I’m cunting New Zealand.
Rubbish damp houses and shoddy electrical goods, no heating and always damp and cold. Fucking criminal bike gangs that seem to be above the law and every town is ugly. Heavy metal played everywhere including swimming pools ffs.
And its all OK because there’s a couple of shitty mountains that were in some kids film.
Worst of all is the kiwis always tell you how welcoming and nice they are but it ain’t true, they’d stab you in the back and fuck you over first chance they get in my experience.
Oh and rugby is shit and they never talk about anything else…. Etc…. Etc…
(Possible retort from kiwicunt? – NA)
Nominated by: Sharkunt
My Brother everyone’s a cunt the younger who se Mrs has relatives in NZ thinks this also. He rants on about there being sod all to do and that everyone drinks and drives because it’s miles to a pub and that the beaches might look nice but that you can’t buy a drink or ice cream anywhere on them. Oh and that theses sod all to do, did I mention that?
Personally I’ve only been once Wellington in mid May. It was fucking freezing and there was sod all to do..
14
Only surprised you didn’t comment on the constant hurricane force wind that permanently blows through the town, it makes walking a tough chore.
And you’re right about the lack of things to do down there.
10
Kiwi 🥝 cunt it was very windy not only did I spend most of the time with a duffel coat 🧥 on I had the hood up as well. A week earlier I’d been in Sydney. The cold down there was a massive surprise.
7
I think a lot of people underestimate how cold it gets here. They seem to think, geographically, we’re just off the coast of Brisbane or something.
9
I’d love to go. Only thing that puts me off is –
1. The price of the flights
2. Covid-19 (obviously)
3. That cunt in charge down there
13
And they can stick their lamb up their arses as well.
13
I’ve worked with quite a few, going on about how amazing New Zealand is and how shit the UK is, thing is they new want to go back home, fucking CUNTS every one
9
Never, fucking iPhones
4
Bit like famous Scousers when they get a bit of cash?
7
Went there about 10 years ago. An old friend married a Kiwi and decided to live there. The inbred cunt kept her virtually a prisoner in this shack about 40 miles from the nearest shop. The highlight of her day was the knitting class at the village church hall.All the Kiwis I met including Aussies were all crude sexists who kept there women out of sight. Fucking bleak place if you ask me.
15
Sort of like Bradford and Luton then was Fenton?, without the rääpèy rághèädś of course.
17
Stick your Haka up your arse.
12
All good comments, as far as I can see. People can say whatever they like, it’s their opinion.
The houses are shit, draughty and mostly damp. The beer is fucking piss poor, Steinlager being right at the very top. Driving, Rugby, the Haka (as performed by the square heads)….all indeed are wank, and I’ve cunted them all.
As for the Kiwis overseas who wax lyrical about our little country? Show me an ex-pat from any country who doesn’t bang on relentlessly about their homeland. They all do it, man or woman. English, South African, even the Chinese….they’re here and all bore you to tears with how magnificent it is back in their country. As noted, why the fuck move offshore then?
What else? Umm….regards Fenton tale of the weird kidnapper type. Never underestimate how much of a cunt some people are.
I live here, I like it. I’d never tell anyone it’s paradise cos it fucking well isn’t. Nowhere is. And if it was, we’d all be living there…..all 8 billion people.
Good evening Sharkunt. What took so long? You threatened this cunting months ago. Been learning to write in the meantime have you?
16
Morning Kiwi –
Despite all that’s been said, the nom pic is amazingly beautiful. Where would that have been taken?
I’m an ex-pat living in Yankland. I can honestly say I don’t drone on and on about how great the UK is, but I do know the type. I recall sitting in a fake British pub in Houston one time. Quite a few Brits in there and I could over hear all the waxing lyrical about dear old Blighty. On and on it went. It made you want to slap them and yell, “Just enjoy where you are you cunts!”.
Anyway, I met a British lady also in Houston many years ago. We got chatting and she told me she’d just moved to Houston with her husband and brats from Australia. She told me something which I’ve never forgotten. Once you’ve lived outside the country where you were born and raised, you’re never completely happy with where you are because now you have the perspective of comparison. She was absolutely right. Cheers – IY.
7
That is Lake Matheson which is located near Fox Glacier on the South Island of NZ. NZ’s West Coast is a great place for a driving holiday – barely any traffic and no chance of a peaceful Uber rapist crashing into you.
3
I had the pleasure of living in NZ for 15 years. Steinlager isn’t a bad drop of lager but that DB shit is the most disgusting beer ever brewed anywhere in the world, even worse than fucking Budweiser (the Yankee piss-water that is – not the original Czech version).
KiwiCunt – you are also right about ex-pats banging on about how great their own countries are. I did it when I lived in NZ waxing lyrical to the colonials about how great the British Empire was and that they were damned fortunate to be part of it. Upon returning to the UK 25 years ago, I was greatly disappointed. Firstly, I discovered that white people can be thick too – I didn’t notice this in NZ because the Maoris and the Pacific Islanders make any whitey look intelligent. Also, at the time, NZ had no peacefuls so I was totally unaware about how they turn every country they emigrate to into a shithole.
9
Not to mention sandflies.
5
Doiclese cunted those bastard things years ago. Lol….the bite itches like fuck afterwards.
3
As for learning to write?
Yeah.. Nahh, just took ages deciding what bits to put in as there’s sooo many things wrong with the upside down I could write a fucking book x
3
So with all the things to cunt at your disposal, you went with pointing out the obvious things which have mostly received their own individual cunting.
And I was so looking forward to some unique insights from you.
How goes it anyway? Life treating you well I hope, what with all the Covid crap going on.
3
Pretty good thanks apart from my father deciding to throw a 7 on Sunday afternoon. Not all kiwis are cunts obviously but when I used to run a hotel in a major tourist city kiwis were by far the worst guests we ever had and we had everyone apart from north Koreans.
Strangely the best guests were South Africans and a couple of Tanzanians who were a joy.
1
I spent 8 months there in the mid 80’s, picking fruit for a crust.
I have to say it’s got solitude, some stunning landscapes and quiet roads.
It didn’t have this invasion of peacefuls and the maori/islanders would frequent the public bars but I never saw any trouble and I was in there a lot too.
You couldn’t officially buy beer, or as they say, grog on Sundays but one enterprising pub had installed a door bell the other side of the back wall into an adjacent car park so you’d park up, ring the bell, a head would pop over the wall, take your money and return with a crate of beer, Lion Red, Lion Brown, Dominion Bitter and Tui were the varieties, same shit, different label if truth be told. This was in a town called Hastings on the East coast. I won a radio phone in competition and got free tickets to see Dr Feelgood in neighbouring Napier.
The biker gangs were prevalent but again, as with the ‘cuzzas’ I never witnessed any hassle.
Alas, for a man in his twenties unless you like sheep there is fuck all to do and I missed London badly, there’s only so much pine tree and mountain you can gaze at for kicks.
As for locals, they were parochial, self-important, insecure, constantly bigging up the place like they seek affirmation from each other. The pubs are dull, functional barns with zero ambience, many of the wimminz were chunky horse faced types and the blokes either meat packer workers or farmers, all adorned with their fucking Swan-Dri smocks and pronouncing ‘A’ as an ‘I’, think Ipple instead of Apple.
Nice to retire to though, just not for the younger ones, it’s no fucking wonder they escape to come here before taking their earnings, reclaiming their tax and NI and fucking off home with their nest eggs. Familiar?
Fuck ’em and fuck Jacinda ‘sex change NWO horse’ Arden.
Yes, they actually elected one of Lynton Miranda B-liars team as a PM, way to go Kiwi.
14
Don’t look at me Cuntle. I never voted for her on either occasion.
4
I’d retire there in a heartbeat mate, now I’m the age I am.
Buy a batch on the beach, fish, walk with the dog and shoot possum for bait.
It would be a perfect get away from a surfeit of cuntitude. Have they managed to fuck up Gisborne yet? One of the best beaches in the world but there was a lot of talk of development from the Nips but it’s probably the other little yellow bastards money today.
4
Never actually been to Gisborne. People tell me it’s an up an coming place now though, lots of new developments, mostly because of a fuck ton of Aucklanders cashing up and moving to the provinces.
New Plymouth is another one that’s grown like a mad thing. Quite nice down there too.
3
Is it Napier where they have the cricket near the beach?
A few years back I was watching the cricket on the telly, NZ vs England test match. All honky families in the crowd, relaxing on the grass banks. Enjoying their picnics in the sun. Pans to the street outside, all honkies again. Smiling faces. Camera pans away a bit more and reveals a huge stunning white sandy beach with crystal clear water. Only honkies around. What a racist cunt I am for not enjoying living amongst ‘peacefuls’ and ‘rappers’.
I wanted to weep looking at Napier.
Or, rather than weep, for us to invade and take the cunting place back.
I know what I’d do lol.
Mind you, out navy probably consists of a gay bloke in a hat with a rubber ducky nowadays, so I wouldn’t worry too much if you’re a Kiwi.
4
Yeah it is Cunty, just a short walk from Marine Parade (the main road) and the beach itself.
Napier, Hastings, Havelock…..it’s pretty much all lily white folk down there.
3
Ardern is a monumental cunt but to her credit she’s handled the pandemic far better than Boris.
5
Joey Deacon would’ve handled the pandemic better than Boris, and the cunt’s been dead over 20 years.
13
That is true General and will dine out on it for the rest of her career.
3
She is a monumental cunt. She is the result of a cousin fucking a horse.
5
How was Dr Feelgood, Cuntle? Loved their single “Milk and Alcohol” from way back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTbzyqr0TRo
2
I get what you say about the way Kiwis pronouce vowels. Unfortunately, my 15 years living there ruined my originally mild Norfolk accent and I hate the way I now mispronounce vowels like a Kiwi.
3
I would eat my own nutsack to get a permanent resident visa to live there (bit too old now, fuck it). So fuck you lot lol. Beautiful place.
Got a feeling it could go tits up though, what with Horseface McWoketits in charge.
The entire place might resemble Islamabad (or worse, Bradford) in 20 years time after letting a few of the cunts in.
They breed like rabbits and bring everyone over you daft twats.
If you think it’s a shithouse now…
11
Evening Cunty.
Regarding Jacinda……unless she gets her finger out, she’ll be remembered for doing precisely fuck all for New Zealanders. To date, all her/Labour’s first term pledges are still waiting to be implemented. That they’ve recently announced the same fucking things again as priority (housing, child welfare etc…) shows what her and her party have achieved thus far in 4 years.
Any credible opposition would have crushed Labour at the last election. Shame that National rendered themselves completely un-voteable (if that’s even a word 🤔)
8
The bravest/maddest thing I ever saw was by a kiwi.
Watched a documentary about great white sharks, who breed off the coast of NZ.
Theyd never been filmed, and are super aggressive during mating,
Think Jaws but horny and pissed up on Stella.
Anyway this kiwi, hippy type, dreadlocks, hed made a one man submarine that was basically a super market shopping trolley with a propeller,
The marine biologist said
“Is it safe?”
The hippy said “dunno ive never tested it,”!!!
He goes in the water and two big male sharks attacked his submarine, breaking it and leaving him stranded on the seabed with the sharks circling.
He calmly radioed the blokes on the boat and cool as a fuckin cucumber said “we’ve a problem”!!!!
I was massively impressed.
He had balls of steel
Must of been icewater running through his veins,
Id of fainted an shit in my wetsuit soon as the sharks attacked.
9
Was that down on the South Island? They get scores of Great Whites off the coast down there.
There was a thriving tourist trade running cage dives to see them….not sure I fancy offering myself up as a meal in a can to one of those things!
3
Dunno, but this hippy, nothing flustered him.
If hed of been on Apollo 13,
And theyd told him theyd never make it home, waiting for the air supply to run out?
Hed just get a crossword puzzle out, wait patiently!!
2
There’s a story down south about that, little White Pointer said to dad, ‘why do we circle the people before we eat them? Dad said ‘They taste better with the shit out of them’.
9
Never forgiven these cunts for betraying Rhodesia, I hope they drown in their sea of multicultural swill and obligatory halal lamb, bunch of cunts!!!!
13
You just might get your wish there.
They opened the door slightly to “Please. I am refugee worship Mohammed very peaceful can come in? Have degree and my friend give reference I engineer. And doctor medicine. You have Aids? Can helping you. Yes, my papers and references real. My friend Bilal gaurantree for you he work government no funny business don’t worry.”
The door was opened for just a second and thousands of the cunts steamed in. Now having their obligatory 8+ kids.
They’re fucked, like every other western country that lets the cunts in.
14
I think there are a lot of buck-tooth Somali cunts there as well. They really will fuck the country up. r.e. betraying Rhodesia – the UK did a pretty good job of that as well, and sat around and did fuck all while farmers were killed and their farms stolen. But hey, they’re just whiteys. Knighthood for Korky Ballington.
14
Fabulous contry, has everything and I am serious about that! Trouble is the people, fucking sheep, sell their soul for short term gain and fuck the future. When we have elections half are not voted in but on a list (MMP) just like Germany after the war to make sure the guys behind running the puppet show don’t let the elected get out of line. Elections are run on a popularity contest where the winner has geat ideas but does fuck all. Stupid pricks deserve what they voted for execpt me, I didn’t ask to be continually given one up the back passage by the woke left! I worked for my money.
4
Never been to NZ, unlikely to go there. If I ended up there I could survive, speak English, western civilisation, edible food, pubs, roads and everything we have in the U.K.
I don’t know if I’m in a position to cunt NZ, glass houses and stones. I’m sure if you have money and health it’s like most civilised countries.
Meanwhile we are watching our own country implode.
10
I tried tp persuade my daughter to settle there so could ship us in to retire. Never happened but I would go like a shot given the opportunity. How any fucker living in a multicultural UK city can sneer at the fuckers is beyond me.
I love rugby, outdoors, sea, fishing, beer and braais. And the odd earthquake.
My kinda shithole.
11
And the number 2 country for dealing best with Covid.
3
Jacinda gives me the horn.
3
I went there a few years ago. Bit cold down the South Island but I loved it.
I’d go back and stay in the blink of an eye, but not near the sulphurous smelling bit in the middle.
0
My son lives there in Queenstown and started a tourist and leisure activities business just prior to chokie19. Surprisingly his business isn’t doing too badly as it’s sort of in house stuff. I’d lve there tomorrow as I’m retired and just right for us. I especially like the the roads and driving. Bit like driving was in the 60’s here.
We go every UK winter so I never see that cold shit. I’d advise anyone to visit, it’s a great visit. A lot of insulated people there and shite bars but a lot of other stuff to make up. Wellington just wind and more fucking wind. Napier, get your booze early it shuts at 8 or 9. Abel Tasman park fucking wonderful. Do it if this shit ever ends.
Rhodesia, I did Beira patrol in the RN blockading oil. Never knew then what it was all about. Just following orders.
As they say!
3
My uncle Alf lived in Auckland. He emigrated to NZ after the second world war because he’d been told it was the only place where there was no unemployment. He liked it well enough.
Best bit of telly I saw from NZ was a street fight between a Black Power and a Mongrel Mob. They both looked like Maoris.
1
Things I love about NZ. You can buy a pie anywhere, nice and hot. Great scenery, and it’s said to be the blue print for the rest of the world. Great scuba diving. If you like foraging for sea food, best place I’ve been.
Things I hate about NZ. Fucking sand flies on South Island. Shit beer, no decent pubs, Auckland full of Chinks who can’t drive. Went to Palmerston South to a pub with signs everywhere “ if the staff suspect you are intoxicated, you will be asked to leave. These cuntish signs were everywhere in the place. Shit radio stations blasting out adverts from “Tha mad butcher”.
The Kiwis are a very laid back bunch, which I like, but get rid of that cunt Adherne.
2
Thats what I like about New Mills.
1
I’ve been to New Mills many a time, not far from me MNC. All that’s missing is the Zealand bit, and the kiwi cunts…. all in the best possible taste of course. Ooh, forgot to mention the history there, yesterday’s paper is fawned over😉
0
Beat response to Covid by isolating from the rest of the world.
Sweet fucking stay isolated and cunt right off for ever
Suits me
3
The place is a shithole.Used to be good,now full of indians and chinese.They have fucked the place. Be ok for a 1 week holiday. Anymore then a week you would want to shoot yourself in the face.
3
NZ a dried out shitehole with Hobbits now since Global Warming but Hollywood has yet to catch up. Still filming for the lush British countryside look there and getting dead grass and scorched trees instead. Still I suppose it looks verdant and well watered to Californian cunts.
3
The British Empires lame sibling
2