Live Long and Prosper – No Thanks!

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I guess we all want to live forever. The concept of dying only really appears on our radar once we reach into our late 60s, early 70s (through natural causes obviously).

Of course our lifestyle plays a big part in our longevity – if you eat junk food, drink booze, smoke and never get off your arse 24/7 then chances are you’ll croak it at a much earlier time of life. (although this isn’t always an exact science.)

However, when I see people in their 80s and 90s, suffering in most cases with physical and/or mental diseases, idling ones’s time in a care home with nothing tangible to do, it makes me think that living to a grand old age seems pretty pointless if all that’s going to happen is you gradually wasting away until the Grim Reaper (or Annaliese Dodds, whichever is the more frightening), tells you your time is up and the lights go out for good!

Doctors and nutritionists bang on about keeping to a healthy lifestyle for a longer life. But quite frankly the way things are with this country and the world at large, I take an opposing view – enjoy life, do/eat/drink what the fuck you want at a young-ish age and then hope for an early death!

Now that I’m in my late 50s I’ve enjoyed/accomplished many things, but I really don’t want to stick around into my 80s and 90s for the reasons mentioned above. More so if I get stacked up with cancers, aneurysms, blindness, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s  and a shedload of the diseases. Fuck that!

Time to enjoy life while I still can. And if that means drinking loads of booze or eating very agreeable takeaways then so be it.

You only have one life – enjoy it while you can.

Nominated by Technocunt.

88 thoughts on “Live Long and Prosper – No Thanks!”

  1. An astute observation. At 71 I am in good health but do not wish to live as a physical and mental wreck of 85+ years.
    My solution is plenty of booze so that I croak before the soul destroying rot sets in.

    • With you on that one, Guzzi.

      I’m growing old disgracefully, still smoke, drink like a fish, eat loads of ready prep and takeaway.

  2. Well said that man.

    What’s the point of mithering over longevity like those little cunts who read the Guardian and like to shout “I can’t eat that I’m a Vegan!”..

    Genetics plays a big part but so does scotch so fuck off.

    • My answer to these cunts is the opposite of Spock’s gesture;

      A two finger gesture, accompanied by ‘fuck off and die!’.

      Afternoon all.

  3. It pays to have a hobby as one ages.
    A chap can smoke big, fat cigars and live into his mid-80’s as long as he keeps up with his exercise regime.
    Just look at Jimmy Savile; just goes to show, if you keep up with a furious campaign of child abuse and necrophilia right up to your dying day, your body will thank you.
    Although your victims might not be quite so enthusiastic.

  4. They want us to live healthy long lives……yay

    Except that the majority don’t have pensions that will fund much more than an existence and will be asset stripped to fund the care provided as you become less able to care for yourself.

    It’s all bullshit.

  5. If I had all the money I’d spent on drink, I’d spend it on drink.

    Vivian Stanshall 1943-1995.

      • “who wants to live forever?
        Who wants to live foreeeever..
        ”
        Sang bucktoothed sodomite Fredrick mercury.

        Fuck that.

        All I want is to die without much pain.
        Preferably on my own,
        In the Peak District.

        Living forever is what those simpletons in Hollyweird want.

        Because they die?
        They burn in Hellfire.

        Not me, I’ve lived a righteous life.
        I’m.going to Valhalla.

  6. Odin and I obviously cannot avoid becoming old farts, but with our regular naughty mushroom consumption, we’ll almost certainly not be enduring any neurodegenerative conditions such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons.

    • I guess you will also have to start staking out bingo halls and National Trust properties for future victims rather than the seedy dimly lit service station toilets Mr Cunt Engine.

      • Good afternoon LL.
        I think I’ll be community-minded and take on an apprentice.
        Manhandling the bodies of some of those old wimmin over the boot lip of the Cortina is becoming quite a chore to do all by myself.

      • I hope it’s a Mk. 3.

        Fantastic looking car.

        Use plenty of plastic sheeting and a body bag.

        It would be a crime to spoil the interior.

        Evening Thomas. 👍

      • Oddly, I read that as “civil service toilets”
        As EX-HMRC, I’d sdvise against, most strongly.

    • You’ll most likely be going the opposite direction with the high-power neuroplasticity to the brain area that your psychedelic diet will surely engender.

  7. Well my bucket list so far consists of a bucket.
    I need one to fetch water from the waterhole.
    After that, I think I`d like to swim with dolphins.
    Then eat them.

  8. 79 year old male who lives alone and reasonably healthy, with only the arthritic hands that prevents me from doing what the rest of the body that’s in remission from rheumatoid arthritis, equally does. Don’t drink or smoke and can still ride my bicycle, are the reasons for keeping me going at the moment. Never having flown and stress of driving seems to help also. Living by the sea with fewer people and free of foreigners helps all the more. That’s all for now.

    • Is that on your Tinder profile, Sammy?

      Asking for a friend, very wealthy, suffering from slight dementia, not yet 70.

      • Only just glanced at my iPad since early afternoon. Sorry to disappoint you, I prefer my own company thanks, J P.

  9. My in-laws, in their 70’s constantly big it up about how wealthy they are, houses here, houses there, stocks, shares, rah rah rah. Nest egg for their three children – they don’t even spend shit loads on themselves but don’t seem to give much to their kids (my wife one of 4).

    Always blaggin on about their ‘legacy’ and money for their children.

    I’m too scared to remind them that they’re gonna end up the richest people in the graveyard cos they might outlive us.

    What’s the fucking point.

    Cunts.

    • No pockets in a shroud, CM.

      I’m intending to leave enough to cover the cremation and outstanding debts.

      The Lass is getting the house, which I hope she sells because the neighbourhood is going down the pan rapidly.

      • I thought long and hard about this, Mis.

        Would I be seen to be currying favour from the influential COTY, if I included him or would it mean our long and mutually entertaining on-line friendship meant nothing?

        To this end, I have decided to entrust the Lass with details of how to get news of my passing to you.

        Once received, you are expected to post a fulsome eulogy, extolling my wit and sad loss to the Community.

        She will then be authorised to send you the magnificent sum of 25 dollar pounds, and my antique wooden button collection.

      • Real, handpainted, hand-crafted wood.

        I know you’ll treasure them, maybe get Mrs. Mis to stich one onto your wolly hat, in rememberence, like?

      • Everywhere is going down the pan JP but I saw a glimmer of hope earlier with this article:

        https://news.sky.com/story/thousands-raised-for-met-police-officers-dismissed-after-stop-and-search-of-ricardo-dos-santos-and-bianca-williams-12993002

        I was disgusted to see that two officers have been sacked for doing their jobs.

        I watched the video of nig and nog being stopped and searched and if these cunts didn’t play the waycist card and let the cops do their job and had nothing to hide then why all the fuss.

        I live in London and am sick to the teeth of this bleck this, bleck that bullshite. No doubt some fat lawsuit is enduring and nig and nog will get the fat dollars.

        Whoever set up the just fund page the coppers families should be given OBE’s.

      • I have been looking at the videos of this event Cuntus and reading the various reports. It is apparent that action started when Dos Santos took avoiding action when the police tried to stop him. Now in my half century on the road I was stopped by police on numerous occasions, sometimes for speeding but several times at random, once outside the banqueting hall on Whitehall when the car was searched. Often I was breathalysed. I have to say the idea of refusing to stop would not have entered my head. I can’t help but feel that had the driver been white he would at a minimum have been admonished for his behaviour and probably nicked for failing to stop. I also suspect the two coppers would still have a job.

    • Beige World!

      Fucking hell. I went shopping with Elder this week. Actually, we went for a Greggs breakfast, but as its located in a small indoor shopping precinct, and the weather was shite, we had a wander round after eating.

      I’ve never seen so many sludge coloured clothes in my life. It’s Autumn, what’s up with a pumpkin orange, a russet red, lovely leaf yellow.

      Wear that shite? Not on your life. I may be old but I’m not ready for the shroud look yet.

      • Not particularly so in Winter.

        I might be taken for a partridge and shot!

        But a nice bright scarf with matching gloves wouldn’t hurt.

        I favour gaudy colours in the warmer months.

      • A Greggs Breakfast?
        I see the tradesmen heading there like Percival looking for the grail, to soak up the alcohol. Then they stumble out, a cheese and ham baguette and sausage and bean bake, a bottle of Sprite as Wagner’s Tannhauser plays in my head.
        Visiting Yanks also seem to love Greggs.

        Perhaps because a lot of their food is basically school dinner-quality.

  11. Don’t fear the Reaper was Blue Oyster cults advice.

    Wonder if they’re still so cocky now they’re elderly?

    Hope I die before I get old sang Roger Daltrey currently aged 79yrs.

    Time is on my side sang 80yr old skellington Mick Jagger.

    Never listen to rock stars.

    Full of shite.

  12. I intend to wring every last red cent out of the nanny state rip-off artists that have hoovered up taxes from me for well over 40 years and spent them on supporting skiving cunts and shit causes. If I can claw back thirty years’ worth of pension payments I will feel I have had the last laugh.

    • I got my pension delayed by 3 years.

      I’ve told the kids, buy a chest freezer.
      Freeze me for 3 years and claim my pension, then defrost and cremate me, quickly.

      I’ll not let those fuckers win.

  13. 65 here. Retiring next year. Gave up smoking just under 6 years ago. Wonderful how a cancer diagnosis focuses your mind to give up the weed. If I ever get diagnosed with dementia yours truly is off to Dignitas, fuck care home fees. Good afternoon all.

    • 53 but look 42.
      Don’t smoke anymore,
      Don’t take drugs,
      Drink, eat plenty of meat,
      Never Ill
      Strong like bull.

      Works the answer.
      That and star jumps.

      And not interfering with yourself

    • Good afternoon.

      Dementia is my greatest fear, it seems to hit one in every generation, per family branch.

      However, Sis is causing concern, so maybe I caught a break, but maybe not if she needs in home care, as I’m the only one in the family who lives alone and doesn’t work.
      I won’t be happy, I’ve already seen my Grandmother and Dad through it, and it’s horrible.

  15. I want to live just long enough to see all the refugees welcome cunts, get turfed out of their houses and butchered in the streets, by the vermin they profess to love..

    Then I could die a happy man..

    • Watching some peaceful cunts just piling into some left wing cunt’s detached house and turfing the owners out would be funny as fuck.

  16. Rumour has it that me and the wife, i am 51 going on 12 and she is 36, with a cracking pair of 38dds, cashback. Will inherit 2 houses and a business so i want to be around for a little while yet so i can gloat to some other cunts in the family and say i fucking told you so.

    • A good gloating is food for the soul.

      It’s particularly enjoyable when minor family members, those twice removed half-cousins or whatever, crawl out of whatever fucking woodwork they’ve been hiding in for the past 30 odd years appear at the crem ( how DO %they find out?) and ask where the wake is.

      No clue, says I. What did YOU arrange?

      Bitter, you bet your arse I am.

    • I’ve been expecting this, so not at all surprised.

      I think a couple of countries in Europe have a later retirement date than the UK, regarding state pensions, I’d have to look it up but I think Finland might be one.

      As soon as I saw that ( it was for a nom regarding the French or Spanish kicking off about a rise in pension age from 62 to 64), I looked up a pension age chart and thought “that’s us, next”

      • So anyone on here whose youngish, or with children 20+ years off retirement get them to start chucking money into a retirement plan that doesn’t depend on the state pension.
        They just want you to pay in and die before, or soon after you qualify.
        Retiring at 55 was one of the best things I ever did, but paying in to a private pension was a genius moment.

      • In Turkey you can retire at 45. Coming over here to open barbershops or fronts for drug gangs if you like, must be their equivalent of Bert and Doris buying a timeshare in Marbella.

      • We’ve three, LL, within a five minute sauntering distance, less than a quarter mile apart.
        How the fuck can bordering estates with a population of about 6000, at least half female, and with a currently increasing population of Nigerians need three Turkish barbers in close proximity is beyond me.
        I can’t be the only person who wonders about this.

      • Know who I like ?
        Tory MP Crispin Blunt.

        Wholesome, moral, upstanding and clean living.

        Well done!

        He’s what?!!!!

      • Other than Mohammed, there’s no name with more of a 100% guarantee of cuntitude than ‘Crispin’.
        Just saying it puts my teeth on edge.

      • Thomas@

        Get this!

        His full name is…
        Wait for it…..

        Crispin Jeremy Rupert Blunt!

        Hahaha 😄

        Rupert.

      • Evening MNC…I’ve just realised that Huw Edwards has fallen completely off the radar after his interfering of an inappropriately-aged young person. Have you heard owt recently?

      • He texted me a dirty joke on Monday but I blanked him.

        He’s lost his edge.

  19. I suppose now transbumderism is the most important thing in the whole universe us men will have to have leaky bladders fucked prostrate or not. The day I cannot get to a toilet without the help of careers is the day I pull the pin.

  20. All these cunts with advice, long live and prosper, achieve your full potential, follow this advice and be free, all sounds too familiar to me.
    You see most of these cunts including Spock, had it handed to them on a plate, unlike the majority of people who came from an earned honest wages household and had no choice but to graft hard to get somewhere, even when doors were closed with obstacles put in front.
    Live long and pay, to ones dying day, more like.
    Unlike the inheritance gathering rich cunts, that love to give us lessers advice.
    I will make my own mind up, thank you.

    • Spot on Mecuntry. I used to do jobs for those cunts at Aon. I think they’d probably have a different view of what the retirement age should be if they were employed in ground works on a building site rather than sitting at a desk in comfy air-conditioned offices.

  21. I am taking my vast hoard of loot with me.

    My heavy duty, red velvet lined English 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Oak coffin, has been fitted with saddlebags.

    Made from the finest full grain leather, slowly cured in virgins piss.

    I shall be very comfortable in the Summerlands. 👍🌞

    • @Thomas. Thank fuck I’m not paying for her to lie in bed all fucking day.

      Lazy cow.

      LOL.

      All right Tommy ?

      Carry On Murdering.

      There’s a good fellow.

  22. There is an old boy of my acquaintance 94yrs old who has recently had more strokes than Mia Khalifa’s gravy box poor old fecker is in nappies and having 24hr care, not the way one would wish to end their life. I have had 3 handshakes with the grim reaper but so far he’s told me to fuck off, old age and ill health robs you of many of lifes pleasures why the fuck would you want to live to a great age if you’re just a dried out husk of your former self, bollocks to that.

  23. Spot on.

    A hoard a dragon could sleep on.

    Hey anyone on here know owt about coins?

    And are those 1977 jubilee coins worth owt?

    • About 25 pence mis..
      To be fair they only minted 37 million, so hopefully you have a couple of million.

      • About 30 Baz.
        Found em on a clearance.
        Fuck ☹️

        Thought after quarter of a century they’d be at least tenner a piece?!!

        Bag o shite

      • Did you say a while ago you were going/had been gold panning or detecting Mis?

        You might discover a new hoard. Remember to always ask the landowners permission or the hounds will be released.

  26. Death, tax and royalty. The only things in the UK that seem inevitable.
    Shame that the latter still permiates and leeches off society…☠️

  28. I broadly agree with this cunting but there are many exceptions. My nan is only now starting to get forgetful at 93 but that’s only because grandad died two years ago, and he was 92.
    Both have had good, active lives. Having family makes some difference as well. My other nan had to go into a home but not after we tried looking after her, she then went into a assisted living flats, but after a few years needed to be looked after in a care home.
    She never did much to help her situation though. Never going out or just walking to the shop, getting the minibus to the community centre, she withered away and is now waiting to die.

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