Cinch [2]

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Cinch, an internet second-hand car company. I know fuck-all about them, but, I’ve seen two seperate adverts that sent my blood pressure dangerously high. Both mixed-race couples, of course, but the bit that sent my BP over two hundred systolic was that plastic, porcelain-toothed ultra-cunt Rylan Clarke-Neal. For the sake of my health, I must, in future, turn over when it’s on.

Nominated by: DCI Gene Cunt

53 thoughts on “Cinch [2]”

  2. That cunt Rylan has pinched Dick Emery’s comedy vicar teeth.

    Charge: First degree poovery.
    Verdict: Guilty as charged m’Lud

    Send the cunt down to Barrymore’s for anal rehab. No Howard League of Penile Reform for this mincing great ninny.

  3. Was it King Edward I V who said he thought persons such as this whoopsie shot themselves?
    He must have been wrong I assume as the vermin seem to be thriving.

    • I thought Edward II was a whoopsie.
      I heard he died in agony with a red hot poker inserted up his backside.
      Same treatment for Rylan perhaps?

  4. Any Company that thinks the sight and sound of that mincing,”ooo-eerr Ducky” abortion-bucket -dodger Rylan Clark is going to encourage me to buy one of their cars deserves to go bust.
    I’d like to place those ridiculous teeth of his on a kerb-stone and drive over the back of his neck in a fucking Cinch car…whatever the fuck that may be…possibly one of those electric Noddymobiles?

  5. He is a limp-wristed poofy-voiced twat.

    And I notice it is ok for him to take the piss out of the male driver referring to his “bodywork” but not the female.

    The double standards make you sick.

      • I wish my late father was around to have a look at this cunt….he would have gone on a week long rant about National Service and flamethrowers. Dear old Dad!

  6. Had to look it up. Even its Wiki entry betrays its total incapacity for useful work, and is contradicts itself as to his birthplace (father unknown). Stepney, for its grimy workingclass authenticity , and the sons-of-honest-toil card? Or Stanford le-Hope in leafy Essex with its Tory council and MP, to suggest steady repectability, if with an estuary accent?

    Don’t really care, tbh. Obviously a cunt. Pass.

    • I saw this advert and agree whole-heartedly with the nom. I did say to Lady C the first time I saw it “who the bloody hell is that poof?”, so thanks for clearing it up. Apropos Stanford-le-Hope, I used to work near there and it was always known as Stanford-no-Hope: some wag even changed the street sign. Phil Jupitus also came from there as an acquaintance I knew used to lodge with this parents. I don’t know if he is a cunt though.

  7. i wasnt quick enough but i was going to nominate this ass bending faggot, the next Katy Price replacement for when she pops her clogs, or tits, mincing puff thats going to be pestering us for years to come, on the telly at any given chance……
    let the cunt drown in KY jelly…..

  8. I’ve been playing i-spy with my girlfriend recently. Every time an advert break comes on the TV we play “spot the advert without a BAME person in it”
    Why not play along fellow cunters? Great fun for all!
    Warning; this game may raise the temperature of your piss to dangerously high levels.

    • Apparently, blacks only make up 3% of the UK population, and mixed-race families just over 2%. However, based on TV adverts, it must be more like 97% and 99% respectively.

      • It’s a tick box exercise. Like that fucking Black Friday Amazon advert with the dwarf and the pack of dark keys, I fucking want to twat that dancing cunt. I bet there was a muslim, non-binary, two-headed quadriplegic in a wheelchair out of shot somewhere.

    • What about the Amazon advert with the black bird in it. A mixed couple with a blond midget, I shit you not. How fucking woke is that.
      I seriously think that the ad agencies are trying to outdo one another to see who can make the most right-on advert.

  10. I fucking hate these commercials with a passion….that’s what we want will say the company, to provoke a reaction and get our “brand out there”…get people talking.

    Well, I would rather wipe my arse on your website than buy one of your bangers…hopefully go the same way as carquake, jamjar etc etc

    All been done before and nobody cares.

  11. I hate that cunt with a passion. He’s on wireless 2 of a Saturday afternoon, with phrases such as “ shut the front door “ it should be “ shut the back door”. Another piss boiling phrase “ oooh, you’re winning at life darlin’”. He’s an utter cunt of the highest order.

    • Here’s a list of Radio 2 DJs;
      Graham Norton, Rylan Clarke-Neil, Paul Gambiccini, Scott Mills, Alan Carr, Paul O’Grady.
      Now I wonder what that lot might possibly have in common?

  12. Rylan who if I remember gained his fame for sobbing like a small child on the xfactor.

    He’s since been touted as the new Dale Winton, did we really need a new Dale Winton?

    He doesn’t upset me more than any of the other mincing batty boys on TV, it doesn’t even upset me his mincing has made him a millionaire.

    Maybe because I spent half the night listening to the US non election I really can’t be upset about much today.

    Things could be worse, I could be in lockdown with the twat, he would I feel be counted as an indirect Covid casualty if that were the case.

    In comparison to the family man fraud Schofield he’s the lesser of two evils, Clark hasn’t hidden who he is.

    • Dunno who he is but theres something of the Beegee about this one.
      Would I buy a car off him?
      I wouldn’t even get in a life boat with him.
      Fuck of nylon Rylon you ducky darling.🖕

  14. I’m not a fan of the overly gay. It’s too had to separate the person from the sexuality. With TV comedians and personalities like this cunt it’s all about being gay. Which is both boring and annoying, if that’s the sum total of you personality being what you fuck, then I have no interest.
    This Rylan cunt seems to be everywhere. Cunt sounds like a slightly more feminine Janet Street Porter.
    Fuck off.

  15. Filthy cunt. He’s had more cocks than Katie Price and more arse than Lord Mandy. It’s no wonder the peacefuls regard us as weak and morally corrupt when they see creatures like this mincing across their telly.

  16. What a monstrosity. His dentures are a Klu Klux Klan’s wet dream. There are fewer and fewer real men in the world. You can see these ducks in the queue outside Nando’s waiting for their peri-peri bum suck. File under foul.

  17. Generally speaking, “ginger beers” don’t bother me, they are mostly inoffensive types who are good at home decor and planning parties. Dykes on the other hand, are fucking evil cunts who have a hatred for real men-penis envy.

    As I don’t watch terrestrial television, I manage to avoid most cultish advertising.

    Evening all-remember Face-Hands-Space….or whatever the fucking latest wankery is!

    • Evening CG,
      Im not really all that homophobic, Ive quite a few customers who are gay, and lezzy.
      They always tip and seem more relaxed ,
      I really like their money.
      Nowt against them but happy to take the piss.😀😀

      • Evening Cuntymort,
        I like most peoples money!
        But in all honesty theyre great customers,
        Polite, grateful, pay without problem.
        The only money I dont touch is muslims and africunts,
        Wont work for them.
        Fuck em.😀

  18. Good nom there. My late Mother used the term plastic people and rightfully so. I’ve seen Clarke-Neal on ads recently and he indeed looks weirdly artificial and as false as Linekar’s tweets. Even his beard looks like the odd thick acrylic sported on Terrahawks back in the day. This mixed race, grinning spoon tokenism in every advert is pissing me off too. One I saw recently was some fat cukky white bloke portrayed (quite happily) as a subservient sidekick to a black (I’m in the gym all day cos I don’t get no acting jobs) superhero. Shame on it all.

  20. What in the name of FUCK is that hideous mutant?? It’s an affront to the male of the species.
    The freak looks like the result of a botched medical experiment resulting in a hybrid of an escapee from a cheap seaside waxworks museum combined with a molten Ken doll.
    2 Questions:
    1.Does this cunt look in mirror and say “I’m gorgeous “
    2.Would even the most depraved ,uncontrollable randiest sex-starved buggerer on the planet want to contaminate their dick by inserting it into this cunt’s anus?
    I reckon that if a “normal” gay was told that they had to sh@g this horrendoplasty they would turn straight.

  21. He is a walking, talking, mincing, Thunderbird puppet. Wheneverv# the vacuous cunt is on the magic box, I am looking for the strings.

    What is the point of the parrafin waxedwork anyway ? Reminds me of some hideous character my neice would create when playing ‘guess who ?’

  22. Lizard people and humans alike should bear in mind, a cheap “suit” fools no one.

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