Star Wars

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A cunting from The Force for the ultimate fanboy sci-fi behemoth, Star Wars.

Despite my username, I have never actually sat through a full episode of any of the Star Wars films. There’s this whole impenetrable fanfare wankery over Star Wars which largely puts me off; akin to a religion or a fucking cult. With the exception of the equally embarrassing followers of Star Trek, no film franchise exists with such inane, obsessive cunts as Star Wars.

The greed of Disney and George Lucas before them must not go unmentioned. The fans will lap up any Star Wars trinket, rarity or other cheap shite and Lucas/Disney know they have an infinite well of gullible fucking punters who will spend money hand over fist on this turgid, played out bollocks.

And now for the main course – the politicisation of the recent films. Even for the rare disinterested cunt like me, the furore over the agenda-driven last film in the franchise was impossible to ignore. The returning old cast male members were truly emasculated and watered down, while Teh Wimminz were out there, kicking arse and taking names. This whole concept of badass women in films makes me truly fucking laugh because perhaps 1 in 10,000 of them won’t scream like a fucking banshee if they see a spider in the bathroom.

I hate Star Wars, and now with added SJW flavour, the films are about as appealing to me as cold vomit. Fuck off Luke, and may The Cunt be with you.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

65 thoughts on “Star Wars”

  1. The dark side I fear in you.

    Fear leads to anger,anger leads to hate and hate leads to the dark side.

    Nay the force be with you,always.

  2. To this could be added many childhood favourites. What has been done to Dr Who is very depressing. Whilst I enjoyed the original films as a child and teenager, I just don’t understand grown men getting all excited over what is still, essentially, kids’ entertainment. Ho hum.

  4. I’ve only seen one Star Wars film. I thought that it had a deeply sinister hidden agenda. It was obvious to me that Luke Skywalker was a rear-gunner who represented the forces of “The Gayness”,whereas The Death Star represented old-fashioned qualities of decency and morality.

    Truly an allegorical tale for the modern times.

    I likes porn filums.

    Fuck Off.

    • Star Wars XXX is a bona fide skin flick, but there is no gayness to enjoy.

      Similarly, Flesh Gordon was just a hoot with Minge the Merciless, Dale Hardon and Flexi Jerkoff.

      • Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders was a poor sequel that pissed on the lagacy of that immense original work.

  5. Reminiscing about old favourites like Star Wars isnt what it used to be, as a direct result of the franchise being left to run out of control.

    The rot set it about 20 years ago with that irritating cunt Jar Jar Binks and Annikin bloody Pantsniffer.

    The franchise should have stopped after the first three films. Return of the Jedi was amusing for Jabba the Hutt and the name is now synonymous with Diane Abbott, so we do owe that film much gratitude.

    I remember going to see the first film at the Southend Odeon in 1977. Groundbreaking back then.

    • The George Lucas prequels did give us Natalie Portman in her prime however.

      And Rogue One was fucking good.

      • Natalie Portman was in her prime in Leon.
        I’d have boned her then; she can cunt off now the snowflake tosser.

  6. And two other not-so-strong female role models in the news – an MP who has gone to the press because her colleague called her a ‘disgrace’ which she seems to hysterically regard as some kind of hate crime against womankind, and a silly greenpeace bint that was pushed out of a dinner to which she wasn’t invited and is being spoken of in terms like ‘horrific’ and the press naturally calling for a resignation. The fiction of supposed female strength doesn’t quite marry with reality now does it.

  7. It depresses me that we are even talking about Star Wars but then the cultural bar has sunk so low that love island is national news these days, in comparison Star Wars is high culture.

    What the hell have we become? It’s not that I’m anti entertainment, we all need time out and I’m not a snob, I’m not looking down on people for enjoying movies or thinking they should go and see an opera.

    It just bothers me that the entertainment industry and celebrity is to many the news. More and more as I grow older and life becomes more precious, the more I feel we live in unreality, the matrix is real but we willingly plug ourselves in and consume the product and the product occupies and consumes us.

    With 5G now rolling out and the ability for even more shit to be pumped into us things that once looked innocent, then looked distasteful now look ominous.

    Facebook is working on introducing its own digital currency, they along with other massive tech companies would control a global currency and remove national government control of money. A social network, seems that it was always intended to be so much more.

    A cashless society is on the way and if face book get their way they will be able to remove your ability to make any kind of financial transaction based on your social networking citizen score.

    It’s pretty much the mark of the beast 666, but never mind Star Wars episode 99 is out and I must go and consume.

    • As Martin Scorsese said in the late eighties, and Jodie Foster said in recent years (on superhero films), it’s fine to have a few of these films, but now this is all Hollywoid dishes out, and it’s been this way since media conglomerates bought up the studios . Even the self-owned ones like Disney are treTing the art of filmmaking as an assembly line.
      I dont see ot as snobbery when this is pretty much all we get, and the bar is set ever lower. Blockbusters of the seventies included Godfather, The Exorcist, Jaws and Close Encounters of the Third Kind – all hugely popular at the time but also great uses of the medium.
      Nowadays ‘blockbuster’ is a euphemism for unwatchable shite like Fast and Furious and Transformers. They are CGI cartoons with screenplays written by bedwetting geeks like JJ Abrams, Damon Lindelof and Alex Kurtzman who don’t understand how real people talk,raid ths work of the eighties generation, and the plots of these films are nonsensical. I havent bothered with the cinema in the last year.

      • Dustin Hoffman said american cinema has been as bad in the last 10 years as at any time in it’s history and he’s not wrong.

        In the 70’s William Friedkin movies like Sorcerer and The French Connection were the kind of action movies audiences expected. In the 80’s we had Robocop and The Terminator, this generation produces pseudo-cartoon shit. I don’t bother with hardly any movie made post 2005.

    • Couldn’t agree more. These days 98% of tv shows, films and music are worryingly low brow.

      An idiocracy has been created, the masses dumbed down so that they can spend hours browsing for the latest phone and texting their fellow idiots about what phone to get and finally to boast how they acquired the latest phone on evil Facilebook or Bleater. Swap ‘phone’ for anything that is purchased. People with subversive thoughts will be ostracised, their credit score and social score eradiated and will have to go and live in a tent in the forest!

      New World Order! Excuse me while I just cover up one eye, make a triangle sign with my hands and shout Hail Satan.

  8. I remember going to see Star Wars with my dad I was 11 at the time and thought it was brilliant, the ground breaking Special effects and a simple story that even cretin could understand it was very enjoyable , but much in the same way I outgrew my fucking teddy bear Rupert by the time return of the Jedi had come out the love affair was waning , Rupert was in the loft and my cock got hard if the wind blew! .
    I’ve paid little attention since seeing parts of the prequels 💤💤 at Xmas , then completely out of the blue my wife Bought the force awakens?
    That film actually put me to sleep , a particularly frayed Harrison ford who even at 70 odd thinks it’s cool to wear an earring? Cunt! , and the ridiculous( camp as a row of tents) bad guy who just happens to be his son! Fuck me deja vu …..
    Anybody still watching this absolutely dross over the age of 15 has probably got mental health issues!
    Generation cunt!
    ”now where’s Rupert?” 😂

  9. I remember my dad taking me to see Empire Strikes Back when I was 5 or 6. I didn’t understand what was going on but I sat open mouthed. Return of the Jedi blew me away with the Jim Henson style puppetry mixed in with sinister villains and my first sexual awakening when Princess Lea strangled to death a giant cock with a chain, dressed in next to nothing.

    The SJW poisoned movies of today have put the kiss of death on it, but for me, digitally remastering the originals when CGI was in its infancy was unforgivable. All those childhood memories destroyed as i cant find any versions of the original saga as it was filmed at the time. South Park nailed it in the episode when Spielberg and Lucas are raping the stormtroopers.

    I took the family to see the latest Star Wars and on the way home I apologised to them.

    Star wars can suck it. Good morning.

    • There’s an online copy called the ‘team negative’ version where they got an original print and restored it frame by frame.

      There’s also ‘despecialized’ editions of the trilogy which are the restored versions but with all the new shit taken out.

      BTW am I the only one who NEVER found princess leia sexy?

      • I preferred her at 19 in the first film when she had a bit of puppy fat and her tits were taped down to prevent them from jiggling under her white dress (apparently).

      • It’s a geektwat sci-fi fancunt thing with Princess Leia… These same cunts also go for Emma Twatson in Harry Potter (sickos) or the can’t act for shit Dragon Queen tart from Game Of Cunts… These saddos think it makes them ‘intellectual’ if they like a sci-fi bird… Only ones I wanted to do were Louise Jameson in Doctor Who, Glynis Barber in Blake’s 7 and Gillian Anderson in The X Files… I’d also say Skanklett Johansscunt as Black Widow, but she is a colossal cunt and therefore disqualified…

      • I’ve got a thing for all the star trek women. I never could resist a woman in uniform.

      • Ive never seen the lust for women in sci-fi as a pretense to being intellectual, as most of the non-nerds i grew up with liked Gillian Anderson.

      • I like Carrie Fisher in the late 80’s early 90’s when she had short hair and a milfy vibe – particulary in The ‘Burbs.

  10. Saw the first one, which somehow became the fourth one, but still prefer The Dam Busters….

  11. Star Wars is the pits, shite Sci-fi for ninnies and twits. Tried to watch it 3 times over the last 40 years or so, never managed to get past 20 minutes before pulling the plug. An insult to intelligent life, give me Star Trek any day.

    • The Star Trek original series and the first four movies are tops. But it’s been mostly shite ever since.

      • Not so keen on the movies, but enjoyed all the TV permutations up to and including ‘Enterprise’ starring Scott Bakula.

        I’ll get my coat.

      • I enjoyed Deep Space Nine. It had an overraching story compared to the episodic nature of the other sereies. However, I could stand Voyager. The crew were a bunch of wimps.

      • Agree, Deep Space Nine was excellent. Voyager did not cut the mustard.

    • Star Trek Ruff Tuff ?
      Fuck me every time I’ve attempted to watch that shit my main objective is to stay awake.
      That Picard character is a sanctimonious virtue signaling Luvie remainer probably an iron to which makes me hate it more.
      Afternoon Ruff Tuff 👍

      • Afternoon Fenton.

        Picard was born centuries after we voted to Leave. Please don’t tell me the Remoaners were still whining on about Brexit in 2364!

      • Can’t stand Picard don’t really have a fight inthe star trek debate but i enjoy the original star trek with kirk and spock. It was cheesy but it was easier to follow then the boring geeky dreck star trek new generation had also the original was more rooted in horror then sci fi. Watching the 1st and 2nd series on netflix some of them i haven’t even seen yet really enjoying it so far

  12. Love science fiction but never got Star Wars.

    Next door neighbour’s birthday May the fourth.

    • Loved the X Files throughout the 90’s . That Gillian Anderson is more shagable now than she was 20 years ago 😬

  13. Mark Hamill was mentioned on the radio today because apparently he said he hopes he never has to make another Star Wars film again. Well don’t make one then, you tosser.

      • Just saying that if he needs the money he’ll no doubt appear in another. The gas bill is incidental.

      • Thanks Moggie63

        Thought it was a related specifically to a gas related matter and was struggling to square things up.

        I can relax now.

      • Bit of a cunt, isn’t he?… Hamill has obviously got a good butty and drink out of the whole thing… The thing makes him yet he isn’t happy and wants to be taken ‘seriously’… Some cunts are never satisfied… I bet he’s still narked that Harrison Ford bagged the Princess (on and off screen)… Ha Ha….

      • To his credit he managed to continue in the entertainment industry without much Star Wars related guff for a good 30-odd years.
        Anthony Daniels on the other hand..

  14. Like everything else that used to be harmless unpretentious entertainment, now a vehicle for “right on” messages concerning race/gender/patriarchy and so on.
    The latest Bond film appears to be falling apart faster than Babs Broccoli can paste it together from bits stolen wholesale from earlier, better instalments, while stuffing in her “woke” feminist content.
    May it crash and burn…

    P.S. Daniel Craig is a total cunt..

    • Barbara Broccoli and her husband announced Die Another Day as the best Bond ever. Invisible Aston Martin, ‘Saasy’ black woman wid attitood, Toby Stephens as a Korean wearing a white face, Bond surfing an ice flow and a space beam.
      And people say Moonraker was bad…

      • How could you forget the woeful opening theme and her cameo appearence tying to act.

        Was it also the one where the oh lord the bearded one also tried a spot of acting for 90seconds of advertising?

        Die Another Day probably the worst bond ever.

      • Strip away the daft jokes from Moonraker and you are left with a frighteningly plausible concept.

        Vast, murderous social engineering scheme…

        Ruthless ego-driven space-obsessed billionaire (with a beard!)…

        Elevating an indoctrinated chosen elite above the “disposable” masses…

      • But yes, Die Another Day was shite.
        Terrible script and dialogue from Purvis & Wade and no sense of occasion or grandeur to carry the absurdity.
        Craig’s films, however, just “smell funny” instead…

      • Hey i liked moonraker , it wasn’t as bad as some made it to be, it also had the best henchman jaws. Your right bastard had a good plot too the latest bond films with Daniel craig are so boring and slow moving, forgetable shit

      • I have a soft spot for Moonraker because it was ‘James Bond in Space’ , has a gorgeous score and really caught my imagination as a child, but a lot of people ive spoken to find it the worst of the Moore films as it was a bit excessive.

      • Casino Royale would have been great if it had an actor who actually convinced as 007.
        I’d loved to have seenTimothy Dalton tell Judi Dench to “piss off”

  15. Some bloke has done a short film about Darth Vader on Youtube… As it goes, it’s pretty good for what it is and a millions times better than that bastardised Disney dog dirt…. Of course the nice guys at Disney have gone divvy and have threatened the cunt with all sorts… There are no strong wimmin, blambos, or other box ticking shite in it, so that’s in its favour…

    I used to like it (the original) when it first came out, but the whole Star Wars thing is now a saddo magnet only rivaled by that Harry Potter and Game Of Cunts shite… Kids I can understand, but cunts – grown adults – who put ‘Jedi’ as their religion on an application form? And the fanboy cunts it attracts? I recall one such bellend (again, a grown man) actually crying as he ‘reacted’ to the latest Disneywank trailer… Needless to say, this look at me cunt did this all on Youtube and he got loads of justified stick for being a crybaby mong and a fudgefucking cunt… That Hamill pillock defended this loser: by saying the fancunt was being ‘passionate’ about Star Wars…. No, Mark, you prick… He was and is a narcissistic attention seeking cunt and that’s what he does it for… A 30 odd year old man, actually theatrically blubbing and yelping on video about a crappy film trailer in order to get attention… This cunt has zero self respect ans obviously should see a psychiatrist (the mental cunt)…. A bit like all Star Wars fancunts…

    Femstapo Officer Portman was never sexy either… Put a pair of DMs on her feet and she’d look like a golf club… And she’s a Polanski loving hypocritical libflake cunt… Daisy Ridley is pretty tasty though… Nice arse….

    • I dont understand people filming themselves reacting to crap. A bizarre mentality.

    • ‘..Kids I can understand, but cunts – grown adults – who put ‘Jedi’ as their religion on an application form? ‘
      I’ve no problem with people putting it down on a form in the spirit of ‘fuck them, let’s take the piss…’

      Besides, having a religion box on application forms in the first place deserves a bit of a cunting as one Imaginary Sky Fairy belief system is much as much the same as any other…whose business is it if you’re a Christian, Buddhist or the sole worshipper of The Church of Pob?

      Personally I find it ‘amusing’ that so many people in the early 21st century still use, as a guide as to how to live their lives, bowdlerised versions of the 2++ millenia old middle-eastern folk-tales-told-round-the-animal-dung-campfires of a bunch of pre-industrial goat herders and camel jockeys…but hey, it’s their irrationality, so long as they don’t bother me..

      Getting back to the Jedis, no problems with the piss-takers on the forms, It’s the ones that believe in it that worry me slightly…they’re almost as bad as Xenu botherers (and probably potential future cash cows for them..)

      Anyhoo, excuse me, I need to go now and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (blessed be His Noodly Appendages)….

  18. I must have woken up in a parallel universe. I haven’t got a fuckin’ clue what people are on about. I’ve never seen Star Wars, never wanted to see it and will certainly never see it. All I know is that it’s an anagram of ‘ars warts.’ Nuf said. I’m sticking with The Prisoner – the oldies are always the best.

    • I would like to proudly announce that I too have never seen a Star Wars film. No interest in kids’ stuff. There aren’t many good sci-fi films but Dark City is worth watching.

  20. Sadly i was a delirious fan-boy in my teens. I grew up with the original trilogy as a child and retain a fondness for those films as they were originally released, not the digitally-ruined editions . I dont particularly like the prequels or the Disney films. I think i may have simply grown up (a bit).

      • Yes I enjoyed that one for the most part. Nice to see Vader doing what I want to see in the prequels.
        It is set in the era of the originals so it was interesting to see Tarkin again.

        The others have been a bit mediocre and The Force Awakens loses any narrative coherence at the point Han and Chewie enter. It seems these films are only appealing to wider audiences if the old cast and characters are in them.

        Nobody I know really gives a fuck about Rey etc.

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