idea and went ahead to spend God knows how much of public money.
Find out who that was, sack the cunt and make them pay back all the money that they have wasted from their own funds.
4
There was one of these cardboard bobbies near where I live, inside a Pound Shop, that’s now closed down. Thought that was a bit odd.
4
Kier Stormfuhrer had his meeting with the Donald yet?
I’m hoping someone tries to assassinate Trump again and kier inadvertently takes a bullet for Donald😁
Don’t mean die but maybe in a Sasha Johnson vegetable state?
His fellow lefties would be furious with him!
5
Rodney would only take a bullet if lord alli had paid for it.
5
He met with Trump but he was told he had to leave his monkey outside.
4
They had one of these cardboard cutouts in a motorway service station some time back.
It was almost convincing because there was a police BMW parked up at the side of the kiosk.
I then leaned that the BMW was knackered and had been parked there as a deterrent until it could be fixed, along with the cardboard cutout of a copper.
Absolutely useless in the event of a splash and dash crime though.
2
You don’t see female cardboard cutout cops, do you?
Like my lesbian nan.
Sexist, homophobic cunts.
3
Transphobic too.
How many cardboard cutout tranny officers have you seen?
1
Just leave a couple of empty police cars outside the shop, that always works.
1
Are those 2 coppers the same one’s that appeared behind David Lammy while he was complaining about never seeing them.
1