Modern Philosophers

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Aristotle, Socrates, Plato, Hume, Locke, Descartes, Kant, Nietsche etc. You recognize the names although you´ve probably never read their books and don´t want to. Those were the old guys who tackled the big issues – the meaning of life, appearance and reality, cause and effect etc. As a student I wasted a whole year studying them and can remember nothing apart from “I think, therefore I am” by Descartes until someone added “I think” which made me think Descartes hadn´t really thought things out to the end.

Anyway, I have just learned that a useless nephew of mine is now officially a “philosopher”. He was a lovely little boy but is now in his late 20s and a total wanker. He has never held down a job, never done anything, never travelled anywhere, never shown interest in anything except himself and any passing bint. He can play about three chords on the guitar and sing “The Sounds of Silence” in an alley cat voice. He “works” in the arts, i.e. he appears in theatrical “spectacles” subsidized by the local council as no-one would pay good money to see them. Incidentally, he lives with his mum even though he is the father of a six-month old kid who is named after one of the above-mentioned Ancient Greeks.

To my amazement, he has just appeared on a Youtube discussion in which he was described as a “musician and philosopher”. He started off by showing a picture of his son who is named after an Ancient Greek philosopher and dribbled the kind of ideas he got from “Philosophy for Dummies”. This was an “intellectual” version of the drool he used to drip all over my shirt when he was a baby. A perfect example of how there are no standards in today´s world and anyone can get away with describing themselves as anything they want.

Nominated by: Mr Polly

69 thoughts on “Modern Philosophers”

  1. There’s a lot of these spoilt bastards (see Viz) about these days. Don’t want to go into work at the same time every day, do the same thing, get told what to do by an even bigger wanker than themselves. Well neither do I but who is going to pay for that 6 month old kid? Oh yeah, Joe fucking Muggins at your service.
    I bet your nephew is a remoaner, cries about the poor black people and loves Greta Thunderbirds. How many tattoos has he got? No doubt he is waiting for his parents to die so he can have that house. If I were them I would leave it to the Battersea Dogs Home. They are far more deserving than that lazy piece of shit.

  2. I don’t have kids, but I know friends who do, and have realised how soft and spoil their off-spring have now become.

    Some of these brats call themselves “Social Media Thinkers” or “Social Media Leaders”, as they think the term “philosopher” is too anachronistic (In other words no young cunt has any understanding of what it actually means!).

    However, they might need to think long and hard soon because it seems that some parents certainly won’t be inheriting their worldly goods to these lazy entitled cunts afterall!

    As Aristotle once said when staggering out of a boozer looking for a kebab shop back in the day “A young fool adds nothing worth hearing, but takes offence at everything!”

  4. Sounds like the only redeeming feature of your nephew is that he likes Simon and Garfunkel, Mr P.

    I think self-entitled cunt millenials will be doing a lot of philosophising in the near future as P45s fly around like confetti.

    I spent the weekend in my permanent home in the Highlands (work usually negates this). I wonder at the number of posh SUVs dragging bikes/caravans. Where do these people get the money for this stuff? On the never never or are they just overpaid cunts?

    • Overpaid posh cunts with everything bought on tick I dare say.
      Philosophy can fuck off,just ask Marcus Aurelius.
      Oh wait..he’s dead.

    • It’s all on tick, particularly cars. The cunts you describe will never be out of debt, and may never realise how thoroughly they’ve been conned into selling their souls to the moneylenders.
      Though cunts who are (over)paid for doing fuck all of any value are not thin on the ground, either. Which returns us neatly to philosophers, creative artists, the majority of musicians, professional sportsmen, politicians and social influencers, the cunts, the cunts, the cunts.

  5. Was in Glasgow yesterday delivered steel at the Clyde bridge works fucking gimmicunts everywhere, drug dealers awash, answer to your nephew , oven the cunt, off to London now delivering to a private school no doubt full of bame CUNTS,

    Spot the Whitey day getting fucking harder

    • Philosophers like descartes and socrates,
      If you went to that place and point in time the people around them would say “that lazy cunt? Talks bollocks!”
      They wouldnt have been valued, “I think therefore I am”?
      I could of told you you exist while working.
      Put him on the wrack and pull a few teeth out with pliers, fix that french cunt right up!
      What your twat of a nephew needs is the saltmines of siberia for 3yrs.
      Straighten up and fly right.

      • Bishop Berkeley believed there no material reality Miserable. And only ideas exist. So if you’re struggling moving a wardrobe this morning you’re not struggling with a physical wardrobe your struggling with the idea of a wardrobe.

      • Bishop Berks welcome to come work with us Miles!
        Hope his idea of a piano doesnt put his back out?!!
        Pay him in my idea of money rather than material currency.😁

  6. Socrates played for Brazil in the Spain World Cup when I was a teenager and they got knocked out by the Italians. History repeating itself after the Romans fucked off his descendants.

    I’ll get my coat.

    • Been over the fucker… no idea what the trouble is…no “moderation” advice,just gone.

      • Hello Dick. It’s happened to me a few times. Sometimes, the most innocent of words launch your post into a WordPress black hole, never to be seen again.
        Everything sublime ?

      • Morning all.

        The word excéedîngly makes posts disappear altogether.

        Other seemingly innocuous words like pâddy, grîstle, and jüdgemént put you in moderation.

      • Fucking far from sublime…I made a start painting the kitchen…paid for decent paint,washed the walls,masked it up etc…it looks fucking shocking..streaky,,,going to have to put another fucking coat on and see how it comes up.

      • Fuck me, it must be bad if a bunch of Romanians won’t stick around.
        Did they get the Family Silver ?

      • You must get time for reflection Mr Fiddler walking your vast estates? I wonder do you ever think about that philosophical question- if a tree falls in a forest and there’s no-one around does it make a noise?

      • @Miles…..I have thought about that “tree falling in the forest” thing….what a load of nonsense….it’s like saying ” does a fart still smell if you’ve got a blocked nose?’…of course it does.
        Besides,if I’m felling the tree it’s normally the terrified screams of any Cunt stupid enough to get in the fall-zone that drown out the tree noise.

  8. ‘Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ can be viewed as a documentary and or a very funny film.
    Morning Folks, currently in Cornwall for a few days looking for a new house. Madam Guzzi has a want list of several pages, mine is decent garage and location suitable for ham radio. I’ll let you know who comes out on top.

    • I got an SDR dongle to entertain me during furlough…very successful, and now thinking of actually admitting I’m an SWL.

      • I have had a full licence for 37 years but rarely transmit, listening is more enjoyable. Sadly, the internet has killed off most of the international short wave broadcasters but there is plenty to listen to and modern transceivers are superb and far cheaper in real terms than their counterparts of the 70s and 80s.

  9. A customer of mine has a forty odd year old son, never had a girlfriend and still lives at home. She wipes his arse, it’s fucking ridiculous.
    A fucking weirdo, who’s hard drive needs a forensic examination .
    I cunt, therefore I am.
    Get To Fuck.

  10. If you want an example of a so-called “modern philosopher” check out arch-cunt and rabid remoaner AC Grayling. The man is fucking unhinged.

  11. A young relative of mine spends far too much time posting conspiracy theories on sochil meeja. Most of what he believes is too ridiculous for words, that the bat flu was introduced to control people and do away with cash so that we can all be traced. And that the risk is vastly exagerrated.

    He’s into all this pizzagate crap and believes that the Clintons are at the heart of it. I say to him “you really think all this pedo stuff takes place in the basement of a pizza restaurant in a city?”. He does. Some loony turned up there with an AK47 to “free the captives.”

    He doesn’t trust the bbc or sky (don’t blame him for that) but won’t accept that HIS sources are not verified. He knows “the truth” and thinks the rest of us are brainwashed.

    He is just back from Ibiza but has no intention of locking down as he knows better than the government. Presumably he will turn his phone off so he can’t be traced.

    He is making himself look a plank online but I guess many would regard him as a modern day philosopher. I think he’s a pillock.

  12. Biggest wanker philosopher of the lot was that French cunt Sartre. Have you ever read any of his stuff?……..total bullshit!
    I heard he was pissed most of the time. Sounds about right to me.

    • In times gone by you can see how the nobility prizes people like master masons, glass blowers, sculptors, artists, silversmiths, metal workers, whatever, people who were at the top of their game, creating masterworks, castles etc.
      But philosophers?
      Fuckin useless.
      They need a damn good thrashing.

      • That’s an interesting philosophical proposition Miserable. I’ll go away and think about it. 🤤

      • Id of sorted that gormless Socrates out too Ruff!
        “Oi!! Zorba! Dont stand there with your cock in your hand get some work done!!”
        Slacker.

  13. Good cunting Mr Polly.

    I studied Philosophy at A level. It was ace! Helped me organise my thoughts and expand my thinking about life, the universe and everything.

    The complete opposite of what appears to pass as philosophy nowadays.

    Ordered a book by Roger Scruton last week. ‘Where We Are – The State Of Britain Now’. Look forward to reading that after I’ve finished my current Inspector Banks novel.

  15. Could you possibly link to the video you’re on about so we can see the cunt in all his glory?

    • Sorry but that would identify the little precious darling who might take revenge on his uncle by swallowing hecklock like Socrates, thereby ensuring I get even more hassle from the family who think the sun shines out of his philosophicaland musical arse.

  16. It’s a toss up which is the more irritating. The academic philosopher or the lobotomized dribblings of a no-hoper.

    There is one philosopher that would fit right in with ISAC. Arthur Schopenhauer. Definitely recommend reading/listening to his views on wimmin haha.

    • Schopenhauer has been my guiding light for a very long time. He did a collection of – to paraphrase – 20 Mendacious Ways To Appear that You Have Won the Argument, which are still in daily use by our beloved politicians. And media. Diogenes also has my good opinion.

  17. “He “works” in the arts, i.e. he appears in theatrical “spectacles” subsidized by the local council as no-one would pay good money to see them. Incidentally, he lives with his mum even though he is the father of a six-month old kid ”

    Count your blessings, Mr. Polly. Given that he into the arts and sings in an effeminate manner, and lives with his mum, he might well have turned out to be affected by the Gayness and Mr. Fiddler would have had to deal with him.

    I suppose at least you can say he has studied however much we might dislike the subject – unlike some of those poofy fashion designers, who call themselves Tarquin De Bois or some other French affectation and monces down the catwalk with a multi-coloured jam rag and calls it a dress.

  18. There’s a funny Monty Python sketch – the philosophers football match. The Greeks against the Germans. So there they are Hegel, Nietzsche… Aristotle, Pythagoras…the whistle blows and they all start walking around stroking their beards, scratching their heads.
    What I thought was insightful though-the Christian philosophers Aquinas, Augustine: they were the linesmen. They weren’t playing.

  19. Modern society, bunch of cunts…..

    Chinky flu has exposed what our society has become, fucking useless. Social media is the devils work, when will we have the second coming of our saviour.

    I was thinking about that while having my morning flush out, which was nice.

    • Philosophers are the same as politicians, they flap their lips for a living, it’s better than doing a day’s work. There was a Greek cunt called Zeno who proved mathematically that it was impossible to cross a river. He reasoned that the distance could be divided into an infinite number of points so it would take an infinite amount of time to move across them. In fact it was impossible for anything to move at all. Wonder how much he got paid for figuring that out.

      • Zeno managed to completely overlook a major insight there, and consequently failed to invent calculus. Ergo he was a cunt.
        QED.

  22. Philosophy ended in the early 20th century with Russell, Ayer and Wittgenstein.
    Everything since is French wank.

  23. Philosophers couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery. Most of these fuckers have no common sense and you can usually see how thick they are by giving them a practical challenge. They over think it and then fuck it up.
    Unless cunts, unlike inventors like Dyson who actually produce useful stuff.

  24. Philosophy? It’s all “Geek” to me! 🤣
    I discussed philosophy with our kid (a surprisingly intelligent Man given that he has genetic links me) and his response was “shut up you silly old cunt” – which was annoying as I am not that old! “More things on heaven and Earth” is great for those with the time and funding for sitting around daydreaming, don’t have that luxury personally.
    Don’t want to work for a living? Get a grant to tell people why. Philosophy.
    Apologies for going off nom but a MASSIVE “Fkin well done” to Wakefield Trinity Rugby Club who refused to “take the whitey slave knee” before their match against Wigan and effectively told those demanding it to fuck off! 👍😄
    And I can’t see the soyboys and BLM arguing with those gorillas – WELL DONE LADS!

  25. My penis.
    The longer I think about it, the harder it gets.
    The harder it gets, the more I think about it.
    The harder I think about it, the longer it gets.

    Cuntfinder de Generalis
    11/08/20
    15.22pm

    • My Penis.
      A friend through good and bad.
      Never bought the cunt a drink, it don’t mind.
      Fox philosophy.

      • Must confess at this point, left the bedroom, round 3 soon – drained – I LOVE ONE NIGHT STANDS!
        Well, back to work.

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