The accident prone, the clumsy,
The 10thumbed fumbling dozy cunt, the Frank Spencer’s out there,
The don’t watch where there going.
The cant figure out a simple garden gate,
The delivery man.
I have a unusual rustic gate.
It was made by a ‘artisan’ type (😁😁) the other day I painted it,
(Country cream) a delivery bloke came with a package,
I had the living room window open so popped my head out and said “Mind the gate!”
He looked at me like a fuckin dog hearing a whistle and put his hand on the gate getting wet paint all over his hand.
Now another downs cunts delivered a package and broke a slat as he couldn’t figure out how to open a gate.
I’ve given up.
The simple and cack-handed have beaten me.
Just like I’ll beat the next cunt I catch yanking on my gate.
Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt
“An unusual rustic gate”?
“Made by an ‘artisan’ type”?
“I painted it Country cream”?
Sounds a bit gay to be honest. 😱
31
I wonder what Mr Fiddlers take is on ‘Country Cream’?
I thought this counting was about Kweer Charmer. He’s a gormless looking cunt.
11
Next you’ll tell us that some clumsy fucker broke the doorbell that plays ‘Y.M.C.A’ at Chez Miserable.
15
Bit gay?
A Lot gay!!
Looks nice though.
8
Yanking on your gate? Havent heard that one before.
12
You can’t polish a soft fresh turd but you can roll it in glitter
10
I notice the gormless cunt in the picture is a bogan. Is there a shortage in England? We’ll gladly send back some of ours, as we have a surplus.
10
Listen Oz, you don’t send them to us we send them to you. That’s the way the world works. Try doing returns and we’ve got a few peacefuls we can bung your way.
13
As a favour to the Mother country we’ll take them but instead of Manis island we’ll divert them to Tanna island and chuck them into the volcano as a funereal offering to the good Duke.
12
He would of approved 👍
11
Some people are walking disaster areas.
The technical terminology for those thus afflicted is “dull cunt”.
I have encountered a few on my travels.
Once witnessed a tree surgeon dismantling a large Silver Birch, sectioning the main stem, whilst he was tied into it😳
Luckily he landed on a pile of brash-the stupid fucker.
As a kid, a neighbours dad showing of in his kids little Yamaha trials bike, bare footed. That didn’t end well-have you seen what a motorbike chain at full revs can do to an ankle🤢.
The time a kid in our class st school, jumped if a 15’ high wall with a golf umbrella-he was 7 or 8 years old. That ended up in a three 9’s call.
They walk amongst us🤔
11
Problem with delivery men, particularly the Amazon ones, is they have to deliver 50,000 parcels a day or else they get sacked. Bezos probably pays them £1.00 a day for this (once the tax “breaks” are factored in). No wonder the poor cunts are running around the country with their brains switched of.
14
The technical terminology for those thus afflicted is “dull cunt”.
I prefer the term “clusterfuck”.
6
Good nom, morning Miserable.
Top Tip – next time leave the gate wide open together with a prominent sign saying: WET FUCKING PAINT!
It’s not fucking rocket science. 😉
12
Morning Ruff👍
The dopey cunt would only have tripped over the sign.
My whole life ive been surrounded by people with dull reflexes.
Cant catch a ball, trip over their feet, break anything they touch.
They’re exhausting.
I dont bother to warn them anymore.
Surely if I see the cliff edge/ jagged metal/ falling masonry
They do?
9
Is that you in the header pic Miserable? Big white bloke, beard, tattoos….
(Actually it’s MNC in his younger days. A former cunter on this site sent it to us as part of some bitter revenge porn. I won’t go into details so close to breakfast – DA)
6
Tee hee! 👍
6
Round here, if you put up a sign saying WET THE PAINT, some sandnog would probably piss on it.
Filthy cunts.
3
Wire the gate to the mains til the paint dries.
That will learn the thick cunts.
Black pudding and sausages shortly.
Sunday Funday as some cunt on twatter says.
Morning.
8
I was going to agree with this MNC until I slipped on the bathroom floor and when reaching for something to grab hold off managed to take a firm hold of the string attached to the light switch and I mean firm. This in turn pulled down the fitting breaking the plaster in the ceiling.
Despite all this I still managed to land without too much damage to myself! Then some more plaster fell from the ceiling knocking off a bottle of Mrs E cunts. Shampoo, the daft mare had left the top off therefore its contents emptied on the floor. I got a hold of the sink to pull myself up and again lost my footing on the spilt shampoo.
This time I managed to pull the fucking sink from the wall onto my right knee. (Don’t talk to me about bending the knee, mine won’t bend period). Ok ok MNC clumsy fuckers are cunts and boy was I a clumsy fucker.
15
I am also a gormless cunt who has lost the ability to read.. Cunt..
8
Haha😀
Sorry to hear that Everyonesacunt,
But please keep your mr Beanism away from my lovely gay gate!
👍
7
Everyonesacunt:
You are Frank Spencer. You can keep your £5, I will settle for “a go” on a prime 1970’s Michelle Dotrice😚
Edward Woodward was a lucky man. 👍
5
White van man with an artisan designed rustic gate…..
No comment 😂
8
2 rustic gates Sicky.
A big version at the back garden.
Cost me a good few quid to have made.
Only to be used as a climbing frame/swing by fuckin delivery men.
*
This delivery man I’d already took a dislike too.
He has a screeching voice and ive nicknamed him Igor because hes got that look about him.
The cunt.
7
He looks like Miles?
4
Hehehe 😀
More Marty Feldman in young Frankenstein.
Miles I see as more earnest young man, maybe John Alderton (please sir!)
5
Good morning Mis,
TWO girlie gates, I bet the back door one gets a lot of use 😉
4
Our side gate is as forbidding as it is unwelcoming.
It bears the legend
‘ We don’t ring 999 ‘
And has the silhouette of a pump action shotgun on it.
Get To Fuck.
8
His avatar would suggest otherwise. (yes I know it’s Alex Harvey but looks like classic Igor to me)
3
Good on you Mis, for keeping traditional British craftsmen, gainfully employed🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
3
Lucky sod, that John Alderton, getting such a long run in that series with Hannah Gordon. The dreams I used to have about their being the girl next door… Gave me the horn something rotten.
I wonder if Bryony Gordon is related? She’s a sexual bouncy castle, if ever…
2
HER being the girl…
1
All sounds a bit Hipster to me.
Is there a man bun involved?
4
No Six, im cursed with male pattern baldness ☹️
Just gayness.
5
Gayness is preferred to Hipsterism.
3
World Cup Final day, 1966. Walking to the bus stop, there’s a few kids kicking a football about on a grassy patch. The ball rolls into the road, a chap in front of me goes into full Geoff Hurst mode.
” I’ll get it ” He shouts gleefully, full of World Cup fervour and springs forward to let fly a thunderous
shot, which he mishits spectacularly.
The sizzling strike takes the wing mirror clean off a Vauxhall parked up outside someone’s house.
Thoroughly deflated, he picks up the mirror and goes to knock on the front door of the car owner.
Daft cunt.
Good morning.
5
Morning Jack.
The best example of the type im cunting is former boyband singer and simpleton Bryan Harvey.
After eating 4 baked potatoes with fillings he felt sick as hes parking his car, leaning out to spew up he falls from his car under the still moving vehicle causing himself severe injuries and the rest of us a good laugh.
9
Drugs are dangerous, kids👎
4
Did you enjoy unwrapping the deliveryman’s package,MNC?…Was it what you’ve always dreamed of ?
7
😀😀
Arent you meant to be at deaths door?
Leave me and my homosexual gate alone.
Morning Dick👍
6
Morning, men.
5
Morning Jack, what a glorious day. 😎
3
Hello, Gutstick. It has been a glorious day indeed.
Currently in an alcohol induced comfort zone.
Lovely.
2
Sounds like most of the young cunts I work with. The amount of stuff we have to throw away because they fuck it up is staggering, and I dread the think how bad it could be if they put their fucking phones down and actually do a bit more work than the bare minimum that they meekly achieve currently. And it’s getting worse, as we are getting a few more of the useless cunts, as you can get government subsidies if you take on the more unemployable useless fuckers under 25.
There is no such thing as merit anymore, or it seems a strong work ethic.
As I’ve said before, wait till they are running the country, it will make current political incompetence look nonexistent in comparison, and that is saying something!
5
This is why there is minimum wage and zero hour contracts, so when you realise you have employed a chimp you can get rid of the cunt easily enough.
We have an Amazon recruitment Centre and it’s like the fucking monkey house at Bristol zoo.
4
Country cream artisan gates is it?
By jingo – I am just in the process of restoring some antique cast iron bench ends – the price of teak lats makes me seriously glad I know a Man who works at the local timber merchants, but I prefer stuff hand made to shite from China and it keeps craftsmen in work.
4
So long as they don’t wank on your gate, MNC…
2
Never under estimate the ingenuity of retards…. they will leave you dumbstruck every time. There intellect at being stupid cunts knows no boundary
4