Operation Branchform

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“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s legal affairs and Scottish political correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Today I’m looking at the progress made regarding ‘Operation Branchform’, Police Scotland’s investigation into alleged *cough* ‘irregularities’ in The SNP’s finances. In the latest of a series of sensational developments, the police are now investigating the purchase, and subsequent sale, of a top-of-the-range Jaguar. I’m now joined by SNP spokesman Jock McSporran”

“Och aye laddie. Well let me say the noo thet as far as thess investahgayshun is concerned, ah kennit porsibly corment on ra detail. Suffice et tae say that ra party’s rec-urrd fae awnesty an’ integrity in government is impeccable. The poliss have nuthin’ on us, ken. As fer Nicola an’ Peter en parteklur, well, the pair are as innocent as a pair o’ 16-year-old virgins fae Drumchapel. Nae further corment aye”

“Mmm. I’m also joined by Special Constable Angus McCoatupp, lead investigator for ‘Operation Branchform’. What can you tell us by way of an update Constable?”

“Aye. Natchrally ah cannae corment in detail awn an orngoin’ investahgayshun. Suffice et tae say thet investahgayshuns are orngoin’ et ra moment”

“But these investigations have already been on-going now for over two years, no doubt at enormous expense to the public. When can we expect to see results?”

“Aye. well natchrally investahgayshuns tek up a great deal o’ time an’ resources, ken. Let me jest say thet ah expect us tae ah reached conclusions bah summer 2028, at which time *winks and touches nose* it will be fount thet there’s nae evidence o’ any wrong-doing bah naebody, nae arrests or charges will be made, an’ it’ll be shown thet naebody kent absolutely nuthin’ aboot nuthin’. Aye”

“Well I must say that things appear to be progressing rapidly towards a most satisfactory conclusion for all parties, not least the taxpayers and voters of Scotland. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

Daily Record

Nominated by Ron Knee.

40 thoughts on “Operation Branchform”

  1. Getting dirt on and kicking out this pudding-haired bitch and installing a filthy muzzıe stinks.
    Krankie was no more or less corrupt than any other piece of shit politician in Britain. And at least she was Scottish, unlike that terrorist-supporting turd that’s nominally in charge now.
    In just a few short years, we’ve gone from British people running things (badly) to two dirty pakıs running Scotland and London with a WEF plant unelected curry-muncher in number 10. It’s a brown river of shit.
    As RTC used to say, this Sceptred Isle really is doomed.

      • I reckon he’s joined the Dark Side and secretly become an apprentice Admin so he can no longer post. Gets his first big test of his training later tonight when he has to knock on Miserables door and ask for the COTY tiara and sash back.

  2. Those cunts would shame the BLM founders.

    Another vehicle.. I didn’t think krankie could drive.
    Its like a peaceful who keeps buying deodorant.

    • Recently passed her test. First time *nugde nudge wink wink say no more*.

      Wonder when they’ll get the camper van back so they can spend a blissful fortnight in Dunoon?

  3. Many thanks to our Scottish reporter Ron McKnee for his regular updates on events in the deep-fried banana republic of Jockistan.

    When it comes to launching half-built ferries with painted on windows, putting educational standards into freefall, doubling drugs deaths, housing double rapists in women’s jails or jacking up taxes, you have to admire the SNP’s nerve in blaming it all on ‘The Toarees’.

    As for the £667,000 donated by their gullible supporters, it’s capercaillie feed compared to the billions of taxpayer’s money they’ve pissed up the wall. If Krankie ever gets charged with anything I’ll eat my tam o’shanter.

    • Let’s not forget that Brexit played its part in the SNP’s misfortunes as well Geordie.

      That’s the fault of the Anglesh o’ coorse.

  6. Yet another vastly expensive waste of time,this country seems to excel at committees,enquiries and such…all.of which get fuck all done with no cunt accountable for owt.

    All aboard the Gravy Train.

  8. ‘Given the appalling lack of loyalty shown to our late and glorious Majesty by this traitorous scum, I’d say that hanging’s too good for the cunts. Send ’em to the block, and display their heads on pikes at Traitors’ Gate. That’ll learn the bastards, and act as a reminder to other like-minded arseholes’

    Oswald Mosley
    (deceased)

  9. Nicky, Queen of Scots, is hot. She looks great in her Nazi uniform. Tssssz!

  10. The Scottish P*ki really knows how to take the piss. On the day of his enthronement after the rigged leadership election he circulated photos all over social media of him and his male family members at Friday prayers in Bute House, the First Minister’s official residence. Apparently he was unable to see the irony in the leader of a ‘progressive’ party banning women from taking part.

  11. There is a great picture in that article of them at a polling station, where it looks like the love eggs have started to work their magic..

    I imagine they paid cash for them..
    Then claimed back on expenses.

  12. All these public enquires are total bullshit. Just patsies from The Elite looking out for The Elite who are in the dock. Taxpayers money squandered, the good news is it seems people are wising up to it. With a bit of luck the revolution will be televised sooner, rather than later.

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