An ‘oi! Don’t frighten the horses!’ cunting for sexual exhibitionists, a couple of whom I happened to come across (no pun intended) in Asda’s car park this afternoon.

I’d parked away from the busier area, and on returning, saw that another car had parked one space across from mine, leaving a space in between. Seated in the front were a couple who I’d guess were in their late thirties. Nothing remarkable in this, but as I began to manoeuvre my trolley between the cars, the bloke promptly inserted his hand between her legs and made great show of vigorously massaging her fanny.

Now I couldn’t give a monkey’s what people get up to in their spare time, good luck to ’em, I say, but blimey, a bit of decorum’s surely in order. It was obvious that they knew that I could see them, and from the gratified expressions on their faces, these two were clearly a couple of thrill seekers who got off on that very fact.

I loaded up my stuff and drove off, wondering whether I should have tactfully suggested that they should get a room. If nothing else, they were chancing that someone would take the car’s registration and call the scuffers; but I suppose that the risk simply added to the excitement.

Now I’m one of the most broad-minded individuals you’ll ever meet, but this sort of behaviour in public seems a bit unseemly and coarse to me. Finger away to your hearts’ content I say, but show a bit of class and do it behind closed doors, and if you do want to be seen, do so in the company of like-minded individuals.

Now dear, just close the curtains come over here, would you…

Nominated by Ron Knee.