I want to nominate stupid minor domestic injuries that cause excruciating pain.
For example, I have a habit of walking around my house in bare feet.
Once, when I had finished ironing, I unplugged the iron and left it to cool.
Some time later I was walking through the front room thinking about something else and stepped on the plug and must have leapt about 10 feet into the air. It’s a wonder I didn’t hit my head on the ceiling.
Another little mishap was when I caught my little toe on the bottom of the shower door frame upon leaving the shower one morning. I uttered some interesting words that time.
Perhaps this is also a self nomination of sorts for being an occasionally absent minded, accident prone cunt.
Nominated by: Harold Steptoe
Banging my head on the low beams in my bedroom. It doesn’t knock sense into this cunt and I’ll do it again.
Also using ladders when common sense says you need scaffolding….
9
Good nom ‘Arold. Trying to grate a smaller and smaller bit of cheese on the grater and catching my finger is one of my regulars.
7
That’s a proper cunt LL.
I’m forever shambling out of bed around 3am to go for a slash and stubbing my big toe. Excrutiating.
3
Most mishaps happen in the bathroom apparently. Always be with somebody in the bath. It conserves water too. Unless they’re a munter.
6
Good nom Harold you bleedin mr Bean👍.
Im not accident prone but the missus is.
Falls off step ladders, cuts herself if given a knife in the kitchen, etc
Yesterday broke her key in the backdoor resulting in a locksmith charge,
I was thrilled at that.
Maybe some people have it in their DNA?
Clumsy,dozy, not looking where theyre going,
The Closeau gene!
7
Being a locksmith MNC, I would say she’s really not alone. I had a job where a woman had snapped her key in the lock, she went on YouTube and decided that the best way was to put super glue on the bit she had, and try and stick it to the bit in the cylinder. It sucked the glue right into the lock…. so instead of a fairly simple extraction with the right tools, she needed a new lock…. cunt.
5
CS@
My missus would of got herself glued to the door!😁
6
She fucked-up your back-door?
Is this some kind of role-play incident – requiring reparations of similar severity?
1
I don’t know if it’s this house or what but I hit some part of my body at least once every fucking day! Usually it’s an elbow on a door frame but another favourite appears to be hitting the back of my hand on the corner of a kitchen worktop as I come in through the back door, that really fucking hurts.
9
Step one – open cupboard door
Step two – leave it open after getting pasta
Step three – bend down to pick up dropped pasta as bag was open
Step four – stand up and bang head on corner of cupboard door
Repeat at least twice a year till dent in skull appears
Note to self – move fucking pasta to lower cupboard
15
I’ll admit to this one, I had one particular door in the old house that used to get me at least a couple of times a year. Cunt
5
Note to self – keep opened pasta in a sealed tub or jar.
1
Ironing….. women’s work!
Banged my toe sweeping, note to self, not qualified to do cleaning…… women’s work! (Or gays).
Piss on high simmer this morning watching the news, bored with the bollocks about A level (made up) grades.
7
Hasn’t Williamson recently had a cunting? Looks like he wants another one!
4
Excellent Nom, HS.
I’ve always wondered, when you bark your shin on a coffee table, if there’s actually any other part of the body you can “bark” ??
And… apart from your elbow or your memory, which other part of your body can you “jog” ??
6
Also ‘snagged’ Seymour.
‘Reports are comin in that Ghislaine Maxwell has suffered a minor mishap in her cell. Apparently she jogged her head on a kettle a dozen times and snagged her neck on a rusty Stanley Knife.’
6
Stubbing my toe against bed castors as I walk blindly in the middle of the night to the bathroom still half-asleep.
And I always seem to find drawing pins in my bare feet!
Getting a pubic hair snagged in the zipper of my jeans, brings tears to the eyes. As does trying to climb over my 5ft railing fence and slipping with legs either side and my nuts crushed!
Trying to tighten a jubilee clip, but the blade of the flat-head screwdriver slipping and almost slicing my finger off (why can’t jubilees have cross-heads?)
5
I hurt my brain last week when I accidentally turned on the radio and was hit by David Lammy interviewing Dawn Butler.
14
Fuck me, Ruff, I’m on my way and will ATMIST the CT scan department.
3
David Lammy lost a friend in the interview..
4
Losing knuckles when the spanner slips of the nut. @#$#@! Cunt!
7
Rushing like a cunt and pulling a door closed whilst leaning across the opening, with the stabilising hand/fingers in the hinge area.
Makes a lovely crunching sound. You get a black nail too if you’re slow on the reflexes.
2
I don’t know if anyone had him in the Dead Pool, but it’s ‘ Lights Out ‘ for Pete Way, following complications from a ‘ domestic accident ‘.
It would seem to be the height of irony that a man renowned for rock n roll excess, that even Ozzy was in awe of, should shuffle off this mortal coil in such a manner.
Ah well.
In the midst of life. Cunters.
In the midst of life.
Thanks for the memories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aatjerFCRP8
3
Saw UFO a few times over the years, especially in their prime years of the late 70s.
“Strangers in the Night” is probably one of the finest live rock albums ever recorded (even though Schenker wasn’t a big fan of the final studio mixes, or even choice of album tracks, and hence the fallout with Moggy)
Peter Way, was ever dependable in the background while Schenker did his stuff up front.
“Lights Out” was great of course, but I always preferred “Rock Bottom” purely to appreciate Schenker’s remarkable axe skills.
1
I have about 8 albums and regularly listen to ‘Strangers in the night’ when doing DIY outside. Great stuff.
2
Sites are talking about an accident but none that I can find give any detail whatsoever. It’ll be chalked up as a Covid death.
4
The info has obviously not been released. Hopefully, it’s drug related in some way. Falling off a ladder whilst decorating would be such a tragically undeserved exit.
Good morning.
1
Morning Jack.
Yes, falling off a ladder trying to retrieve his heroin stash from the loft sound much more appropriate.
2
I’ve been known to have the odd accident when tonguing a ladies pussy…I ‘accidently’ end up tonguing her bumhole.
Good cunting HS.
9
A terrible situation for any bloke to find himself in B and W.
2
It really is Ron Knee, it was only after joining is a cunt that all these debauched behaviours appeared.
I was led astray by rotten, lewd and debauched fellow cunters.
They should be ashamed of themselves.
4
I doubt some of these knaves and rotters have any shame B&WC – we shall simply have to take the moral high ground Sir! 🤣
2
Well B&WC I thought I was a filthy degenerate until I read some of the stuff that gets posted on here.
This post in particular is probably one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever read on ISaC, and that takes some doing.
2
You lot should think yourselves lucky. I had a patient the other day who got up the night for a wee and slipped on their way back to bed, resulting in a bed knob going up their arse doing an enormous amount of damage. At least that’s what it said on the A&E notes. Ain’t gravity a bitch.
7
Did you sympathise with Owen Jones over his “little accident” Betty?
Or his Parents over theirs? 😁
On other news, it’s slamming it down in sunny Yorkshire – my onions are glaring at me and demanding an umbrella!
5
I have no doubt if little Owen went in to any hospital, he would leave as a cadaver.
1
Naaaah. Just said “oof, that’s unlucky” while smirking. I obviously had a mask on to hide the smirk but hopefully my eyes gave me away.
Nobody likes angry onions.
0
In my dark old drinking days I was always fucking myself up. Accidentally put my hand through my cracked bathroom basin and probably should have had several stitches as the next morning I could see bone. Amazing the anaesthetising properties of a bottle of gin and a bottle of wine. Fell off my push bike once at 2am on a frosty morning and popped my knee and severely gashed it; again, probably needed stitches. Tattooed myself whe pissed with Indian ink (ok, not really an accident). I could go on……..😀👍🍻
5
I went out a couple of years ago for an ale ‘or two’ and woke up the next morning minus to senses, never to return! Bastards!
2
Luckily – it was your sight and hearing you lost.
Would have been awful to lose your sense of tast and smell – when you like beer so much!
1
I drop things
Having no feelings in the end of all my fingers and thumbs due to nerve compression I can pick up a pencil in one room, walk to another to, say, fill in a diary entry in the kitchen and not realise I dropped the pencil in the hallway – so I have to go back and pick it up … I’m especially good at dropping cutlery, plates, mugs so filling the dishwasher takes hours …. hohum
3
I punched myself in the mouth once while trying to remove a cushion I was sitting on without getting up.
7
Shins were invented to bang into coffee tables in the dark.
2
Good mom H S. I once got my pecker caught in a bean tin. I was camping, small tent, pissing down outside. Decided I really needed a piss so I found a large empty bean tin that I’d eaten the contents of earlier. I’d cut the lid with one of those old type openers which leaves a serrated edge. I pushed the lid down after use. Kneeling in my beeping slag, I popped the old man into the tin and was enjoying the relief, until I realised it was going to overflow, tried to remove old man and the lid gripped hold. Old man sliced to ribbons, and a piss soaked bag to boot. What a cunt.
4
Did the local A&E Department believe that one then? 🤣
2
When I was eight I caught the right honorable member for Pantchester in my zip two days running. Brought juvenile tears to me eyes
4
Not sure this qualifies but fell down the last three stairs thought I broke my ankle but wasn’t mind you hurt like a real fucker still does ten days later
2
In a previous job I was inspecting a big basket of wire rope slings that were tangled to fuck. I grabbed hold of one in frustration and yanked it and the cunting thing sprung out and smacked me right in fucking nuts making me knock over a pot of red paint that I was colour coding the slings with then I stood in the fucking paint. What a cunt!
2