(Looked up an avocado meme for the header pic, and found this – an avocado-green crop top – Day Admin)
The missus recently spotted a newish café bistro place which claimed to offer an extensive range of gluten free options, so we decided to try it out for lunch today.
Having been shown to our seats, our ‘waitperson’ brought the menu, and the wife quickly decided to go for a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with ‘fries’ (yes, I know!). As soon as she said that, I decided I fancied that too, so I gave our order without bothering to glance at the menu.
Shortly after our ‘waitperson’ returned, carrying two toasted sandwiches utterly brimming with crispy bacon and salad. Mouth watering, I hastily took a bite, to be bemused by the rather strange and unpleasant taste. Seeing my look, the missus asked what was up, and lifting the toast off, I found that it was covered by what at first glance appeared to be a paste-like green mould.
‘It’s avocado’, says she. ‘No shit Sherlock’ says I. ‘It’s bastard horrible’. I suppose it was my own fault for not checking the menu, but for fuck’s sake, what cunt came up with the idea of putting avocado on a blt?. Anyway, I was able to scrape off most of this guck and finished my sandwich with some enjoyment. ‘Ah’ said our ‘waitperson’ when she returned to the table. ‘You don’t go for avocado then’.
‘Don’t go for it’ is a polite way of putting it. Who in their right mind would knowingly eat something that looks and tastes like soap and hope to enjoy the experience? Cunts in Hampstead at their ‘buffet dinner parties’ perhaps. I wouldn’t eat this slimy shit if they gave it away for free. Yuk!
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Excellent choice of header Pic admin!
They best way to find a nice one is to very gently squeeze and if your fingers feel like they will sink into it you’re good.
Same for avacodos.
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But if your fingers actually do sink into it, it’s probably past its best as the flesh will have turned black. Avocados are similar.
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Christ we’re heading back into Savile territory again!
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Cezanne I think it was who said he painted still life fruit as if he were fondling a perfect breast.
No avocados in his paintings but.
I had a tall bush in the garden alongside a neighbouring fence thought it was a Lophostemon tree.
Went out one day and fuck me it was loaded with Avos. Not that keen on them but at $2 each a tidy crop.
Many fruit were hanging well over the neighbours patch so rigged up an elaborate pole cutting hook bag catcher and retrieved another 70 of the little $2 bills.
Gave em all away.
Actually an Indonesian way of getting rid of them is to Bamix the pulp with condensed milk, put in a tall glass with ice, drizzle chocolate sauce in the top.
Such sweet toothses
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I read an article somewhere-residents of Surrey were asked for one word that best sums up the county.
The winner was “Avacado”😂
I could have saved ink, by suggesting “Cunt”👍
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I was a Surrey Belinda, and if memory serves me right, it’s more tinned prune…
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Fuck me, took about an hour just to scroll past the header pic.
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And I’ve been back a few times.
God is truly great. Or evolution. Whichever
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Better develop a liking for it folks.
Best not to deviate from ‘the message’.
The message being that somehow eating locally sourced animal products like eggs and bacon from Old MacDonald’s farm 20 miles up the road is worse for the environment than flying tonnes quinoa and avocados thousands of miles on a jet plane so that Hugo, Tristan and Tabitha in their Oh-So trendy flat in Shoreditch can eat it.
Oh sorry there I go again, thinking critically.
Ahem right. Nothing to see here folks. Move along.
Give it a few years and we’ll have a red meat tax or just a tax on all animal products.
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Death and taxes mate, death and taxes.
If they could find a way to tax breathing and shagging they would.
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I love avocado on toast (with bacon or eggs or whatever as appropriate). I got a taste for it when I visited Chile when I was young, and have had it ever since, well before hipster cunts gave it the dickish reputation it now seems to have, along with the abbreviated name “avo” to convey their superior sense of smugness in consuming peasant food from some other side of the world. Fucking hipsters -someone should set the wokiedokies on them for the air miles and provable slave labour involved in avocado procurement.
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