British stand up comedy is a fucking cunt.

Having the stand up comedy bar raised exceptionally high from my early twenties, feasting on diet of American comics, the late Bill Hicks, George Carlin, and the currently existing Doug Stanhope, I find it tragic and infuriating that the United Kingdom has failed to produce anything of a similar standard, or even half as good.

Instead, the UK’s so-called comedians include the likes of:

Michael Mcintyre (fat, high-pitched, banal, “I live in Muswell Hill” unfunny cunt)

Russell Howard (Boggle, cross-eyed, void of any substance or weight in comedic material, catering for the moronic masses, unfunny cunt)

Dara O’Briain (fat, potato-scoffing, annoying-as-fuck, lefty, unfunny, Paddy cunt)

Eddie Izzard (Cross-dressing, gender-fluid, lefty, self-important, “activist” and probably calls him self an anarchist, unfunny, tranny cunt)

Plus the various smatterings of…

A black comedian – talks about being black for the entire duration of his / her routine.

An Asian comedian – talks about being Asian for the entire duration of his / her routine.

Any woman comedian – talks about cake, periods and how all men are bastards (especially that fat, lefty unfunny cunt, Jo Brand) for the entire duration of the routine.

A poof comedian – minces around talking about being a shit-stabber for the entire duration of his routine.

Instead of quality material and individuality, we are left with a coven of politically-correct, non-offensive, BBC / Channel 4 moulded, loathsome joke-blowing, mediocre cretins, armed with their unoriginal, unexceptional monologues and the all-important get-out-of-jail-free, if all else fails, Trump. Brexit, Farage lifejacket jokes, catering for the remoaners, left-wing faggots, simpletons and dullards.
In a nutshell, anyone who watches ‘At The Apollo’ or stand up on Comedy Central.

Even the one guy who everyone thought was too outrageous, Frankie Boyle, morphed into a fucking Guardian column-writing, towel-head-apologist twat. He was shit, anyway, shock value with no substance, with material straight from Sikipedia.

If there is an aspiring home-grown bedroom comic who isn’t afraid to offend, to tell the truth and to make people think as well as laugh, please, step forward and grab the spotlight with both hands. You’ll probably be destined for a career in small venues and Youtube, as the mainstream networks censors anything that doesn’t fit their narrative, but at least, give it a go.

Nominated by Lord Cuntony