Chick Flicks

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Chick flicks need cunting.

Now don’t get me wrong…..

When cuddling up with her on a morning, I’m hardly gonna put on rambo:first blood or rape,kill,bludgeon 4…
But why does every chick flick have to have the same fucking story again and again and again…? And again….

Bird isn’t happy with her cuck soy boy boyfriend.
Fragile but rich, handsome and funny guy shows up.
Fragile rich guy acts all flustered and shy.
She is the same.
She leaves beta cuck.
Rich handsome guy asks her out in a really shy way.
She says yes.
He does something that hurts her and she wants revenge.
They get back together.
Her revenge thing happens and she hurts him.
They get back together.
I get a shag.

Now I like the ‘I get a shag’ part but why the fuck do I have to go through the exact same fucking script week in week out? Can’t these chick flick people come up with a different story for a few of these films?

Can’t someone just do something exciting?
It’s a film for fucks sake. Where are the car chases? Where are the terrorists getting splattered? Don’t they realise that men have to watch this shite too?

In fact, during the writing of this cunting I’ve realised that I’m complaining about nothing and in fact maybe these films are designed to keep women in the mood while I spend a while recovering and then moving in for the next one…
Fuck it. This cunting has been a total waste of time.
Chick flicks serve a purpose. A very important one.
But they’re still cunts coz the story is ALWAYS the same.

Nominated by Deploy the Sausage

66 thoughts on “Chick Flicks”

  1. Well you and I obviously have different ideas about what constitutes a “Chick Flick”…the ones that I watch don’t involve all this convoluted storyline..indeed they’re lucky if they’ve got any storyline at all….the occasional Pizza delivery man dropping of his wares at the Sorority house perhaps but that’s about it. That said.I do enjoy a good chick- flick…flicking her bean is a speciality of mine.

    Sorry DtS…..You should get yourself tested immediately…you are suffering from the onset of The Gayness…a cruel disease which will take more shaking off than any ChinkyFlu.

    Best Wishes in your search for a cure but remember your friends at ….is a Cunt are here to help you..Krav is ready,willing and able to instruct you in the finer points of BeiberBashing if my own attempts to find a cure for your terrible affliction fail.

    šŸ™‚ .

  2. Give it time and chick-flicks will be a thing of the past!

    Instead it will be Gay flicks, Trannie flicks, non-binary flicks etc. all following the same basic premise you’ve described, although whether you’ll end up with a shag is moot!

    The only chick-flick I’ve ever endured was Bridget Jones’ Diary, starring that Remoaner Cunt Hugh Grant playing himself. Utter wank, but the missus loved it, and I got a blowey at the end of it,

    • Once got hoodwinked into taking a split arse to see Titanic at the cinema. I don’t think my cheering as it sank went down well.

    • Wasn’t Colin Fart in that too. My ex has got the sequel.
      Fortunately, when I visit, I get to her CD rack first, and grab some Mahler or Wagner…

    • Priscilla Queen of the desert and The Crying Game.
      Good tranny films.

      I wish i couldve been in the background of a recent South Today item driving past a local gathering of trans activists playing The Crying Game, or Goodbye Horses from Silence of the Lambs

  3. Just tell her “suck on this if you want me to watch this shite “. She will turn it off in an instant. If she doesn’t then you get a gobble. Simples innit?

  4. Iā€™ve written a script for one. Hugh Grant is in LA and mistakes Sparkle Tits Markle for a cheap prozzie, because she is a ā€œwoman of colourā€ as we all know. He gets the shit kicked out of him by Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey and ends up in front of Judge Judy. She gives him Life plus 50 years and they chuck him in a cell with Big Leroy, a predatory homo convicted of multiple counts of anal rape. All these films have to have a happy ending. Itā€™s the law.

    • DTS, know your pain.
      Ive had to watch all kinds of weary shite when first with the missus, just what you do.
      Youll develop a ‘snooze setting’ soon where you can drift off the lenth of the film having taken in none of it, and 3,2,1…
      Back in the room.
      “So can I fuck you now?”

      • Mine has the worst taste in films of all time.

        Put on The Shawshank Redemption. She said it was ‘boring’. Soccer Dog 2 came on the telly a few days later. She fucking loved it.

        Thank god she’s got a nice arse and can cook.

      • One time mine came home and put on ā€˜Once Were Warriorsā€™.

        erm…so thatā€™s how you want to be treated?

  5. A chick flick is nothing more than dumbed down version of a “proper film”, usually a bunch of man hating harpies plotting on a poor sod who’s a bit of a handwringing cuck, I would rather watch Dambusters or Caddyshack than these menopausal cuntfests, chick flicks are cunts to man and beast!

    • Theres a holy grail of chick fick films, and this is the most mindnumbing!
      50 first dates.
      About a bird who has a brain injury, bloke has a date, shes forgot him next day.
      So the thick cunt has the same date over an over with a slight difference.
      I cried.
      She thought I was sensitive.
      I was praying for the gods to send two ravens to pluck out my eyes!
      Truly fuckin boring, less fun than open heart surgery.

      • And annnnd you have to endure Adam Sandler as the Romantic lead. Though Iā€™d be happy to lube up wotzernames jubblies.

  6. Chick flicks are demonstrative of why Feminism is cancer. These girls pretend they can do things for themselves but what they really want is a hunk to do it for them (don’t we all.)

    Fuck Corbyn.

    Long live Boris

    GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

  7. Good nom DtS, but the “get a shag” part sounds like a happy ending. Every cloud has a silver lining….

  8. I tend to openly and overtly criticize the film whilst (if) having to watch it for the obligatory “poke in the whiskers” of Mrs Daz. I normally kick off during the opening credits complaining about the lighting, camera angle, obvious editing mistakes, benign script and out of date/ place props and costume. I seek to spoil the film for my own cuntish motives whilst sat on my ipad watching porn on silent.

  9. Chick flicks plot 101

    Girl meets guy
    Guy has a problem
    Girl helps him overcome problem or worse still, ‘changes him from a bad guy to a good guy’. Because this happens all the time in real life, of course.
    Will include a weepy scene- maybe the dog dies, friend dies, boy or girl has to go away for a while for work or even prison (wrongly convicted, of course)
    They live happily ever after

    Usually stars ridiculously good looking people and it’s never noticed by the fatties watching that good looking people are only attracted to other good looking people, like me , you ugly cunts. Their ‘personalities’ are fucking secondary at best, if you didn’t notice.

    Fuck off.

    • Which reminds me of that Christina Aguilara video, ‘You are beautiful’ which shows a procession of mingers.

      The point being that she calls them all beautiful. I bet she’d set her bodyguards on any of the cunts in that video if they got within 10 feet of her.

      I can imagine the conversation now:

      Minger: Hey. Christina. I loved your new song. Do you think I’m beautiful in every single way, too? Fancy a date?

      CA: Fuck off you minging bastard.

      • Don’t you all think there’s more to life than being really, really… ridiculously good looking?

  11. I always take the precaution of 8 cans of lager if owt like this shite is tabled by Mrs Terry.
    Fucking hell.

  12. A lot of years ago, I used to date a nurse (one of the two certainties in life, along with death) & she had this thing about going to the cinema at least once a week, usually for chick flick type film. Let me tell you, fellow cunters, that sort of frequency means you get to see plenty of vapid, turgid shite & eventually I became immunized to it.

    I only stuck with it because she’d take it up the wrong ‘un at the drop of a (brown) hat…

  13. Just read on the BBC about some cunt gunman killing at least 16 people in Canada.

    An awful situation of course, but it’s interest how the BBC have mentioned his name (Gabriel Wortman), and photo (white obviously), where he lives, and probably his fucking shoe size!

    Had it been a dark key or some camel jockey, you’d never get to know who the fuck it was on the BBC

      • If I thought I had to sit through one of these crap films in order to get any chance of a shag, I’d just make do with a wank.

  15. I feed ’em corn. Nothing else, but occassionally some grit. I always throw by hand because the scatter is far more evenly distributed around the pen. My free Rangers are a bit more difficult to feed in the open spaces, and I may need to throw a little harder.
    Ive never heard of anyone ever having to “flick” to feed the chicks.

  16. I have heard of this nonsense, and as my good lady is some manner of “feminazi” she occasionally tries to force me to watch drivel of this nature – so I get her in the garage, lock it up tight and stop feeding her until she comes to her senses – on occasion I am forced to beat her as well! šŸ˜€šŸ‘
    And as she is safely ensconced many miles away I am enjoying not having the evil little f*cking harridan around!
    Chick flicks my a*se – if there are no zombies, nazis, explosions or teenage American girls dressed only in t-shirts walking into a cellar with a totally inadequate torch to inevitably meet a serial killer they are not films.
    Need to be careful and monitor this kind of thing – if we are not careful the ladies will be neglecting their domestic duties – and that will never do! šŸ˜€šŸ˜

    • Im with you Foxy.
      Unless it has Clint as a cop whos a maverick,
      A giant shark
      A giant gorilla
      A dinosaur
      Or a pet kestrel
      Im not interested.

  17. Chick flick? Sheā€™d get a clit flick. If my Mrs got the arse because Iā€™d not watch this shit, so what, Iā€™m going to be pissed off watching it.

  18. Cunters, an insight into the extremely disturbing entity called the female psyche? May I suggest the Fifty Shades of Grey book, it is hard to ignore the figures.

    And I quote, “Fifty Shades of Grey has topped best-seller lists around the world, including those of the United Kingdom and the United States. The series had sold over 125 million copies worldwide by June 2015 and has been translated into 52 languages, and set a record in the United Kingdom as the fastest-selling paperback of all time”.

    Forget the silly films and stock up on handcuffs, chains, collars, whips, lube, paddles, gimp outfits and a healthy collection of trestles. And please note, this missive is in no way sponsored by the British Association of Lawyers without Yachts.

  19. The only decent chick fluck ive seen was Muriel’s wedding. Genuinely funny because of the dysfunctional Aussie family.

    British and American chick flicks bore me to tears, especialky the crap directed by Richard Curtis.

    Hard to believe he created Blackadder..

  20. I love a good chick flick. Last time, it hit the farmer on the head.

    P.s. I love the film Muriel’s Wedding. It’s hilarious.

    • Muriels Wedding is a top film! And chick flicks are popular because Women are silly, live in cloud cuckoo land and cry over nonsense.
      I can say all of this without fear of retribution as the good lady is currently far away, and my idea of sending her to Wuhan province for a relaxing break was rejected out of hand, along with some rather rude language!

  21. If you want something that bucks the trend when it comes tgo ‘chick flicks’ then take a look at Fleabag.

    • I have and I can’t stand that smug self satisfied James Bond ruining bint, Phoebe Waller Cunt…

  22. All chick flicks are shite. An undisputed fact.
    That said though, I would smash that Anna Faris like A Smash Martian smashing a plate of Cadbury’s Smash.

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