Selfish Parking Cunts

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I’m a cunt who pays £55 a year for a Parking Permit but can’t get parked on my own road.

Cunts who won’t park up to the next car. Cunts who take up three parking spaces with one car. Council cunts who don’t enforce the Parking Permits but are happy to take my £55 a year.

Not the most exciting nomination I grant you, but it boils my fucking piss to the max.

Nominated by Bob Frapples

41 thoughts on “Selfish Parking Cunts”

  1. In one way parking permits are a good thing so locals can actually park where they live but why do they cost so much, if you pay rates then the council know who you are and where you live…. rip off bastards

    Parking is a little more difficult, unless there are marked bays then the random element will always fuck up the parking fiasco.

    Women are the worst, no spacial awareness.

    • You’re right Sick. My missus (Gawd bless ‘er) struggles to park up in a space you could get an aircraft carrier into. She’s a good driver, but her parking is fucking pitiful.

      • I was with a friend of mine in Vienna several years ago, she was driving and we parked up, when we came back the exit was restricted by of all thing a police car. She said she couldn’t get the car out, I said ok I will do it, after a little manoeuvring we were out.
        They just don’t have a grasp steering 😂

      • Lived there for two years, they all drive like maniacs. Motorways to all and sundry parts of former Habsburg empire come in so close to the centre, crossing roads is often like playing chicken at Monte.

        Some bangin hot waitresses, though…

  2. I watched one old cunt while I was waiting for a bus last week. He was driving a Honda Jazz, not exactly bus-size, and was struggling to reverse into a gap that would easily have held 2 Merc estates. It took him a good minute to straighten up and get out, look to see if was near enough to the kerb and fuck off. The cunt had parked right in the middle of this huge gap leaving no room for anybody else. Although this isn’t typical it’s certainly becoming more and more common, I see it a lot.

  4. The worst cunts are those who park in disabled spaces. Small local Sainsbury’s yesterday and Mrs. W saw a fit looking 39ish cunt get out of a Jaguar F Pace parked in a disabled space. I would have been tempted to key it for him.
    I was listening to a Chief Constableon the radio and he told his beat officers to check all cars parked in a disabled space withoya blue badge as 90% had criminal records.

    • I am semi at war with someone, on my road there are 4 disabled spaces, one is correctly marked and used by my MRS (who is disabled), now the one at the end of the road is used by a bloke whose wife is disabled, who does not display a badge, I parked there one day and he wrote a right shit note and put it on my car.
      I admit I did feel rather bad about except that he doesn’t have a badge himself, he can only use his wife’s one when she is in the car.
      As I am in the process of applying for my own badge I think I will be parking up in that space on the regular, if I get one

  5. So typical in most things in life: those mugs who pay their taxes, pay their council tax, pay their national insurance, pay car insurance, house insurance, travel insurance etc. will always get fucked over by those scheming cunts who don’t pay a fucking thing but expect the same treatment because they’re “entitled” or the laws don’t apply to them because they’re on the spectrum etc.

  6. Just about every cunt in my street (terrace houses, no drives) has two cars. The scramble for spaces is fucking hilarious!

  7. I know all abaaaaaht selfish Parker’s Bob.
    Here in the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea you get Penelope in her massive 4×4 rolling up to a parking bay and parks her tank so that there is 5 foot of space from the start of the bay to her back wheels.
    Penelope doesn’t give a fuck abaaaaaht other cunts who pay £170 a year to park in the borough (they sell more permits than there are spaces). As long as she gets to have lunch with Jemima and their Gay friend Hugo.
    Penelope is a cunt, Jemima is a cunt and Hugo the Gay is a gay cunt, Kensington & Chelsea are cunts, and 4x4s are a cunt.
    Good cunting.

  8. Although I have to admit when mixing with the poor at supermarkets etc I have been known to park the Black man wagon (BMW) in the best part of two spaces so I don’t get scratches on the doors when some fat cunt called Dave can’t get out his car properly and hits my car.
    Probably best I get a little runaround car that hides my wealth and success.
    😁

      • That’s one from the family album Dick, my family were particularly proud that day as they realised I had made it in the pimp game. 😁

      • Thanks FTF, you have to look your best in London at all times because guaranteed when you’re looking like shite you’ll bump into some bird you fancy.

    • I’m concerned. How did u know my name AND that im a fat cunt that struggles to get out of his car? U using the camera on my phone to identify me or summat?

      • @The Eternally Grumpy Cunt,
        One of my bitches working that corner spotted you dent the Beemer…send some money and I’ll forget abaaaht it.

  9. I had a client fold on unpaid parking fines.
    He employed a shit whit who had but did not display the residents parking permit and accumulated daily fines, The driver did not tell them and next thing you know they were hit with a massive bill by the council, they argued that the driver had a permit, the council pointed out he did not display it.
    They fired the Twat, but were still liable for daily fines for a couple of months of parking plus legal expenses, a total shit storm.

  10. I had a great one around 20 years ago. I was holidaying in IOW and parked up with my then partner to see a light show at a theatre. I parked far away from all the doddery cunts in the company car to avoid problems with dented doors.

    We were just about to disembark when a Ford Focus pulled up along our offside and the old doddery cunt passenger opened his door as hard as he could into my driver’s door. Cunt just looked at me in disgust. I wound the window down and asked him what he thought he was doing. His response was “your door has a scratch on it anyway, so it doesn’t matter”. His missus who was driving just gave us a haughty look and the cunts hobbled off.

    I was seething but watched the show. When we came back, the cunt’s car was still parked next to ours. Still seething, I pulled out of the space and turned the steering wheel hard down on the left. The big black rubber rubbing strip of the front bumper carved a lovely channel all the way down the nearside of his car.

    That’ll teach the cunting coffin dodger.

    • My Vitara was an MOT failure (rust close to a seat belt anchorage) so I cut the sills off jacked in 4″ structural box steel and welded it in.
      I also had a woman open her car door with force into my parked car (quite deliberately as she did it twice) and I sat smiling at her (hence the repetition).
      I was smiling simply because I know that bashing her little tin foil door against a 3mm wall bit of box steel, my bit of steel is going to win.

  11. I had a dream last night I was making the two backed beast with Greta Thurnberg. It was a few years into the future and she’d got nicely plump, which is more to my tastes, dirty minx.

  12. I don’t drive but what boils my piśs are the selfish cunts who live in my road who have a drive and dropped kerb, but park their second car in the limited spaces in the road, but not across their drive. Oh and these are the cunts that didn’t want resident parking in the road because it might cost them @ £50 a year.
    Utter CUNTS!

    • Where I live is private off road parking – but the local dooshka dooshkas don’t appear to get this principle, so I would call a couple of people who would block their cars in and then go to work, or away for the weekend, then the week.
      It worked.
      Good nom BF 👍👍

  13. Where are the parking wardens when you need them? Hovering over pay bays and ready to sting when 1 minute over.

    Anyway I lived in Twickenham/St Margaret’s for a while and cunts used to park across the exit on my drive on match days. Great just block me in you selfish cunts.

    • We always had the same when there was an event at a local park. Unfortunately for one cunt, at one time we had 3 cars, only one of which was parked on the driveway. One was parked on a neighbour’s driveway and I came home from work in the third to find this twat parked right over the driveway. Not that I needed the car on it but I’d had enough so I took the other 2 and parked front and behind, leaving a 2″ gap. Then I went in and didn’t need the cars again for 3 days. The guy knocked on our door about the cars and I said I had no idea who owned them. Saw him several times until I needed to go somewhere. Poor bastard, I bet he didn’t do that again.

  14. Why do Supermarkets insist on painting an image of a parent and child on the Parent & Child parking bays when either an image of a Bhurka or a Turban with no children would be more fitting?

    • When my sprogs were little we used the parent toddler bays. A Kermit pulled up in the next bay with no kids or child seats .so when we came out and it was still there I accidentally slammed my empty trolley into the drivers door before I left. Whoops.

  15. Cunts parking in Ambulance Only bays raise my blood pressure. Usually fucking taxi drivers. ‘I’ll not be long’ being the usual response. Fucking right, son. It’ll take you as long as it takes to get it in reverse and move it. If they’re not there, we block the cunts in and give a comprehensive hand-over and then clean the inside of the truck from top to bottom. With any luck hospital security’s arrived and ticketed the cunts by then.

    • Well said DCI – “Ambulance only” – the clue is in the title!
      Sometimes I despair at the utter inconsiderate dangerous stupidity of some sections of humanity.

  16. We had a local PCSO in our village, he couldn’t get in to real police so he became a little Hitler.
    Now, when he used to drop his kids off at the school in his Chelsea tractor, he would drive the 50 yards from his home to school and then park across the zig zag lines, on the pavement or on double yellows without a shit given.

    He was asked not to do this, as its unsafe for pedestrians, against the law which he is expected to uphold an fucking lazy!

    His response was ‘I’m a copper and can do what I like’.

    I’m so glad he was caught on camera doing this.

    He is now a security guard at ASDA.

    • He was a fucking CHIMP. Completely Hopeless In Most Policing Situations.

      The high and mighty cunt.

      • PCSO (noun) – Pretentious Callous Shithead Official. A jumped up traffic warden.

  17. Hate irresponsible, stupid and selfish cunts who illegally park on the disabled parking bays. Was out with my dad and nephew recently, taking my grandma to the local Tesco. Went over to the disability section and, lo and behold, some big greasy fat dolt with his equally big greasy fat wife came doddering out the car (straining like fuck, the pair of ‘em — what a fucking state!) after parking their clapped Mondeo over TWO bays. Didn’t even have a badge displayed! Cunts!

    Good morning.

  18. Government should pass a law that says we can legally vandalise their cars! Especially Mr ‘I have a 4×4 so I own the road’ cunt who’s car is too wide for regular spaces, and who constantly cuts up cyclists and tailgates other vehicles.

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