It’s the news that film fans everywhere have been waiting for! At last, Disney has announced that a ‘live action’ version of its 30s animated classic ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ is in the works.
Naturally the studio is anxious to parade its ‘progressive’ credentials to ‘woke’ Hollywood these days. Things seemed to get off to a flying start with the casting of Latino actress Rachel Zegler as the ‘fairest of them all’ Ms White.
Unfortunately for Disney, into the fray stepped 4′ 5″ superstar Peter Dinklage, who accused the studio of double standards. He ranted ‘they were proud to cast a Latino actress…you’re progressive in one way, but you’re still making that fucking backward story of seven dwarfs living in a cave’.
Stung by Dinklage’s criticism, Disney has responded by stating ‘we are taking a different approach’. Apparently the film will now have ‘cultural consultants’, and the dwarfs will be ‘reimagined’. From this ‘wokespeak’, I imagine that the dwarfs will now have to conform to a rigid gender and diversity balance.
Well the gender balance does present a slight problem, since seven divided by two is, er, three and a half. Okay, let’s solve that one by making one of the seven of the transgender persuasion, which has the added benefit of throwing a bone to that particularly vocal and aggressive lobby.
The ethnic balance is easy enough to address I suppose, and can be reflected in the characters’ new names. These will now be Li Li, Tristan, Greta, Rufus, Carlota, Mohammed and Victor/Victoria. Again this yields an added benefit by the removal of a previously negative and stereotypical set of names.
As for that all-important stature factor, each performer will have to conform to strict statistical criteria for average height, as defined by the United Nations Commission for the Determination of Average Height According to Gender and Ethnicity.
So there you have it. ‘Off White and the Seven Gender Balanced and Ethnically Diverse Persons of Average Stature’. It has quite a ring to it, I’m sure you’ll agree. I for one can’t wait.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
And on a similar note, this from Captain Magnanimous
Peter Dinklage is a cunt, isn’t he.
The overrated oomoah-loompah has been having a pop at a live action Snow White set to be filmed because of the little fellas.
It’s a fairy tale ffs! Stop being short-tempered and small-minded, you gnarly time bandit. These aren’t dwarves, they are conscientious engineers working in a difficult sub terrain.
He was good as a cynical, quipping dwarf in Game of Thrones; he was believable as a cynical, quipping dwarf in The Station; he was alright as a cynical, quipping dwarf in I Care A Lot. As a spokesgnome, not such a tall order.
It’s a fairy tale, you uppity little polly pocket. A story for children. Now get into the Rumplestiltskin costume, do a roly-poly for the camera, then shut the fuck up.
Perhaps they can cast people who are intellectually stunted instead. Kenneth Wankaaagh, Colin Fart etc.
5
I see that Dinklage has copped some flak from actors of diminished statue. They reckon that he’s made millions for himself, now his criticism may have cost some of them the chance to make a few bob themselves.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10449549/Dwarf-actors-slam-Peter-Dinklage-canceling-seven-dwarves.html
As for Disney, well their animations used to be years in the making, and eagerly anticipated. The likes of ‘Snow White’ and ‘Lady and the Tramp’ are masterpieces of the animator’s art.
Now they just churn out computer-generated rubbish, and stuff like this ‘live’ version of classics.
They’ve trashed their own legacy.
Morning all.
9
And the bastards ruined Star Wars.
8
I read an interesting take on those Star Wars films:
They were all about “killing the past”.
The key characters, Han, Luke, Leia-all white hero’s, killed off.
The patriarchy replaced by a young wimminz.
The other key characters, more representative of the diversity craved by woke America.
These characters, in the main, didn’t develop to any meaningful extent-the black slave of the emperor, the Asian characters-all tokenism.
Very transparent on Disney’s behalf.
If ever the world was in need of a cheerful, good fun film, it’s now!
Not some woke fuckfest that serves only to alienate the majority of its audience👎
17
With the exception of the three original films, ‘Star Wars’ was woeful anyway, but Disney has elevated the franchise to a whole new level of shite.
It’s the same pattern with ‘Dr Who’ and ‘Star Trek’. All it achieves is the alienation of the fanbase.
11
The chick as the hero, that bluddy rolling robot, the black stormtrooper turned good guy, solo dying, reasons not to watch.
8
We need classic horror films too. Not these jumpscare gorefests they pump out.
6
Too right ElD, really creepy, makes the hair on your neck stand on end stuff, not right in your face.
4
Don’t look now
The Omen
The Changling
Rosemary’s Baby
Nosferatu
Modern, so called horror films, don’t come close👎
5
I tried watching that Star Wars Mandalorian series that everyone was spunking over. Jesus, what a boring first two episodes that is. Does it get better? I fear not. Disney need to make a Darth Vader series with lightsabres – THAT IS WHAT THE FANS WANT YOU DUMMIES. Not that I’m a fan of Star Wars, but even I know what the fans want and yes, they wanted a Boba Fett series, but… he’s a boring character. DARTH VADER is ICONIC and fascinating, but Disney won’t do that as… I can’t put my finger on it… oh he’s BLACK but WHITE on the inside! Raayciiiiiist!!!
5
‘The Haunting’ (1960s) is a real pants shitter. Scorsese rates it as the scariest horror flick ever, so does Spielberg.
Inevitable remakes can’t hold a candle.
3
I dont remember Doc and co living in a CAVE? They lived in a house and owned a diamond mine. Are there enough little chaps, lets see. Seven, ok: Dinklage, Davies, Baker, Cox, Woodburn… Hmm, I dont know any more.
4
Bercow, Khan & Sturgeon?
🤔
10
The dwarfs were good guys CG, this lot are poisoned dwarfs.
7
Wonder why they have massive heads?
Top heavy.
4
Bet this cunt wasn’t complaining when he was earning $1M per episode in Game of Cunts – where he was cast as a dwarf.
Prick needs to shut up because his cash goes a lot further. Smaller, houses, cars, clothes and I bet the ladies used to love him – probably made his dick look a lot bigger than it actually is.
He should consider himself fortunate for getting work based on what he is – short.
I am a cunt and no one would hire me for being one.
4
So what will we get?
Stabby, Rapey, Uppity, Sodomy, Slavery, dontblameme, hate whitey
I hear that there is a remake of time bandits coming. Arse bandits.
Short arsed gobshite. Probably butthurt because he didn’t get a part in red dwarf.
3
Small man syndrome.
Wonder what their names will be?
Dark key
Pa kie
Bulld y ki e
‘Cailtiny’
Mongy
Fli ddy
Poo fy
It’s a fucking kids’ fairy tale, you uppity shortarse.
Didn’t he portray a rich short arse who regularly took advantage of poor brasses?
Give the money you made from that to a home for recovering smack head brasses, or to a home for sex trafficked women, you fucking disgrace.
Fucking gobshite. Just for this, I’m buying some fucking gnomes for my garden.
5
Here’s something I found out about a year ago, there’s an acting school for the little ones in Cheshunt the place where I went to school
Who would have thunk.
http://www.theminimen.co.uk/
3
Gis a job, I could do that.
4
And what’s he whining about anyway?
It has it perks, being a gnome or dwarf or wherever the correct pc term is nowadays.
Smaller food bills. A Fiat Punto is like a 60k motorhome for them. Fun size mars bars are king size for them. A can of beer is like a party 7. Economy flights? They can have a game of football on their seats and sprawl out for a kip after their family picnic. They can even use the food tray as an office desk for their (probably) tiny laptops and printers.
Doesn’t know he’s born, this ‘un.
3
And what’s he whining about anyway?
It has it perks, being a gnome or d war f or wherever the correct pc term is nowadays.
Smaller food bills. A Fiat Punto is like a 60k motorhome for them. Fun size mars bars are king size for them. A can of beer is like a party 7. Economy flights? They can have a game of football on their seats and sprawl out for a kip after their family picnic. They can even use the food tray as an office desk for their (probably) tiny laptops and printers.
Doesn’t know he’s born, this ‘un.
3
I think the PC term is ‘little person’. Wonder if they asked them if that was better? Warwick says ‘I have dwarfism, I am a dwarf’.
2
Yo, admin. Freedom of speech/expression/opinion, yet you moderate ‘Dwarf’? What if I nominate Red Dwarf? Or this nomination about snow white?
Firstly, calm down. Secondly, we admins do not randomly pick on cunters’ comments and shunt them into the mod Q for a laugh. Wordfence moderates the comments. You’re welcome. – NA.
3
I thumbed up your response admin. 👍
And for that, you’re awarded a gold star. Well done that man. – NA
4
Bluddy hell, it gets worse. Woke Disney have teamed up with Stella McCartney to have Minnie Mouse wear a blue pantsuit instead of her usual red/pink polka dot dress. Disney, just shut down! Jesus H Christ.
6
Shit Minnie was so hot in that polkadot outfit. I’ll have to throw her out of the wank bank now.
4
And that warning on peter pan now, about referring to the ‘native americans’ as redskins. I dont think NEVERLAND is in fucking america!
4
Mickey being changed too. Be hard to tell him from her.
3
Are they turning him into Metrosexual Mickey?
2
Coming soon, woke PC lord of the rings. Gimli ‘nobody throws a little person’. Hobbits, gone. Elves, too offensive, hmm ‘woodsfolk’.
4
I adore LOTR, but there’s always that line in ‘The Two Towers’ that makes me burst out laughing; the one where Gimli says to Aragorn ‘toss me, just don’t tell the elf’.
7
I laughed at Gandalf saying ‘Shadowfax, the lord of all horses’.
I don’t know if that was meant to be funny but it sums up Tolkien’s middle-Earth for me.
3
Never thought I’d die fighting side by side with an elf. What about side by side with a friend? Yeah, I could do that. – beautiful lines. TOSS ME!
3
Cuntamus: hit youtube and search ‘ERB gandalf vs dumbledore’
1
I do not take lectures from bonnet mascots.
When is Dinklage giving “muh reparations” for stealing all those roles from black midgets then?
And how the fuck would useless whitey have won WW2 (and all the fkin others!) without the hereto unknown help from da effnik Bredren, init?
The world is slightly out of kilter, and a good machine gunning would start to redress the balance of wokeflake madness.
6
Perhaps someone should make the wokest PC diversity inclusive film ever, then people will realize that all that stuff is bullshit and we can go back to being normal again.
8
That would be comedy gold. Maybe John Cleese could direct it.
4
Coming soon; ‘Monty Python’s Life of Woke’. I’d buy that for a dollar.
5
It’s encouraging to think that the big corporations will fall over each other in their eagerness to attract the multiculti woke dollar, at the expense of any other audience.
Encouraging? you ask. Encouraging. Because a spot of BDS (Boycott, Divest, Sanction – not what you cunts instantly assumed) should be capable of coercing the greedy philistine bastards right back to the values, language and culture of the Enlightenment. IOW don’t buy this shit.
Otherwise, make no mistake, this nonsense will continue to be self perpetuating, and the era of doublespeak and thoughtcrime will have well and truly begun. Not that we’ll be able to find out who predicted it, because his books will have all been bowdlerised or burnt.
7
I’m afraid it has begun. media gaslighting audiences with Let’s Go Brandon’ and police checking people’s thinking. Trigger Warnings on copies of Nineteen Eighty-Four.
We’re there.
5
“Because a spot of BDS (Boycott, Divest, Sanction … should be capable of coercing the greedy philistine bastards…”
…or further reinforce their eternal persecution complex.
1
Diddly-ink dink…
3
Have to say, its funny that his name is DINKlage. Wouldnt be much funnier if his name was John Short, or Phil Large.
3
All that reading …………… Time for a music interlude
https://youtu.be/8bfyS-S-IJs
3
Great song; and of course Newman got dog’s abuse from people who’d had a complete irony bypass when it came out.
0
That stunted fuckstick will find himself setting speed records in human flight if I get hold of the little twat.
One trebuchet later…….
5
He is only Grumpy because he is not Happy
6
Lol!
Maybe he’s pissed because he wasn’t offered a part in the new film.
2
He should get a job as a short hand typist at the Royal Small Arms factory.
1
Ouch!!
0