Right, it’s high time Google Maps was cunted.
For years now it has been getting steadily worse for on-foot navigation, with it often forcing you to take the long way round or even sending you in the wrong direction entirely, and having a complete inability to navigate city centres.
Now, however, the little blue dot of doom barely even navigates at all – it randomly jumps around the supposed ‘route’ (and other parts of the map) then completely freezes, to the point where said route has to be continually refreshed in order to reset the problem. Google Maps, you are a planet sized cunt and I have no idea how you got so popular.
Nominated by opinionated cunt.
The blue dot is a cunt.
What’s wrong with an arrow?
Obviously designed by some hipster cunt who only travels by e-scooter between his boyfriends flat and Starfucks.
14
The explanation for so much software being so counter-intuitive Tel. Written by a twenty-something year old with the formal quals, a neck beard, little life experience and a command of English similar to many Americans.
10
Google maps or sat nav’s have long been the cause of many screaming rows with me and the mrs.
I’m driving somewhere unfamiliar and the robot says turn left , i turn left and she says “no” it meant the next left.
Turn the fucking thing off and i’ll go the old fashion way using road signs.
They can be useful but i think they also make you loose your ability to navigate
12
Your last sentence is so true Fenton. Twenty years ago I asked another field engineer for the address of a new customer. He simply gave me the post code to enter in the sat nav. When I told him I didn’t have a sat nav and I needed a street name he almost fell down.
“You haven’t got a sat nav!? I’d be a gibbering wreck without a sat nav!”
I don’t know how he thought we did the job in the seventies.
8
I drove from Hook of Holland to Bologna a few years back. I was asked which route I took and I hadn’t a clue I had just followed the SatNav. I was advised to go home up through France and it was about 2 hours quicker.
Nowadays I still use the SatNav but also have old fashioned maps, that was after trying to drive from Milan Airport to a small town called Parabiago and not being able to get my phone to pick up signal or able to set the car SatNav to work which kept on taking me around and back to an industrial estate.
I find Waze to be quite good but as soon as it advises about traffic ahead everyone seems to turn off and follow the same road so you’re probably worse off.
3
I use satnav but always look at a map first so I get the general idea of the direction I’m going in along with places on the way I can use as beacons. This method served me well in the past.
6
Drove my mates to an opening Chelsea match many years ago. Managed to park near the ground surprisingly but came out the ground to be met with roadworks and diversions. After 10 minutes of said drunken mates sending us down cul-de-sacs etc I simply navigated my way back out of London and up to the M1 using nothing but the position of the sun. Simple method but totally reliable.
( if the suns out of course)
3
“…I use satnav but always look at a map first so I get the general idea of the direction I’m going in along with places on the way I can use as beacons. This method served me well in the past….”
Same here, my first stop is always me 6yr old AA road atlas from which I note the ‘waypoints’ and extract half an A4 page of general directions/route numbers, the sat nav is on for the journey as a backstop or for new road layouts, I usually do a google ‘street view’ of the final few hundred yards so I can recognise the right gate/track/door or whatever. Then on the road I hand over nav duties, map and notes to one of the lads so that at least they can say to their kids “..eeeh we used the old paper things.. what were they called .. erm ..oh yeah.. maps!
2
Done it myself more than once Cuntsville. Reminds me a few years ago Ranulph Fiennes was interviewed on radio4 and apologised for being late. Mentioned that he had navigated by the sun. Response from the woman interviewing; “Navigate by the sun? Good heavens I never heard of that before!”
4
I use Google Maps almost every day.
It can fuck up in rural areas and often sends me through fields and farmland.
It doesn’t seem to realise that a remote track is not a proper road.
In small towns it has sent me up narrow pedestrian streets.
The way that it pronounces Spanish city names is amusing.
I have only tried it a few times when walking and trying to find places in towns and cities.
It’s rubbish.
Apparently you can use a feature where you photograph a landmark in a city and it will direct you to your destination from there.
On the many occasions when Google can’t find the place where I want to go, Waze will.
The problem with Waze is that it nags you too much.
It’s like having the wife in the car with you.
4
And when driving on a free motorway, why does it start showing stupid messages like….
“35 minutes slower… Tolls”
Like I am going to change my route for a slower one and pay for the privilege.
3
Sometimes on the satnav it takes me a route that doesn’t make sense,
If local I just ignore it and make my own route,
But in somewhere unfamiliar I have no choice to trust it.
Maybe it’s my lack of tech savvy that fucks up rather than Google maps?
On the whole it’s better than reading a A-Z,
Either way I can still get caught out by low bridges.
1
There is no option to pick a route suitable for HGV’s on Google or any other app MNC?
2
I’ve been told that there is Artie,
Although for the life of me I can’t find it!
1
From a google search:
Does Google Maps Offer Truck Routing? No, Google Maps has multiple navigation modes but doesn’t have a truck navigation option suitable for truck routing.
2
When I lived in Blackpool I used to go to a tool shop in Preston. There were 2 ways to get there, both being an almost identical distance. Whichever road I took the fucking satnav would tell me to take the other one. Once I knew them both well enough I, obviously, turned the cunt off.
3
👍
1
“…I’ve been told that there is Artie, Although for the life of me I can’t find it!…”
rings a bell… Dunno if this might do you Miz; years ago I picked up my first satnav unit in a MacMillan shop (for a fiver? fuck it I’ll give it a go) That came loaded with some open source nav-ware called “iGo” I’ve just fired it up and flipped through the ‘Route Parameters’ screen and you can set what vehicle you’re in from a list…
Pedestrian
Bicycle
Car
Taxi
Bus
Lorry or…
Emergency vehicle
1
https://roadlords.com/driver
1
The only bone I have to pick with Google maps is a lack of a setting for choosing a vehicle.
It automatically assumes you are driving a car.
So whenever I’m in London and leaving “yippee thank fuck” it always navigates me to the Rotherhithe tunnel which is restricted for vans..
1
At the flying club one day two guys were looking at the map planning a jaunt to an airfield somewhere up the country. One guy made a suggestion but the other responded;
“No we can’t go there; it hasn’t got a VOR (i.e. a radio nav aid).”
An instructor sitting nearby said quietly;
“You know, when they designed the Cessnas I reckon they thought about this problem. That’s why they put windows in ’em.”
15
Oh dear, LOL.
3
Here’s an airfield for you arfur..
Time for a smile
A careful Yorkshireman from Huddersfield and his wife needed to get to London for an unexpected family occasion. He contemplated driving his 25-year-old Ford Cortina but after carefully calculating the mileage, he decided that the petrol was going to be far too expensive. So, he went first to the coach ticket office and got into a heated conversation about the price and got himself thrown out. The very same thing happened at the rail ticket office.
His only option was then to visit the small Huddersfield international airfield at Crossland Moor. They have only one runway and it has a significant slope; they take off down the slope and land up it. Everything’s got a slope on it around here – even the sheep are born with longer legs on one side to accommodate the slope.
Getting back to the careful Yorkshireman, he collared one of the pilots to see if he could fly them down to London. His argument was that there was only him and his missus and it was only a tiddly little plane anyway. This conversation was quickly heading in the same direction as the coach and train booking offices, when the pilot came up with a bright idea.
He said “I will fly you and your wife to London for nothing if you don’t say a word all the way down. But just one peep and I’ll charge you double”. The careful Yorkshireman readily agreed, knowing that all he had to do was keep quiet.
Off they went and immediately the pilot took the aircraft into loops, barrel rolls, dives and spins, on and on this went all the way down to London. When they eventually landed at London City Airport, the pilot turned to the careful Yorkshireman and said, “Well, as you didn’t make a sound all the way here, this flight is free”.
The careful Yorkshireman replied, “Ee I’m fair glad abaht that lad. It were a close thing, though tha’nose, when the wife fell out the door a little while back”.
4
Good one CQB. True one now. At our old club we had two women instructors. A guy who was training was an old style MCP, thought he was superior because he had a cock, what women in the Black Country used to call “All mouth and trousers.” One day he was scheduled to go up with one of the women instructors. As they walked out to the plane she turned and gave us the wink. She demonstrated to him steep turns, stalls, spins and flying inverted. Ten minutes after returning to the club house he still needed both hands to hold on to his coffee without spilling it.
3
The consequences of not using Google Maps and not spelling a place name correctly can be a cunt as well.
I once scribbled down an address given to me for a punter in Huesca.
I knew where the town is, inland from Barcelona and north of Zaragoza.
When I got there I looked for the house address.
It was in Huescar.
700km away.
4
Your mule must of been knackered when you finally got there.
7
I don’t think it’s nice, you laughing. You see, my mule don’t like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you’re laughing at him.
Anyway, there was plenty of oranges for him to eat along the trail.
7
😂😂 we are about an hour from that one
0
And we have a nice little rental if you need an overnight arty
0
I dont use Sat Nav, i use google maps to plan a route to somewhere new and road signs.
1
via the old PC.
1
That’s pretty much what I do. Looking at a ma p means I mostly know where in the country I am. Some cunts drive using Satnav as if they don’t even know what planet they’re on.
1
Including dusky drivers of UPS delivery trucks who take routes under low bridges in rural Surrey.
What a knobber.
1
Navigation is of course the main difference between the sexes. Most men can navigate reasonably well, most women cannot. They seem to lack a sense of scale or direction and could get lost in their own back garden. If you are ever unsure whether the person in front of you is actually some cross-dressing deviant just ask for directions to somewhere you know nearby. You will soon know which sex they are.
4
I have had several girlfriends and a couple of wives and not one of them knew right from left. My ex wife was brilliant for this. “Next left”. I turn left. “I meant right”. I stopped asking her after a while and looked at the bloody map myself.
2
Sadly a couple of millennial ‘men’ I know can’t read a map or use a road atlas, either. They’ve travelled to America and several European countries, but trying to find the correct junction along the M4 during a trip to the west country is beyond them. They get flustered because they realise how effeminate they look.
A growing number can’t even drive.
The absolute fucking state of our young men.
6
Another couldn’t figure out a route via public transport from Chichester to visit a mutual friend on the periphery of South London. He got to Wimbledon, panicked and had to come home.
He wasn’t even a millennial. He was in his late 30s.
East of Portsmouth, there seems a real shortage of testosterone, initiative and IQ amongst the younger men along the South coast. The nucleus is Brighton, of course.
That might partially explain our dinghy problem.
1
Dead right Cuntamus! Our daughters in their thirties now, the vast majority of their boyfriends didn’t hold a driving licence. What a way to live? Our daughters both had their provisional licences ready for their first driving lesson on their seventeenth birthday and had full manual licences in their teens. Of the few young men who could drive a couple of them were restricted to automatics. At Tesco’s one day a checkout lady had left the lights on on her Fiesta and the battery was too low to start the engine. The car was facing uphill on a gentle slope. I bump started the car in reverse gear and several young men stood there in the loading bay staring,open mouthed, as if I had just stepped off a space ship. God help us.
3
I can’t work it and I’ve been in IT for decades.
2
Oh god! Please ignore my post at 12:23 pm MrsC. I’m sure you would not be amongst the “most” women I refer to.
Hope you’re well?
1
Nice reverse steering Arfur!😆
5
No worries Arfur. You’re entitled to your opinion of most women and I won’t de-bank you!
(Who would’ve though ‘de-bank’ would be a thing when they were growing up?)
4
Never use Google maps or in car stuff, I look at paper maps it’s far better always there always accessible, I believe they do in car navigation for public toilets it’s called “shat nav” and another for brothels “twat nav”.
2
Shat nav?
‘To boldy goooo… where-no-man-has-gone-before!
Spock!
1
Having the Shatster as the voice on yer satnav would be cool, Frankie Howerd? Fenella Fielding (woof) Gollum?
0
Here in the states you can be sure Google maps will take you the longest, most circuitous route, over the roughest, most congested roads and through the darkest, most crime infested neighborhoods.
You truly take your life in your own hands whenever you use it.
Just a thought…maybe we can get the Frogs to make it standard equipment on all dinghys departing for England?
5
Not very green, are they?
0
I don’t have satnav on the m/c. I just get lost. Google Maps- ok, I’ll often look it up before I go and then get lost.
I download the local Google map to my drone, and that’s a cunt now, because you can’t download the terrain map any more and have to use the road map. Which is in pale pastel shades and virtually invisible on the screen. And that is why my drone is sometimes at* its legal maximum height with the camera pointing straight down.
* m’lud.
2
I of course use Ordnance Survey maps and a prismatic compass.
Still get lost though.
1
The other thing about shatnav is that aliens fuck about with it, it’s a bit of a larf for them. They use Charles’ IIIrds ears as transmitters. Inverness to Cardiff via Norwich. I am sure BR did that once.
0