The future is going to be a cunt. Not for me hopefully. I think the shit will really hit the fan in about 30 odd years or so. Hopefully I’ll be brown bread by then from old age, going peacefully in my sleep while being sucked off by a busty maiden.

But I digress. I had an epiphany of sorts about life for Citizen 38544kbf in 2057. No link of course, it’s all in my tiny little mind.

“My name is Citizen 38544kbf. This morning, I looked out of my solar panelled window from my 3 square metre living pod, to see if I could see any flying Tesla taxis. I needed to get to my place of work, the Ministry for Diversity and Inclusion, where I work as an enforcement officer.

I pointed the chip in my hand at the taxi, but I got the dreaded red flashing light. I was out of credits.

I’d forgotten that I called a she a he in the bank. I said that the moustache tricked me, but this comment was then reviewed by the chief compliance officer who revoked my week’s credit and turned off all my cyberweb access for three days too.

I then walked down the 165 floors to the ground floor. My faus pas had also prevented me from using the lift too. Exhausted, I moved out onto the street to walk to work. I got there after an hour and was summoned to attend my flagellation course. The poor moustachioed lady was there and I had to beg for her forgiveness while flogging myself with a bicycle chain.

In the end, the lady offered to couple with me. In view of the harsh penalties in dehumanising a transgender by refusing relations with them based purely on prejudicial transphobia, I felt I had no alternative but to do as she demanded. I have to admit, I was put off by the smell and taste of faeces from the lady hole, not to mention the beard, moustache and baritone WWE wrestler voice.

Still, it gave me 50 extra social credit points. I could now get the air taxi home and put the internet and television on for a few hours. Double plus good!

I’m hoping to get enough good boy points to be able to see my family who live outside my 15 minute zone. I also obtained more credits by taking in some African settlers. These are our betters and our cruel treatment of them in years past is something I am determined to put right. My campaign to get more white folk out of my complex so we could get more diverse types in might get me enough credits to buy a steak. I haven’t had one for 30 years, since before the building back better initiative started. I can’t even remember the taste, but my local MP says they taste great. She should know, she has one every day I believe.

Sadly, it takes time to settle into a new culture and Mtembe raped my neighbour’s daughter and burned the building complex down.

Obviously my fault for not making him feel welcome enough, so I fully accepted the loss of a few credits.

My next plan is to demand energy prices become completely unaffordable for most folk to save the planet.

Got to go, now it’s my alloted time to watch the BBC!”

Nominated by : Cuntybollocks