Ersatz Turkey – Get Stuffed!

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I hate turkey.

The whole family hates turkey. It’s dry, tough and tasteless. That’s why on Christmas Day, we won’t be having it for dinner. We’ll be having one of my son-in-law’s most excellent curries instead.

However if we DID like turkey, we’d buy an actual fucking turkey, not shit dressed up to try and look like one, like this;

Sainsbury’s News Link

That’s right, it’s, erm, mushroom and pea protein, trying to masquerade as a turkey.

Honestly, I just don’t get it. If you’re a veggie or vegan, don’t eat turkey, that’s fine by me. But if you’re a veggie or a vegan, why do you want to eat something that’s just pretending to look and taste like what you say you don’t want to eat in the first place?

As Mr Spock would say, ‘illogical’.

Anyway, vegan or not, I wouldn’t touch this crap with a bargepole. It looks like a right load of shit to me.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

 

117 thoughts on “Ersatz Turkey – Get Stuffed!”

  1. It certainly does look like a right load of shit even though I’ve never eaten turkey before that doesn’t make me want to even taste it. Give me beef, pork, lamb and chicken (Ok, throw in a duck, as it is the season for ducking.)
    Have a good one my fellow omnivores.

  2. Hi mecuntry.

    I was excluding ‘game’, as they are not technically poultry,- as in fully domesticated birds.

    Yes, I like partridge.

    Never eaten snipe.

    Is a teal even worth eating?

    Guinea Foul is one of my favourites.

    Pheasant is an absolutely foul table bird.

    Have you ever tried a Canadian goose?

    Absolutely inedible. I’ve never eaten anything so disgusting.

    • Woodcock is very nice.

      I suppose they taste similar to a snipe?

      I assume that they are in the same genus?

    • Evening Vandyke ,agree with you on the pheasant stinking the house up
      if you think teal are not worth eating because of their diminutive size(which they are of course but the flavour ,skin and all ) then snipe is going to shock you when served
      Tiny mouthful that’s it but tasty, probably shouldn’t be aloud shoot them , but a good shot you will have to be with their skill and speed at changing direction
      wood cock have there own flavour haven’t shot one in years. i still fish though but i must give the honey ago

      • I still shoot, but I can’t see very well now, plus I’m wobbly.

        I still enjoy it, even though I actually bag very little, and usually that is pheasant or rabbit.

        I only use a .410 or 20 gauge now.
        So obviously my options are very limited.

        I should have applied for my FAC years ago, when it was less hassle. It would have given me access to some more lightweight guns to use in old age.

        But I don’t want to be sat on a high seat, they seem to insist on them frequently now. I can see their reasoning.

        20 gauge is a highly underrated calibre in my opinion. They were used as a skeet gun regularly years back. Now if you turned up to shoot clays with one, you would be laughed at.

  3. Fucking Bell ringers on telly wearing face masks, fuck off! One fucking bell ringer bellend being interviewed in an empty church wearing a fucking mask – FUCK OFF!

    And shut that fucking racket up an all, you cunts! Get me another Kronenbourg.

  4. 07.50 here fellow cunters ( Lake Macquarie NSW ) and already 25 degrees. Hope you are all freezing your bollocks off and a Very Merry Christmas to you all.

  5. 🎵 Peacefuls roasting on an open fire,

    Omicron dripping from your nose,

    Boris is the PM that we fucking chose,

    Merry Christmas to you. 🎵

  8. Turkey is suppose to be a little dry but also people don’t how to fucking moisturize it properly after cooking it. Also turkey is easier to overcook unlike chicken is

    If vegan turkey is anything like vegan beef I’ll take a hard pass on it

  9. I used to work with a prick who drank alcohol-free lager, always made a big issue about how it was just as good as the real thing but ALCOHOL FREE!
    One pissed off colleague said to him, ” Why don’t you buy some of that plastic vomit from a joke shop so you can pretend you’ve thrown up after all that pretend boozing?”

    • Alcohol free beer? That piss should come with a health warning, not the proper stuff.
      Morning Grumpy.

      • I used to have a fictitious uncle (actually son of great aunt and uncle, therefore 1st cousin once removed), but he only lived about 2 miles away, and we used to see quite a lot of him. He was more or less an alkie, but started drinking alcohol-free lager. This was in the late 70s, and the stuff was truly vile. Somebody asked him why he did this. His reply? ” So I can drink more gin and Martini.” the gin was litre bottles of Peter Dominic’s Military, which was delivered by the crate. Never mind the quality, feel the width.
        As for veggies eating toadstool protein made to look like meat, why are they not simply chowing down on a bucket of beansprouts and tofu? Itvs a bit like dressing a 40-year old woman as a schoolgirl. I’m not REALLY a closet Craven-Todd, but..

  10. The ex-Mrs Crocacunt was vegan. She ate Quorn. I tried their meals and was put off by a certain taste every Quorn product seems to have. Words fail me to describe it, but after being divorced for so many years every time I think of Quorn the memory of this taste returns to my mouth. Maybe this is what cunt foodies mean when they refer to “mouth feel.” All I can add is the memory of Quorn in my mouth makes me feel horrible.

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