Pritti Patel is a cunt, isn’t she.

“Crackdown on illegal immigrants… blah blah…stronger measures…blah blah….tougher security…blah blah blah…”

They’re swarming in via boats and it’s not even Summer yet. Escorted in, processed, not checked for Chinky Flu, housed, fed, and given benefits, phones, ipads. What signal does this send out: “Make an attempt, you’ll be welcome.” We might as well put this up on a flashing neon sign in Calais.

Yes, yes, Pritti, cheeky smile, voluptuous, slaps on the lip-gloss… but is she doing her job? Over 500 assiduous immigrants just since the lockdown began. They’ll be distributed throughout the country so expect to see them walking down your road soon.

We are told every year this will be dealt with and sorted. Every successive Home Secretary churns out the lies disguised as tough talk. Either return them to France or use gunboats. Even if it wasn’t going to be the most economically precarious time, these potentially rampacious cunts shouldn’t be arriving to further bleed the system.

On a personal note, Patel has ballooned in the past couple of years and consequently would no longer receive a magnanimous blast of man-yoghurt. Nonetheless, what concerns me more than the increasingly Flabbot-like arse is the Flabbot-like lack of action. She’s wearing her trousers fat, but the public’s patience is wearing thin.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous