My Family

Posted on by

Family

Apparently I am a cunt.

Just had a chat with my brother.

I have a degree in Physics. He failed his first year in Physics and then got a degree in philosophy.

I then trained and studied and became a Chartered Accountant, another thing my brother failed at. Now he is qualified via the the Scottish Institute.

My brother has been a cunt to me but we are now OK.

Who’s really the cunt.

Nominated by: Dark key cunt 

36 thoughts on “My Family”

  2. I haven’t had anything to do with my family for years….they are (and were) an unspeakable bunch of horrors….anti-social,vindictive,grabby Mentals …luckily I am the black sheep of the family and lovely.

    • Manson or Partridge,
      Family is family.
      I prefer the dog and just send a Christmas card.

      • This year I,as usual,sent no Christmas cards but to my surprise did receive one…it was from my M.P….the cheeky Cunt. I used to get one from some dotty old Aunt..I’d open it to see if she’s put a Pound coin and then chuck it straight on the fire….she must have died..presumably the tight old trout has left me nothing in her will.

      • Morning Dick,
        A pound eh?
        She sounds nice, id of written her saying how father Christmas didnt get me a bike.
        😀

    • Surely a “sheep of colour”, Dick!

      I am deeply offended, I need to lie down and whinge on Twitter

      • I call myself the “black” sheep because my family are appallingly racist when it comes to The Sooties…I like to irritate them by standing “wid muh bloods”

    • Modest as ever, Dick. Who stands to inherit your vast holdings if, perish the thought, you die after a mammoth drinking session?

      • I have genuinely left them nothing..not as much as the smell off my rotting corpse ….that’s if the Hounds haven’t hovered me up (I rather hope they do). My only regret is that I won’t be there to see their greedy faces when they discover just what I have done.

      • @Morning,RTC….

        No, better than that.

        I did put it around the village that I’d left the fields that butt-up to the village to the “travellers” though…some of the villagers are aware that I know a few “horse-dealers” and fell for it hook,line and sinker apparently.

      • Dick@
        I wonder what the reaction in the village would be if posters went up advertising a ‘Horse Fayre’ on your land?
        Put a cheap knackered caravan in a field and wait for community feedback!!

      • Do what we did years ago:

        An acquaintance was a total cunt, a miserable old fucking snob who treated everybody like shit.
        He owned a nice house surrounded by fields, that weee owned by a “Greengrass” type of domiciled Gypsy.

        It was well known that he was desperate to purchase the field next to his house, to prevent anybody else building on it.
        We had a signwriter make up sign saying: “SITE AQUIRED FOR TESCO”, which we erected whilst he was away.

        Apparently, some people have no sense of humour😉

      • Morning Dick. Sounds like you’ll have burned your bridges with the local pubs and all!

  3. I assume he is your younger Brother, Dark-Key?

    Either way, it is clear he aspires to what you have achieved and looks up to you. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

  4. Morning Dark Key.

    Question: why did you choose to be a teacher rather than a Chartered Accountant (CA being way more lucrative than teaching)?

    • Probably out of a sense of honour and duty or something like that.

    • Hi Ruff,

      I was working in the City as a project specialist in Finance. However, some personal issues led to me deciding to change profession and leave London for the E Mids.

  5. This is rather personal. I look forward to a counter cunting from Dark Keyy Cunt the younger.

  6. My Mum used to go on and on about how fantastic my brother was at everything. So much so that I worked my arse off to make her see that I was as good as him. Never quite managed it. However, when she died, my brother told me that she would drive him crazy going on about how well I was doing and never praising his efforts. Good old Mum, she made sure we both made good. Smarter than the both of us!

  7. Family is an overrated load of wank.
    My own family are a mixed bag.
    My sister and brother in particular have caused no end of grief over the years though it seems relatively (no pun intended) calm on that front now.
    Mrs Jelmet’s family are an even bigger mixed bag than mine and that’s saying something.
    In the interests of balance, I can’t be arsed with family members from either side of our families turning up unannounced at my house.

    • Not a family type person. My mother was fantastic. My old fella was a complete and utter twat and my sister takes after him.

  8. Never look inside another mans wallet.

    I don’t do jealousy or envy, never have and never will. Also, money has never been my “God”-as long as I stick to those principles, I will hopefully not be consumed by the greed and envy, that destroys so many cunts.

    I have witnessed families torn apart by those vices 👎

    • Why my daft old nan perishes my dad’s lot will be lunging at the will like the underclass in a black Friday sale.

  10. My mum’s side is of farming stock and own a bit of land. They are very kind and principled, a bit like Mr Fiddler…

    My dad’s side are deranged thralls of Mammon.

    As for siblings I have a brother who I get on with well. A rare thing according to some of the cunters and many friends of mine and my brother’s.

  11. I’ve always found hating family and friends keeps everything in check, My older brother used to force feed me caterpillars when I was young and torture me, he went on to get a 1st and become a know it all cunt. Funnily I’ve had the last laugh though as I’ve done alright and he’s turned into a Fucking Bellend who sups 12 litres of white lightning a day and is going to peg it soon. Cunt.

  12. I haven’t spoken to a single member of my family for 2 and a half years. Gran died and amongst the carnage of the funeral arrangements… agreed to pay for my youngest sister to fly in as she threw a hissy fit (she and her “partner” have more money than us, did it to keep the peace), my fat cunt of a drunken uncle threatened to push my wheelchair-bound mother off a cliff at the wake (my mother is also a cunt, but someone give me a day off from this shite), I did an off the cuff eulogy for my gran and one of my cousins then received a standing ovation for her eulogy in parts of the crowd from a bunch of cunts I’d never met in my life… later found out during the wake that she had copied it hook, line and sinker from the internet… And she thought it was was funny how much of a reaction she go. There’s lots more but I can’t be arsed. I’ve got my missus and my kids, the rest of the cunts can be launched into the fucking sun as far as I’m concerned. And I haven’t even mentioned my in-laws…

Comments are closed.