Bizarre Sex (Continued)

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Cunters with long memories may recall me posting about some bizarre sexual encounters reported in the meeja; a couple of Aussies getting up to no good with an unfortunate trout, and a nutter from oop north who tried to stick his dick down a gull’s throat. Not to mention a gentleman of a certain persuasion who was found guilty of sexually assaulting his chickens.There are some strange people about.

Well here’s another tale from the weird and wonderful world of the sexual pervert. Step forward one Evgenii Kuvshinov, a Russian tourist in Thailand who’s been pinched by the local cops after trying it on with a cow.

Apparently a naked Kuvshinov was seen sidling up to a bull, but thought better of it.
Turning his attention to a tethered cow, the cunt tried his luck, only to end up being gored by the lady, who didn’t take kindly to his unwanted attentions.

A chastened Kuvshinov was taken to hospital for treatment, and presumably will be suitably dealt with the authorities in due course . The condition of the cow remains uncertain. It’s to be hoped that she’s receiving appropriate treatment and trauma counselling following this outrageous assault on her virtue.

Bizarre indeed.

the sun

Nominated by Ron Knee.

87 thoughts on “Bizarre Sex (Continued)”

    • I’m not kinky LL.

      Just exploring the vast and fascinating world of human sexual endeavour on behalf of IsAC.

      Something like that anyway.

      Alright I’m kinky…

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    • You’re right Rom the people have a right to know, sheep and goats live in fear in my neck of the woods. We had a Kurdish gimigrant caught having a post coital ciggie, leaning against his car after snagging a ewe which was being kept in a barn for the night due to suspected illness. Dna was recovered from one of his socks which he had left in the barn and his jacket pockets were found to contain breadcrumbs for enticement. Few years back we had a major police operation to catch a pig fucker. Not a peaceful of course just an odd local. The lonely lanes are oft visited by cars full of swarthy men scouting out potential victims. As we have a smaller police force than they do on Mars our livestock are in constant fear of sexual abuse God only knows what happens on a moonless night in the lonely fields. Filthy bastards

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  3. I recall once reading in a publication of ill repute an article extolling the pleasure to be had from coitus with a cat.

    The author was called Claude Balls.

    I’ll get my coat.

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  5. Just imagine the grotesque sights in the bedroom of Jess and “Mr. Phillips” involving a giant dildo, a large tube of KY Jelly and a lavatory brush, and the shouts of “harder, Jess” and the screams when she has reached her target.

    At the moment Boggs Pornographic Film Productions (Taiwan) Ltd are in negotiation for the film rights, and an idea of branching out into vinyl, by issuing an LP record of the pair of them up to their mating rituals. It ill be coming out on the Leadbetter label.

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  7. Whilst most kinks can be understood, one that escapes my understanding would be oculolinctus or “worming”…licking someone’s eyeballs for sexual gratification.
    Until I read it properly and realised that the eyeballs didn’t necessarily have to still be in the eye sockets, then it became rather sexy indeed. If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to my love dungeon to lick some eyeballs. I’ve got some floating in a jar.
    17 or so.

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    • Indeed Odin and good afternoon. Transpose Katie Hopkins’ brain into Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s head and thay’s my perfect woman.
      I bet she’d be into all sorts of pęrvy decadence, like “figging”.

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      • Afternoon Thomas.

        For me it would have to be Katie”s brain transplanted into the Hadid sisters with a double ended dildo in a paddling pool full of lime jelly.

        That said, I am happy to offer my services in the case of the fragrant Miss Ellis-Bextor, by sitting in the corner and wanking like a safari park chimp.

      • She’s had five kids though: probably got a fanny like the top of a welly or Stuart Lubbock’s “pit of despair” after Barrymore managed to force a large garden gnome in there.

      • In answer to High’s question above.

        My first missus was a strawberry blond Danish bird and she loved having things shoved up her bum.

        A cucumber straight out of the fridge was a favourite to cool the burning after I had busted her back doors in. Hairbrush handles, shampoo bottles in the shower, other women’s fingers or just a simple buttplug to keep all of my fluids in delicious position.

        I hope that answers your question.

        THOMAS! STOP WANKING AT THE BACK THERE!

      • If I was wanking, I’d be at the front so everyone could see.
        Unless your first missus was a Danish Ellie Symonds, then I couldn’t hold back.

      • 🤭
        Once AI is advanced enough to genuinely project an image into your brain that it believes is 100% real, my first session will be in Sophie’s corner as she indulges in a bare-breasted boxing match with Rosie in the EastEnders launderette, whilst Dot Cotton referees. Don’t worry, she’s still going to be wearing her launderette overalls (but nothing else). But alas, Dot has put her overalls in the tumble drier on too high a heat and they’ve shrunk, finishing just below her belly button and everything’s on view and I can see from the corner of the makeshift ring her glistening old clunge and it’s more alluring than Sophie and Rosie punching each other tits, which are slick with Rosie’s drool.

      • Thomas @

        All dwārves are good swimmers.

        It’s to do with the large bulging foreheads.

        Makes them aqua dynamic.
        Same with dolphins and whales.

        Big fuck off foreheads
        Wave breakers.

    • As Katie once wrote/said of Carol Vorderman’s camel toe, “Christ, not just the camels toe – but a whole caravan of the chuffing beasts.”

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  9. In all fairness I blame the Arabs for all this.

    And the Japs as well.

    The Koreans are probably mixed up in it as well.

    There’s something very troubling about Gentlemen who are unpursuaded by the charms of a beautiful woman with her tits out and have to go fetching about for wildlife and such.

    Bad Eggs.

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  10. For the ultimate in rococo depravity, “The Secret Life Of Salvadore Dali” is the go-to manual. Before Sal wooed his future wife and muse, for the first time Gala, he annointed himself all over in an ointment of goats dung, boiled up in fish glue.

    AnalEase would be creaming her knickers to think of being treated like that.

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  12. Anyone here get off being juked with a baby octopus
    And spewed upon with cream corn?
    One of my ex-fiancés used to dig it with a hot 7 Up bottle and somebody screaming:
    “Alice Cooper! Alice Cooper! WOW!”
    Drop dead gorgeous, she were.

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      • I’d bet good money that Daniella Westbrook has administered a blumpkin or two in the last few years.
        Possibly utilising her monostril. Which can’t smell anyway, so the gentleman can complete his dump and receive his bj without his beloved coke fiend witch gagging.

      • Evening Thomas,

        As always, a concise synopsis of events that have almost definitely happened.

        How much gak do you think it would take for her to perform such an act on say, me for example?

        I reckon half a G of Colombia’s finest and not only would she perform the Blumpkin, but also feltch out the last of the lamb bhuna, mushroom pilau and peshwari naan that I had last night.

        Like my own personal coke fueled pop tart bidet. But cheaper

      • She wouldn’t even require decent coke, say £90 a gram.
        She’d be happy with £30 a gram shite, cut with all sorts of filth, the drugs equivalent of eating a partly-cooked Findus crispy pancake on a rough estate pub’s flat roof.

      • She wouldn’t even require decent cóke, say £90 a grám.
        She’d be happy with £30 a grám shite, cut with all sorts of fılth, the drųgs equivalent of eating a partly-cooked Fındus crispy pancake on a rough estate pub’s flat roof.

      • Wonderfully descriptive and reminiscent of the time I spent with the bird off the Foots Cray council estate, who had a body like a shaved hamster. When I was 17.

        Do you think Daniella snorts up a line sideways, using a length of 2″ lay flat instead of a rolled up £20 note?

  13. Your all a bunch of freaks.

    And sinners.

    Sex isn’t meant to be fun!
    It’s for procreation.

    I was once accused of sexual deviancy.
    I was outraged.

    If I want to relax at 3am in bushes wearing a rubber raincoat and stockings that’s my business.

    Couldn’t even see his wife having a shower from where I was.

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  14. As some German fella once said, “give the Russian a bottle of vodka a day and some form of domestic animal life to fuck, and he’ll happily live in shit his entire life.” Evgeni is merely running true to type. Orcs just gonna Orc, whether at home or abroad.

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  15. Off topic

    I’m watching Flash Gordon.

    Flash has a t-shirt with his name on the front in cool script.

    While this is a sign of extreme narcissistic tendencies it’s also practical,
    Everyone knows your name.

    He also gives a pair of pilots advice on how to fly a aircraft despite only being a American football player.

    Now that’s confidence!

    Good though.
    You can watch it without thinking.

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  16. OT from OT.

    Utterly spanked by Liverpool today.
    Ten Twat sacked before Christmas, I reckon.

    And that fuck Rashford should be melted down and made into glue.

    Oh, and Bruno Fernandes is a premier shithouse.

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