Always Discreet – Taking the Piss!

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I’ve just seen a advert for Always Discreet a nappy pad for women who piss their pants.

Now, call me old fashioned but im a firm believer in ‘ladies problem’ being for ladies only, as a bloke I dont want to know, Why tell me you stink of piss?

Why tell me your that bone idle you don’t bother to go the khazi preferring to slash down your legs like a toddler? Its repulsive.

And one of them looks like George Takei from Star trek!!

Do these lazy feckless bints shit themselves too?

Dogs get a bad press for shitting on pavements but I reckon its down to these filthy old twats.

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt 

73 thoughts on “Always Discreet – Taking the Piss!”

  1. I shudder to think of what wimmin politicians do in their drawers when they are so busy talking bollocks. I can picture the skid marks of Emily Thornberry and Lalya Moran, not to mention Yvette Cooper’s piss-stained Y Fronts, and it has put me off my breakfast

      • The result of the LibDumbs leadership election is due to be announced today!

        The tension mounts… as indeed does Derek.

        🎶
        Layla, you’ve got me on my knees
        Layla, I’m begging, darling please
        Layla, darling won’t you ease my worried mind 🎶

        I can barely contain my excitement.

      • Oh fuck me sideways with a wire brush! Just clicked on that link and what a picture.
        Is that who they want as leader of the limpdumbs?
        Oh dear
        Oh dear
        Oh dear
        They’ve lost their credibility, what little they had in the first place with that gurning gargoyle.
        Imagine that turning up at your doorstep asking for your vote.
        Go away love and put the kettle on, there’s a good girl.

      • Ghastly isn’t she?. If they remade Alistair Sims The Happiest Days of your Life old Layla could play Miss Gossidge, the gym mistress in the big navy blue PT knickers.

        If she wins the LibDems lose, if the arsehole who is leading them now wins, the LidDems will also lose.

        It’s a lose/lose situation, thank goodness.

      • It says further down that she is pansexual, does that mean she’ll fuck anything? With her face I assume she has to cast a wide net.

    • Diane Abbott goes commando. Just follow the wet mop trail that smells like the inside of a boxing glove, and there she is!

    • Layla Moron, more like. Moron or Ed ‘Ravey’ Davey. What a choice to put before the long-suffering British public.

  2. To be fair to the lass she’s got a decent physique on her.
    But the plumbing is fucked so No Thanks love.

  4. These ads aren’t truthful, they’re really aimed at gin soaked crones who constantly have the running shits due to a diet of bloody Mary’s and cab sav.

  5. I have been going to do a cunting on this for some time – glad you be at me to it Miserable. The worst thing about them is that I’m generally eating my tea when they come – puts you right off.
    The other one is that vacuous bint who says “how do I know my mouths really clean” – Answers; 1) wrap it round this and/or 2) keep it shut.

  6. It’s not just old bags you know. An acquaintance of mine who I see now and again (not since lockdown). Hums of stale piss. Not one person has had the guts to tell him. It is like those old B. O. Adverts. There for the grace…. l hope not.

  7. I think that you’re as big a bunch of Old Biddies as the ones who use “Always Discreet”. There’s nothing the matter with a bit of “wee” action…whatever floats your boat,I reckon. If it’s good enough for The Donald,it’s good enough for me.
    Indeed, in preparation for a good wank I sometimes like to spread an old silage-bag out on the bed,put on an old diver’s bell-helmet,open the front porthole on it and tip a jug of lightly microwaved Robinson’s Barley Water in,before slamming the porthole shut,grabbing my laptop (already playing Piss-Whores 3) and trying to achieve climax before I drown…I always make sure that the laptop is disconnected from the mains before grabbing…I’d hate to be the idiot who appears in the paper as ” Man electrocutes himself while charging laptop”.

    I also enjoy “2 Girls,1 Cup”…..for that I use a large pot of Nutellla to get my motor running and imagine Jo Brand’s hairy,puckered anus hovering over my helmet.

    Fuck Off Prudes.

    • ‘Jo Brand’s hairy,puckered anus’.

      Do you mind, Sir, I was halfway through my peanut butter on hot toast. There was simply no need for that.

      • I’m having the remains of a chicken biryani…as you can probably imagine,I’m as rigid as a wrecking-bar

      • I wonder if there’s a “vomit porn” category on Pornhub?..Oooohh,I’m tingling at the very thought.

      • Thanks for that,RTC.

        Are you an aficionado too ?I really should have picked up on it sooner…anyone who puts mushrooms in a curry is bound to be a bit “kinky”…although to be honest I had you down as a far more warped individual than someone who enjoys just a bit of puke-porn

      • Morning Dick.

        To be fair, there a very few pérversions that fail to float my boat when the sap rises.

        Two such pérversions that have never registered on the Ruff hornometer are:

        1. People (and other animals) puking.
        2. Men engaging in male on male homosexual relations.

        That said, the occasional ladyboy has been known to turn my head.

      • I don’t actually like the smell, taste or texture of Nutella…that’s what makes it so suitable….it’s lubricating properties aren’t up to much either,tbh.

    • I think Admin was taking the piss (ha!) when he scheduled this nom for a breakfast timing rather than mid-morning!

      Cheers, for the revolting imagery as I try to dunk my toasted soldier into my runny boiled egg!

      • Well I always try to remain on the correct side of tasteful…I am,above all,a Gentleman.

    • Fiddler,there are times when I think that you must have escaped from a Tom Sharpe novel.

  8. It must be awful for tranníes who’ve had the ‘op’, the ones who have waved sayonara to their schlong and beanbag, to adapt to these special piss-sponges, especially difficult for the older ones who long ago abandoned their parts in favour of a man-made hole, Chelsea Manning, Caitlin Jenner, Nícola Sturgeon.

  9. Cute ass! Though the skin appears slightly on the blotchy side.

    Not averse to ladies enjoying the occasional golden shower me.

    • Many moons ago I had a girlfriend who begged to hold my tadger while I was having a piss. She also liked me to watch while she was having one.
      I never really ‘got’ that particular turn-on but I was more than happy to indulge her.

  10. A pair of sisters were once occupants of a flat I own. One worked as a nurse. They were both extremely large ladies. Any rate the nurse used to wear a nappy of sorts. She claimed that if she used the dunny when her shift ended she would miss the bus. So she pissed herself instead. The laundry in the block used to stink of urine soaked garments. And if they ever got me round for repair work the smell of stale piss made the toilet in a public bar on Saturday mornings pleasant by comparison. Fucking Kiwis!

    • These were the same cunts that left used-tampons under the bed , no?
      Like I said before – they were scat freaks , and you were a very unlucky landlord.

  11. MIserable, you’re being very miserable this morning. It’s so sad a lovely little chap like you gets fussed about something as trivial as this. What if some people (MEN included) need these products? Just be thankful you’re not one of them … or are you? Is that what’s making you so unhappy?

    Dear Miserable, I’m sending you some white chocolate (a very large tub full actually) over the ether to ease your woes. Please be happy again, sweetie? Your legions of fans want this, want you to get back to your real purpose in life, ie cunting those who really deserve to be shamed. Let the grannies and granddads go in peace – they haven’t got that much time left, after all. RIP piss pants everywhere!

    PS sending you some choice weed as well for good measure. Don’t be sick over your keyboard.

    • 😁😁
      Was more a off the cuff joke nom LC,
      Im feeling quite chipper,
      And sat in a massive puddle of my own wee!
      I’ll take the white chocolate,
      Im a Chocolate white supremacist.
      But gave up the weed years ago, id be earnestly sulking in self pity and break out in a smile or start humming!!
      It spoilt my lovely frown
      Got laughter lines now😞

  12. Just imagine your going down on a reconnaissance mission on one of these piss leakers then discover after flying in to low you bury your face in a stinking nest of piss and soft cheese . Makes me shudder just thinking about it 😱

      • Good lord, Mr Fiddler, you’re being a rather filthy beast this morning. Have you recently met up with a rude lady or something, someone who’s got your disgraceful passions all aflame?

  14. I thought these pant things were just to catch a little bit of leakage, not a full blown slash.

    The advert on the TV really annoys me, some tart poncing around stroking her arse in a pair of jeans (I guess to show you can’t see she is wearing tena pants) and says
    ‘I am not going let a little bit of wee stop me being me’

    FUCK OFF!

    • I’ve never met a bird that does purple piss, either. I wonder what Hillary Clitworn’s nether regions are like. Monterey Jack with blue mould ?

  16. I actually sort of wish my ex missus suffered from this affliction, she was always drier than a nun’s nasty and at least it might have added a bit of lubrication rather feel like fucking a razor blade.

    • Indeed. I suspect that those poor souls who actually suffer this affliction are probably a lot older and flabbier than the young lady pictured.

  18. I note that the other advert about ” a little bit of wee, yada yada yada” also advertises pads to soak up excess, well if your product did its job in the first place you wouldn’t need an extra piss rag would you?
    Bedwetters.

  20. I like the ad where the bird says, “I feel pretty” whilst touching her arse. Yeah, well love, you may feel pretty but you still stink like a fucking tramps sleeping back after a ten can Special Brew sesh. Fucking hanging wimminz cunts!

  22. In fairness to the fairer sex, pelvic collapse happens to about a third of women at some point in their life. Not surprising if they’ve squeezed out a living watermelon. However, I’m old fashioned enough to think these ads are tasteless, bit like ads for haemorrhoid cream.

    Anyway there is Tena for men. Imagine your reaction to the advert on British TV for that!

    https://www.tena.us/mens-products/Men,en_US,sc.html

    • Yikes!
      A Englishman shouldnt wear a nappy!
      Just piss his pants with his head held high, with a aplomb and dignity.
      “Anyone else smell wee?”
      “Yes, its me.
      Ive pissed my pants.”
      “Youve pissed your pants?’
      “Oh yes, do it regular.
      Good for the skin dontcha know.”😁🇬🇧

      • Not really no.
        Whats that about?
        A yank and a overactive chink midget?
        Dont see the connection with pissy pants?
        Hey think you can get a letter off your doctor to say you have a weak bladder that would entitle you to piss in the street?
        “Sorry officer medical condition.”
        Might look into that!
        Whip out little miserable at a nativity play and moisten the backs of the front row!😁😁😁

    • Anusol seems to be pronunced ‘an-you-soul’ in the ads. I thought “anyous” was some sort of religious imagery to do with lambs.

  23. “I’m not a gynecologist but I’ll have a fucking good look at it for you”
    Roy ‘chubby’ Brown.

  24. I’ve had the misfortune to need these things. Thank fuck that’s over now. Nothing like feeling the Oh fuck moment and the self disgust after.

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