Cadbury’s (2) Dairy Shite

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A glass and a half full cunting please for Cadbury’s.

Now I am a big fan of chocolate and I have always enjoyed a CDM as a treat.

But in recent year’s Cadbury’s was acquired by huge Yank corporation Mondelez who are constantly trying to “improve” the recipe. In other words ruining what is a chocolate that the British palate has enjoyed for over 100 years.

I had the misfortune to taste a chunk of “Caramilk” which is basically a sickly sweet candy style bar. This may suit the tastebuds of your average obese American but it don’t work here…

Fuck you Mondelez leave our chocolate alone.

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Nominated by: MiddleEngland

82 thoughts on “Cadbury’s (2) Dairy Shite”

  1. Fuckin yanks.
    Theyve taken our lovely pure English chocolate and ruined it.
    Its crap now.
    The best chocolate Cadburys made was those ones in vending machines on railway station platforms.
    Compact but thick, and at the right temperature.
    Everything these cunts touch they fuck up.
    Chocolate, Afghanistan, presidents,
    I’ll never forgive the fat gobshites for ruining Cadburys fruit an nut.
    Tastes like shite nowadays.

    • Fuck yes, I remember them. Used to buy them at the station when I was doing my A Levels. Although half the time the vending machines were out of order.

      So much food is sickly sweet today. When I walked into the staff room on Friday, there was that much cake I think I got cavities just looking at it.

      • I remember putting 5p (shows how long ago) in a vending machine at Tottenham Court Road station, the mechanism got stuck and me and a school mate were able to empty out the entire column. Toffee poppets, I think. No CCTV back then to catch us, just some pompous prat in a suit telling us not to push our luck.
        I probably owe Paynes about 50p.

    • Turkish Delight with the lovely rose water. Cant get that from outside of Buxton can you NMC.

  2. Fuck me! As any cunt who is bang to rights says……

    No comment

    What time does the P*ki shop open? I fancy a Cornetto for some reason.

  4. Im more upset about this than the Biden presidency and the coronavirus.
    Fuckin BillyBob from Incest, Missouri and Randy from Simpleton,Idaho may like chocolate that tastes rank and appeals to their cleft palate!
    But in the backwaters of the Northwest of England is a man with a refined palate and appreciation of fine chocolate.
    Im mad as hell!
    And im not going to take it anymore!
    Fuckin septics

  5. Cadbury’s chocolate is shit and it always has been.
    American chocolate is even worse.

    Cadbury’s get their cocoa beans from Africa where it is cheaper than the stuff that comes from South America.
    The tight cunts.
    They then add a huge amount of sugar to give the bland beans some taste.

    That is why it makes you so fucking fat.

    As for their advertising……
    A glass and a half.
    What size of glass, and why not use a bigger one and just advertise ‘A glass full of milk in every bar’?

    Dishonest bastards.

    There used to be a yoghurt company that advertised that one portion contained as much calcium as 2 glasses of milk.

    You had to look very closely and very quickly at the bottom of the telly screen to see that one portion was in fact 2 pots of the stuff and that the glass they were referring to was 100ml.

    100ml is a few tablespoons full so their glasses were fucking tiny.

    ie……. The yoghurt contained hardly any calcium and was basically shite.

    Same goes for Cadbury’s chocolate I reckon.

    If you want a truly sickly experience then take the chocolate tour at Bournville.

  6. Is that bar not simply a Caramac in the shape of Dairy Milk?
    At least it’s not Hersheys…that truly is disgusting. I’d imagine Sadiq Khan’s ringpiece would taste better.

    • Morning Thomas.
      My idiot brother inlaw a few years ago brought back loads of yank sweets.
      Hershey’s kisses.
      Smell faintly of vomit
      Taste faintly of vomit.
      Not sure what yanks love so much about the taste of spew?

      • Morning MNC, you’re absolutely correct about the puke flavouring. Very weird.
        Presumably fat American wimminz will each anything that even resembles chocolate, the wobbly bloaters.
        It’s a fair assumption that the colossal behemoths on “My 600lb life” will be regular consumers of this disgusting crap.

    • Those Hershey’s kisses are disgusting, and look like what a kiddy fiddler would hand out. I don’t eat that much chocolate now so when I do I spend a bit more and go for Ritter Sport Hazelnut (or Almond). No complaints with those, they’re the bollocks.

    • As a sprog it was Bar Six – Old Jamaicy – Caramac for me. Bought a Caramac last year out of curiosity and nostalgia but fucking jayzuss.. how much sugar??? couldn’t finish it. Can’t find a Bar Six fer love nor money but still find the occasional Old Jamaicee… yoink!

      Cadbury’s always was gritty and over-sweet.

  7. Chocolate is meant to be bad for dogs but when one of the Hounds ate my family-size Fruit and Nut…wrapper ‘n all….he was fine….I less so…I was outraged and decided to show him what it felt like by setting to on one of the large rawhide chews that I occasionally give them…the look on the Hounds’ faces was one of shock,puzzlement and,I like to think,admiration as I furiously chewed away at what had the texture of a walking stick but the taste of a Fray Bentos tinned pie…would have got through the fucking thing too but I cracked a tooth and had to admit defeat.

    Valuable lesson learned by all concerned.

    • One of our dogs in the 70s opened easter eggs meant for us kids and gorged on the lot.
      No ill effects.
      But us kids were sick as a dog.

      • If people can afford to buy Easter eggs they shouldn’t receive Child Benefits…if they can’t afford to buy Easter eggs they shouldn’t receive Child Benefit either.

        Morning,MNC….you going trespassing today ?
        Morning,All/

      • Morning Dick,
        Yes out in a bit, waiting for the missus to get up,
        Shes having a ‘lay in’ .
        Me and the dog have been up for hours ready to go wandering.
        I’ll accidently set the fire alarm off in half an hour
        Speed her up! 😁

      • Have these feckless parents not heard of food banks? Portmeirion food bank was overflowing with chocolate eggs when I was down there filling my trolley at Easter.

      • Ruff@
        During the first lockdown (best days of our lives)
        I was paid to fill my van with Easter eggs at a depot and deliver them to various schools in Manchester.
        For kids whos mummys & daddy’s didnt love them enough to buy them one.
        The schools paying me to be the Easter bunny for unlovable children.

      • Morning Miserable. Schools handing out sweets to kids, that’s child abuse in my book.

    • Afternoon, Dick.
      You too? A generous uncle once brought me a pound and a half of Fruit and Nut, but our Alsatian got to it first. Foil and all – you’re quite right. The same hound also had a vacuum flask, with no apparent ill effect although at least half the internal glass was never found.

      Chocolate may be bad for them, but my mother trained dogs, and the standard reward in those days was choc drops. Never heard any complaints.

      • Afternoon,K.

        I had a labrador/saluki cross who ate the tin-foil that I’d used to roast a chicken..I kept an eye on him but the only after-effect seemed to be glittery shits…if anything it seemed to add to his joie de vivre

    • Parent’s collie used to love Opera Desserts from one of the boxes. Can’t remember which box, but the item was something nobody else would eat. The dog loved them.

  8. Looks like Caramac. Which was rank.

    Best chocolate in the world is Swedish Marabou, closely followed by Tom’s which is Danish.

    • I quite like the peanut butter cups that the Yanks brought over here. Although I suppose even admitting that on this site is a cardinal sin.

      • I have to say it was more than likely the worst crap bar ever made. Even topic bars are better than that shit and they actually looked like a logger.

  9. Those American buggers know fuck all about chocolate.
    Corporate greed shittens everything up.

    Moser Roth chocolate from Aldi is decent.
    That’s Germanic efficiency for you.
    The cunts.

  10. Loads of cunts claim to have mastered the art of making chocolate.
    The Belgians!
    Fuck off, you plastic french bummers.
    The swiss!
    Making something like Toblerone that wounds the roof of the mouth?!
    Must be cuckoo.
    You need alp mate.
    Naw, England.
    We nailed it.
    Best in the world.🇬🇧
    Minor victory?
    Trivial?
    Wrong!!
    The foundation stone for taste, and civilisation.

    • Sprinkle sugar on dogshite yanks would eat it.
      Don’t have taste buds or commonsense see?
      Its a genetic thing
      The Mayflower landed at Plymouth rock with 4 people cannibalised,
      We sent all the village idiots and ne’er do wells from drunk tanks.
      Expecting them to drown at sea.
      Cunts breed.

      • Slightly off topic but there’s a burger place in Las Vegas called the heart attack grill. If you’re a really fat bastard you get to eat for free (they even have scales to check) and they wonder why they have an obesity epidemic.

      • What sort of business plan is that?

        It’s like having a bar and if you can prove that you are an alcoholic you can drink for free.

        Is Las Vegas the place where the sweary, pot rattling bastard Gordon Ramsey has a restaurant serving a 100 dollar burger?

      • You’ve reminded me of a local Pizza Hut back in the early 90s when they were a new thing over here.

        They used to have an ‘all you can eat’ for (I think) £5 from about 11am-6pm during the week.

        I tried it once and was stuffed after about the equivalent of one large deep pan pizza. Which would’ve cost about £5 tops back then. I think that’s how it was supposed to work.

        For normal people, that is.

        Instead, they had to stop the offer after a few weeks because I’d pass the place on my lunch break, and chuckle to myself at all the land whales who descended on the place during the hours of the offer.

        When I went in myself a few weeks later I asked why the offer had stopped (obviously I had a good idea, I was just trying to get the full story).

        The lass said it was because it was just an offer for a limited time (I think the official company line). I said ‘i won’t grass don’t worry, but was it because of all the fatties eating too much?’ She kneeled over and whispered ‘It was unbelievable. We had about 10 of them in every day and they’d eat about 10 full pizzas each. We found it hard to make the pizzas fast enough for them too. They’d have closed us down if we’d carried on.’

        Fucking fat cunts lol.

      • Some younger “stoodant” cunts from the local University, who drank in a pub a mate owned, reckoned they (4x rugby playing monsters), cleared the all you can eat for £5 lunchtime buffet, so often, the local Pizza Hut gave them 2 free xl pizzas every day, if they promised not to demolish the buffet.

        Fair play to the industrious young cunts😂

      • Ive had one not to be repeated. Fallout pastry. Its like cheap crossoints with Jimmy Savilles cum in it.

      • Most yank food is only fit for dogs, or would be if they cut down the corn syrup.

        Most of the mid-range restaurants serve up crap equivalent to our school dinners. My brother reckons we British are far better at producing decent burgers these days than the fat, complacent yanks, thanks to the increased standards of pub and restaurant food over here since the nineties, and the better ingredients.

  12. I think the chocolate in the header picture used to be called “Caramac” – anyway, it looks like a week old babies first shit.

    The Yanks who took Cadbury over make Kraft cheese, another glutinous looking mess.

    I myself plup for the occasional Bounty Bar these days, but not often as, if Mrs. Boggs saw them she would be after me to buy the giant economy size and she would get even bigger – as it is now she would put Giant Haystacks to shame.

    • Sign her up for WWE, Mr. Boggs.
      She could go under the name ‘ Bouncing Bomb Boggs ‘
      Her signature move ?
      ‘ The Grand Slam Splash ‘
      Good morning, Grapple Fans.

  13. I used to love Cadburys before the fucking “poiny heads” got their mitts on it.

    Hotel Chocolat is my go to now. Not cheap but knocks the Cadburys shite into a cocked hat.

  14. Not a big chocolate fan, but if I do fancy a bar I quite like a Ritter Sport Dark Peruvian chocolate or dark chocolate with hazelnuts.

    Pisses all over Cadbury’s, but I’m hardly a connoisseur, innit?

    And the rootin’ tootin Billy Bob Junior the Third’ renaming of Marathons to Snickers and Opal Fruits to Starburst was worse than genocide.

    Unforgivable, and in my world, an act of war.

    • Agreed.
      Soon as they did that we should of instantly replied with nuking Los Angeles.
      But as always the pansies in government turned the other cheek.

      • When it comes to thermonuclear attacks on allies over the naming of confectionery, we shouldn’t let religion stand in the way Ruff.
        We could sing ‘little Donkey’as the bombs hit LA in a spirit of compromise?

  15. Just to make sure MNC, I’d have turned the entire American continent to glass for trying to change the name of some of our confectionery. Yes, we would’ve been wiped out too, but what other option would there be in the face of such insolence towards their betters?

    But of course, our wimps in power allowed this treasonous act with smiles on their faces and shit in their pants.

    A fucking disgrace is what it is.

    • Cuntybollocks@
      How would they feel if we took mount Rushmore and renamed it “four old mongs hill”?
      Or Independence day as backstabber day?
      Theyd sulk.

      • When the doodles say that they ‘kicked our asses’, I remind them that it was a bunch of Brits fighting another bunch of Brits. And that they should get their own language if they see us as the enemy.

        Independence Day? I think ‘Sly off Day’ is better.

  16. The American company Hershey can’t market their chocolate as chocolate in other parts of the world.

    It contains only 10% of cocoa, the other 90% is sugar and all sorts of artificial shite.

    Cadbury’s has the second lowest content of cocoa at 20%.
    Still twice as much as Hershey but below the standard of 35% to call it chocolate.

    Both companies produce not chocolate, but candy.

    The best chocolate has at least 70% cocoa. 90% is my choice.
    Unlike Cadbury’s rubbish, where you can eat an entire bar in one go. A much higher cocoa chocolate will taste a lot better and last a lot longer as one or 2 ‘squares’ of it will be all that you need.

    • Even the cheapest chocolate is actually chocolate. Try it in Tesco, Lidl, Wokeburys its everywhere.

  17. Interesting fact about good quality dark chocolate (70% or so Cocoa).

    Reduces blood pressure if you eat a few chunks a day. It’s pretty much been proven I believe.

    Won’t work with milk chocolate or poor quality dark chocolate though.

    • That just might be health hype tho I bought a dark chocolate bar a few months ago. It had 90 % cocoa still have half of it gonna chuck it into the next batch of brownies I make because its just too much to eat in its raw form. Health is mainly subjective

      • Ive had pure cacao and its very very bitter. You have to grate it and boil it with milk.

    • If you like the idea of hot chocolate (ie the drink, rather than what happens during a heatwave…) Tesco’s 85% dark chocolate, I pay a quid per bar in Cardiff (it may be a bit more elsewhere). Melt 1/2 bar in a bain Marie, boil a bog-standard size mug of milk, whisk it all together. Demerara sugar (if you like>, I believe the original Latin Americans used to put chilli in. I tried a splash of Tabasco, very tasty, but Don-t leave the house too soon…

    • Whacking a benefits cheat does that too but we cant whack um either or the plod will be ranting about hate speech.

      • Think that’s true, about the blood pressure. As long as it’s high enough coco (or whatever)

  18. As a young lad, I soon discovered that I preferred the taste of pussy, to chocolate.

    Still do 👍

  21. Don’t blame the Yanks, this cunt of a cuntry has sold out to the whole world. What was once the leader now has fuck all left, even our weapon industry is foreign owned. Total cunts everyone of them.

  22. That header pic looks worryingly like the contents of a nappy – Americans can’t do chocolate, they just want sugar and sickly shit.
    Most poor.

    • I agree with this cunting which reminds me of the good old days when I was allowed to eat chocolate. Cadbury’s dairy milk was wonderful. The Yanks should remember one of their own sayings, ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’. I asked for a bottle of Guinness in a Florida bar and it tasted like they’d emptied a bag of sugar into it.

  23. Cadbury bars taste oily and fake. Who buys this garbage? We can’t all afford Godiva or Hotel Chocolat but Cadbury bars are so bad you might as well not bother. Cadbury are the equivalent of pot noodles in the chocolate world. As for Hersheys, I’m sure sheep poo tastes better.

      • I know, what a bunch of penny pinching tossers. Palm oil ruins Brioche Buns too – bought some out of Waitrose once for a BBQ and when I got to eating them I noticed they tasted decidedly under par and that they fell apart. Checked the ingredients and the cheap skates used palm oil rather than butter.

      • If I buy any brioche i’ll have a look for palm oil on the packet.

        What a bourgeoise cunt I am.

      • It sounds like a first world problem but liking a centuries old mix of eggs , butter and flour isn’t so bad.

  24. Chocolate is actually good for you. It’s all the shit added to make it tasty for fat asses that have ruined their taste for actual food that results in a very unhealthy product.

  26. Or, if you are in Switzerland, go to Nestle at Broc. I did once, the smell was vomitable, and an enormous number of visitors were spitting out the free samples. Best “average” Swiss choc is still Lindt, but Villars is b. Good, and their white is the nicest I’ve ever tasted.same price bracket as Lindt.
    As a kid, I once tasted Caramac. Bloody vile.

  27. Cadbury’s, or Kodhboryz as it should be called now. Owned by yanks, made by Poles.

    Haven’t bought it since the English factory shut down, and all with help from EU subsidies to relocate.

  28. Tesco do a good 85% cocoa chocolate bar, either plain or with mint or orange flavour. £1 a bar. Couple of pieces each evening, heaven.
    I tried 90% cocoa once, from Lidl. Virtually raw cocoa, tasted like dirt.

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