I’ve always enjoyed a good conspiracy theory, even if they’re mostly, shall we say, surreal or bizarre.
Occasionally a theory will seem to have some real substance to it e.g. there’s a really strong case to be made that the CIA, the Mob, the Cuban exiles, big oil, or a combination of all of them did for JFK.
Mostly however they just seem outlandish. You know what I mean; NASA faked the moon landings, Aliens crashed at Roswell, aircraft contrails contain poison or mind-warping drugs, a ‘New World Order’ of shadowy elites seeks global hegemony, etc and so forth.
Some of my favourite ‘conspiracies’ focus on the world of ‘celebrity’, and frankly belong in the strange and weird world of tinfoil hat wearing fantasists. One positive thing in their favour however is their huge capacity to entertain us all. It’s real ‘man down the pub’ stuff.
For your edification, Elvis faked his death to escape the limelight and seek seclusion in the remote Appalachians… or is on the run after the Mob put a contract on him for informing on them to the Feds, you chose. Lizzie and Phil were space lizards. Michelle Obama is really Michael. Macca died in a car crash and was replaced by a body double, who’s been performing as him ever since. The security services did for Diana. Taylor Swift is a Satanist, and Stevie Wonder isn’t blind. John Lennon’s killer was part of a black ops mind control programme.
Right now there’s a whole new show on the road. We’re in the middle of a real mother of a conspiracy theory, which has brought about a state of utter meltdown in the world press, social media and the internet. It is, of course, the ‘something’s happened to Kate’ furore. Naturally it couldn’t be anything as mundane as the fact that the lass has had serious surgery and is taking time out of the public eye to recover. Oh no.
So far we’ve had a proper good pick and mix on offer. She’s far iller than has been made out; she’s got cancer or something. She’s had plastic surgery. She’s pregnant. She and William are estranged after he had an affair and she’s fled the scene (an additional titbit is that he belted her in the process). She’s had a complete nervous breakdown blah de blah. Mercifully, no one has yet claimed that she’s been abducted by aliens; at least, as far as I know.
And there’s my own theory of choice. There’s a medium on the net claiming that spirits have told her that Kate has sunk into an irreversible coma, and body doubles are being used while a clone replacement is being made ready. A fucking clone, would you believe? And there are idiots out there swallowing this stuff.
Oh in one respect all this stuff is hugely entertaining, and it’s free. But on the other hand it’s plain batshit crazy. There are some very strange individuals out there coming up with it, and most of them, I suspect, are spending far too much time in a bedroom in their mom’s house, goggle eyed in front of a computer screen. They could really do with getting out more, if only for their own good.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Here’s one you haven’t heard about the JFK assassination : he ordered the hit on himself, in the late 1970’s.
Yeah.
Bones of it is this : Oswald took a pot-shot in ’63 from the depository; missed, arrested, imprisoned. In ’66 a re-elected Kennedy & Khrushchev sparred again with the risk of nuclear war, as in ’62 but this time Kennedy, cocky from the earlier Cuban missile crisis outcome pushed his counterpart too far and the missiles flew. Global decimation, nuclear winter, civilization fucked. But the elites had the just-completed govt. bunker in Cheyenne Mountain including top scientific personnel and plenty of supplies and equipment. The conquest of space (and everything else) were well & truly done for, so a wracked with guilt Kennedy ordered the boffins to conquer time instead. Which – with nothing else to work on – took a decade or thereabouts to come up with a single operative one-way relatively short-range device. To right his wrong and undo the end of civilization he ordered his own head of security back to the day of Oswalds attempt, to simultaneously make the killshot. The moment THAT occurred, all I’ve written above was undone. The true assassin disappeared into non-existence in this timeline, and he, then, in the new run of things carried on his original government career until his death in Vietnam a decade later, .. all unbeknownst to anyone except a guy I got talking to in a pub one night back in the mid nineties.
True story. 😉
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“Bloke in a pub in the mid 90’s” you say? Erm, it’s wasn’t the Kebab & Calculator in Weymouth was it? Bloke wearing a “I gave fuck-all to Live Aid” T-shirt?
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Nooo ; It was the grown-up son of the Dallasonian guy who sold the bodyguard the rifle he used, on Nov 21st in ’63 (guy had had to travel back an extra day or two to rigorously prepare to save the world). The son said HE was dying now too, so told me his tale. Face down in the town river the following morning, I recall.
Pub was the Leper and Guillotine. Burned down the following night. actually.
Anyways. I promised to keep shtum on the matter .. so y’ never heard any of the above from ME ..
🤫
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That’s incredible Cuntem.
I heard the same (or virtually the same) story from a bloke in the 90s.
Before a Villa game it was, in the ‘The Smoker’s Cough’ pub in Aston. The guy swore it was true; his sister heard it from some bloke who worked for the Council.
Mind you, the same cunt also insisted that he’d heard from a bloke whose mother made the tea at Villa Park that we were going to win 7-0 that day.
Fucking loony.
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The bloke from the council must have read 2000AD !
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Indeed Cuntem.
The guy who worked for the Council was a street sweeper, and he found a copy in a hedge, along with a damp copy of ‘Razzle’.
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Actually .. 7-0 had indeed been agreed-on for that match, Mr.Knee. The bookies, the Illuminati etc. had it squared-off well in advance. But when the tea ladies son started flappin’ his mouth to YOU, the backup score had to be implemented. He was quietly liquidated and replaced with a cloned doppelganger. As was the tea lady.
I managed to unearth issue 968 of 2000AD here yesterday evening after about an hour. JFK shaking hands with the assassin wishing him luck and telling him to ‘aim true’ was kind of a cool frame. It was even the cover of said issue.
https://twitter.com/2000AD/status/1090308790589763585
Fuck’s sake I can remember stuff verbatim from 30 years back but spend half my life now looking for glasses that I just had ‘5 minutes ago’.
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The term conspiracy theory was made up by the CIA to deflect the massive public push back against the Warren commission old bollocks, says it all really.
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Indeed.
Tried to make it look as though anybody who thought that there was an organised plot against JFK was a nut.
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