Celebrity Endorsements

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We’ve all seen them, in fact they’re hard to miss. The famous and not-so-famous, using their status to help flog some product or other.

There they are, with a shit-eating smirk and the sincerity of a used car salesman, telling how much of a difference it will make to our lives if we buy this, that or the other. There’s nothing new under the sun of course, and celebrity endorsements have been around for donkey’s. Who, for example, could possibly forget the nation’s favourite granny, Thora Hird, being put up to this one;
‘Churchill’s are the only stairlift company I trust, and I recommend them to you’
(translation into English; ‘they’re paying me loadsa money to use my name’)

Then there’s dear old Michael ‘Parky’ Parkinson feeding us this line;
‘We’d all like to leave something for our loved ones or to help with funeral costs, and with Sun Life Over 50s Plan, you can do just that. The first month’s premium is free, and you get a free pen just for applying’
(translation into English; ‘they’re paying me loadsa money to use my name’)

We all know why companies do it. They want an influential figure who they think ‘fits’ the product, and relates to the target audience. Suave George Clooney is there to give ‘Martini’ a sophisticated allure. On the other hand, Ray ‘Jack the Lad’ Winston is there to remind goggle-eyed SkySport watchers every five minutes that he ‘bets wisponsibly wiv bet365’. Horses for courses.

Naturally Joe Public is meant to be reassured by the sight of a well-known face fronting up a product. They’re famous, right? They must be nice, we can trust them not to try to dupe us. Definitely. So ‘Parky’ punts a saving plan to gullible oldies, even though ‘Which?’ magazine and other consumer groups warn that it’s a fucking shit deal which commits you to pay the premium for life, and will probably pay out less than the sum paid in. And we can all remember Mr Savile back in the day, urging us to travel on British Rail. Such a nice, decent man. Then there was good ol’ John Peel, still telling us that ‘it’s an Equitable Life’, even as the company collapsed into ruin. I was one of thousands caught out by that campaign, but I bet you got your cash, you Scouse cunt. Still we keep falling for it. Must do, because companies continue to pour millions into the pockets of people who’ve already got loads; to persuade us to shell out our hard earned on stuff we probably don’t really want or need, just so that we’ll think we’re in good company.

Fuck off you devious, manipulative, avaricious cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee

64 thoughts on “Celebrity Endorsements”

  3. Considering that I hate most “celebrities” (and most non-celebrities,come to that),the sight of them pushing some product actually discourages me from buying ….no way that I’m contributing towards some Cunt of whom I strongly disapprove.

    I would however like to see Andy Porchester advertising “My First Training Bra”…at least we’d know that he does actually have some experience of them and,after all,who wouldn’t trust a Royal Warrant?

    Fuck Off.

    • I’d let Gemma Arterton ride my cock just so that she could give her personal endorsement to XXXL (ribbed for the Ladies’ Pleasure) Condoms.

      The filthy mare.

    • Available from Rigby & Peller, in black latex, 1.00 mm thickness. Versions with nipple cut-outs or nobbly bits inside available as standard.

    • Jason Donovan ( who? ) – has been old Joseph impersonator was caught on TV tonight ‘endorsing’ Cadbury’s chocolate.

      Well…Cadbury’s chocolate has been dog shit, since the Cunts at Bournville got greedy & sold it off to some USA corporation cunts – who will put 5% building grit it in, if they can make 5p a bar more profit – the bastards.

      Also, I’m personally sick of that red faced Cunt Harry fucking Redknapp showing his Cunt face every 2 minutes, to flog everything from on-line betting to luxury cruises.
      I’m sorely tempted to put my fist through the screen in a vain attempt to give the greedy irritating twat the smack he so richly deserves ( but I love my old Plasma TV ).
      Is he struggling that badly to make his £millions last ? or does he enjoy raising my blood pressure ? the Bastard.

  4. Talking of Georgina Clooney. Those fucking Nespresso ads really do grind my gears.

    For the uninitiated, the format of the ads is tired and predictable. Clooney is standing around at some function or other. Always next to a fucking Nespresso machine. Flirty tart shimmies over to him, fawns all over him but not before stealing the last coffee pod before he can use it. Fucking guffaw; what a genius advert! Fuck off.

    I’d like to see a Nespresso ad where Clooney ‘accidentally’ puts his knob into the machine (mistaking it for some tanned young man of course) and the ad finishes up with the fire brigade attending to release his withered member, with hearty laughs all around.

    Clooney and his ad endorsing wankery are cunts.

    • Surprised anyone falls for celebrity endorsements,
      actually no, im not really,
      Celebs are worshipped by lots of people nowadays and never a shortage of gullible twats.
      Cant think of any celeb i like apart from Bob Mortimer.

      • “Cant think of any celeb i like apart from Bob Mortimer.”

        And yet you stick his mate in the Dead Pool!
        Oafman has cried off from his challenge. He didn’t fancy it much after I told him where you came from!
        😀

    • Good Morning Paul,

      Are you implying that George might be as queer as a nine bob note? Well who would have thought?

  6. If I got a free pen off Parky I’d write him a letter with it, telling him to Fuck Off.
    Good morning.

  7. Skanklett Johansscunt is the worst for this sort of shite… She will advertise anything for a big pay off… Sodastream for fuck’s sake? Lux soap in China? Every animal testing cosmetics firm there is? Yeah, she’s done ’em… She actually does more adverts than she does films… And for all her anti-Trump Time’s Up right on bullshit, she has no problem doing these ads in places like China ad the UAE… And her beloved Woody can fuck off and all, the cunt…

    • China and the UAE… And her beloved Woody can fuck off and all, the creepy old cunt…

      Skank Jo on Woody: ‘He’s ummmm y’know like innocent… Because he ummm y’ know he told me he was… But Trump is like y’ know evil, so is that nasty Franco man and ummm Me Too…’

      A fucking Pot Noodle has more brains…

      • Me too. Some bangin hot pics of her around in a trench coat – could be from Black Dahlia…

      • Would have done 10 to 15 years ago, before she became a libflake weirdo and a Hollywood drone…

      • I’m not interested in her views, opinions, money or brain(or lack thereof)
        All I want is to closely inspect her lingerie – while she is wearing it.

        I’d dock my purple canoe in her harbour, any day of the week 🙂

  8. Robert Mugabe is being described as ‘ a kind of dictator ‘ on the BBC website.
    No, he was a racist, murdering, terrorist dictator.Full stop.
    Fuck the BBC.

    • Knew they’d do this… Their Winnie Mandela ‘eulogy’ was also sickeningly soft and gushing… Seems if you is bur-lack the ‘Beeb’ will overlook anything…

      Morning, Jack…

      • I’m waiting for the BBC’s excuses when their sacred cow Stormzy eventually fallls foul of the law (and he will, sure as shit is shat)… They’ve ignored/overlooked/swept away his anti-gay hate on social media already…

  9. Excellent cunting thank you.
    I’ve been drinking Woods Navy Rum this week and Oliver Reed missed a trick by not endorsing it,of that I’m fucking certain my hangover tells me.
    Celebrities are ultra cunts and anything being sold by one is automatically guaranteed to be shit.
    Get fucked.

  10. I must say the Parky pen is an offer i find extremely hard to resist. Who in their right mind could turn down such a wonderful gift.

    • Perfect for all those times you think I wish I had a pen.

      I never leave home without one. Apart from all the times I forget to take one.

  11. I asked 100 female celebrities which shampoo they used and everyone of them gave the same reply.
    “What the fuck are you doing in my bathroom”…..

  12. We’ll soon be seeing ex MP endorsements after the election so we won’t be getting rid of the fuckers that easily.

    Dominic Grieve – “Try Sudacrem for your itching, scabby skin.
    I find it soothes my acne ridden chin.”

    I couldn’t be arsed thinking of any others. Any ideas?

    • Just had a warning from Admin – “We won’t write up your examples for you.”

    • Anne Sourberries: ‘Try this new Politics Party loyalty card! You can save points by using it whatever political party you’re in.

      Remember to swipe and run! To a different party, ha ha!’

      • Does Chucky get double points if he offers his race card at the same time?
        Good Morning Captain.

      • Morning Blunty

        No, that’d be like using your Tesco Loyalty Card at Waitrose. It’ll have to be a separate card for the race one:
        Hi, I’m Fiona Onasanya. I thought I was going to spend months in prison for lying to police about a speeding offence but then I used the new Lammy Nectar Card and got an amazing discount. 28 days and a tag! Get one today!”

    • “Scotchguard keeps my HushPuppies clean from all my dribbling piss.”
      Ken Clarke, MP.

  13. Sorry Ron, can’t go along with this cunting. I find celebrity endorsements extremely useful. They save me an enormous amount of time researching and deciding whether a product is worth purchasing.

    It’s not rocket science: Anything a Celebrity endorses MUST BE CRAP.

    The only exception I can think of is national treasure Jimmy Saville and his Clunk-Click seat belt advertisments. Jimmy must have saved thousands of lives and prevented untold suffering with his selfless endorsement.

    Thank Dog I was too frit to travel by car in those days, otherwise I’d be severely disabled or six feet under today.

  14. A excellent cunting, but a little out of date. As an unemployed layabout for over 3 years now (white, male, British, over 50 – so no chance) I have the occasional joy of watching daytime TV. Parky has gone – he’s been replaced by some other old cunt. His next door neighbour, Joan, keeps “popping round” on some pre-text or other, then he blathers on about his over 50 plan. He’s such a fucking tool – she obviously wants a seeing to and he just goes on about his fucking insurance. I’m sure Parky would have been straight in there.

  15. Parkinson may have given up his free pens, the cunt, but now he’s flogging Yorkshire Tea. Do they grow tea in Yorkshire? No they fucking don’t so this Professional Yorkshire Cunt is blatantly transgressing the Trade Descriptions Act. I want the horrible bastard locked up.
    Then we can punish criminals by putting them in the same cell as Parky. He can bore them to death with his endless stories about Barnsley, fucking cricket , Dickie Bird, Muhammed Ali, Gene fucking Kelly, and all the other slebs he’s brown tongued over the years.
    What a cunt.

    • Sean Bean (who never mentions his Sheffield past) is now taking the nickel from Yorkshire tea. They’re cleverly ramming him up the arse as he’s from Sheffield but he never mentions it.

      • I wonder how the fuck this advert was screened to the board of directors who said that’s the one for us. I would have cancelled the contract and asked for a refund of any monies paid.

        Sean Bean – you lost my business.

      • The cunt even marched on Parliament when he felt his beloved Blades went down because of Carlos Tevez. The deluded cunt didn’t realise that they went down because they were utterly shit and had Neil Warnock , a cunting all on his own, in charge .

    • Maybe it’s rhubarb tea ?

      A message to Bradfordistanis – “Get back to work, dat rhubarb ain’t goin to pick itself !”

  16. Robert de Niro doing an ad. For British bread wtf? Wtf was going on his brain there? Obviously he can’t need the money, it can’t be sheer greed can it? Can it? Always thought he was a great actor but now I just think he’s a cunt. Bet he’s really concerned about that!

    • Owen Wilson is great in the Sofology ad. I bought my Sofa on the strength of his recommendation. It wasn’t until I got it home I realised it was left hand drive.

      • Pretentious wanky shite advert. Have a look at the online reviews for Sofology. They aren’t kind.

  17. “Tired of not getting your way?
    Annoyed about niggling Human Rights?
    Irritated by people demanding justice?

    Then help is at hand. Use one of Mugabe’s Death Squads to cleanse everything! ❇

    In a short time, everything will be organised and working fine!

    Don’t delay – Hire a Murder Squad today!” ✨

  18. I bet no one objected to Kylie endorsing Agent Provocateur.

    Dirty little bitch, would love to …… do anything she wants.

  19. I remember back in the 70s when Jackie Stewart used to advertise the “fast” night train from Glasgow to London. He had obviously never taken it as it was a journey through hell, packed with squaddies getting pissed before they went back to their bases in Germany or Colchester, brickies and scaffies smoking and playing cards while knocking back Lanlick and insulting other passengers.

    Anyway Jackie used to stand by the engine glaring at the camera with his wonky eye and googly smile and say in a voice that was so high you would think his testicles were being squeezed “Ye can really feel the power o´ the engine comin´ right up through your boots!” If anyone deserves a boot right up his arse it´s Jackie Stewart who has advertised more products than he has taken part in races.

  20. Sorry, but my pantry is full of products endorsed by Her Maj. Robertson’s marmalade, Lee and Perrins, Tabasco and HP sauce, Twinnings tea and Tanqueray gin. The lady may be a space lizard, but she knows quality products.

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