CrossCUNTry Trains

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Right now (11th August 2024) I’m back home visiting family. Part of my journey involved having to take a CrossCountry train from Sheffield to Bristol Temple Meads. And, like every other occasion where I have been forced to use them, said journey was hell on earth.

Why do they only put 4 fucking carriages on one of their busiest routes?
Why do said carriages have absolutely nothing in the way of air conditioning?
Why do their toilets resemble outdoor bogs that you’d find in the most deprived, rundown areas of Kabul?
Why do they only have enough legroom for people the size of Warwick Davis?
Why am I being charged EIGHTY FUCKING POUNDS to travel cattle class?

Even Indian trains are better than this ffs. To call them the Ryanair of train travel would be offensive to Ryanair. The sooner I learn to drive, and the sooner I can FINALLY stop having to rely on these thieving charlatans, the better.

BBC News.

Nominated by : OpinionatedCunt

89 thoughts on “CrossCUNTry Trains”

  2. Third world services for a Third world country at a first world price..

    Someone’s got to pay for the drivers outrageous salaries.

  3. In answer to your questions, Oppy …

    Why do they only put 4 fucking carriages on one of their busiest routes?
    Why do said carriages have absolutely nothing in the way of air conditioning?
    Why do their toilets resemble outdoor bogs that you’d find in the most deprived, rundown areas of Kabul?
    Why do they only have enough legroom for people the size of Warwick Davis?
    Why am I being charged EIGHTY FUCKING POUNDS to travel cattle class?

    To pay the shareholders loads of money, of course – because they couldn’t give a fucking a shit.

    You silly sausage.

    🌭

    • GWR are the best of a bad bunch but even they have their problems. At least they put a decent number of carriages on busy services though.

  5. God I haven’t been on a train in years.

    I used to like travelling up the North Wales coast by train.

    I once had a absolute tantrum on a train from Eastbourne to London.

    Pre-booked seats, paid for,
    Someone’s sat there!
    In fact there was people sat on the floor like in fuckin India.

    So I went an sat in first class.
    It was obvious to the people there I didn’t belong in first class.
    Fuck em.
    Some lackey asked did I want coffee?

    No ta.

    Then did i want breakfast?

    No ta

    Can I see your ticket sir?
    Your not meant to be in first class.
    You’ll have to pay.

    I refused.

    Said I want the person in my seat ejected.
    And until they did I was staying put.

    I told them I’d paid for a seat and wasn’t prepared to sit on the floor like some fuckin beggar.

    It attracted a lot of attention from the other passengers.
    I was very loud.

    They gave in.
    I stayed in first class grinning at my fellow passengers who resented my presence.😬

    You can’t beat travelling by train👍

    • Ps
      Opey you strike me as quite hard to please as a customer?

      Not happy on a bus
      Not happy on a train
      Not happy on a plane

      For someone who likes to travel your a bit of a moaning fucker.

      Your like Steve Martin after being in John Candy’s company.

      • I’m intrigued about your Hitchcockian train journey Mis, why didn’t they eject the twat in your payed for seat, or was it full of the shit Alfred forgotten to put in “The Birds” film ?

      • Some old cunt Sammy.

        They didn’t want to ask the cheeky old bitch to give up MY seat.
        They wanted me to sit on the floor.

        It’s the only time I’ve ever travelled first class.
        Nice!
        I felt like Cary Grant.

      • Well done Mis! I know that’s not the only occasion you have stuck your neck out to the benefit of Joe public.

        And Oppy, you may already be aware of my view of life here today. To survive in this society you need to be able to read, write, add up and it is vital to hold a driving licence. Best of luck with the training.

  6. Decided to travel by train earlier this year for a weekend up in lovely Edinburgh.

    Big fucking mistake.

    ps. not Edinburgh

  7. PPS

    No way I’d travel from Sheffield to fuckin Bristol.
    Not for anyone, family included.

    Send them a text.
    Or write a letter .

    Fuck going to Bristol!
    It’s full of Marxists, sooties, Pam ayres and Wurzel Gummidge sounding cunts.

    Id stay in Sheffield.
    Go round to JPs for some nishes.

      • That em JP.

        Hey JP, when a teenager Nish was slang for nothing.

        ” He’can fuck off he’s not getting Nish”

        Wonder if that was Jewish derived slang?

    • It’s hard to argue with this. There are still a lot of normal people in Bristol, but we don’t get the publicity.

      I can’t stand Pam Ayres though….I recall her stupid poem about how she wished she’d looked after her teeth. Yes, so somebody could have the fun of knocking them out , the dozy old fucker ( who is from Gloucestershire).

      • Sorry Mary, thought she was from Bristol.

        Tommy Cuntengine sounds just like Pam.
        Same pudding bowl haircut for a while till he got a perm.

        Models his self on her.
        Serial killer types do that.

        Son of Pam😂

      • Thanks Arfur. We’re well rid of those two berks but what we have got instead is a Green MP – one Carla Denyer. The cunts put about 20 leaflets through the door leading up to the election, no exaggeration.
        A couple of their canvassers came round to try and persuade us to vote Green – the other half answered the door on both occasions, the first time he asked the chap if it was true that Carla used to drive a Range Rover – the chap became apoplectic with rage and said he was handing his notice in.
        On the second occasion, other half asked the chap if it was true she had been done for fly tipping, which got a similar response.
        Some other idiot came round on the day of the election and I asked why it was necessary to post so many leaflets, he dithered a bit but then said it was because it was so important. I said well, maybe it is important to us to drive a diesel car? He gave up and left.

      • I had a boss in the eighties who was a native of Bristol Mary. He had a visceral hatred of ethnics and poofs and was totally unapologetic. When I worked the Bristol area in those days the people I met seemed to be perfectly normal unaffected folks. From my view out here it looks like Bristol is on the up. You’ve recently given those two ghastly half-castes, Marvin Rees and Thangham Debbonaire the order of the boot and in Rees’s case made doubly sure by abolishing the job! Best of luck to you all.

  8. Many moons ago when I worked in London, there was such a thing called “London weighting”. This was the uptick in salary to help financially compensate the employee for the extortionate cost of travelling into the capital. Back then (’90s), annual train season tickets from the south east to London were running at $3K to $5K.

    God knows how much it is now.

    As times have moved on, I wonder if current day London employees are paid ‘danger money’ for enduring the risk of being stabbed.

    • My company bought me a 6 month season ticket from Leicester to London, back in 1990, it was £2400. It included Zone 1 tube travel. I didn’t get the London Weighting there although I did a few years earlier when I both worked and lived in London.

  9. I’d honestly rather travel by coach these days. The fare doesn’t depend on the phase of the moon X your granny’s birthday + £hundreds. There is a reasonable expectation of getting there somewhere near the alleged time, and, sure, it’s crowded with chavs and immos, but so’s the fucking train. You might even get a scran break on a long distance run, and services food is rather better than crap class rail catering. You can buy your ticket from a human.

    First preference – motorcycle.

  10. Sunak should have sent in OC for negotiations with the RMT. Mick Lynch would have been crying in the corner and offering to work bank holidays and Sundays for free after Opey had finished with him.

  11. British trains are total shit.

    Full of spastics,wankers,nigs,chavs,tramps and random escaped mental cunts.

    Went to Edinburgh on the train..of course the direct intercity was cancelled due to it all being a heap of smelly overpriced shite.

    No wonder it was sponsored by Sir Jimmy Saville CBE and pillar of the BBCistan.

    Travel in style,travel with a bottle of scotch.

    Fuck Off.

    • ‘Full of spastics,wankers,nigs,chavs,tramps and random escaped mental cunts.’

      Sounds like the cabinet.

    • Good evening Terry.
      A comprehensive list, except for you forgot the cunts with bikes. And Jeremy Corbyn parking his raggedy scrawny arse on the train floor.

  12. I mentioned only recently that I travel on a near empty shuttle train with my bicycle, I need for the remainder of the journey, to get to the graveyard of my partner. I’ve had it sussed out for sometime, if I get at the front, the lazy guard isn’t going to travel the length of an empty train just for one pithy fare.

  13. I haven’t been on a train for about ten years, I’m pleased to say.

    However, it was ace. I’d got the Lass for a sleepover while Elder and the Berserker went away for a weekender, so I decided to take the Lass to the seaside and stop in a B and B.

    She loved it, had never been on a train, which made it sort of magical, experienced through the eyes of a child.

    We had a great time. Highlight of the weekend was when she insisted on going to breakfast in her jammies and dressing gown! To be fair, they didn’t bat an eyelid and treated her like Royalty.

  14. Traveling by Luxury Motorhome is the way to go 👍

    When stuck in traffic I instruct Ethel to retrieve two delicious ice cream lollies from the freezer.

    We then eat them slowly ( and in my case, if there are any lady drivers or passengers watching, seductively ) 😃

    Want a piss ? Just pull over and avail yourself of the splendid sanitary facilities. 👍

    Fancy a butty and a brew ? Just pull over and fix up summat tasty 😋

    It really is splendid.

    Trains are for peasants.

    Fuck them .

    Good evening. 👍

  15. OT, apologies, but apparently it’s going to be a tad warm tomorrow, so here’s some sterling advice from the press.

    https://www.express.co.uk/news/weather

    Really? I was planning on smothering myself in cooking oil, and lying out in the full sun on sheets of baking foil, personally.

    I’m sure I’ll be fine.

    • Sorry, it’s behind a pay wall ( the cunts)
      but suggests you keep your curtains/blinds shut in rooms that get full sun.

      I’d never have thought of that, myself!

      • The paywall went up a couple of weeks ago. And the Mirror’s did as well, so it’s a Retch Prolefeed ™ thing. Maybe by arrangement with MSN, who unblock some of their material as clickbait.

        If you want a tabloid, there’s still the Mail Online, but it’s put a paywall on its most clickbaitable stuff. And if you are interested in everyone’s rights and problems but your own, the Grauniad is still afloat on a sea of pathetic appeals for your assistance. That’s it, unless you still believe that the BBC and the Grauniad aren’t joined at the hip.

        And some wonder why the public increasingly forms its opinions from social media chatter.

    • Knowing the Express it is a wonder that Harry Hewitt and his tarty wife haven’t arranged the heatwave to spite Edwards and Sophie.

    • David Lammy is unconcerned about tomorrow’s temperature.
      On the contrary, it’ll give him a chance to top up his tan.

  16. The Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Light Railway is my favourite railway. You end up in Dungeness at the time stated on the timetable.

    • Evening Boggs. Me, the Old Hound ( RIP ) and Ethel went on that some years ago. Before Dungeness became a Bedouin camp.

      It was all rather lovely.

      Carry on.

  17. Seeing as we’re talking about the limitations of various methods of getting from a to b…

    I was reversing out of a supermarket parking space in one of our vans on Friday night, and had no idea there was some middle aged fella on a moped sat behind it – couldn’t see him and no parking sensors. Heard a bit of a crunch, then he was at my door mouthing off at me.

    I said to him, “I completely get it mate, I can totally understand why you’re so angry. I’d be fucking furious too if I was having to drive around on a woman’s mode of transport”

    • Why was he riding a moped if he was blind, BD?

      Even if you couldn’t see him, how could he not see a reversing vehicle?

      Was it a poor man’s crash for cash, don’t think?

      • Angry cunt on a moped Jeezum – there is no reasonable explanation for the episode; the only thing I can say is the simmering fury on his face was not about being knocked off his scooter. It was clearly for being such an obvious fucking failure in life. If I’d reversed into him while he was driving a brand new Discovery I reckon he’d have been glad of the attention. Needless to say I had the last laugh as I watched his 25cc motorised trolley fart its way out of the car park – Lemmy on a Harley it most certainly was not

  19. The British invented the railway and the train.
    Our gift to the world.🇬🇧

    Whenever I think of railways I think of the railway children.

    What a lovely film.
    A middle class family from that London.
    The dad gets banged up in wormwood scrubs for being a traitor.
    The wife and kids of this jailbird have to move up North where they realise everything is better and people are nicer.

    Trespassing on Railway property
    Patronising the working class
    Helping russians

    They love it!

    I often imagine them on the railway banks as I go by,
    Their little innocent faces smiling,
    Waving with handkerchiefs.
    Id drop.the window and shout

    ” They should hang your dad!”

      • Di Hard.

        Prince William should go into acting !

        The man who would be king
        Bald Patch Adams
        Whistle down the windsor
        Son of Chuckie

  21. You’re right. Cross Country trains seem to specialise in having the fewest carriages. Oh to be in the South East where they still have 14 carriage trains. The whole industry is a joke when it comes to rolling stock and prices for Joe Public.

    • And their excuse is always ‘b-b-but the trains can’t pull anymore carriages.’ Meanwhile freight trains pull fuck knows how many with zero issues.

  24. I used cross cuntry rail services in the 70’s, good old British rail. Filthy smoke filled carriages…

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