An emergency viral cunting, for those cunts who have bought up whole supermarket shelves of bog rolls, pasta, hand cleanser and other ‘essentials’.
I’ve been to the supermarket a couple of times in the past few days to buy other groceries and, out of curiosity, took a look at the sections where toilet rolls, hand cleansers and pasta are usually located. Now, the shelves are empty which means that people who haven’t panicked, but need their regular supplies are likely to go without for a few days, or even weeks if this selfish stupidity continues.
I sincerely hope that the selfish cunts who have bought batches of 400 bog rolls die from a nasty dose of Coronavirus with a side portion of Ebola thrown in. Then we can use their surplus bog rolls – which will be too dirty for other people to use – to cremate their disgusting, greedy corpses.
Cunts, the whole lot of them.
Nominated by Hard Brexit Cunt
Admin, would it be ok if I add to HBC’s nomination? Feel free
If so I write it here:
Whilst working in the supermarket, I have noticed there being lots of loo roll, bottled water, tinned food, dried food, frozen food, soaps of all kinds, cleaning stuff and headache pills being bought more than usual. So much so there are signs put up ‘For the sake of fairness, 5 of each item per customer’….or something like that. Those shelves have been almost always empty lately.
Imagine eating pasta everyday for breakfast, dinner and tea. I’d rather have pizzas, chocolate and fizzy drinks. Also, ingredients to make curries and casseroles in batches and then freeze them.
I’ve served customers whom I notice are wearing rubber gloves.
I served a customer who only bought bottles of vodka. Fair enough.
Some customers I talk to say it’s a load of bullocks all this panic buying. Buy what you like. If the world ends, at least enjoy it.
“Give us a snog, it’s my birthday”.
Now it’s, “Give us a snog, the world is ending”.
P.S. As I finish writing this, I hear the neighbour have a coughing fit.
Nominated by Spoonington
The only things you need to horde are guns, prostitutes and drugs. This is direct advice from the Columbian ministry of the interior.
I like it.
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That is about the most sensible advice I have heard on this matter. Is it COBRA approved sixdog?
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So far as I know the British government has no interest in ensuring we have access to the basic requirements of a civilised life. From what I could gather from Boris’s speech after yesterday’s Cobra meeting “Some of you are going to die, the public that is, not the elite”, alas no mention of keeping the Charlie flowing or keeping a healthy supply of hookers. Apparently the basic necessities of life are illegal and owning anything that even looks like a firearm will get you shot. Exactly how these draconian measures combat corona virus is beyond me.
Pass me another whore please, this ones full up.
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The short answer is no. The long answer was possibly sensibly moderated 😎
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Seriously, I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Fags and booze are in plentiful supply. As for arsewipes, use your shirt tail and change your shirt at least thrice weekly.
And where may I ask have all of Tesco’s Tampons gone ? ( only asking ) surely that has fuck all to do with a bunch of hoarding cunts ?
8
Just heard on local radio. Some fucking moronic woman using Vodka for hand wash !!!!!! …Fuck me !
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Lunacy aside, it wouldn’t be effective anyway as at least 60% alcohol content is required to kill the virus. Perhaps she should try poitin or absinthe instead.
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Some tart in the states got into a row with her fella and used her bottle of hand sanitiser as a Molotov, one killed 36 injured and an apartment block burnt down.
She kind of missed the point me thinks.
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They are plugging my arse so I don’t have go for a dumb and waste my bog paper
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Hate to think what your arse is getting plugged with. Not B and WC’s tongue, I hope.
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No bog rolls in the supermarkets but my local Joe Daki shop is overflowing with the fucking things. I was in there last night and two Parking Stanleys turned up struggling with huge plastic bags full of the bastards. They have also got in a supply of surgical masks I noticed. If you run short of anything just find a pikey or a Joe Daki and they will see you alright……for a price obviously.
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Any crisis will see the rise in wealth of the local Daki
6
Yeah I’ll bet those masks provide 100% protection from viruses as well. How much are they, £1.99 each?
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Today, actor Sean Connery came out with an attack on panic buying shoppers. He said “It’s entirely shelfish to panic buy at the shops. People are being so shelf-shentred buying up all the paper products and dried goods. A plague on all their houshes.
It really boils my pish.”
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I try hoarding money, the good Lady stops me by using it to buy things.
Poor form.
It is not coronavirus that will f*ck us up – it is the stupidity of people in general.
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Some cunt has panic bought all the 18 can stella packs from sainsbury 3 days running now.
I am not impressed.
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He’ll need all that toilet roll he stockpiled then.
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He’s welcome to Stella,ever since it dropped from 5.2 abv it’s lost it’s flavour now glorified Carling but costs more.Ok I suppose for southern softies..get some Wobbly Bob down yer neck.
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If you run out of bog roll, you can always buy ‘The Grauniad’ or ‘The i’.
In normal circumstances I wouldn’t wipe my arse on either of them, but needs must…
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The New European if things get very bad as well – I’d love to see Hilary Benn have to wipe his malodorous arse with a picture of Michel Barnier.
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Good shout Mr B, esp. if you can find the bit with a picture of that cunt Alibaba-Brown above one of her articles. The thought of giving my arse a long, slow wipe on her fat ugly face fills me with joy.
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Appreciate the advice Ron, but even come the viral Armageddon, when we are wandering around shitting ourselves thanks to fatal dysentery and stumbling over the corpses of our neighbours, I will still have enough dignity to avoid wiping my red-raw ringpiece with The Grauniad.
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I got that pissed off with not being able to buy any toilet rolls in the shops that I decided to place an order direct with the manufacturer. This should see me through the crisis. If your having trouble also, I suggest you do the same here . . . . . . . . . . .
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/business-51823128/coronavirus-don-t-panic-be-community-minded-says-loo-roll-boss
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It’s getting a cliche to see mums, dads,grannies and grandads waddling down the street carrying outsize packages of lavatory paper -probably the same cunts who have stuffed their pockets with packets of Paracetamol.
It shows the sheep like mentality of the British public – I have heard no suggestion that the Coronavirus gives you the shits.
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If these shortages carry on much longer WC, you’ll have to change your name to Boggless!
5
I have hoarded 4 potnoodles, several tins of corned beef and a fray bentos pie. Also got a couple of sacks of dog food, make sure you have enough pet grub, if shit really hits fan people won’t starve but animals will be lower priority.
7
If the virus doesn’t get you that Fray Bentos beauty will……
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It’s steak and kidney! Looking forward to rationing, I will eat like a king!
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Paracetamol, useless for this, you can only buy 2 normally (in case you a suicider). Perhaps the name of this post should be ‘panic buyers’? Hoarders hoard without a crisis. These people are just overreacting muppets.
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Wanted to pen this topic three times, but in previous weeks my noms are deleted the moment I click ‘submit’ – so sod wasting time on that. Figured someone would call this sooner or later and what a solid topic it is.
Only yesterday, an enriched-looking cunt in my local Sainsbury’s was buying two packs of 4x toilet rolls at a time, paying at self service checkout, shoving them in his own two-wheel shopping bag and going back for more. Saw him do this twice and shopped the cunt to the store assistant who, to his credit, went and had a word despite no limiting policy. The offender fucked off muttering, leaving at least vain hope that someone who genuinely needs shitroll will get some.
The one thing I truly hope happens to these bogroll assassins is that they all suffer a chronic case of constipation during any lockdown. Reminds me that I read a funny story a few days ago, concerning some daft middle-class shitcunt housewife type who had moaned on social media that all the Waitrose brand handwash she had stocked up on contained a perfume/ingredient which she was allergic to. Fucking hilarious.
The panic shoppers are far bigger cunts than than this virus. It shows clearly how our society is choc-ful of selfish, inconsiderate cunts who would raid your riddled corpse on the street if they thought you were carrying any Carex or Ibuprofen.
Self-isolation will be a genuine pleasure for this misanthrope.
There have been more nominations on this subject than Dianna Abbot, so you can imagine we have been overwhelmed some what
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I never understood why people who are allergic to things either:
A) Assume the product they buy won’t kill them.
B) Get angry at the manufacturer when the product puts you in hospital.
If in doubt, don’t buy it.
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Admin, I also tried to post nominations on:
– Harry Redknapp
– Panic banter
– Ash Sarkar
– James Bond
– Screwfix
IMMEDIATELY disappear from the noms page as soon as I penned them and clicked ‘submit’. Did not appear on the page, did not appear with a warning that under ‘moderation review’, just did not appear full stop. Gone and lost.
Obviously house rules or whatever, but to waste all that time penning noms only for them to CLEAN disappear without even a chance of being posted, well fuck that for a game of soldiers. I know my place hereon.
To be honest this is not so much my forte, I am here as a prefect and do not play with the Nominations, I would been interested to see what you said about screwfix though.
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I’ll hazard a guess that it’s twats who stand at the counter for ages without a clue as to what they need.
I’m smug.
I have a plumbfix account which means I can use the trade counter.
Fuck the diy ers . Dopey cunts.
1
Have you all heard about the arseholes boycotting Corona beer?
Ffs.
Just be cool and everything will be fine.
Some people will die but then some people die every year from the cold or flu, usually people with major health problems. Maybe it’ll get Alistair pass the whisky Campbell and Bliar. Well we can but hope.
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Seeing as I have Bliar and his harridan Mrs in the dead pool, if the joyous event happens, what do you get for a double snuff? Just asking like.
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Your prayers and mine may be answered. Bliar was in Indonesia a couple of weeks ago, and the case count there is now climbing sharply – even if you believe the official figures. I hope Corbyn-19 doesn’t scare him into staying at home and doing nothing but bitch about populism. A nice trip to Tuscany is what he needs. Or Puglia.
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Mental people hoarding fucking bog roll.
Folks, this is the Apocalypse not the Arsepocalypse. Get a grip you cunts.
Mind you them gun toting tin foil hat wearing preppers were right all along, they don’t look half as daft now.
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‘The Arsepocalypse’
The nickname given to late night swimming lessons at Barrymore’s garf.
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I hope any cunt hoarding bog roll has a major fire and their mansion/hovel burns down. I’ve got a big lawn and will start wiping my arse with grass if I have to.
5
The only thing that stops me going in that direction is I know I would get angry over something stupid and start waving it around.
If you are mentally stable though, go for it I say.
4
I went to do my weekly shop in Spasda this morning, I got to the bog roll aisle and the greedy hoarding cunts had stripped them bare, not one bog roll left!
I’m sure glad I bought 480 rolls last week or I’d be right in the shit.
9
I’ll wager good money that this will all be used as a convenient excuse to extend the Brexit Transition Period beyond 31 December.
You read it here first.
PS fingers crossed that Barnier and Verhofstadtcunt succumb!
7
The missus has been saying the very same Isaac. An extension to the trade deal negotiations by itself wouldn’t be the end of the world I suppose, but if at the same time the EU tries to get the UK a) to continue contributions and b) to continue unfettered access to the North Sea beyond the end of the year, I think pandemonium will ensue.
7
Well it’s been announced that mayoral elections are suspended for one year – so Suck Dick Khunt gets a free pass there. Not too far fetched a conspiracy at all!
4
People do tend to be thick as fuck.
I’ve got enough lager in to float a battleship.
I left plenty for other refreshment seekers mind you.
I don’t know why as I’m a right cunt.
Anyhow,hoarders in oven.
8
I got involved in a fight in the bog roll aisle in Tescos today.
No serious injuries thank God, just some soft tissue damage….
7
Excellent form JRC!
Off topic but thought I would share this quote from our esteemed friends at the Guardian:
“The entire race equality committee of Equity has resigned in protest after the actors’ union apologised on its behalf for criticising Laurence Fox’s views on race and paid an out-of-court settlement to the actor after he threatened to sue them for libel”.
Outstanding.
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Fucking ace! Good on ya Lozza!
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I have to admit that one brought a very big smile to my normally taciturn features – the good Lady was so shocked at the sight she thought I was inebriated!
Good on Laurence Fox – good British common sense has prevailed!
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One of my sons jumped in and bought 2 large packs of bog rolls when he had the chance because ‘every arsehole is hoarding so i got in quick’.
What the fuck?
2
I’m still not taking all of this bollocks seriously. If I get it I get it, who gives a fuck.
What does make me laugh is that the Remoaners thought Brexit would be the end of days yet in the last couple of months we’ve had storms and flooding of near biblical proportions, a growing pandemic and a potential stock market crash and yet these fuckers can’t just take it in their stride…… 1st world pansies.
That being said, it’s all probably the fault of Brexit more than likely.
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Admin – this nomination has been mislabelled! It should say “Coronavirus Shit Machines”
no it is fine
1
What I don’t understand is that this variant of the coronavirus doesn’t give you the shots!?! And if push comes to shove you can always wash your arse in the shower/bath!
And I don’t give two fucks from the Plumrose Hot Dog sausage cock of a trans “man”, any illegal who gets treated for Covid19 in a hospital, over and above UK folk I DON’T CARE HOW FUCKING OLD THEY ARE, then those medical staff should be fired – and if foreign themselves, deported – once the dust has settled!
Boris do right by YOUR people! They voted for YOU! Do not let them down in their time of most need!
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