A cunting for that perennial type of misfit, the Goth Edgelord.
On the whole, I’ve found the goth/emo types alright and get on with them to some degree, but it’s that certain bloke you may have encountered that make me cringe when I see/hear what they get up to.
He is usually a he, although there are some female versions:
He has long black hair, a goatee or Van Dyke beard.
He listens to Linkin Park/Angsty teen shit, the Matrix soundtrack or ‘Epic Genre music’ while walking to the garage to buy bread and milk for his Mum, or taking the bus into town where he will smite his ‘foes’ in Magic; the Gathering tournaments.
He photoshops his social media photos to give his eyes a tinge of ‘Sith lord’ yellow.
He bullies ten-year olds in online gaming chats.
He tells his online foes they will know the meaning of pain, and that he IS a trained assassin. He sends people death threats if they beat him at a game.
He is a big fan of Neil Gaiman and Alan Moore and will mock you for not knowing their work.
He is a nihilist and anti-theist and is eager to tell you about it and how he usually wins arguments.
He may be 15 or 45, but always has the same jaded, superior manner, wears all- black and Dr Martens. There is usually a skull/chain motif in clothing, jewellery.
He likes vampires, anti-heroes, or any character that could be described as brooding, often to a ridiculous degree.
Attends steampunk conventions.
He is always a ‘dark elf rogue’ in any tabletop or role play game.
He drinks heavily sweetened black coffee in coffee shops, nips next door to stalk the sci-fi fantasy sections of Waterstones, and never goes into the pub for a pint.
If invited to a BBQ will not bring any food or drink, but sit in a chair, play on his phone all evening then scoff down burgers while declaring he is part wolf and all the meat is a bit ‘too cooked’ (rather than overcooked) for him but ‘will suffice’. Leaves without a thankyou.
The funniest part is he takes himself incredibly seriously and is at heart, a complete snowflake cunt.
Nominated by Cuntamus Prime
……and he’s a virgin, the sad cunt.
The kind of cunt that loves skulls and death but if he ever did see a real dead body he’d probably cry like a bitch.
10
Good Morning CP
You must live in a different world to me I have never come across this type of cunt.
6
#MeTooNeither… thank Dog.
5
About once a month me & my old mates meet up for a chat and drinking session, pub we meet is a bikers pub , great jukebox, everyone knows each other, good laugh!
Few goth types in there, harmless arent they?
Get odd one mithering me about my tattoos or beard, but no worse than any other pub bore.
Naw, harmless dreamers, not doing anyone any harm, lot worse out there.
And always wanted to fuck souxie soux.
6
Me neither although the bloke in the photo looks very gay to me. I believe these freaks have a big rally every year in that seaside town, up north, where Bram Stoker used to live. I’ve fucking been there but can’t remember the name of it. I believe in the book Dracula’s coffin washes up there. They go crazy over that sort of shit. Twats.
5
Whitby.
The locals fuckin love goths, paid theyre mortgages off after all!
Think when they have the rally thing
Cant get a hotel room booked months in advance, pubs more than quadruple the takings, big business!££
7
Whitby, yeah that’s the place. Fucking thousands of the knobs turn up. I saw a documentary about these two goth birds in America, fucking lezzas. They picked up this poor bloke and took him to this park for a threesome……..at least that’s what he thought. Anyway, they cut his throat, watched him die and drank his blood. Not for me thanks.
2
Whitby. I stayed there one night in a not-very-elegant boarding house half-way up a hill. Nothing to do. Boring pubs. Most exciting thing that happened was finding a mobile phone and handing it in at the cop shop. Once was enough.
4
Nice Whitby!
Pair of whale bones on hill something to do with captain Cook, fresh seafood,
The Bram stoker connection, alright for day out but wouldnt book 2wks!
3
He has just described himself. Projection is basic 101 psychology.
0
Just the type of person required to lead us into our glorious rainbow coloured future. My arse, with cunts like this we really are fucked every way we can be. One wonders if a group of people have dedicated their lives to producing such a fucking worthless load of cunts. Wonder if the peacefuls have such problems?
2
Never encountered one of these.
I’ve never really understood all that emo and scene crap.
I wouldn’t mind a crack at that Saraya Bevis though – wink wink, nudge nudge.
2
Cuntimus, this bbq that the goth spoilt?
It was your bbq wasn’t it?
You had your perfect opportunity to fuck him up if you hate him,
Hot coals, lighter fluid etc
2
Not mine, but a good friend, too nice for her own good.
He was an irritating cunt and got told to shut up or fuck off a bit later.
Fucking workshy man-baby who tried to get attention but couldnt relate to anything resembling an adult lifestyle.
2
I lead a sad and sheltered life. No fucking idea what this cunt is.
3
Have you ever considered going on Mastermind CP?
Our next cuntender please.
Your name is?
Cuntamus Prime.
Your occupation?
ISAC Cunter.
And your specialist subject?
The Goth Edgelord.
You have 90 seconds, starting now…
4
Yes a comprehensive slap down of what appears to be some highly specialised goth-fuckery.
4
I must point out that the specialist round lasts for 2 minutes not 90 seconds. How do I know this? Because I am a smartarse who has just entered for the next series. My specialist subject? The origins and life of the Madagascan Parrot.
4
In that case the format must have changed since this was recorded:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dz7IypOc6KY
Morning Bertie, me old mucker.
2
Morning Ruffy.
I think you’ll find that the clip is from the final where the time is reduced. I dunno, perhaps cuntamus reached the final?
2
So why is he answering questions on his specialist subject?
2
I thought there are no parrots on Madagascar, only lemurs
2
Oh Fuck! If that’s the case Three Strokes, then that cunt in the pet shop must have sold me a duff parrot when I bought Percy. He assured that was his pedigree.
2
Check the label it may be a Norwegian blue
0
Not that bothered by goths. Perennially sad bellends, who will only carry a knife to harm themselves. It’s the music that winds me up. Moody, whinging samey old panto metal, especially the bands that have two vocalists. One is the whimpy balladeer who soulfully whimpers the chorus, and then there’s the other cunt, the maggot that shouts and screams the verses. Cunts in work with me have this Spotify playlist that is pumped out instead of the radio, and it’s full of this shit, and two of my most hated styles of music, rap and dance. All repetitive shit, for idiots with low attention spans. It’s aural torture, and I despise every single minute of it.
4
Incredibly niche cunting I know, but perhaps something for the younger cunters. I grew up during the 90s and early noughties so it’s probably foreign to a lot the older posters.
To be honest i detested most subcultures growing up, always wondering why fellow teenagers couldnt just be themselves.
Bunch of cunts.
2
I loved subcultures as a kid would stare at the first punks, teddy boys,
Mods, skinheads etc
Cheaper than the zoo
2
Cuntamous, your knowledge of this type of character is so detailed and full of guilty knowledge, that I claim my £5 by declaring IT IS YOU.
2
Bravo Sir. An absolutely epic cunting.
0
One of these cunts lives in my vicinity. In his early 60s, with grey spindly hair striped pastel pink and blue, Michael Gothard ‘The Devils’ glasses, full metal jacket and fetish knee-length boots with lots of straps.
Trouble is, I know that he was caught by the Police in flagrante with his own adult daughter. Plus he was running a tattoo shop which was basically a front for child sexual exploitation and county lines drug running.
If they look deviant, they are deviant.
2