If ever there was a reason not to bother with public transport, The Tube would be top of my fucking list!
Fortunately, I don’t live anywhere near the Smoke, but on the rare occasions I have to go visit I try to avoid using The Tube at all costs.
What we have is a microcosm of humanity (or inhumanity would seem more apposite), crammed into long steel tubes underground, travelling at fuck-know-what mph, and paying a small fortune for the benefit, day in day out; squashed together, no manners, no patience, no civility, no nothing!
As soon as a train turns up, hoards of people gather on the platform waiting for the doors to open; but do they wait for people to get off first? Of course not: that would waste at least 10 seconds of their precious time. Instead the mob push their way onto the train, while the opposing force try in vein to get off it, resulting in one big messy scrummage in the middle.
And once on board you’ll be lucky to find a seat because they’re all taken within seconds; and don’t be surprised to find the professional selfish cunts who spread themselves over two seats; or dump their crap on the adjacent seat and totally ignore you while they check their phone for the millionth time
So you have to stand, crammed tightly up against 30 or 40 other people, of different ethnicities, age, gender, size and levels of personal hygiene. And there will always be the tourist cunts with 10 suitcases; and mothers with pushchairs, and hipsters with their fucking rucksacks strapped to their backs.
The body odours are disgusting; not helped with people spitting, coughing, sneezing over seated people; people eating food, or gabbing loudly over their phones shouting “I’m on the train!” 10 times due to a bad signal.
You finally arrive at your station, but you can’t get off due to the tsunami of cunts on the platform wanting to get on first.
Fuck all that; and fuck the Tube. And fuck public transport too!
Nominated by NoCuntForOldMen
London Underground (London Underground)
They’re all lazy fucking useless cunts
London Underground (London Underground)
They’re all greedy cunts I wanna shoot them all with a rifle…
8
As I read that comment I was thinking it in my head in the voice of the Mod Father.
Beautiful.
2
Saw The Jam love three times… They were fucking ace…
3
Or, better still, the dulcet tones from Dio’s song on Global Warming.
1
Some people might like to get a train to work,
or drive a beemer or a merc,
some like to travel in my bus
but i can’t be bothered with all the fuss, i gotta take my bike
cos once again the tubes on strike, the greedy bastards want extra pay for sitting on their arse all day, even though they earn 30k
so i’m standing here in the pouring rain, where the fucks my fucking train! london underground there all lazy fucking useless cunts, london underground ther all greedy cunts i wanna shoot them all with a rifle.
All they say is “mind the doorsand they learn that on 2 day course
this job could be done by a 4yr old
they just leave us freezing in the cold,
what you smell is what you get, burger king, piss, and sweat,
you roast to death in the boiling heat, with tourists treading on your feet, a chewing gum on every seat,
so don’t tell me to ‘mind the gap’ I JUST WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK! Lunnen underground there all lazy fucking useless cunts,i just wanna shoot them all with a rifle.
the floors are sticky and the seats damp, every platform has a fucking tramp, the drivers get the day off when
where all late for work again! lunnen underground wa wa wankers there all wankers lunnen underground, take your oyster card and shove it up your arsehole!!……. the full text courtesy of ben & tommy.
8
Excellent nomination for a cunting! A smelly shit infested tube filled with punkah wallah’s , sand types, and gimmeegrants ,tattooed pierced show freaks, and smelly armpit types. Who in fucks name would want to ride on that fucking underground ?
I fucking hate the cunt with a passion, and gave it all up many years ago. I understand that little has changed over the years excepting the demise of the last standing .whiteman
7
Don’t forget that on the night tube you may come across someone having a dump, wank, puke or piss.
8
That sounds like a typical day ride on a merseyrail train
6
Now that sounds like a good night.
6
Not forgetting the ubiquitous threat of being blown up by any backpack-wearer with a suntan. Notice I politely didn’t mention any particular religion.
13
Wee Frees, by any chance ??!
Admittedly most loikely a prob on the Clockwork Orange…
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Suntanned, HBelinda. I was referring to the carpet-kissers.
2
Sort of guessed, but tanning salons very abundant in Glasgie…
As my mother, the lying old bitch, once said, “There’s no such thing as a Free Church.”
She also said all Campbellends were wankers, so she wasn’t all bad.
Morning General.
0
Don’t get down to the Smoke much these days on account of I don’t like travelling to foreign climes. Cockbusters is my favourite station.
9
I find the demographics of self-entitled cunt women who buy all their clothes from Topshop, and the Spanish mass tourist simpletons are the worst offenders for barging their way onto the tube when you are trying to get off.
Thankfully, being broad of shoulder and stout of constitution, I can legitimately send most of these scumcunts flying and teach them manners the ISAC way.
12
Yes, push and barge these cunts out of the way; they don’t care about manners these days; in fact if you offered them your seat they would kick you in the balls and call you a sexist-rapist-bastard!
So fuck them out the way
2
Those BBC wanksocks are at it again…
They say today that ‘Manchester City could be the first men’s team to win an English domestic treble’….
I’m no bluenose, but what other domestic treble is there?! League title. League Cup, FA Cup… And last time I looked only professional football clubs with professional top level players (like Man Citeh or Watford) can compete in such competitions and win them… I bet those BBC knobrashes are counting some tuppence flicking wimmins joke team ‘winning’ three Michael Mouse ‘trophies’ that nobody either knows or gives a fuck about… There is only one FA Cup Final and there always has been… The PC obsessed snatch sniffing BBC cunts can fiuck off…
Come on you Hornets!
17
‘First domestic treble? ‘The women have done it’ – Guardiola
Fuck off Pep, you bald pussywhipped cunt…
Come on Watford!
10
The Metrolink in Manchester isn’t too bad these days… This is because it isn’t as vast as the Underground and is easier to supervise… The Gestapo like Metrolink ticket cunts deter any ‘Booshka Booshka’ cunts from jibbing the tram… So the Metro is thankfully relatively free of loud speaking own the place eurofilth….
9
I thought the yobs had recently been threatening ladies Norman? Forcing them to get off at an earlier stop to avoid confrontation.
2
True enough… Some stations are best avoided after certain times… The chavscum and pissheads are about after working hours…
3
Nowt wrong with the Tube. Take it all the time – really efficient and super regular – by far the easiest way to get round London. And in don’t pay a penny!
4
Haven’t been for years so I know naffing abaaat what it’s like now, but the tube used to be the only viable way to get around central London. I’d buy one of those saver tickets which give you unlimited travel and never had a problem because I avoided the rush hour. I still remember some interesting sights – lesbians, nutcases, foreign tourists etc.
4
Cunt transport for cunts.
4
Something else I forgot to mention in my nom, is the fucking tube drivers going on strike at the drop of a hat – and usually on special occasions such as Christmas, bank holidays or sporting events.
I don’t know how much these cunts earn for pulling a lever and pressing a couple of buttons, but it must at least £60k; and yet these cunts are never satisfied thanks to their money-grubbing all powerful union – the cunty RMT!
6
Pretty sure its 100k now. Fucking ludicrous.
3
Fuck me! So after 10 years service these cunts are millionaires in terms of gross pay! And to do what exactly? I wonder how much surgeons earn in comparison, and who is more deserving?
4
Now, a treat for you cunters…
Three fannies…
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D6wV-xFXsAE9X-S.jpg
4
I wish the reds had never got into that fucking wimmins game. We should have stayed clear of it. Wimmin in football is just not right unless they are serving ale and butties for half time. Morecambe under 14’s would batter the England “ladies” (for “ladies” see rug munching titless half chats and butch birds). Gary Linemepockets mused on ALBBC today that “There is still plenty of soccer during the Summer” – The split arse World cup – just fuck right off you tax avoiding gimmegrant loving wank stain.
5
not a fan then? lol
3
Don’t agree, tubes the only way to get around town you’d be a silly cunt not to use it.
1