Arthur Smith – Comedian & Cunt

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….Professional Cockney and typical BBC material.

I can’t believe that this slimy saggy-faced socialist shit-bag has managed to evade a cunting for so long.

Too ugly to have his face on tv, the droning cunt does the voiceover for the dire daytime tv programme ‘Money for Nothing’, starring the uber prim Sarah “I never shit” Moore.

The cunt, who’s a year younger than me but looks 15 years older, claims to be teetotal following a nearly (but not quite near enough in my opinion) fatal attack of pancreatitis.
I forgot to mention that the piss-head has been described as being a “comedian”.You maast be aaavin’a larf, Arfur.

Have a relapse and go on a life-threatening bender and give us all a laugh, you boring cunt! The first drink’s on me.

Nominated by: cuntator 

66 thoughts on “Arthur Smith – Comedian & Cunt”

    • Ive always hated Arthur Smith.
      He makes me feel sick.
      Hes got too much gozz in his mouth, I assume hes one of those cunts who spits when they talk.
      And hes a right lefty cunt.
      He talks like Davros doing a Mike Reid impersonation.
      Fucking hate the cunt.
      Oh an hes about as funny as finding on your birth certificate your dads name is Abdhul.
      Fuckin hate the cunt
      Grrrrr….😬😬😬😬😬

      • MNC your post has such passion I love it! I especially like the gob thing; yes I can unfortunately imagine getting covered in fucking flem speaking to this lefty cheesecock.

      • Cheers NB!👍
        Yes, passionate certainly,
        I took a couple of viagra earlier.
        Not for missus Miserable!
        Couldnt find my hammer and need to nail down my floor boards!!😀😀👍

  2. It’s ARFUR SMITH innit?. No need for a “Th” when you have an “f”. I have a theory that the would-be hard left “comedian” with the wood alcohol voice is a total fraud. In real life he probbaly lives in a Mayfair penthouse, uses a cigarette holder and wears a smoking jacket, while reading Country Life with a nice cut crystal glass of port abd lemon, and he is a poofter whose real voice is as effeminate as Alan Carr. Probably gives Jay Blades a blowjob in exchange for black cock on Money For Nuffing as he would call it.

  3. I have to admit that I saw him live at Battersea Arts Centre, must have been 20 years ago when I was still a bit left. Its Ok, I’ve seen the light! Surely he’s a Dead Pool candidate these days?

    That Money for Nothing Show is a load of rubbish, quite literally turning rubbish into rubbish. As for the American style editing, goodness, if they stopped repeating the same segment from 30 seconds ago, the show would last an entire 5 minutes.

  4. Doesn’t this cunt do film reviews for the BBC? The sort of thing Barry Norman used to do Smith is another one of those who tries to be ‘dry’ and ‘laconic, but ends up looking like an up himself cunt. Like an unfunny version of Droopy.

    • Good old Droopy. I always think of him whenever I have the misfortune to see Harry Redknapp.

  5. Sounds like another champagne socialist, and hosting ‘Money for Nothing’, sounds rather apt for a cunt who’s socialist philosophy is anti-capitalism. While at the same time wanting money for the least effort.

    • Money for nothing used to be this dead posh lady Sarah something or other, scaving on the tip, then shed be thrilled!!
      Im the same Sarah, right skip rat me!!
      She walked like shed learnt how to walk from a book like Wurzel Gummidge walked, all jerky movements.
      But she was alright, just a bit posh, bit of a mong.
      Anyway shed take it to “expert craftsmen”
      One was a carpenter, he was good, a scottish blacksmith, he was good.
      The rest were right rip off merchants!
      2 hipster types would quote £100, shed go back and EVERY time theyd go over budget, sorry thatll be £300.
      One expert was a cunt in manchester who turned everything into a robot!!
      Fuck off!!👆

      • Have you noticed how every cunt who’s crap has been turned into something to sell, wants to donate the money to charity? Just once I wish to see some old bloke saying “I’ll throw a big party where I will disgrace myself by getting shitfaced and snorting coke off some slappers tits young enough to be my granddaughter”.

      • Thats odd, this morning was rooting for a CD for in the van, and pulled out “tea for the tillerman”
        By Cat Stevens!
        But decided on LA womam the Doors instead.
        I liked his voice Bertie, a shame he went mental/muslim.

      • Stevens was well past his best by the time he turned Peaceful. Tea For The Tillerman was one of his better albums, I seem to recall.

      • True Ruff, but that could be said about Bowie, the Stones, etc.
        Few albums then fizzle out.

      • Yeah, but they didn’t turn Peaceful when they lost their mojos and ran out of decent material.

        Evening lads. 👍

      • Mr mojo risin?
        Some only have a album in them and done.
        Remember David Gray?
        With the wobbly head?
        Album that sells, then back working on the bins or whatever.
        And that Badly draw boy.

      • Yup, remember them both, Miserable. Just about. Never bothered with them though.

        My original point about Stevens was that it didn’t matter that he turned Peaceful when he did because he was no loss to music by then.

      • Yeah. If it was me I’d Say that I’d spend it all on prostitutes Unless Sarah offers to allow me to do naughty things to her fragrant twee fart-box.

  6. These “cheeky chappy” Cockney cunts give Londoners a bad name – don’t they Mohammed?
    London has completely fucked up its own identity.
    What a twattish nation we live in.

    • Thats who he reminds me of!
      A barrow boy, heel clicking, Will Self!
      Luvverly jubberly,
      Loved their dear ol mum,
      Chim chimney version.
      Arfur fuckin pint of piss smith….

  8. Never seen or heard of Arthur, didn’t really get anything from the Nom so I looked him up, on wiki it says he is a member of the Labour Party therefore he is a cunt, other than that no idea.

  10. Looks like a melting waxwork of Duncan Bannatyne. He also looks like he’d be behind the wheel of an ice cream van like Bannatyne but this bloke would be doing it in a made for TV adaptation of a Stephen King novel where kids go missing.

    What an unfortunate looking cunt. Throughly violated with the ugly stick and fell out of the ugly tree, hit every branch on the way down and then the tree fell on him and caught fire and had to be put out by dumping 5 tons of cow dung on it. Lets be honest, we would all be left-wing socialist types if we were in this lad’s place. I would bet serious money that rohypnol is the only reason he has ever put his tiny winkie in a female.

  11. Smith? Droning unfunny prick. And I love the way Sarah Moore “coincidentally” finds expensive old stuff and gives it to hipster nuggets who fkin ruin it – as “self taught” bone idle clown Jay Blades p*nces about doing nothing!
    I do some furniture restoration and the chimps on that programme do not have a clue about anything except how to overcharge for utter shite.
    And while I am having a moan – whichever CUNT thought of “shabby chic” needs a fking good slapping – beautiful wood ruined by having paint slapped over it to look like junk! (And it takes aaaages to sand off!).

    • Foxy@
      I restored a victorian umbrella/coat stand, the cunt had put 3 coats of purple paint on it!
      Took fuckin ages to clean it up.

      • Doesn’t that Jay Blades do something with chairs where he paints just one leg in a bright colour and then as far as I can see, that is it. I’m sure some hipster wanker in Shoreditch or some other gentrified cunthole will pay through the nose for it.

      • That he does LL.
        His trademark, one leg a different colour.
        He always has a dead expensive leather apron on, notice?
        More for a blacksmith, whats that about?
        My old dad hates mr Blades😀😀
        “Hes wearing that fuckin pinny again the soft twat!”
        Hehe.

    • Shabby shit! I was painting with a geezer a while back you couldnt be more right about ruining^retroing a good(real wood) with that bollocks

    • Jade Blade does fuck all apart from shake hands and carry stuff to the car. Utter cunt with pristine pinny

    • Spot on .
      I’ve seen better results in the “top tips” section of sad mags like Take a Break.
      It’s always the same types of cunt that buy the finished article eg the owners of a “vintage” furniture shop,a trendy lamp shop ,a “boutique” hotel.
      Must dash, I’m reupholstering the sofa with bog paper and staples that will go rusty after a week.

  12. I used to quite like this bloke but I presume he’s transformed into an utter cunt these days like every other cunting fucking twat who used to be vaguely funny once upon a time.

  13. There was a distant clanger in my noggin that Arfur Smiff had written a stage play about football so I DuckDuckGo-ed him and lo and behold my memory was rewarded. It was a 90-minute play about a couple who go on a package tour holiday to rekindle their marriage and is set over the England v. Germany semi-final where the sausage-eating cunts won on penalties. It sounds like torture. It was called An Evening With Gary Lineker.

    The only Evening With Gary Lineker I’d wish to see would also be 90 minutes but would involve real torture.

  14. Did he write “An evening with Gary Lineker”???
    I think he may well be guilty as charged.
    Based purely on the heinous crime of inflicting jug-ears onto the British people’s, my sentence as follows.
    For being not just a cunt, in fact a cunt of the highest order, Arthur Smith, you will be taken from this court to a place of oven-execution, where you will be baked until you are dead.
    Uncle Terry, take him down!

    • The only evening Id like with Gary Lineker is sat at his death bed as hes slipping away!

      “Gary, Gary, its ok, your wifes moved on.
      No a immigrant bloke.
      Dont cry!
      You big racist.
      Oh and im tomming your daughter”…

      • CF-G, great minds indeed.

        Iqbal: Ven you adopted me as poor eemigrint, I no think you force me to watch dis Evening Wiz Gary Lineker every night. It’s child abuse.

        Lineker: It’s edjoocational, innit. And eat your Walkers crisps quietly.

        Iqbal: I no like Walkers crips. Dey get trapped in my beard.

        Lineker: Shut up or I’ll lock you in the cellar again, you scroungin’ refugee cunt.

  16. This boring drain sounding cunt always used to go on about balham in south London, how he loved it and how he was so grateful he lived there, I lived in balham for 35 years and never saw the cunt or heard anybody talking about him , another champagne socialist, unkle Terry oven for this fucker

    • Hahaha!
      Bet hes never been there?
      Picked it out of a AtoZ of London.
      Probably from somewhere dead posh.
      Bet his names not Arfur either!
      Crispin del a quin.

      • Too right miserable, I bet he is like cockney wankers claiming they are from Manchester and they love their “ROOTS” ,good evening mnc,

      • Evening Sid!👍
        Those chanpagne socialists always claim humble roots.
        Probably the chauffeur stopped in traffic in Balham on the way to his posh boarding school.

      • Lots of the posh fuckers now, wandsworth is full of tarquins and jocasta types, no more working class normal types left, when I go back to visit the stuck up cunts always look down at you, but I was there first,

      • Shame isnt it?
        Gentrification.
        Takes the soul out of places, no sense of community.
        Progress Sid.👎😭👎

      • Not a chance of gentrification in my home city of Peterborough, it claimed No1 spot of the ‘Crap Towns’ list in 2019 and 2020. I feel a bit misty eyed for the old dump now.

      • Same, no gentrification in Brinnington.
        Peterborough nice when growing up LL?
        Only ever drove past it never been there.

  17. This cunt’s voice sets my teeth on edge.
    So manufactured and “matey” in the hope of patronising the working class viewer and listener.
    We see through you, fuckface…

  18. There was another film he did called “MySummer with Des”
    About the 1996 footie competition. Rachel Weisz is hot in that.
    Funny bit when he’s trying not to shoot his load saying out loud “jimmy hill jimmy hill ”
    Have to see it I guess……

  19. I think he based his entire act in the hope that their would be new Carry On films and that he would be cast in the role that would have been played by Sid James. In fact, I’m surprised he didn’t appear as Sid in Paul Merton’s Presents Galton and Simpson. Instead Sam Kelly (Hans from ‘Allo ‘Allo) played that part.

    I don’t mind him. He doesn’t ram is politics down people’s throats. He also appeared on the same shows as Malcolm Hardee who was Jerry Sadowitz’s agent and a proper nutter.

    Sarah Moore is also in that programme Cash In The Spare Room. I wish they’d turn one of the rooms into a brothel, that would be good. Or in Money For Nothing I wish she’d ask someone what they’ll spend the money on and they’d say “My Tits” or something.

  22. When the cunt talks his mouth looks like a 95 year old’s anus farting in slow motion.
    “Gor bloimey that Seerra dontarf gimme the ‘orn.“ Oi,d laav to spaank moi load wiv me taang shuvved upper posh arsole.

  24. I remember him being described as someone who knows about humour without being in any way funny himself.
    He appeared in a very early episode of The Bill as Galloway’s snout.
    If radio FUCKING four didn’t exist he’d starve.

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