Mouth Ulcers

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Fucking mouth ulcers are cunts.

I only get one about once a year and I’ve never given a shite, but now I have one right on the end of my tounge and it hurts like hell.

I guess maybe it’ll make me shut the fuck up for a change so it’s good for those around me, but fuck them.
Once I’m healed I’ll bitch about it until I’m hoarse…

Owww.

What a cunt.

Nominated by Deploy the Sausage

53 thoughts on “Mouth Ulcers”

  1. You should ask Krav or Mince Pie Guy for some advice. I suspect they are very familiar with mouth ulcers.
    Wear and tear.

  3. You should desist from indulging in sordid and unnatural sexual acts…..I’m afraid I’ve got no idea what you should do about your mouth ulcers though.

  4. Use Bonjela Gel. I find it really helps. Ulcers are cunts.

  5. Gargle with diluted TCP until gone. Stings at first but works better than anything else I’ve used.

  6. Don’t tell me you’ve been eating out and/or rimming Diane Flabbott have you?

    We’ve warned you about that, you silly cunt!

    • The Flabbott sausage wallet is like a Venus flytrap and only partial to small portions, as Compo will confirm.

      • You awful cunt, truly.

        Not going to lie, banging one out to the thought of Flabbott’s sausage wallet was a tough one….but I managed it.

        You sick fuck! and you wonder why that went into moderation!

    • Actually I was going to suggest that as a cure. Diane sitting on Deploy’s face would soon take his mind off the pain.

  7. Fucking hell admin. Nipped out of bed. Put kettle on. Nice cup of instant coffee to start the 💓. Back into bed. Open up ISAC. Coffee all over duvet cover. Where did you get this photo? Truly disgusting. 🤢

    you would not like to see what we have to trawl through for the perfect picture

      • …. and there goes my bowl of Weetabix – all over the fucking keyboard and monitor!

    • Aye some fucking belters they find. Especially the wimmin ones….. nearly caught out at work a few times

    • I think Admin are really inventive in their choice of photos for noms, sometimes stimulating as much comment as the subject matter. Thanks for all the hard work. ( this arse licking of mine must be worth at least one of my moderations getting through.)
      😀

      Just click on the contact us link and apply for the job, we have access to a massive library of noms

      • “nonms” ?

        Pissed again on a Friday afternoon. What a cunt!

        Left my glasses at home, makes tracking planes difficult too

      • PILOT …….. Mayday,Mayday. Air traffic control, we have an emergency landing.

        AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL ……… I’m sorry, you’re on your own.

        PILOT ……. What the fuck do you mean, you’ve left your glasses at home!

  8. Never had a mouth ulcer….

    Jeremy Corbyn shouting in the house of commons the other day.

    Fuck off you wizzend old Jew hating Marxist scum cunt.

    Go and die of Ebola.

    Good morning and fuck Labour. Oh, and Jo Brand is a fat ugly munter.

  12. Mouth ulcers, thanks to Sausage I’ve had to imagine a Katie Price super massive black hole event and a Di Abbott face ride. Now a mouth ulcer is an unpleasant thing, but come on, look at what you’ve unleashed DPS ffs.

    Warning: Contemplating Diane Abbott’s snatch may cause long term damage to your mental health.

    • Especially after a long hot sweaty day in the House of Cunts, and she hasn’t changed her underwear for a few days, and she’s sweaty, on the blob and has a cavern full of festering. rancid, putrid spunk-cheese, courtesy of Steptoe and Lammy!

      Enjoy your breakfast!

      • Get help now NCFOM, I fear you are already too far gone, a sane mind could not imagine such things.

      • I blame ISAC for my momentary lapse of civility & decency.

        In fact I have a a new disorder – Isacuntism. I am therefore not responsible for my actions; and need the taxpayer to fund my crippling lifestyle for the rest of my life!

  13. Are you sure it’s an ulcer, it could be Chuka Umunna , he gets around, Labour, Change UK, Lib Dem……….today Matthew I am going to be DPS’s mouth ulcer.

    Cunt

    • These politicians are a fucking joke!

      They move parties like its a game of musical chairs just to suit their own political aims. Fuck the constituents that voted to represent them.

      How can anyone believe in these cunts when they have all the dedication and loyalty of a second hand tea bag!?

  14. Morning Deploy. Sorry to hear of your plight.

    As a Doctor of Psychotic Enlightenment I recommend you gargle battery acid twice daily.

  15. I had such a large and persistent bastard on my tongue, I went to the docs as I thought it was the start of cunting cancer. Especially after my friend gave me chapter and verse on anal and mouth cancer if you smoke pipes. Cunts all round, especially cancer.

    • How do you get anal cancer from smoking a pipe? You’re not sticking it up your arse are you?
      Stop doing that you pervert.

      • I am very careful where I leave my pipe, because I suspect that it would make a great arse scratching implement, (I have been told that not all people think like me, but what if they do?)

      • He blows smoke rings every time he farts. Goes down well with the Islington party set.

    • To answer all your sicko cunts that think I stick pipe up my arse – I don’t (well, not that I’m going to tell). Apparently you get anal cancer as you swallow the nicotine/tar.

  16. Sympathy DS! Mouth ulcers are indeed a complete fucking cunt. Wee bastards.

    Morning all.

    • Morning Ron.

      In case it helps anyone, I recently switched from coffee to decaf coffee, and like magic the mouth ulcers that used to plague me on a regular basis have subsequently been wholly absent. Also, I no longer bite my tongue on a regular basis whilst sleeping.

  17. I would always get a mouth ulcer after sticking my tongue up a ladies asshole…the finer the lady the worse the ulcer. What a pile of cunt, although it’s what I deserved for my debauched activity.
    Go fuck yourselves.

    • Good morning Black and White. I see your back from France. How did you get on? If you wonder what the fuck I’m talking about see yesterday’s nomination on Womens’ football re the conversation between myself and Freddie. I had to reveal your secret after much pressure!

      • Morning BSC,
        You must have inside information…I have been working at the World Cup…The real prize is not the cup but a debauched night with me for the lady captain of the winning team…no wonder they are all trying so hard.
        I have been hiding in the changing rooms keeping myself ‘busy’ until my grand unveiling.

  18. DTS – as long as your teeth are not like those in the photo. If they are, get along to an emergency dentist. They look like fuckin’ Tombstone City.

  20. Best thing for ulcers is salt.
    My advice is don’t give any man a blow job while you are infected, the same goes if you have a cold soar.
    Happy gobbling sausage.

  21. I don’t know who the person whose mouth that is, but I’d suggest they’ve been rather neglectful as far as dental hygiene is concerned. Nails could do with a bit of a scrub too. These porn actresses just don’t look after themselves nowadays.

    • Looks like Lily Mong after a few blowjobs, and a few sessions on the meths!

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