An environMENTAL cunting for Chris Martin
After his announcement (sitting in ancient site in Jordan) that Coldplay wouldn’t tour until they could do it sustainably, well they have world tour planned for 2022.
Shit loads of gimmicks to try to show how sustainable it will be, including a kinetic dance floor which generates leccy when the audience jump up and down.
Added to this will be batteries to power his arse charged from sustainable leccy and the usual (as Greta likes to say) blah, blah, blah, planting trees, rewilding and other environmental add ons.
However, one fatal flaw which seems to punch a fucking great hole in the Martin master plan, they will be flying around in private jets.
(The flaws in this plan are so numerous, where do you start? I’ll get the ball rolling with this: what about the carbon footprints of all the sheep who will travel to these concerts by car, bus, plane, motorcycle, moped, etc. Genius Chris – well done. – NA)
Here is a thought for Mr EnvironMental, do a few gigs in the UK and stick them on you tube because no one really buys into your bullshit (except the silly cunts who think the sun shines out of your arse)
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-58898766
Nominated by: Sick of it
Being stuck in a room with Andy Murray while listening to Coldplay. You would probably slit your wrists.
Coldplay and U2 created the same hit formula. The same song played at slightly different speeds.
But like all hit formulas the public get bored of it and move on to the next banal shite.
16
A clearer minded thinker would slit Murray’s wrists then use his bollocks as earplugs.
23
Cuntplay have thieved from A-ha wholesale. Only difference is A-ha had a good singer and they could knock out a catchy tune. There is no ‘The Sun Always Shines On TV’ or ‘Stay On These Roads’ in Cuntplay’s back catalogue. Chri Martinis a monumental bellend and a larcenous cunt.
16
Couldn’t help but chime in with the mention of U2.
Yes, totally agree the band contains a hyper cunt and no mistake. That said, they have produced some excellent music over the years and I recently gave them a re-evaluation. I picked up the DVDs of their Popmart Tour (’97) which I saw in Houston and their Zoo TV Tour (’93) which I saw at Wembley Stadium. Both absolutely incredible shows.
I stopped buying their albums at All That You Can’t Leave Behind. The album with “Beautiful Day” on it. BD is catchy up to a point and you tend to remember the tune, probably because it was used as the opening titles theme tune for ITV’s answer to MOTD when the BBC (temporarily) lost the rights to show Premier League highlights. Anyway, the rest of that album is blaaaaaaand. Nothing memorable, nothing catchy, an almost total lack of their signature (and yes overused) sound. It just didn’t work for me.
I was scouring the racks at my local used CD/DVD/book store the other week and happened to find a mint copy of No Line On The Horizon for $5. I decided to give it a go. There is a 9 year gap between All That You Can’t Leave Behind and No Line On The Horizon and what did I find? Bland, uninspired, boring, meandering drivel. Absolutely nothing memorable on it at all. No soaring The Edge guitar licks, no driving menacing bass intros and worst of all, Bonio’s vocals sound strained to me. Not overly surprising given his age, but if you can’t sing that high matey, then don’t. Duh!
The same musicians and production team who created The Unforgettable Fire, Achtung Baby and The Joshua Tree also came up with this crap. I find that both remarkable and shocking at the same time. Talk about losing it and going off the boil. I wondered how much The Edge was worth, just to see how much someone could make for playing the same half dozen notes for 40 years. My guess was $30M to $40M. Not even close. He’s apparently worth around $350M. That might be a problem when it comes to trying to push the envelope, trying to be creative and edgy (no pun intended). They’ve obviously lost the hunger and their lust for greatness.
Fact is, it doesn’t always have to be that way. Rush were still incredible right up to their last album and subsequent retirement. Same could be said for Pink Floyd. No doubt other cunters could cite further examples.
And Chris Martin is a stupid cunt. The musical equivalent of beige.
16
Excellent post, Sir👍
3
Led Zeppelin were great until ‘In Through The Out Door’, but they were still great for ten years.
The Smiths also had a superb run, from their self titled debut to Strangeways Here We Come,
As a singles band? New Order take some beating. From Ceremony in 81 to To Round And Round in 89.
2
He’s all yellow or something.
2
I’ve never met a Coldplay fan.
No joke. Never.
I know loads of people,
I know loads of people into music,
People who go gigs.
People with very diverse tastes in music.
Not Coldplay though.
Who buys this monotonous shite?
I don’t want them to tour.
I want them on the front page of every newspaper with a image of a burning tourbus and the headline
No survivors.
20
Cunt undoubtedly, but he’s shagged Gwyneth Paltrow, probably up the arse, the lucky bastard.
I’ll crawl through a minefield to slip Paltrow a length of spiteful Cunt Engine. What about you, MMC, does she do it for you?
12
Oh no Thomas.
She’s probably got a sparsely covered ginger Fanny , a lot of soft cheese and we we smell .
6
That wouldn’t stop me, FF! Nothing short of a severed cock would.
8
Itd be a Hatefuck, Tommy.
Her new age bullshit would trigger my temper.
Shed get a rougher ride than they got on the Titanic.
And id probably steal her purse as I left her rapidly catching fire apartment…
11
Nah, Paltrow is too much of a cunt. Absolutely insufferable gobshite, like Phoebe Waller Cunt and Emma Twatson. Paltrow’s also got a neck like a Christmas Turkey.
10
Remember when the yellow song was released and a music journalist was on sky tv that shit they used to do at5.30
Anyway the critic said about the new song , that it offered nothing new only wishy washy watered down lyrics
We all know what happened next
Never saw that guy on tv again but the fact was he knew from the outset they were shite
9
Oh and he’s married to a cunt
6
It’s axiomatic that he is a cunt of course, but I’m all for this tour going ahead as it simply serves to expose the hypocrisy of the Marxist inspired climate confection.
7
The amount of garbage to clean up after their concerts is probably in the tons. Any thinking person sees this symbolic shit for exactly that. I hope all these plans go horribly wrong.
How about 10,000 stationary bikes connected to generators and each audience member pedals through the whole concert?
Stupid fucking cunts.
14
A Coldplay concert? They’d have to pay me to go.
Absolute wank.
10
fuckin right. I wouldn’t watch these cunts if they were playing in my back garden.
0
The man is a modern day Bono. Totally self unaware and believes in one rule for him and another for the great unwashed.
A 42 carat, platinum plated, diamond encrusted cunt.
11
I bet Greta is a fan, she will be loving this Cuntplay nonsense.
🎶Never gonna give you up 😂
5
Yes SOI, I thought it was footage from a special needs disco, nothing worse than môngôlöid gobby cunt with a chip on their shoulder!
As for Chris Martin, I’d rather hear Tony Martin sing “I shot the sheriff”
11
Alec Baldwin shot the sheriff.
9
But he did not shoot the deputy.
4
Baldwin has been nominated today with venom, MNC.
2
Greta will sail to the concert in her carbon fiber zillion dollar yacht
She’s green , Incase you didn’t know ,goblin green , like all the fantasy Tolkien imagined, a bit like Coldplay’s game of Thrones
Fucking fantasy pussy’s the lot of em
It’s not Disneyland this Mother Earth
6
Mother Earth. This anthropomorphic projection onto what is a giant, mostly molten lump of rock flying through space is part of the problem. If the current eruption in La Palma proves anything it is that if Gaia was a person it’d be a psychopath. The planet does not give a ha’penny jizz for humanity. If we were all wiped out by an asteroid tomorrow it’d carry on orbiting the sun waiting to see what bunch of cunts evolved next from the surviving unicellular life and so on until the sun turns into a red giant and fries it all.
15
Wise words chaps.
Much of humanity is so engrossed in the illusion of self importance, fear of death, and egotism it fails to realise its insignificance in the universe.
We only have to look at the behaviour of our species on petrol station forecourts recently, or the relentless stabbings.
We’re nothing more than animals, and can be wiped out at the flick of the cosmic switch.
9
Nice of the BBC to give a free advert for this virtue signalling prick. I wouldn’t watch them if they were playing in my back garden. In fact i’d call the coppers on the noise polluting wankers.
8
If this hollow bullshitting cunt rolled up on my patio I’d hit it with a shovel.
6
Yellow is a racist’s song , the chinks know
“I draw a line, l draw a line for you and it was all black”
Now what you got to say about dah , use wayyist u ar
Still enjoying a beer, not often I have Monday off
3
Chris Martin is seemingly desperate to usurp Bono for the illustrious ‘Hypocritical Eco-maniac/drop third world debt/look at how self righteous I am – Cunt Of All That Is Cunty’ accolade.
Here’s some advice Chris; If you can desist with spewing forth all that bovine ordure from your mouth for a second and hold your breath until you pass out…..and then snuff it then you will save on the planets oxygen reserves whilst simultaneously lowering the present CO2 levels. Fucking marvellous idea eh?
6
Even Bono must think, “now THIS GUY is a cunt!”.
4
Chris Martin
Where do you start with this cunt.
His kid is called “Apple” and he famously “uncoupled” after being kicked into touch by Gwyneth “fanny candles” Paltrow.
Responsible for over 20 years of bland pop music where his target audience is middle class wokies, bed wetters and Insulate Britain.
If you really want to go carbon neutral Chris then please just don’t bother at all.
It would be preferable and it’ll spare the atmosphere from all that hot air.
Cunt
8
This wankers head is wedged right up his own Arse and he is as boring as Magnolia emulsion, also who the fuck names their kids Apple and Moses, if the pasty cunt wants to help the planet he should blow his sloppy brains out and insist his rotted remains be spread all over his allotment (which I bet he has, to grow boring vegetables).!!
8
Coldplay, Ed Sheeran and Adele have been around for a decade and we are still stuck with them. Music ran out of ideas in the 90s and what followed has been bland, mediocre and shallow. That’s why an 80s revival has been heralded. There was a lot of dross in that decade but by comparison with today it was a golden age.
Martin is a hypocritical tosspot, a spokesman for a soft, selfish generation of white middle class twats who pretend they are in tune with the environment. When you look at the crap they leave behind at festivals, on beaches and urban streets you can tell they don’t really give a damn.
They are too busy feeling sorry for themselves and taking refuge in self centred soppy songs of the kind the above mentioned trot out.
7
I say we wreck the Earth so badly that God just HAS TO SHOW UP and smite us.
2
That’s where it’s heading
Showdown with the creator
Kissinger is already on the phone to Tel Aviv everything that’s going down
They don’t like a lord them chosen ones , they prefer to lord it themselves
2
Chris Martin and Coldplay= a total fucking Dirge.
I was at a party, when I was asked by the hostess, whether I liked Coldplay-she had their album on in the background.
My reply:
“No-I’m a music fan.”
😀
It went down like Enoch Powell at a BLM march.
I ended up leaving that particular social occasion, early👍
He did get to tap Jennifer Lawrence though, the CUNT!
11
My standard response when asked of I like some modern singer/band:
“Well… I don’t think that music is aimed at someone like me.”
It’s not a rude remark, but it makes the point that the music is superficial ephemera that won’t stand the test of time. David Cassidy ruled the world from 1974-75, don’t you know! Poor David, such a nice guy but fame is a bitch.
3
He did get to tap Jennifer Lawrence though.
Who hasn’t? She’s had more cream than an eclair factory and more pricks than a dartboard.😉
7
Good point. Well made👍
I still would, though 😀
2
That Jennifer Lawrence has had more DICK than a President Nixon lookalike contest. She LOVES getting rammed and crammed by all and sundry in La La Land.
8
“She LOVES getting
rammed and crammed
by all and sundry
in La La Land.”
Now if that was a line from a Coldplay song,I’d wear their fucking T-shirts!
7
I never noticed that my comment rhymed! Tim Rice eat your heart out!
2
Coldplay.
Music to grow a beard to.
Chris Martin is a fucking dork.
5
Nothing worse than ponderous pop-rock. Gayest pish to ever cum in our ears.
4
Too true.
Coldplay are like James Blunt, Dido and Ed Sheercunt. Dull music for dull people. Popular with Mr and Mrs Boring-Cunt. Music for people who don’t actually like music. And mega selling shit, because there are so many dull and boring cunts about…
6
Can you imagine the memoirs / autobiographies
of these bland cunts in a few years.. it will like reading a David Austin catalogue… yes I do haveons!
2
Barry Manilow is more rock and roll than Chris Martin. Going to a rock concert these days is about as rebellious as an anorexic going to Weight Watchers.
BAG
OF
SHITE
5
An egregious, avaricious cunt who produces music for lifts in department stores.
2