The TV Chat Show

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TV Chat Shows

Last night I broke the habit of a lifetime and actually watched some terrestrial TV. But since it was New Year’s Eve and I was with the wife at her parents’ home, I really didn’t have much choice other than to piss off down the local boozer (nice idea but not good for family bonding)

First up was some entertainment show called Jane McDonald’s New Year’s Eve Show, or some such shite. Basically it’s about 40 minutes of her belting out cover versions while also having guest appearances from one-ht wonders and some old git called Tony Chrstie, who has spent his entire life ramping out some bollocks called “Is This the Way to Bognor Regis?” or summat.

And then after these cunts have finished singing she comes on stage and asks them some inane questions, but also the most telling “So what have you got lined up for the new year then?” And they come out with bollocks about their new book, single, album …. just a fucking plug basically, before they’re kicked off the stage for some other cunt to take a turn.

After that it was Graham Norton’s “chat” show. I say “chat” because it was about 45 minutes of the same old shit questions as before, but this time from guests like Tom Hanks, Anthony Joshua, Mel C and 4 other cunts I’ve never heard of. But again it was just another plug-fest for latest films and gigs etc. and the studio audience seemed to lap it up (probably on pain of death if they didn’t laugh!)

Chat shows have always been complete wank, even going back to the 70s and one of the grand-masters of folksy chat in Michael Parkinson. All these guests come on with one thing in mind – to plug their latest shite. And if they’re not plugging their shite they’re taking a pop at Brexit and Gammons and all the usual bullshit we’ve had to tolerate over the last 4 years.

If I had my way if I had a guest on my show that kept on plugging their latest album/film etc I’d press a button so their chair would disappear through the stage floor, dropping the cunt into a tank of sulfuric acid or a school of piranhas!

Nominated by Technocunt

46 thoughts on “The TV Chat Show”

  1. Family bondage eh Techno? Sounds kinky. Reminds me of when I visited my ex-fiancée Fanny Fiddler’s ancestral home in darkest Northumberland. Her relatives were a rum lot – in particular, her brother always insisted on dressing like Vincent Price c.1968.

    • …and this is the thanks I get for trying to help you feel comfortable? I had assumed that you were in some kind of Witness Relocation Programme and were desperate to obscure your true identity using disguises..what else could explain your bizarre appearance and I rather hoped that my,admittedly dashing and rather daring “Out On The Town” ensemble would distract attention away from your own rather more worrying appearance….

      https://images.app.goo.gl/haRnAn9puVwbk5Vt7

      Still enjoying being back in England,Mike?

      • Back in the colonies since Tuesday, Dick. Bastard hot here but at least no fires where I live.

      • Dreadful,those fires. Personally I’d like to see some of our Overseas Aid budget spent on trying to help…don’t really know what good money would do at the moment,but it might help in the longer-term.

      • Aye,can’t believe the mindset of anyone who would deliberately set those fires away.

      • Totally agree. Helping our kith and kin down under is exactly the type of thing our foreign aid should be spent on. Not subbing the parking Stanley space race.

      • There’s a petition on change.org to send money to Australia; personally, I’d far sooner send it there than to oiter sandholia…
        You are an excellent man at heart, m’Lord, a real softy under all that bluster and bravado !!
        Good afternoon.
        PS Despite the slightly grovelling tone, I’m not after a job at the Towers – don’t think I’d look good in a maid’s outfit.

  2. Wait till Anthony Blair gets his own chat show – it will be full of right on luvvies, like the great Dames Maggie Smith, Judi Dench and of course your own, your very own (and you can keep him) Dame Keir wittering on about how *radical* he is. Diane Abbott will be plugging her new diet book, Peter Mangeldum will plug his how to book “Cottaging and Cruising For Pleasure and Profit”, and of course there will be music – Dominic Grieve will be foresaking his residency at the Rose & Crown for one week to sway behind his mighty organ on nationwide TV. Anthony will be brown-nosing Megan Markle and offering his services as a *financial expert*. A TV show as good as Mogadon for late night consumption.

    • I thought once that Blair did have his own show but turns out “Miranda” actually stars Miranda Hart.

  3. Smug Cunts talking to equally smug Cunts.

    Alan Partridge at least made me laugh and,for a while,knocked backed the popularity of the format in the same way as “Smashie and Nicey” pricked the “all done for charidee,Mate” bubble of Disc Jockies.

    Jonathon Ross is a Cunt.

    • Mrs P is watching ‘The Masked Singer’. A bit astonished to see JR as one of the panelists. Fuck me can’t they get someone new? How long has he been going and unfunny.
      And guess who Pharaoh (his mask) was revealed to be? Fucking Alan Johnson the former shadow home secretary and leader of the fireman’s union. I wonder if Diane what would she be masked as? The Hippo I suppose. There’s one dressed as a tree, another one an octopus still in it. . I wonder who they are?

      Morning Mr Fiddler.

      • Morning,Miles.

        I’d have guessed that anyone who looked like a long-dead,desiccated Pharaoh would have been Prince Philip.

      • Dianne Abbott can be disguised and the white cliffs of Dover, she is wide enough , no fucker would guess it was pork beast Abbott, hang on… Dianne is a dark quay, I’m a such a cunt thinking that!

      • Which our leaders and masters will immediately turn into waaycism – “the ethnically diverse cliffs of the offshore EU you undereducated f*scists!

  5. The chat show is dead. Years ago the chat show was professional Yorkshire man Parky – now, Parky is a cunt who’s been reduced to giving away free biros for expensive funeral plans, but back in the day he was a good interviewer who usually managed to get something interesting out of his interviewees. Now the chat show is hosted by some self obsessed cunt like Ross or Norton who just shout “ME, ME, ME” at the camera.

    Graham “ohh it looks like a fanny” Norton is the worse offender. What a cunt he is.

    • Sadly, being of The Gayness he will have a job for life (barring lavatory or swimming-pool incidents or suggestions of “Savilvania” of course). Expect Elton John and Tom Daley for ever and a day.

      • Not seen a chat show in ages, Michael Parkinson with Ali or billy Connolly spring to mind, doubt id like modern ones.
        The picture above was from ‘the Ricky Gervais show’ a animated podcast of Ricky stephen merchant and Karl Pilkington talking, it was great!
        Bit surreal.

      • Is that Ricky Gervaise in the centre? Must admit I thought it was Fred Flintstone.

  6. Mrs Merton the only decent chat show. Sadly missed. Never watch the other cunts.

    • ” What first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels ? ” was an absolutely classic line, the discomfort and awkwardness was delicious to behold.
      Ho ho ho!
      Good morning.

      • Morning Jack
        Yeah, liked it when she had Bernard on , he scanned the elderley audience “jesus, like the chapel of rest in here”…😀

      • Mrs Merton with Cwith Eubank – “tell me, what did you think when he came from behind and licked you in the ring”?

        Classic!

  7. Clive Lewis and RL Bailey are digging holes on Sophy Ridge this morning.
    Bailey will never criticise Corbyn and Lewis thinks everyone and everything, but especially Brexit, is Waycist.
    I’m getting fed up of popcorn, think I’ll switch to peanuts.
    ” He’s behind you !! ” etc.etc.
    Get To Fuck.

    • Poor old Lewis has a permanent chip on his shoulder. Wrong-Dailey is still fighting the general strike – as are most of her wrong headed colleagues, but it will be all in vain – Dame Keir will win, and we will have the unseemly prospect of the flabby faced millionaire lawyer lecturing us on poverty for the next 5 years till he loses and hands over to the next captain of the Titanic. They should save time and give that job to Mandy – he would go down on anything.

    • Clive Lewis:

      “Welcome to Brexit Britain. To be frank I’ve had enough of this reactionary right-wing and racist endeavour. We need to end it now.”

      😂

      Morning all.

  8. You’re bang on about these talking head shows being just a vehicle for cunts to come on and punt their latest film or book or whatever.
    ‘Oh I saw it the other night, and it was absolutely wonderful’, Norton will gush. ‘You must all rush out and see it. And YOU were absolutely sublime Tom/Keira/Meryl’.
    Cunts.

  9. These days you could have a chat show with a guest who specialises in ancient history, or cosmology, or astrophysics; but you can bet your bottom dollar the interviewer will ask “So, what do you think of Trump/Boris/Brexit?”

    They just can’t fucking help themselves, which is another reason I barely dip my toe with TV these days.

  10. Chat shows years ago used to be great.
    Who could forget the great Oliver Reed being interviewed pissed as a fart on Aspel? (His follow up sober interview to this is worth a watch on YouTube)

    Nowadays it’s utter tripe. Everything has to be a certain format. Interviewer has to be a member of the Alphabet people (Norton, Alan Carr) and crack smug gay innuendo jokes every minute, then the panel has to be woke, left wing, anti Brexit and normally endorse charridee work for parking Stanley’s who have to walk 3 miles everyday to get water from a ditch or some shit.

    Chat shows nowadays is for celebricunts to virtue signal how woke they are and to increase their bank balances in doing so by getting more sheeple to endorse them.

    Utter load of shit.

    • I actually quite enjoy watching these virtue-signalling cunts gushing on about their latest vanity project. Their own lack of awareness with regard to just how up their own smug arses they are is a bit of a hoot.

  11. I would like to see Mr Fiddler hosting one. He’d slice through the marshmallows with a such glorious olde worlde panache and aplomb it would make the hairs on the back of one’s neck stand on end.

  12. Well, it’s only going to get worse once the Ginge & Cringe carnival gets its show on the road! The fucking whining half-bat will lap it all up, and drag that dribbling ginger cunt along with her like a pet chihuahua! Everyone bangs in about how much cash they will take in, but that comes second to popularity with the mattress backed yank! It’s adoration that she wants!

  13. It´s got to such a depressingly low depth that you even have chat show “hosts” interviewing other chat show “hosts”. They hate and fear each other as they are competitors and are in a constant ratings war but flash cheesy smiles as they swop compliments.

    I also hate the American ones where they have gallon-sized coffee mugs on the tables. I´m just waiting for the day some guest empties it over the host´s head – probably some nonentity woman offended by a “sexist” comment and using the occasion to gain publicity.

    • “Well, Harry – we understand the evil media and the poor are hounding and harassing you and your poor angelic Wife at every opportunity, just like they did to your poor self promoting media manipulating Mummy, so we are giving you the opportunity to explain your pain”.

      “Thank you so much Gwaham – I managed to fit this interview in between my latest six week holiday to Canada and flying the World first class to lecture the little poor people about the dangers of global warming caused by air twavel. I cannot convey the level the outwage I feel, I only receive Millions in taxpayers money and Millions more from Daddy, as well as the twenty Million Pound taxpayer funded annual cost of providing security, Daddy owns Cornwall dontcha know? And sells tons of shit biscuits to dumb American cunts at fifty quid a tin – Why is he being soo mean? And poor Pwincess Crystal Tips receives such waaycist abuse, probably, from someone or other, just because she is a chiselling vulgar self promoting narcissistic little social climber. And why do I only get one free house and 2.4 Million of taxpayers money to have the place done up when Granny has loads of houses? How is that fair?”

      “I can barely contain my tears Harry – is the fact your “Father” has cut your funding in any way influencing your decision to work towards being self sustaining”?

      “Daddy did what? The big eared cunt! Thank goodness I’m so fucking loaded I never even noticed, but obviously I need to keep the Worlds biggest giro cheques rolling in – because I deserve it!”.

      “Of course Harry, is that why you want to spend the rest of your irrelevant life flying around the World on permanent holiday but still keep your huge income from the taxpayer, all your Royal pwiveleges, a full taxpayer funded security team, the title HRH and Frogmore cottage”.

      “Exactly Gwaham – because I deserve it”.

      “I feel your pain little Hewitt, have a tissue”.

      “Snivel, simper – thank you Gwaham, do you know I have less than fifty Million in the bank – how can one possibly exist on that? My beautiful Wife Pwincess mulatto NEEDS diamonds and designer dresses, Auntie Eddie keeps stealing hers! And I am working towards towards being self sustaining, but now I do not get paid double the normal salary for playing soldiers anymore so one is feeling the pinch. Now, I have stated that I will be stepping from the job I have never done as a “Senior Royal”, and I intend being told, completely of my own free will, that me and the lovely lady will be going to Canada and setting a fake “chiridee” foundation that we can pillage to pay for the nicer things in life that we deserve”.

      “The beautiful lady Henry? – I thought you were taking the Wife”?

      “I say working claars oik – was that an insult”?

      “Of course not you plebian WOKE quisling plastic irrelevance”.

      “Oh, that’s all right then – by the way what did all those big words mean Gwaham”?

      “Thank you for blessing us with your prescence Harry”?

      “Pwesents Gwaham? I want them all”, I deserve them”!

      “Thank you Harry”.

  15. I love that Barry Humphreys as dame Edna. When he as Edna was interviewed by Parkinson. Hilarious 🙂

  16. Nauseating formulaic TV, wouldn’t mind watching Sir Nige interviewing cunts, opening line tell me Sir/Madam why are you such a cunt ?

  17. Oh to be a celebrity
    Now that spring is here
    Just to be on a chat show
    And swig some more free beer
    All celebrities are CUNTS
    You have been warned!

  18. I dont mind the older chat shoes with host like Clive James, Charlie Rose and Dick Cavett.

    Since both the US and UK went down the route of making the interviews more about the host’s ego and plugs they’ve become borefests.

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