James Bond

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Not so much James Bond himself or the old films, but the trailer for the new film is finally here and it’s as bad as expected, from what I can make out. Lots of little soundbites in it which are all different but one sticks out for all of us who happen to have the temerity to still be white and a man in 2019 :

“The world’s moved on 007.”

Cut straight to a tall black woman (probably a lesbian let’s face it) who it turns out is the new breed of spy, looks androgynous, short hair and threatening Bond if he has the audacity to get in her way.

Next scene cuts to the recently rebranded gay “Q” saying to Bond, “Oh, you aren’t dead.” I’m not sure if this Bond, or all old, white men that he is referring to, but I sooooo hope that in doing all of this that their key demographic votes with their feet and gives this a miss.

Even the cunt who plays Bond never misses an opportunity to virtue signal around wimminz issues, the utter cunt.

You play one of cinema’s greatest ever characters, so how about trying to retain some mystique? You wouldn’t catch Roger Moore, shit actor as he was, fannying around in the press about unsubstantiated rumours that some Z list actress once was told her dress was nice by a mean producer 25 years ago. No, instead he said that he wanted to step down as Bond because at his age at the time, it wasn’t appropriate to still be fucking around with young women, even when playing a part.

A true and dignified gentleman, without being a cunt about it.

And he invented the Magnum ice cream. Beat that, Millennial cunts.

Nominated by Cunt of the litter

95 thoughts on “James Bond”

  1. Rog, by his own admission, didn’t ‘act’, he just played himself. But everything Rog did as 007 pissed over anything that scouse dw*rf can muster as the special agent.

    I will happily watch DVDs of the old 70s and 80s Bond films with Rog at the helm. Perhaps the new film should drop the ‘No’ from the title and then the whole sorry franchise should take note and act accordingly.

    I won’t be watching the new offering. Bond can now go and fuck himseld, since the lesbians and gaylords now dominate the new story in the interest of ensuring a compliant, PC offering it sounds like there is scant pussy on offer anyway.

    • I can’t wait to see it as I suspect it will just be full of diabolically useless arseholes.
      Not paying for it though,fuck that.

    • Old Rog was one of Ian Fleming’s personal choices for Dr No and would have been Bond first, but he was contracted to playing The Saint on TV and therefore unavailable.
      Fleming was initially horrified when Connery was cast, referring to him as “that fucking truck driver” and an “overgrown stuntman”

  2. I loved that car the white lotus Espirit Turbo in the film The Spy Who Loved me with Roger Moore. Also the orange one in that Bond film with Timothy Dalton and that lady whom plays the cello.
    I don’t know if I have a favourite Bond film it be difficult to decide. I love most of them for different reasons.
    Whatever they do with this latest film I’m not fussed as the others will still exist.

    P.s I absolutely love those films spoof comedy spy films with Rowan Atkinson as Johnny English. Superb. Laughs all round. Perhaps the antedote needed after seeing the latest Bond film.

    • Dalton’s car was an Aston Martin Volante.
      I’m a sad cunt for knowing that I suppose…šŸ˜

      • My mistake baron. I could’ve sworn I saw the old cheese wedge lotus in orange in a Bond film.
        Could be wishful thinking. Orange is my favourite colour.

      • Metallic orange/brown Lotus Esprit Series 2 appears in For Your Eyes Only.

        Got my geek glasses on… šŸ˜€

  3. Cut and pasted bits lifted from older better films, some feminist claptrap courtesy of that awful Waller-Whatsit woman and a miscast “star” who would really rather not be there, until he gets tempted by a huge wad of cash (very “progressive” of you Daniel).
    They can keep it.
    Now, where’s that Moonraker DVD…

  4. Another instituton destroyed at The Altar Of Woke.

    Cunts. Bring on the revolution.

    NB: BBC (of course) interviewing a member of the Aussie NSW Rural Fire Service. Female, of course…. ‘Right, trawl through them all until you find a female….’ Cunts.

    • Oh yeah, and it was “climate change” that caused the fires. Nit some little cunts with a box of matches. It’s the start of the aussie summer school hols and the same happens here in the uk at the start of our summer hols. Little cunts.

  5. Let’s face it, the reality is that if civilisation had waited for wimmin or dark keys to invent anything, we’d still be living in caves dressed in animal skins. Think of anything that makes your life better, then think who invented it. It’s always a white male, of north European heritage. Steam engine, internal combustion engine, spinning machines, fertiliser, anything. So fuck off you virtue signalling cunts, I know the truth and, thankfully, so do my kids.

    • How about the ‘Combined Hat Rack And Table’, invented by WJ Ballow in 1898?

      Patent number 601422.

      Morning m’lord.

      • I think in a ‘what have the Romans ever for done for us!’ type conversation, the Combined Hat Rack And Table isn’t going to sway the argument.

  6. At least a a Dark Key Bond wont need wait for her “licence to kill” to come through…it a cultural right to be stabby innit?…She’ll have been doing her bit for Britain since she went to school/became a Grandmother by engaging in savage battles against those who “diss da cumunideee”…..no need for any extra driving training either,she’ll have been roaring around on all manner of stolen transport,chased by Police,ever since she was old enough to pinch that first pram…..as for stealing “top secret files”…a doddle compared to grabbing an armful of perfumes in Poundland and bolting for the exit.
    Only trouble might be the “shaken not stirred? Martini…I can’t imagine that it’s ever a brilliant idea to shake up a can of fizzy Umbongo before tucking into da fried wings.

  7. At least a a Dark Key Bond wont need wait for her ā€œlicence to killā€ to come throughā€¦it a cultural right to be stabby innit?ā€¦Sheā€™ll have been doing her bit for Britain since she went to school/became a Grandmother by engaging in savage battles against those who ā€œdiss da comunideeeā€ā€¦..no need for any extra driving training either,sheā€™ll have been roaring around on all manner of stolen transport,chased by Police,ever since she was old enough to pinch that first pramā€¦..as for stealing ā€œtop secret filesā€ā€¦a doddle compared to grabbing an armful of perfumes in Poundland and bolting for the exit.
    Only trouble might be the ā€œshaken not stirred? Martiniā€¦I canā€™t imagine that itā€™s ever a brilliant idea to shake up a can of fizzy Umbongo before tucking into da fried wings

    *Updated for banned words.

    • True enough Cuntlap,hadn’t thought of that…suppose all villains will have to have a luxury tree-house hideaway in order to level the playing-field

    • Iā€™ve been quietly stalking here for ages and have only recently started to contribute to the important discourse herein.
      Is there really a list of bl@ck listed words? And if so, where can I reference it please?
      Oh… and lady Bond sounds like a cunt. Iā€™ll not be troubling my timetable with that one.

      • Ruff Tuff’ll be able to tell you better than me.I’m continually caught out by some trigger word being contained in another word

      • I find any words used to describe our kiddie-fiddling brethren that rhyme with “sconce” tend to be frowned upon…

      • I currently have a list of 26 trigger words.

        I doubt Admin would thank me for publishing them.

        That list does not include the hundreds of words with “cĆ¼m” embedded in them, e.g. “docĆ¼ment”.

        Bertie Blunt once estimated there were up to 700 words with cĆ¼m in them…

      • Why are admin so offended by c*m do you think Ruff? Not enough getting splashed about at home??

      • RTC, yes Bluntys obsession with collecting ‘cĆ¼m’ related words and merchandise is getting out of hand.

      • @ Cuntan:

        I don’t think it’s Admin, it’s WordPress who decide which words to moderate.

        The cĆ¼m word was added to stop cunts posting links of leaked pictures of Jennifer Lawrence’s pretty face dripping with jizz.

        Happy Winterval.

      • Ah fair play Ruff. I remember seeing those pics a few years ago, did they not prove to be fake? (Could well be wrong, in which case ding dong!!)

      • Brian, it can be trial and error. But certain euphemisms get through:
        Prevert
        Parking Stanley and so in. Ruff Tuff can be helpful, as Dick says, when he hasn’t got the horn.

      • Morning Cuntstable.

        One of my favourite trigger words is “HĆ©inz”.

        Rarely fails to give me the horn.

    • Idris Elba can always be the new face of Black Jacks or Brooke Bond or better still stick to doing Sky film adverts on Sky TV

  8. Morning everyone,morning admin.

    Smug,smarmy,dickie bow wearer, cocktail drinker,ive never liked James Bond.
    Sportscar driving,herpes riddled, unmarried, nosy fucker.
    Naw, my cinematic heroes were Harry Callaghan, Quint, the man with no name, and a one eyed kirk Douglas throwing axes for his dad Ernest Borgnine.
    Bond? Fuck off get a aids test.

  10. Girl emerges from the sea in Dr No: ‘Are you looking for shells?
    Sean Connery: ‘No, i’m just looking’.
    No wokeness or puffterism there from the proper Bond.

  11. Not watched a bond film for years, adding wokeness to them wonā€™t help a tired old franchise. Woke Doctor Who, woke James Bond, canā€™t wait for the woke Hannibal the Cannibal, though it could be stretch, Lecter wonā€™t be menacing now heā€™s a teetotal vegan.

      • Vimto and super noodles??
        Sounds very House of Lords, before nappy-changing and a doze on the rubber sheets…

  12. Havent seen a Bond film for 50 years. Unreal flash bang wallop not to my taste.
    However, it seems that whoever produces and acts in it is influenced by the woke bigots of social media. And let’s hope that, as with the general election, they find out that this actually isn’t the real world and the public votes again, with it’s feet this time, to avoid this shite.
    BBC also take note.

  13. ā€œThe worldā€™s moved on 007. Youā€™re not black, female, lesbian, Immigrant or disabled enough.ā€ – Exactly.

  14. For international espionage can i recommend any bad guys that rather than a set of metal teeth or a metal rimmed bowler hat a pump action shotgun or any firearm is more effective?
    Sure you know your trade better than me but saying “ill throw my hat at you”
    Lacks menace whereas a shotgun pointing in your face is a internationally understood threat.

    • Indeed MNC, and a Merry Winterval to you. Also I find a better method of dealing with an irritating super-spy intent on wrecking your plans for world domination, is once you’ve captured him and have him at your mercy, why not try shooting him in the skull at point blank range (or “do a Dando”) – instead of giving him a 5-minute monologue in which you lay bare your entire plans, before strapping him in some n*ncey death machine then leaving him alone with a single guard who’s on his first day of work experience

  15. Merry Seasonal Winterval to all, Cunters! And to Admin of course.

    I suppose it’s a good thing that PC twot Danny Boyle – he of the gaylording Olympics toss from the other year – stepped away from Bond, but even so it’s hard to see how this isn’t going to be the worst load of woke shite you’ve ever laid eyes on (especially with that talentless Fleabag cunt involved, tried 10 minutes of that and it can fuck right off).

    Don’t the woke cunts realise that a big part of Bond being a bit of a bastard is what the WOMEN fans like as well?? My mrs has always been a fan and I know for a fact that if Sean Connery in his prime had sauntered in, martini in hand, and slapped her about a bit before throwing her down and doing her in the bum, she’d have gushed like a leaky tap? Yet when I do it, with a mini bottle of strawberry 20/20, that’s a police matter apparently…. fucks sake

    • Maybe its the 20/20? Try peach, maybe put on a dickie bow?
      Or a Balaclava.

      Bonds not bastard enough in my opinion, bit of a clothes horse type who has anal bleaching, maybe his eyebrows threaded.
      Reckon next bond should be brummie, wear jeans, bald spot, drives a volvo estate.
      More common man.

  16. I love Archer Cuntflap! Goes a bit weird in later series (not a secret agent after about number 5 I think) but always some filthy laughs

  17. Thanks to all for the trigger list tips.
    Lying in bed at the moment procrastinating over getting up soā€™s not to have to face the mother in law whoā€™s here for a few days.
    Speaking of which… I can feel a cunting coming on!

  18. Morning all.
    Bond statrted to die a death around the Dalton period for me. Last one I saw was the Brosnan one with that hag Magonna in it. It all started to look terribly tired to me. One thing’s for certain. Going ‘woke’ is never going to attract me back. Go woke, go broke as they say. Disney’s starting to reckonise that with ‘Star Bores’ I hear.

    • I want a northern Bond Ron.
      James drinks newcy brown shaken not stirred.
      No dickie bow but wears a flat cap.
      Keeps a pidgeon loft.
      Drives a white van
      Does a bit of scrap metal.

      • Fucking love it Miserable.
        Sounds like the kind of pissttake Viz might do, like ‘The Brown Bottle’.

      • Fucking love it Miserable.
        Sounds like the kind of pissttake Viz might do, like ‘The Brown Bottle’.

      • Brosnan’s last film was a monumental fuck up.
        Generally I always liked the more outlandish 007 outings but it takes more talent to do that sort of thing properly.
        They had a crap script and story from crap writers, a crap director, crap CGI, no Desmond Llewellyn as Q, no John Barry music and a big bag of PC boxes to tick.
        Licence to Kill is to me the last “classic” Bond film…

      • Couple of candidates up here in Mansfield MNC
        Itā€™s about time we had a Northern Bond instead of these Southern Ponces with their Savile Row Suits and Omega watches .
        M asks Seen any action Mr Bond ? He replies yes Friday night in Mansfield town centre !

      • Yeah a proper Bond! One who doesnt spend 3hrs in makeup George!šŸ˜€
        All the best mr Bamboo, to you an your family=merry Christmas!šŸŒ²šŸŒ²

      • Yes and a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your family too MNC šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘

  19. It’s going to be truly awful. You can’t watch anything now without the indoctrination ,can’t we just be enter-fucking-tained.. I hope it’s mercilessly ripped to shreds . Daniel Craig’s portrayal of Bond lacks any charm and charisma anyway, he’s about as subtle as a coked up Minotaur in an amphora shop. The occasional one liner is delivered with about as much humour and finesse as Nish Kumar at the Lords taverners. The storylines from almost every film since the Dalton era are convoluted and are written by people who have no originality and constantly steal from previous movies. And as for all the indoctrination bollocks everything great about Bond originates with the white man from the writer, directors, producers, actors, set designers, composers,stuntmen, special effects men, so these lame attempts at the emasculation of the white male only serve to ruin the films for the main fan base . In a few years no one will remember this sneering sarcastic black bloke faced lady character trying to belittle Bond but people still remember Ursula Andress in her bikini from the early 60’s. So Bond producers, put that in your cunting pipe and smoke it.

  21. To me Bond died in space and his frozen corpse drifts onwards into the icey void. You’re not even allowed to call the totty Bond Girls anymore! The fanny was part of the whole thing that made it cool, the agent stayed the same but we had chicks with different colour hair for variety! Bond is dead to me.

  22. Bond farted. Miss Moneypenny moved away from him.
    “Really James” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Do you have to?”
    Bond regarded her quizzically.
    “You should talk” he replied. “What about the time you let one rip, on the steps after the admiralty dinner?”
    “I-I didn’t” she stammered.
    “You didn’t? said Bond. “They could have measured it on the Richter scale. And it smelled like dead lepers.”
    “Shut up!” she hissed.
    The bulky figure of M appeared in the doorway. “Got lots of time to chat, have we 007?” he enquired in that benevolently cynical tone Bond had become accustomed to. “I thought you were supposed to meet up with Merryweather in the armoury at 2pm”
    “Yes I’m on my way there now sir” said Bond, hoping to escape a lecture. M had a habit of making subordinates look small in front of third parties.
    “Wouldn’t do to keep him waiting” M continued evenly. “Apparently he believes that punctuality is critical in an efficiently-run organisation. If you’re late, he’s likely to ask you if you own a watch. And not the one he built with the magnets, which I believe you lost on your last assignment. Three thousand pounds down the drain. I hope you take more care of this new-fangled pistol he’s put together. And what’s that smell? Moneypenny, I thought I’d made it clear I didn’t want you bringing pizza into the office. The canteen’s good enough for the rest of us.”
    Miss Moneypenny glowered at M’s back as he retreated into the inner sanctum, then turned furiously on Bond, who cheerfully blew her a kiss before escaping through the open door and into the corridor.

  23. Iā€™m hoping we are reaching the high water mark for the over sensitive bullshit. Around the world, people are starting to reject the cultural fascist parties for more conventional parties, regardless of being misnamed as populism by the media. Trump, Brexit and this years election result were part of the backlash against the liberal left, who are hardly liberal. The agenda is so apparent, that even the most unengaged people are noticing it, as the media portrays the world it wants, not the world we live in. Itā€™s bad enough when the race or gender of fictional characters like Dr Who, and many more are changed for this diversity nonsense, but when historical accuracy is thrown away for the sake of it, itā€™s a step too far. Iā€™m Middle aged, so I have one foot in the old world, and one in the new, as are most of us on this site, and itā€™s that life experience that the MSM hates, because we can see the bullshit, and itā€™s why we are so demonised. Misogynist, dinosaur, gammon, all these insults thrown at us by the new age intelligencia who wish to mould the world into their uninformed image. Fuck them.

  24. The Bond films I like best are with Roger (fully aware of the absurdity of a man saving the world but still serious enough to not be tiresome) or Timothy Dalton (gritty, realistic – ish). Connery, as well a sbeing a grade A cunt in real life always strikes me as shit, and Brosnan’s films were cinematic abortions. Lazenby was better than he’s given credit for, and Craig is OK but hardly the revolutionary performance twats claim (again, see Dalton).
    I’m sure the next film will be watchable entertainment although will doubtless try and be a bit woke and, as mentioned above, miss the fucking point of Bond.
    I forget where I was going with this, so will iterate that Connery is shit. I like Diamonds are Forever, apart from when that cunt turns up in his wig.

      • Skyfall is indeed an overblown pile of wank that won a BAFTA due to it’s luvvie darling director.
        Cubby wouldnt have given a toss about BAFTAs and would probably have used it as an ashtray…

  26. Morning cunts, and happy christmas.

    Have any of you seen the photos of Phil the Greek leaving the hospital this morning? That looks like a man coming home for his last christmas. In fact, I’d be surprised if he sees the new year in.

  27. Won’t be watching this woke shite.
    Craig is an ugly midget anyway and not the DNA woman’s choice of james Bond ..gross…Us girls of a certain age were happy to dream of being treated like meat by Connery, Moore and Brosnum… I served Roger Moore in a restaurant once, he winked at me as I put his plate down and I near fainted away my legs totally went at the knees I had to go sit down in the kitchen…he was a gorgeous looking guy with so much charisma.
    Hope this bullshit film tanks.

    • Tall dark and handsome Henry Cavill auditioned for Casino Royale, but was passed over by Barbara Broccoli in favour of the ugly shortarse Craig. Some alleged that this was due to Craig’s right-on politics.
      Every woman I’ve ever asked thinks Cavill is gorgeous, and that Daniel Craig is a miserable boring twat…

  28. Favourite Bond bird Jane Seymour especially when held aloft by the umbongo’s. I could live with a female Bond, imagine being a SMERSH agent being strangled between Jessica Alba’s oiled thighs or suffocated by Eva Green’s knockers, unfortunately we are more likely to see Emma Cunt Thompson or Helen aren’t I lovely Mirren in the role I wouldn’t put it past them to use Grayson Perry .
    What is the point of Grayson Perry by the way, apart from being a national embarrassment, an artist !! looks like all he does is mould plasticine figures between his thumb and his knob and they don’t even stand up straight

  29. And if this virtue signalling claptrap is the future then that’s the demise of the franchise.
    Bond is a drinker, skirt chaser assassin who liked a good tear up.
    The only difference between the character and a footie casual was the matter of finance.
    A lanky macaroon with rug munching tendencies and da youf outlook isn’t going to cut it.
    Bye bye Broccoli, you cunt.

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