Katie Price [22]

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“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s cultural affairs correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Today I bring you another world exclusive interview, this time with *ahem* glamour model and ‘influencer’ Katie Price, direct from her prison cell no less”

” ‘Allo Ron darlin’, long time no see. Innit”

“Well Katie, you failed to turn up to court yet again to discuss matters relating to your bankruptcy, jetting off to Turkey for yet another facelift instead”

“Yeah well, gettin’ me mug sorted’s very important in mah line uv work, same as gettin’ me teef an’ tits an’ that done. Ah’d uv fought the jadge would’ve granted me a bit uv leniency ander the circumstarnces, ‘specially as ‘e fancies me. Can’t take ‘is eyes of ’em, the dirty ol’ git. Innit”

“The thing is Katie, you keep on doing this. How many times have you failed to show up so far when you’ve been charged for various offences? It’s amazing that you’ve not received a custodial sentence before now”

“Yeah, or even sent ta prison. Bat the jadge knows ah’m a workin’ mam, an’ ah’m a carer fer me poor san ‘Enry. The judge’ll take them exasperating facters inta account, wunn ‘e? Innit”

“Er, your son’s name is Harvey, I believe. But look, one of these days you’ll game the system once too often, and you’ll end up behind bars”

“Harvey d’ya say? On yeah, ‘im an’ all. Yeah well, s’pose it wouldn’t be all that bad. The screws brought me breakfast in bed this mornin’ in return for a flash, an’ ah could do me workart’s in the gym, gavver material for anuvver new book, and plan me next career move fer when ah get ahrt. Innit”

“Next career move? Pray tell!”

“Well ah’m finkin’ uv goin’ inta escort work. Samfink’s gotta pay fer all the work needed ta keep me lookin’ bootiful, know whut ah mean? There’s loads uv rich old geezers who’d lav ta be seen wiv a celebrity like me on their arm, goin’ ’round the casinos an’ posh restaurants an’ that. Farzand quid a punt, hundred extra ta cop a quick feel. There’s real manney in it. Innit”

“But that’s not going to do much for your already, shall we say, uncertain reputation”

“Sorry lav, ‘ere’s me ‘airdresser, cam ta do me ‘ighlights fer the court. ‘Spect the beak’ll let me ahrt on bail again, wunn ‘e? You see if ‘e don’t. ‘Ere officer, show ‘im arht would ya, there’s a good lad. Triffic. Innit”

Oh well. This is Ron Knee,for IsAC, returning you to the studio. Innit”.

Sly News.

Metro.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

56 thoughts on “Katie Price [22]”

  1. Raddled old slag.

    I suspect the reason Harvey is “challenged” is something to do with the copious quantities of booze and drugs she consumed whilst pregnant.

    Why anyone would want to pay to jerk off to her is beyond me.

  3. Where is dwight yorke when you need him, and his money. Fucking horrible cunt and probabably has one.

  4. Tart, famous for being a tart, famous for fucking EVERYTHING up.

    I blame the media for keeping her in the news, who gives a shit if she is in court again, she is about as relevant to the world as a tramp shitting in a bush.

    However, Good story Ron 👍

  5. Reminds me of Lucy Montgomery from “Tittybangbang” fame with the “little bit of seepage” scenes. Lucy knocks spots off this slag.

  6. All day all week the cunters huff and moan about the absolute state of UK law and the police forces, yet as soon as some brave lass sticks two fingers up to them it is nothing but outright condemnation.

    I say all power to her, a modern Maid Marian she is.

  7. IT really has one of the biggest causes of lack of self awareness I have ever seen!. IT thinks she is relevant, IT thinks people ( fuck knows who or why) are “On her side”, and that anyone gives a flying fuck about her. In last few years IT’s had her house repossessed, driver licence taken (at least twice) pets taken away due to neglect/cruelty, been convicted of drink driving (twice I think) driving whilst disqualified (a shit load of times), assault, harassment and multiple failures to appear. IT owes around 4 mil and has claimed bankruptcy at least twice yet IT still gets more tattoos, face work and new cars for herself. Yet this deluded twunt still blabs on and on like IT’s the victim, Gods if IT was a darkie you can bet your left nut she would be claiming it’s all “waaaycist”. Every time IT doesn’t bother turning up at court IT gets a telling off “You must come next time or else” and fuck all happens when IT doesn’t bother. I say give her six month jail time. IT claims poor Mongo is being badly affected by all the (wait for it…) media attention!!!! Are you fucking kidding me?? The no1 media attention whore moaning about attention is priceless haha. The bloody kid would be better off without her parading him about and teaching him the world owes him something. This creature boils my piss, I hope the next time IT drink drives IT drives itself in to a wall at 120mph. Utter cunt.

    • Well said Rik.
      The most galling issue here is the way she gets away with everything.
      Multiple driving offence’s, many serious, being less than transparent about her income whilst bankrupt. and the current issue of failing to attend court despite dire warnings two weeks ago.
      But yet again she gets away with it, and she hasn’t even got legal representation fighting her corner.
      If it was any average person, they’d be slopping out in the scrubs by now.

      • I think that is what really winds me up, If it was you or me “bang, straight in the nick” yet this cheap tart keeps getting away with it and doesn’t even pretend that she is not taking the piss. And why?, what does she contribute honestly? Gods even as teenager I had better taste for “self entertainment lol”. Her saying the kid needs her so she can’t do time is utter shit, the average single mum would have been jailed years ago. As I said I think the lad “Harvey right?” would be better off without her parading him about for attention. I few years back I read she had taken him to nightclub “appearance” she was doing so he could learn to earn a living for himself!. I mean how ridiculous is that?? It’s almost like she’s running a freaks show and punters are paying to see him. I know that sounds bloody horrible but do get what I’m trying (badly) to say? Woman is waste of oxygen.

  9. Definitely has the reverse Midas touch.

    As well as being a mental case.

    She’ll be dead within a few year..then what will solicitors do for money?

    It’s a terrible tragedy.

  11. I wouldn’t have given her a second glance as a page 3 girl, I don’t have the words to describe what I think she looks like now. I’m sure there are words, I just don’t have them.

  13. The plastic surgery, the inane narcissism, the plastic bangers, the knocking of her bills; I can ignore all that, but what I can’t stand (and the reason I hate her) is the way she treats her dogs. How many have died? How do you even manage that statistically? She’s either abused them or neglected them, or both. You don’t have that many animals die in your care by mistake.

    She’s a wrongun.

  15. The slug (correct spelling!) is surely a future Labour MP and then Cabinet Member?

    • I truly hope so. Can she be any worse than any politician who is interested in being a politician?
      3 points for tits, 6 points for accidental hilarity n the rest is a bonus

  16. Didn’t she start out firmly in the bangable camp?
    I could be thinking of someone else.
    Anyhow now looks more of a fucking mess than a gypsy camp.

  17. Katie perfectly represents the UK of today.
    Bankrupt, yet still splashing the cash.
    Her best days well behind her.
    And regularly fucked up the arse by a succession of criminals and nobodies.
    Katie Price truly is the personification of the Brave New Britannia.

  20. As a bloke of 40 years old I find it difficult to talk negatively about Katie too much, as thru my mid to late teens and my early 20s she was probably my no.1 female and I spent many hours wanking over her (+others of that era)…. To me she’ll always be Jordan ✊💦

  22. We call this oxygen thief Turkey Price nowadays, most of this waste of space had been made in Turkey, I reckon that’s why the can’t lock the law breaking slag up, due to only the treble cunt part of her being the original part and the rest is just plastic, ceramic, rubber, paint and dog shit as far as I can tell.

  23. Harvey is going to escape and climb the Empire state building clutching Katie in one hand.

  24. I used to think she was OK, up for a laugh and quite fun.

    But as she’s managed to kill around 7 or 9 “pets”, mostly dogs, but also at least one horse through sheer carelessness, if not downright neglect, not so much these days.

    Why on earth a woman approaching her 50’s thinks it’s appropriate to behave like a 19 year old Love Island contestant is beyond me.

    She looks grotesque, her behaviour is appalling, and she really should be locked up, see if she thinks the law doesn’t apply to her after 6 months in Styall.

    If we were in a Roman amphithearter I’m afraid it would be thumbs down from me.

    Release the tigers!

    • I have it on good authority she chose the name Jordan Price to match your initials.

  25. After ensuring it it had ised a gallon of mouthwash over an hour or so, I would skullfuck it senseless, just to say I had.

    Anywhere else, not worth a triple bag

  26. I feel for Harvey having a mum like her. If she goes to prison he’ll have very little idea what’s going on or why it’s happened. Hell, he probably doesn’t even know he’s being exploited by her.

  27. I noticed Ralf Schumacher came out as gay the other day . I believe he was one of Jordan’s exes .

    Imagine being so awful that you turn your partner gay😂

  28. Katie Price isn’t a cunt. She’s just a right tit. And a left one.

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