NatWest – Carbon Wank Bank

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NatWest – these cunts have been a thorn in my side for many years, the only reason that I haven’t closed my account is that I dread to think what a mess they would make of it ( for instance, it took about 10 years to get them to remove Flat 3 from my address, I did not live in a flat and there were none in the place).

However, they are determined to increase their cuntishness – not satisfied with harassing Nigel Farage and closing accounts of people they disapprove of, they are now inviting customers to use their mobile app, which helpfully keeps an eye on your carbon footprint and notes when you have been purchasing meat products.

You don’t need to be a weatherman to see which way the wind is blowing here, and how all this information might be used for sinister purposes. I gather that they are about 40% owned by the taxpayer so you would think they would have a bit of humility about their policies and PR, but seemingly not.

If anyone needed an example of why using cash is a good thing, this is it. I’m sick to fucking death of companies who don’t know their place and think they are entitled to sit in judgment on the public.

Every cunt should withdraw all their money, and then write to NatWest to say they spent it on an orgy of sausages, steak and petrol.

(Trouble is, all the main banks will probably follow suit. – Day Admin)

MSN

Nominated by: Mary Hinge

74 thoughts on “NatWest – Carbon Wank Bank”

    • ALL banks are bigger cunts than most realise.

      When you put your hard-earned in a bank it belongs to the bank until you ask for its return.

      Fuckers have no right to determine whether or not you eat meat, or anything else for that matter.

      I use cash almost exclusively.

      Cash is important and, annoyingly for the powers that be, hard to track.

      Same reason I refuse to own a cellphone, just another name for an ankle bracelet.

  2. I see Coutts has won an award as the best bank for ‘diversity and inclusion.’ Not sure how this can be possible with a £3m minimum balance required for a current account! Utter cunt. Bum banditry and rug munching must be rife among all those black millionaires.

  3. I’m a NatWest customer.

    They can shove their app up their arse.

    but I’m not happy to bank alongside People who live in ‘flats’.
    Or celebrity jungle cunts like Nigel Farage.

    • What about the 10m people here who started life in the jungle, many of whom appear to think they still fucking live in one?

  4. I particularly enjoy this modern trend that banks and any company that uses direct debit think its a licence to just take whatever amount of money they like out of some poor cunts account.

    I suppose it follows on from the trend in “contracts” that state they can alter the terms of the contract without notice and again take any amount of money they like,Virgin Media are cunts for this I believe.

    The only fun a fellow can have with these rats is causing indignation by simply cancelling the direct debits on a whim.

    What a bunch of hopeless arseholes.

    Oven.

    • I had Virgin for a year, sadly. They increased my DD, I cancelled it and got the money back from my bank. Virgin then rang to tell me I can’t just cancel my DD. I told them that I gathered they’d noticed that I had done just that and they could fuck off. I don’t believe I have ever been happier to cancel anything.

      • We have a short black list of companies who we will not be dealing with any more following past experience. Virgin are at the top of the list and Sky are next.

      • Me and Sky generally get on although there are some aspects I would cheerfully strangle their staff for.

  5. I have a suggestion for NatWest. Use your ‘Carbon Footprint Tracker’ to add up how much CO2 your Directors and Senior Managers are responsible for and publish the results.

    While you’re busy with that, I’d like to permanently imprint a size 12 Carbon Footprint on Alison Rose’s ugly mug.

    • I take a size 13 Geordie.
      just saying.*

      * yes girls .
      it’s true. big feet= big winky

      • Alison Rose looks like a big whose had her nose in a trough of acorns for a long time.

        That said, I’d pork her for a slice of he bonus – ooops, she had that taken away but I bet she’s not short of a few bob.

        Farage is a cunt, but hat of to him for pursuing this.

        ShatWest are cunts – they fucked me over about 10 years ago and I’ve never forgiven then.

      • How dare you!!!

        I’m the most humble of men.

        self deprecation is my middle name.

      • Same as you Mis’, and hands to match, although sadly can’t back you up on the other claim.

      • Size 13 eh, Mis. I confess I only take a size 7 but then I’m 5’7″ and weigh 11 stones. Any academic study you read will tell you that the link with shoe size is a myth. Well all I can say is that the midwife was clearly pleased to be told by the missus that she takes a size 9 and she gave birth to 9½ pounders like she was shelling peas.

    • CP@

      your size 13s too?

      well done! and welcome to the club.

      can I borrow a pair of wellies?

      • Arfur@

        it’s not a myth it’s a fact.

        That myth things a myth to protect the feelings of the tiny winky brigade.

        I have a sworn affidavit off Mrs Miserable.

        so there.

      • I always thought that the size of your nose correlated to the size of your knob, but I would, wouldn’t I?

      • I know mate, and i’m a pretty unremarkeable 6 ft in height. The hands thing is weirder. A couple of my mates are over 6’3” and their hands and feet are smaller than mine, and yes, I was great in goal.

        Must be the rustic farmer genes on mother’s side.

  7. Be very wary of installing apps to your mobile, and not just the ones from banks.

    Before installing, just check exactly what permissions they’re asking for because quite a lot of apps from retailers want full read/write access to your entire phone, including contacts, photos, emails, sms etc.

    Very few apps need full admin access – anti-virus programmes being an obvious one. But there are lots of apps such as banking ones that only need limited access and should therefore be denied. This will mean you won’t be able to install the app but it depends on how you value your privacy and personal data.

    The more data the banks have on you, the more they can fuck your life up if you don’t tick their woke boxes.

    • Or even better – don’t use your fucking phone for anything other than making / receiving phone calls !!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. I’m going Aldi shortly.

    I’ll pay by card and buy loads of meat goods,
    test this out.

    I’ve not been asked about my carbon size 13 footprint.

    • oooh ark at him eh!

      Going to Aldi to stock up on meat.
      Flashing his credit cards around. 😄

      You’ve changed!
      😄

  9. Something to ponder when sitting on your private jet spending some of your million pound bonus.

  10. I have had the misfortune to bank with LLoyds the TSB and Santander. Give Santander their due they had a few short sharp words with Mrs CuntyMort and we don’t seem to get bothered with online banking anymore.

    LLoyds and TSB? Total cunts.

  12. How I long for the days of the old fashioned bank managers like Captain Mainwaring. He wouldn’t snoop into your carbon footprint. He didn’t even threaten to de- bank Private Walker and he was a war profiteering spiv. The worse you could expect would be to be called a “ stupid boy”. Now banks think nothing of destroying peoples lives. Cunts.

  13. Excellent nom Mary. I think we should grab the opportunity to take the piss out of these bastards. Civvy posted a brilliant one yesterday where upon being asked by the bank teller why he was withdrawing his own money told her that it was to purchase guns, drugs and the services of whores. Super stuff!

    • @arfur. I was asked the exact same question, when I requested to withdraw a chunky wedge.

      I told them that was my business.

      So she put it down as for ‘ personal reasons ‘

      As an aside…..only 20% of bank deposits are backed by reserves.

      In my book, that’s flying too close to the wind.

      Evening, arfur.

  14. Well I already have an extensive carbon footprint due to the amount of soot I consume and also having no shoes. We don`t have banks here – we deal exclusively in elephants` toenail clippings, echidna splines and armadillo`s carapaces.

  15. off topic

    Tell you who’s a good looking bloke-

    Stephen Port.

    dunno why he killed all them gay boys but with his looks you’d think he’d be at all the best gay events?

    Barrymore pool parties
    Davos climate summit
    Michael Fabricants midnight Easter egg hunt etc

    • Fucking hell, Mis.

      He looks like Lurch, who has been dead three weeks and then dug up.

      Can’t imagine how anyone could have looked at that mug and expected an encounter with him to end well.

  16. I used to bank with Fred and Rose West, till they were shut down for to many illegal deposits..

    • Admin @

      off topic
      but I can’t make head nor tail of this fuckin site since some dozy cunt fucked with it.

      Any news when it’ll be fixed?

      Mis I am sorry to report that our best brains are on the case but sadly no solution as yet buddy. C.A.

      • They’re working on it, Mis, so DA assures us.
        It’s weird and doesn’t seem to have affected everyone.
        I only used the ” switch to” function to read older posts on the mobile, but there’s helpful arrows pointing to older posts on every nom that needs it.
        I dunno if it’s the same on the Chrome Book, as I can’t be arsed to drag it out and fire it up.

      • It’s odd as it scrambles the presentation when you choose mobile view, as opposed to desktop view, at the foot of the page.

        Trouble is once you select mobile view, the tab that lets you change back to desktop view disappears!

        I’m am too stuck with this smeared look.

      • There’s a mobile/desktop view option tab at the foot of the page. Mine defaulted to desktop but when I selected mobile, the tab disappeared.

      • For those with Android. Open chrome and select the three vertical dots top right. Scroll down the menu and tick ‘desktop site’.

  17. Banks like a lot of modern “we know best” companies they seem to have forgotten whose the customer and whose supplying the service, once going shopping or conducting a transaction with a bank was a reasonably pleasant business because they wanted your custom as there was lots of competition but the bastards have gobbled up the opposition and can now ride roughshod over you as you have nowhere else to go. Defy the tossers take your loot out as cash, you get fuck all interest anyway, that way they can’t keep track of you and will probably annoy the fuck out of them. Stop playing their game and they will have to adjust to suit us again.

  18. Alright Miles?👍

    Nice to see you back.
    Hope you’re going to behave?

    enough characters have jumped ship already.

    looking forward to Christmas?

      • He reckons he’s reformed, cooled the jets, as it were.

        So back on the meds, you know it makes sense, Miles.

      • evening Minge👍
        yeah I know he was,
        and he was a naughty boy saying what he did,
        but I’ve always liked Miles.

        But then I wasn’t offended or upset by what he said.
        I didn’t agree with it,
        far from it!!!

        But having other opinions voiced no matter how offensive is the price of free speech.

        Let’s buy him a present?! 😄

      • In a week when ‘Call me Lord Dave’ was welcomed back into the fold its quite apt.

        He’s on a curfew though with an electronic ankle tag and a mandatory diversity and inclusion workshop.

  19. Oops, gone already.

    That didn’t take long.

    Can we please have the scantily clad image back, though, because wow, just wow!

  22. If you are stuck on mobile mode, have an android phone, and have problems with formatting on this site click the three elipses top right and then select “Desktop Site”

    not a perfect solution but just a workaround

  23. I used to bank with Yorkshire, but after my partner died, and I got probate, they made me wait outside the door, like a naughty school child.

    I transferred the lot.

  24. OT, but tuning around just dropped on a programme on BBC TV called “Newscast.” Four prats having a discussion sitting round a desk, each ostentatiously wearing a set of huge headphones and speaking into a big brightlly coloured desk microphone. Are we supposed to be impressed or what? Fucking idiots!

    • You mean you weren’t impressed, arfur?

      I would have been, if I could be arsed to switch the TV on.

      Over 12 months, and counting.

    • The BBC really think their charisma-free detritus can host a successful podcast.

      ‘If you can’t beat them..’ eh, you johnny-come-lately, woke cunts?

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