You know the sort they never touch them during the day and as soon as it’s a night out they’re begging you for one of yours. Just buy a pack!
What’s worse is they text you the next day to say how bad their throat is. God I should charge £1 a cig like they used to do outside schools.
Even worse is when someone cadges a cig off you then coughs and stubs it out after two breaths. What a waste.
Nominated by: LazyBiscuits
and supported by lord benny(not quite deceased, but close)
Something I will never understand myself, Mrs B MkII was a nurse and abhorred smokers but would nick the odd tab from me, she was also massively anti drug.
So the story goes like this, I was self medicating, not wanting to go on to beta blockers or Diazepam because frankly I do not like them.
I had previously rolled a substantial spliff (white widow) and left it on top of the fridge for my return from work.
On my return I discovered that said implement was missing and that there was a very suspicious smell coming from the garden shed.
On investigation I found her “Chilling” after a hard day at work and furnished her with two glasses of strong red to,how should I say confuse the symptoms.
I then cooked her a massive mince and tomato based meal with spaghetti (because my spell checker is fucked) and then sent her to bed.
Casual smokers can be fucking expensive!
Occasionally I’ll catch a whiff of smoke off someone smoking a fag, and get the urge for one.
Ive a mate who hasnt been a smoker for 20years,
But soon as we’re on the piss?
Hes off for a pack.
Linked in his mind ‘cigarettes & alcohol’.
3
You said smoking a fag……
That’s a naughty word 😂
It’s in context, it’s fine – DA
4
Taste of ashtray beats taste of piss brew. Simple logic my friend.
3
Fuck food-banks – when is some philanthropist going to set up fag-banks? I’ll start smoking again then.
4
British fags are mostly rubbish.
Some Camels from around 1952 would be perfect.
No I would not share.
6
Oz baccy is iron flavoured cabbage. When I smoked it was camels, a now unfortunately departed Norwegian workmate regularly commented ‘9 out of 10 men that enjoy camels prefer women’ it always gave me a chuckle.
4
I was brought a sleeve of Russian cigarettes…Fuck me, I have never smoked anything like them…convinced me there and then that any Nation that could smoke the fucking things deserved the utmost respect and was undoubtedly tough enough to survive any chemical/atomic/conventional attack that NATO could throw at them.
Couldn’t even give the damn things away and fucking near killed myself by the time I waded my way through the bloody things.
Morning,Shackledragger
Morning,All
9
There’s a Japanese brand, think it was Alphabet black. 18mg of tar it was like smoking Red Bull.
3
Good afternoon Sir Dick. You are Colonel Radl and I claim my funf Reichsmarks.
5
Cheeky Cunts.
If I’m at the Pub. and someone says ” Can I just pinch a rollie off you?”, I always say ” As long as I can pinch a good swig of your pint”.
I noticed that in the Spring, the little birds were picking up the tab-ends that had been stubbed out in the yard and were flying off with them….apparently they use them to line their nests because the nicotine in the filter keeps down the mites on their chicks….I was,of course,outraged at their thieving behaviour and shot them.
22
The woman next door to me has the worst smokers cough ive ever heard.
Like a lorry that wont fire up.
Hacking cough.
Since giving up my mucus is white and frothy now.
Used to clear my throat and spit and itd bounce down the pavement.
Like flubber.
6
I wear slacks you know Miserable. Hush puppy shoes and a cashmere sweater. I have a rather snazzy trilby which I wear slightly tipped on my head.
I’m a casual smoker.
5
Ive got a thick irish accent, eyebrows that meet in the middle, my surnames O’Shaughnessy,
Im a craic smoker.
7
Mis…I awoke with a terrible sense of foreboding this morning…as if The Four Riders of the Apocalypse were about to come thundering over the Fell…I wonder if Jack the Cunter is on his way to Northumberland in his “luxury” mobile-home?….cheeky Cunt probably broke down a couple of miles away from his home but is demanding that the recovery vehicle takes him to whichever village green in Northumberland he plans to invade.
I must ring the neighbouring landowners and warn them….fuck the villagers,they deserve all that’s coming.
6
Dick@
Intuition is your body’s way of picking up on danger that isnt immediately apparent.
I see you right.
I know hes set off because I helped him siphon his neighbours cars for the trip.
He was very excited at staying at yours!
Wellies,baggy shorts and pith helmet on, continuously swigging from a hip flask.
Hes keen to go shooting with you and filled the camper full of weaponry!
I stopped him from taking a WW2 landmine but he insisted on the sawn off shotgun,
And luger for ‘close up work’.
Try and get him fishing instead Dick,
Hes got a bucket of chum and a harpoon with plastic kegs.
6
Been and gone, Dick. See the ‘ Government hypocrisy over quarantining ‘ cunting.
Do keep up.
😁
2
@Mis….I just hope the Cunt doesn’t mention my name when the Police and bailiffs turn up to move him on…I have a certain reputation in the area and the thought that people may believe that I know such a type is appalling…the Lord-Lieutenant will probably blackball me from my own exclusive masked garden-party.
8
A naturalist in the Wallace tradition
3
These tight fuckers are called Fagpies. Never got their own, but the minute you pull a packet out they want to pinch one. Then they ask for a light to really rub it in. Cunts.
4
Proper Cunt style behaviour really.
2
Friend of mine went into a shop in New York and asked for some fags, didn’t end well.
I used to smoke but try not to preach to smokers about the long term damage, nothing worse as they say than an ex smoker.
I don’t think I could be a chuffer now, standing outside or in little huts like a fucking leper.
It’s a good nom though as there seems to be more casuals now.
4
I became addicted to cigarettes in China where it’s de rigeur for a man to smoke and Chinese men were always thrusting them at me. If you don’t smoke there you’re regarded as gay. But it’s not acceptable for women to smoke. And the better Chinese cigarettes are considerably nicer than anything we have over here. Chungwa cigarettes, Mao’s favourites, are delicious. And Panda, the favourite of Deng Zhou Ping, are also a very nice smoke. Our cigarettes taste like chemicals and cardboard in comparison. Even Dunhill International have declined.
I’ve given up now and seem able to keep the demon at bay by smoking the occasional cigar or pipe and the odd discrete puff on a vape. In fact I love pipe smoking. It’s less addictive. But only occasionally at home when the wife’s not looking.
Good thing about pipes is no occasional smoker can cadge one of you.
8
When me and my friends go on our annual trip to Tenerife, one of our number who is an ex smoker always buys a sleeve of 200 cigs before we even leave the airport, he reckons at those prices he can’t afford not to smoke. He must get 400 cigs in the week.
4
One of my mates is a bit of a health freak. Plays football, protein shakes and makes sure he eats properly.
Get 2 pints in him and he turns into a magical chain smoking machine.
4
That’s a trannie in the header pic.
3
I don’t believe for one minute there is any such thing as a “casual” smoker, just “secret” ones, I know this as when I was a tobacco grower in Rhodesia, I was growing for a time what one might call “standard” tobaccos for the Western European market via South Africa, the very way I grew it would cause whoever smoked it to crave nicotine intensely, the amount of pesticides and fertiliser I had to use to get a decent crop was ridiculous, this alone would increase the addictiveness of the tobacco immensely, especially as its mostly tailings used for cigarettes, contrary to popular belief, so all I can say is, they’re probably having a couple a day on the sly, the sneaky cunts!!!
8
My neighbour is a casual smoker. He fell asleep on the sofa after he had put the chip pan on . The kitchen caught fire and he casually breathed in the smoke. Now you can hear him wheezing before you see him.
4
Fit young birds casually smoking tabs gives me the horn. Prefer also that they don specs with black plastic frames.
I’ve tried over the years to get Lady C to smoke before sex but apart from the time she posed for photographs she doesn’t want to know. Women can be so selfish.
4
@ MNC – I do not see Dot Cotton or Olive from On The Buses as fit young birds.
4
You might not,but I bet there’s a certain Constable who does.
5
With the price of cigarettes I would think that by now every smoker will be a casual smoker, I wonder if there are any 40 a day men around these days.
5
Most don’t reach the age of 55 for some mysterious unknown reason.
4
With the price of cigarettes in the UK there would be no possibility of someone poncing one from me.
They can fuck right off.
4
Quid for a fag!!!! For fucks sake it was one an a half pence for a No 6 in my day.
3
I remember being able to buy 5 Park Drive for next to nothing.
A pack of Embassy number 10 when I was feeling flush.
1
5park drive (blue or red) 1/- (5p) a pack from local offie! back in the late 60s.
1
20 B&H a day would currently cost you £4,850 per year.
Sadly they don’t make Sovereign or No.6 /No.10 nowadays. Not since the late ’70s, I think.
2
Escort – the poor man’s Embassy. I am ashamed to remember how low I sank when I was 15.
Off (completely) for 15 months and feeling no pain, btw.
3
Vagrants will say ‘I’ll buy a cig off you mate’ then hold a pound coin for you knowing that is too much for one cig and you’ll let it go.
2
So let’s see, a pack of fags costs how a much , and contains how many individual fags which you can resell for a £1 each, leading to a profit of….?
2
35p
3
Personally I would end all association with ‘casual smokers’. I have need space in my life for such weak willed insecure cunts as that.
2
The problem with the cunts that feel that’s it’s OK to scrounge cigarettes from you is that they never return the favour.
They never buy a packet and hand out one, or even a dozen of the cigarettes that they have ponced in the past.
If someone was to ask me for a cigarette I would tell them to fuck off and buy their own.
5
I confess , when i casually smoked untill the 90’s I was a cigarette Ponce. I smoked other people’s Fags in the Pub.
What a Cunt .
4
“Casual smokers”
AKA “scrounging fkers” in sunny Yorkshire..
3
Casual smokers? Pfft. As Mr Miyagi once said, “Daniel san, either smoking do yes, or smoking do no. Cunt”. If that’s the case, then I’m a casual cunt. I can just turn it on or off when I feel like it. It’s almost offensive to be a casual anything as it implies that you just haven’t got the skill or bollocks to go all in.
1
Smoking will be banned altogether at some point. Next to go would be chocolate and sweeties. “Ere mate, can I bum a Kit Kat off you?”
Bullocks to that. I love my sweet things.
1
Got any food? By 2060 and by which time the world population will be 15 billion, probably. I won’t be around to look back on the halcyon days of ‘Have you got a spare fag?’
2
A genuine casual smoker doesn’t bother me much.
Bloody druggies after a free smoke that see me as a soft touch, used to come up to me and ask for a fag, then get abusive when I said no, what utter cunts. Only see these sorts in London or shit places like Reading. Haven’t been in ages obvs.
3
When on my dinner break in town I used to get the druggies walking up to me as I was having a fag “Do you have a spare fag” they usually said, to which I replied “Of course I have”. Then I walked off.
5