‘Rod’ From Oz and His Mail Order Love Doll

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‘Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Social Affairs Correspondent Ron Knee speaking. In these worrying times, we strive to bring you stories from the lighter, not to say zanier, side of life. Today, we’re going Down Under to hear the heartwarming love story of “Rod” (not his real name). So, “Rod”, tell us all about it’.

‘Yeah g’day all. Well, I was feelin’ a bit down on account of my sheila had fucked off an’ left me. I was in need of female companionship, so I shelled out $2k and sent off for a life size Barbie. I call her Karina. Say hello to the nice man Karina’.

*’Arro beeg boy (whirrr…clunk) spankee spankee fifty dollar*.

‘Yeah sorry about that cobber. I think she came from the Far East originally; Korea or some such place’.

‘No worries, as you Aussies say. So how are things between you then?’.

‘Well between you an’ me sport, I’m frazzled. She’s got all the right parts, if you follow me, and all I need to do is leave her plugged in over night an’ she goes fer hours. I’ve lost a stone since I got her. And she does a great prawn on the barbie. Fair dinkum’.

‘Quite. Now I understand that things are getting serious between you, and that in fact you introduced Karina to your mother at Christmas. How did that work out?’.

‘Well I’ve got to say that at first, things were a bit awkward. The old girl’s 85 and set in her ways, and she didn’t take kindly to me takin’ up with “some foreign tart”, as she put it. But after a few tinnies an’ a turkey dinner, the ice was fair broken. Now they do make up an’ go out shoppin’ together, and get on like a house on fire’.

‘That’s great news. Well, I’m sure that I speak for all our followers when I wish you all the best for the future, and a happy ending for you both’.

*Happee ending beeg boy? Fifty dollar*.

‘Well as we often say on here, it really does take all sorts of cunts. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio’.

Express News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

73 thoughts on “‘Rod’ From Oz and His Mail Order Love Doll”

  2. I’m hoping Mr Cunt Engine will be along soon with analysis of this heart warming tale.

  4. Fuck me, Ron.

    I was reading an article about folk who ‘believe’ they are really animals, one had a wolf costume, and did consider a nom, but naw! Been there, done that.

    This takes delusional wierd to a whole new level.

    Excellent nom.

  5. Makes the innocent days of youth wanking over readers wives or some big breasted beauty centre spread with one staple through her clam and another in her nose seem positively archaic and neanderthal compared with Rodney.

  6. ‘Rod’ from Oz seems a little drab, dull, and pedestrian compared to people who enjoy dressing up as anthropomorphic cartoon animals and having a bit of rumpy-pumpy while in costume or Biden’s pup-play fetishist.
    https://studiomatters.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Screen-Shot-2022-05-23-at-3.37.32-PM-610×820.png

    Or B&WC’s fetishes….or even our resident washing line undercracker pilferer 😃

    Struth Rod. You need to up your game cobber!😃

  7. Mr Knee you deserve a knighthood or at least Cunter of the Year 2023. Pure gold that was!
    No offense Miserable but it appears you might need to “up your game” to retain your belt.

    Can y’all tell me if these dolls are self cleaning? Don’t want that showing up on my search history.

  8. I can’t see why people are being so negative….summat to drain yer tetties into without having to listen to any of the outraged yapping about being “selfish” and not thinking about her needs when you shoot yer bolt,roll off,fart and light a cigarette while congratulating yourself on not telling her that you’ve seen better tits and a tighter fanny on a knackered old Fresian cow going loaded into the slaughterman’s wagon.

    I’ll be asking ordering one tomorrow if anyone wants to contribute to my GpFundMe.

      • I bet mine fucking well would,,,,be calling a taxi and pocketing valuables within half a fucking hour of arrival,

        Grabby Tart.

    • End of civilisation when these become mainstream.
      Where do I get one?

  11. I bought an inflatable doll once; took it back and told the man it kept going down on me. The cnut then charged me extra…

  12. I saw a documentary once about some family firm in America who flogged these things. Every so often their customers sent the doll back for re conditioning. This consisted of replacing the fanny and arsehole because they had worn out. I don’t like to think about it. 😫🤮

    • I thought they just drained them every six months 🤮
      She might have a sump plug, like a Morris Minor…

    • What was the job title in the help wanted ad?
      Presumably – Silicone maintenance and stress test technician. Better than worn silicone arsehole and cunt replacement worker.

    • Can you imagine going for a job interview at a new place and being asked what you did before?
      I imagine that you’d have to fudge it and waffle on about being ‘in admin’ or something.

  13. I’m offering a more economy version of Karina.

    And offering a limited discount for fellow cunters!!

    For £80 you to can have a free spirited, sexy babe who doesn’t know the meaning of NO.

    Hot love and happy trails

    Any interested parties go through admin.

    https://images.app.goo.gl/RrsBVgqc9Fe9NsKc7

  15. Harry Hewitt would have been better off marrying one of these. It’d be a lot easier for him to get rid of. Because it’s going to be a lot more difficult for him to bin off Megain…

    • If they can make a sex robot that looks and fucks like Evan Rachel Wood I’ll be busting open my non-existent piggy bank so I can bust a load in her.

  18. Apparently, some Japanese technogeek cunt has made a robot doll of Scarlett Johansson. Fucking hell, I wouldn’t know whether to flog it io ebay or to give it one….

    • I suppose that you could give it one (or three, if you get my drift) and then flog it on e-bay.
      Just advertise it as in exceptional condition, one owner only, low mileage.

      In fact, you try advertising it on here (I’ve got a friend who might be interested).

    • Well, gag me, as a Valley Gurrl would say.

      Fucking Hell, Two.

      That’s beyond sadsack.

  22. I saw a programme about sex doll owners and one old fella was interviewed sat in his armchair with family photographs in background bold as brass about his toy, the film cut to his bedroom to show he had put hooks in ceiling with ropes on to hold latex Lucy’s legs up and the old fucker was galloping his maggots up her on TV. Can u imagine his grandchildren going to school the day after that cultural revaluation was shown.

  24. To be fair it’s probably the same as fucking a woman will be in 2050.

    Just lay there in bed zombied out staring at their mobile cunt device whilst getting nobbed.

    In fact, by that time, I am sure the sex dolls will be able to be more human and show more emotion.

    The human will become the iCunt.

  25. Plastic Doll – by Stiff Rich-Hard

    Got myself a no complainin’, no sentient brain in’, plastic’ doll
    Don’ have to do a thing to please her ’cause she’s just a plastic’ doll

    Got silicone tits’ and cunt, that satisfy my shrunken bolls
    Got a 2k dollar Chinese plastic, no naggin,’, fuckin’ doll

    Take a look at her hair, it’s real
    From a ladyboy whose name is Neil

    I’m gonna fill her up with spunk and other gunk
    An’ she never has to agree (Repeat ad nauseum)

    With belated apologies to Songwriter: Lionel Bart

  26. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Imagine going down on the lass – her fanny would smell like a new pencil case.

  27. That’s just like my, except the sex would be good conversation would have been better and the doll probably has a higher IQ and better taste in music, but still does fuck all around the house, look after the kids.
    The only thing is the doll would be harder to chat up and get into bed,
    Infacti would prefer one of those to the dummy that is now ex Mrs Fugly and no cunt in laws.
    The only upside was I used to enjoy taking the piss out of these rems, a bit like is a cunt before computers, honestly hhats off the the guy, if you want a regular screw with none of the xtra agro of having a Mrs this is the was.
    My only question is how much£, do they deliver and what about servicing ect, dose it have filters to change? Does it have a flat head to rest your pint on, pull back ears and fold in teeth.
    What kind of mileage can you expect, can you trade them in for a new model when even silence starts to get on your nerves and where do you get them?, the more I concider the the more it makes sense…..

  29. Ed Sheercunt will probably marry one of these. Just right for his soulless (lack of a) personality. He could sing his basic insipid shit to it all day, every day.

  30. Just out of sight…the long tail, big hind legs and pouch for little Joey.

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