Delivery Cyclists

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Regulars on here know that it’s my considered opinion that cunts on bikes should rot in hell.

You know the types I’m talking about. They race through red lights, pedestrian crossings and pedestrianised areas. They swing from the road to the pavement and back again. They cycle the ‘wrong way’ down the street while using a mobile phone.They ride without lights at night. And so on.

Then you’ve got your lycro loony. They dress up in ‘real cyclists’ outfits that cost a fortune but Spider-man wouldn’t be seen dead in, then ride along the roads in packs, two or three abreast, chatting away to each other, no doubt about the virtues of the latest tyre pump or water bottle.

But there’s a truly special brand of cycle arsehole that occupies a class all by himself. I refer of course to delivery cycle cunts, those reckless bastards from the likes of ‘Just Eat’, ‘Deliveroo’, and ”Uber Eats’. They commit all the transgressions that your ordinary, bog standard cycle cunt commits, just at three times the rate and three times the speed.

We all know why they act the way they do of course. If they followed the Highway Code, each journey would take longer, and time is money. Imo the way some of them carry on constitutes a form of reckless endangerment. How they don’t seriously injure themselves and members of the public more often than they do is a mystery to me.

I don’t know if these cunts are subjected to any form of regulation, but if they aren’t, it’s about time they were. Fucking twats.

Scotsman Link.

Reading Chronicle Link.

links etc ad nausem.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

44 thoughts on “Delivery Cyclists”

  1. Am I alright Ron, who only cycles up and down my local seafront, dressed as a tramp ?

    • I guess it would depend on whether you’re carrying bags full of grease, salt and rat droppings to the underclass?

      • After delivering you expertly described, I cycle off to collect my own shopping.

    • Oh absolutely Sammy.

      Honestly I’ve no beef at all with your normal cyclist, which is why I’m careful to distinguish between them and what I term ‘cunts on bikes’.

      Same with regular drivers and ‘cunts in cars’.

  2. Not a problem to me. But then I dont live in an overcrowded shithole. Lycra cunts can be tiresome though.

  3. These pests are a bane of the built-up area. They should be followed to their delivery location, where they and the lazy fat fucks who order with their service should be pelted with large vegetables then chained to their fetid sofas and forced to watch Hugh Fearnley-Wittingstall and Nigel Slater being middle-class, organic tossers..

    No kebabs
    No Fried Chicken
    No Netflix
    No toilet breaks

  4. Zero chance of the coppers nicking any of these cunts. They’re just part of the urban landscape like beggars, w*gs and pooftahs. You just have to keep your eyes peeled and look out for yourself.

    • True.

      Even catching up with some of them would be problem, giving the amazing speeds they can build up on a bike. Seeing them whizz through pedestrians in built up areas is genuinely alarming; hit a kid or an old dear and they’d stand little or no chance.

      • There does seem to be a bit of a waistline problem with a lot of scuffers nowadays.

  5. I don’t tend to see delivery cyclists, where I live.
    Delivery people tend to be overweight, middle-aged cultural enrichers, who park their cars outside food outlets as if they are in downtown Cairo, which is something that enrages me.

  6. All cunts and are now mega cunts with the changes to the Highway Code

    That deliveroo cunt who hit the kid should be easy to find, time/place must be recorded by deliveroo and so they will know who was on that route.

  7. They are one of the many reasons I like to avoid British cities.

    Plus all the ethnic trash of course.

    We do need a jolly good tidy up in this country.

  8. Fat lazy cunts should be ashamed if they’re having cyclists delivering to them. Can see the more normal member of the family answering the door, if there is such a thing. Own up if you are obese and have the gumption to open the door.

    • I know of ‘people’ who use Deliveroo to order from a McDonalds Drive thru which is a 10 minute walk from their council flat.

      Being members of the underclass neither can drive and neither work.

      • The only way they will be leaving their house, will be when they are airlifted through the roof to hospital for their awaiting deathbed.

      • or via the cat and it’s friends eating them then shitting them out in wet nuggets around the neighbourhood.
        As in life, so in death.

  9. I’ve nearly been knocked over by one of these cunts on a couple of occasions. Mind you, given the financial aspect I suppose it’s hard to solely blame them.

      • It probably wasn’t a cyclist, but an ethnic on a motorised bike. These pig-fuckers irritate me. Iqbal sits there with his feet on the pedals pretending to work, while whizzing along like he’s back in Ho Chi Min, Mogadishu, or Wögga-Wögga Land.

        No tax, of course. Contributing fuck all.

      • Yup, it’s annoying but I do understand it – many of them are probably struggling as it is on the pay they DO make.

      • Probably pay that they pay no tax on, whilst still claiming benefits.

        I have no sympathy for them.

  11. Funny enough I see a foreign lad a couple weeks back, on a eletric bike hit a post of a road sign, must have been 30mph, the box came off his back, put him on his arse for a good 20 minutes or so.
    Shouldn’t think he’d get a much of tip for delivering that lot.

    • Wete the deep-fried feastings scattered across the road, drawing the morlocks ocks from their council houses to scavenge the fried dough, cheese and potato?

  12. You’d often wonder where they’re plugging in for recharging cause it ain’t cheap, somehow I don’t think it’s there electricity bill, especially some of those fat tyres ones that weight more than a Honda Fifty. Loads of the cunts where I live.

  13. And they all seem to be Joe Dakis. Probably students or just arrived on dinghies. They won’t be insured either. My piss was boiling after I watched about 2 minutes of some puff-piece about it on one of the tv channels – probably bbc.

    • I watched a YouFool thing, mi’Lord, the other day.
      It was about a newly arrived cultural enricher, who was showing his prowess on his new e-scooter.
      That had been given to him by some imbecilic charity.

      Give me strength!

  14. Saw one the other day, tooling up the road, crash helmet and all the suitable protective gear, huge insulated back pack, on a Segway!

    Go, Gadgitt!

  15. Poor cunts are probably earning fuck all to take some cunt a cheese sandwich it’s probably just enough to top up their housing benefit and and job seekers alliance we can’t all be hard working idiots that work pay taxes to fund these cunts

  16. I wrote to the Chief Medical Officer some years back, demanding that all these delivery services be stopped to decrease the epidemic of obesity, thus lightening the burden on the NHS. Also pointing out the fact that the majority of these takeaways are local (well, they aren’t going to cycle half-way along a motorway), so idle cunts could walk.
    The cow didn’t even acknowledge. I bet she was at her flat in Dolphin Square, providing enemas.

    • And other “special” services, involving rubber sheets, gimp masks, etc, without a doubt!

  17. Came across one of the cuntfucks yesterday in Lutonkistan – no he wasn’t one of them – the other type who chomps on fried chiggun – by the looks of his lips he inadvertently blown them up instead of his tyres – give him credit though with the size of his backpack combined with the wind drag of his lips he was doing a fair old rate of knots – before I accidentally cut him up that is……

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