Monkey-tail beards are for cunts, aren’t they.
Are you tired of your hipster beard?
Do you want to look like even more of a twat?
? Why not try ….the monkey tail beard! ?
It starts at one ear then wraps around the chin and mouth to complete the I Am A Wanker look.
?
Step 1 – Grow a beard
Step 2 – Shave off one sideburn
Step 3 – Carve out the area below the bottom lip
Step 4 – Clean up the edges to complete that chinstrap monkey tail appearance.
??
Congratulations!
? You now look like a cunt.
(No really, it’s a thing. We checked. More here. – NA)
Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous
For fucks sake..
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Popular in Hartlepool I believe.
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What is wrong with people?
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They’re cunts. That’s what.
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If nothing else it advertises the fact they are a cunt before having to deal with them.
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Apparently it’s also a way of telling the world you are not well equipped in the trouser department.
https://nypost.com/2019/04/10/males-with-long-hair-and-beards-have-smaller-testicles-study/
Cue the counter arguments from our regular hirsute contributors.
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Mr Dribbler, thats from a yank publication.
They cant even vote right.
Long hair fair enough.
But tiny love eggs?
What twaddle!
My jacobs are like two cobbles in a hot water bottle!
Any more cheeky slander like that and we can get Admin to judge the pair of us trousers down.
Come on put your knackers where your mouth is!!!
* Ps.
Hope your well?!👍
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MNC, I don’t think Admin would want to be anywhere near your sordid pastimes 😂
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I’ll have to concede, MNC. In cold weather my plums are the size of the ball bearings you get in the tip of a ballpoint pen.
I’m well, thanks. Trust you are too.
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Im peachy thanks Dick!
Im glad you didnt accept,
It was mostly bluff and bravado,
And admin would of put the photos of our wizened under carriages on here as entertainment for the great unwashed!😁
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The Youth Section of ISAC (i.e. my teenage daughter) endorses this cunting.
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Bugger me, we have a goof section?
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For goof read youth….
FFS
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Has Lewis Hamilton got one yet?
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Don’t think Hammlecunt can manage more beard than a 12 year old Bangladeshi girl, let alone a monkey tail, although it wouldn’t surprise me if he has a real monkey tail….
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And I thought topknot twats were the dregs of cuntitude.
Then along comes this.
Civilization is doomed…
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As a senior member of the heavily bearded community,
This, is heresy.
No other way to see it,
Sheer blasphemy.
They should have their licenses revoked.
Some men cant grow a beard,
Due to being effeminate, or bad genetics, maybe their dads knackers were damaged in a industrial accident?
And then you’ve these berks, a monkeys tail is attached to a monkeys arse.
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The gods are not happy Miserable, they won’t be getting into Valhalla mocking the sacred beard.
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Very well said.
The soppy cunts.
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Dont see shite like this round our way. Cunts wouldnt survive 10 minutes.
Apart from cunt it says:
Artisan
Islington
Vegan
Lifter.
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Every time I see a hipster cunt, top knot cunt, metrosexual cunt, I want to comb their hair with a fucking claw hammer.
Beckham and he’s fellow footballer mincers have a lot to do with this.
Cunts.
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I had a beard once and when I shaved it off, I left the moustache as a gringo thing. What a cunt I looked for almost two days. This is a whole different bag of lemons.
Hoo-ee, what cunts.
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Years ago I shaved my beard off too be horrified at the grey little boiled potato staring back at me in the mirror.
I instantly grew it back.
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It must be like Sampson from the Bible when his hair was cut and he became a Green Party voting vegan pansexual? It would be like losing a superpower Mis. Brian Blessed would sound like Joe Pasquale if he had his shaved off
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True that LL.
I can lift a washing machine above my head and carry it,
I couldnt before the beard!
Although the fact I was about 12 might have been a factor…
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I’m instant(aneous)ly reminded of those 1980s Thora Hird TV commercials for Bachelors Cup-A-Soup™:
«the soup you make in a cup. Instantly».
Thora certainly was a horrible, money-grubbing old cunt, but at least the cheeky twats at Ogilvy & Mather didn’t hold back. They made her look like the daft old battle axe – full of Yorkshire fuckwittery – that she really was. Supremely apposite rhyming slang, though.
Tell me Mis, how does one grow a beard instantly? Is it, haply, a stick-on merkin?
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Even though the stupid old fraud was actually a Lancastrian. She would have met a satisfyingly grizzly demise during the War of the Roses.
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The only beard shaping I endorse, is a well trimmed lady-garden😀👍
Now that us a firm of topiary I could really get stuck into👍
Most young uns (and older ins) just shave the lot off 😢
I well trimmed / shaped bush us a thing of fucking beauty 😍
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It’s a statement…
‘Look at me I am interesting’, said the ginger cunt!
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Started as a joke by a basketball player eh? Foamy and razors at the ready chaps!
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Only war can cure this madness.
Good evening.
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Beards are a total lady repellent unless the chick you are chatting up is into Victorian living or is of a particular faith where beards are the norm. Monkey beards, plaited beards, Amish beards, Santa lookalikes etc are simply revolting.
Some short facial hair can be fine though. Keanu Reeves does it well.
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I’m glad the pansies are wearing beards these days. It lets me know that a cunt is approaching.
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On second glance that beard doesnt look so much like a monkey’s tail more like someone has curled one off under his chin. Anything possible with the gays I suppose.
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Two weeks worth of food, spit, drink, fanny and nob smell all mixed together in the beard the scruffy cunts. Thing is, they think they look cool. They don’t. Two weeks in the Royal Marines would sort the twats out.
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Yeah mate, looks amazing, glad it’s lockdown because I’m going nowhere with you looking like that.
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Fuck off. That cunt in the photograph is a just a scale model made out of dog shit.
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I prefer the beard on this fella…
https://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/hairy_monkey_man.htm
*Runs away* 😀
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Some people like a shave with a cutthroat razor. I don’t fancy it myself. I can’t see having a beard being an issue at all. It’s a non essential saving. Unless you buy a whal and look like a total cunt.
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Well you know what’s under the tail. Sums the moronic fuckwits up.
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I have had. A Few libations this Sunday evening but even through the haze I can only begin to wonder at what a complete cunt of a society we have become.
If I cashed out at the bit casino in the sky tomorrow I don’t t feel I would be missing out on a great deal of what is to come in the future
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I grow a beard for the winter, to keep the fizzog warm when on the motorcycle. Come the Spring, it’s removed, to reveal a smooth and fragrant visage, suitable for young women to sit on. The weather’s been shit for a while though, so the face has been pretty warm for ages. Unfortunately, not warmed by hot, wet, drippy fannies. You’ll have to excuse me, I’m away for a Sherman…..
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Who the fuck are these h0mo-:er0tic artisan bread-munching vegan chocolate-muffin eating woke cunts?
Imagine one these entitled fucks cowering in the trenches witnessing their best friend’s head exploding as a result of a high velocity missile, or one of their mates being literally cut in half by machine-gun fire ,their ripped out intestines hanging out dripping a mixture of blood and shit.
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What the fuck is that?!!!
Looks like Stevie Wonder has taken up a new career as a barber.😂
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Long time lurker here, but this, THIS, of all things, has moved me to action. Having looked this up and confirmed that it’s real, I then tried to get my mind around why anyone would choose to do this to themselves. I failed miserably.
I’m an optimist though, and knowing every cloud has a silver lining, in the case of the “man” at the top of this page, at least we’re left in no doubt where one might locate the anterior orifice of the “monkey”, and apply a thin layer of boot polish by way of a swinging size 9.
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