Designer Vaginas

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Designer Vaginas are Cunts.

I can’t understand why women would waste thousands of pounds of their husbands’ money,or the child-benefit cash,on these ridiculous procedures. It’s like putting a new clutch into a clapped out Austin Allegro… it might not be as sloppy on the gearstick,but still nobody wants to take a ride in it.

Women should accept that if they have reached the point where their fanny is as loose as a Blue Whales’ blowhole, a retread won’t be enough to tempt their cheating husband or bisexual personal trainer to revisit the scene of the atrocity. The ladies are too late, that particular ship (or mackerel trawler,judging by the smell) has sailed.

Old women (over 35s) should,unless they’re willing to indulge in a bit of back-door smashing,turn their wrinkly,droopy thoughts to trying to please their man by learning how to cook properly,or putting down the wine-glass,turning off the television and raising any taxpayer-funded children they may have,who will.undoubtedly, be ill-mannered,spoiled and possibly toying with the idea of trannyism. They will be doing their husband a great service by not expecting a service, let him get on with tupping his secretary or the hot bit next door…he may be grateful enough to let his wife remain in his home as a housekeeper/nanny which is really as much as some slack-clackered old biddy can expect.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

 

Note from admin:

Mr Fiddler,

The above pic is all I could manage. Trawling the internet for your nom has left me feeling quite out of sorts.

 

61 thoughts on “Designer Vaginas”

  1. For a second there reading “Designer Vaginas” I thought it was a new daytime TV programme (nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to the shite they put on TV these days)

    • Urrgh! Sure my eyes are going, whats the image? Mick jagger at dentists?

      • Emily Thornberry’s pissflaps,by the look of it….although, I must say that her clit looks rather well nibbled….in fact it looks like a fox has been tearing at it.

      • Jesus! Nearly dropped my chips! Once its healed up will look lovely no doubt , like a perfumed little rosebud! ..wi stitches.

      • The thought of nibbling Emily Thornberrys clitoris has just caused me an involuntary episode of ultra violent vomiting.

      • just be thankful it wasn’t a pic of Flabbott’s pissbox, as it would look like a cavernous hole with old crusty spunky cheese and used tampons wedged up there that the likes of Steptoe would gladly lick out and eat!

      • Allegedly Diannasaurus Flabbopotamus had 46 stitches in her cunt after giving birth. The gynecologist was heard remarking to the theatre staff “fuck me – there are only 44 stitches in a mail sack”

      • She had a child?!? So that means!!!?!? Oh God, I’m going to be sick! Where’s the toilet!…

    • Thank you,and thanks to Admin. who are probably still deleting their image search history.

      • Well played Mr Fiddler. Can always rely on you for a good hearty chuckle to set the weekend up. Please issue a warning on impending side splitters, my laptop screen is soaked with coffee – again.
        Admin better delete it rapid before CIOPS get a look at his C drive.

  4. Surly the ideal vagina would be something like the convenience stores “ seven eleven “ ?
    Open all the hours you need and closed enough for you to get some shut eye…….

  5. Looks like there might be a new cunt in Downing Street soon. The old cunt is completely fucked beyond repair but whether the new one will be much of an improvement is open to question.
    Who knows, we might have to settle for an arsehole.

    • Whoever it is, they had better like sucking French cock, nibbling German tits and brown-nosing Belgium arsehole.

    • It’s likely to be a committed leaver this time. Also the party membership will get a say following a proper contest and debates, something they didn’t get with the coronation of Mrs May.

      Boris Johnson and the entire cabinet can fuck off and die. I would like to see someone like Priti Patel or Steve Baker. Too much to hope for Mark Francois…

      • Apparently some of the Conservative old wimmin in Parliament (I suspect Lady Dominic Grieve, the cuntess of Beaconsfield) are threatening to force a general election if Boris becomes PM, so the mutinous dogs are apparently prepared to see Catweazle and his red scum enter Downing Street.

        These backbenchers are getting far too above themselves and I hope they are either deselected or kicked out for even considering enabling Marxism to head it’s ugly rear

  6. I saw a program about surgery in your America once, feck me there was an old tabby on there who was having her hymen replaced as she wanted to give her future new hubby the ultimate gift , her virginity !! , her snatch looked like a bill posters bucket, could of done with a drawstring round it and she had flaps like skate wings. Also on the same program was a sausage jockey having his ring piece bleached. Humans cunts to a man.

    • Piss flaps like skate wings – LMAO!

      Although skate wings can smell far better (even with the ammonia fragrance).

      • There is a curious and disturbing truth to skate fucking Paul. In Nelsons Navy when men would be away for up to 6 years and at sea for months on end the skate was known as “beautiful with the face of an angel” – now being an ex Navy man I have never tried fucking skate – but heres a couple of sailors that can explain it.
        https://youtu.be/6-c20VBEF-M

  7. These old ladies over 35 shouldn’t despair, they could be put to good use in Westminster. Round up the poofter MPs who are Remainers and get the wimmin to sit on their faces, so the treacherous little irons are forced to have their noses right up against their stale old undercarriages and pissflaps and then see them decide to play ball and get Brexit through. Diane’s arse on Ben Bradshaw’s finely chiselled nose, and perhaps a few farts as they get down and dirty – a KFC eructation up old Adonis’ hooter – that would be a sight to see.

    It would be an ideal opportunity to make Diane Abbott and Jess Butch-Phillips useful – they could take turns on Peter Kyle and Chris Bryant.

  8. Need I say anything.
    No where near as beautiful as an erect cock.
    Thanks for your support Mr fiddler.

  9. Surgery addicts like ultimate whore Katie Price love this kind of shit. If there is one worn out old wellie top that needs repair, it’s hanging off that slag. I’m surprised she can still feel anything below the waist, let alone walk. With what little looks it had to start with fading, the only thing bigger than the chasm she used to call a fanny, is the hole her self esteem left. Hence, her regular appearance on my dead pool list.

    • Pricey has had so much reconstruction there can’t be much of the original old scrubber left.
      Her face is definitely taking on that ‘fucked up by surgeons’ look as she gets older. Another ten years and cunts will be whipping out fishing rods every time she goes swimming.
      Lucky old Harvey. He’ll never have the brains to know his mother is the world’s biggest slag.

      • I hope she doesn’t end up cremated when she snuffs it!

        The about of toxic fumes given off by all the plastic she’s carrying around will form a poisonous black shroud in the sky; which will inevitably piss off the climate change cunts!

        But then again, imagine if she leaves her fetid plastic corpse to medical science! I mean where the fuck do you begin with that? And more importantly is there anything left that science would be interested in anyway?

  10. Love it. U lot brighten my day. This is priceless work Mr Fiddler.

  11. At my age I could care less about a spadge and more about her ability to cook.

    • Mind you there is still the option of oral sex, go to bed and talk about it. Mind you, I would sooer have a roast dinner and a bottle of wine now!

      • A bottle of wine, and oral sex…with Jancis Robinson and Jilly Goolden…

  12. This week, there has been various tales of tragedy and heroism heard during the ongoing inquest into the London Bridge terror attack. Such as, off duty nurse gets stabbed to death trying to save other victims, and a British transport policeman who stood up to the three jihadi fucking scum cunts, armed with only a baton, and got stabbed nine times for his troubles. Fair play, that guy deserves the George cross. However, reading about these terrorist filth, there is very little said about their motives, as if it had no bearing on what occurred. Funny that.
    What really boils my piss, is that these three cunts were probably given a burial that was in keeping with their chosen beliefs. Personally, I’d have encased their heads into acrylic urinals, so folk could take a good long piss into their stupid fucking faces. For eternity. Also, I’m glad the cops didn’t fuck about and wound these cunts, but shot them dead where they lay, and saved us the financial burden of having these cunts locked up, like Lee Rigbys’ murderers.

      • On ITV news tonight, there was a whole load of unbelievable wank about “islamophobia” in the Tory party (cue Baroness Warship), which was then followed by stuff on the London Bridge slime terrorist outrage.

        No sense of irony here…and they wonder why people despise the medievalist cuuuunts.

      • Dangerous dangerous times. The Muslims have been agitating for an official definition of islamaphobia as a hate crime (for which, read sharia blasphemy law installed via back door and end of any and all criticism of Islam and Muslims as being illegal).

        Thankfully this was knocked back this week, but they will bring it up again every time there is an act of terrorism from now on, or some bacon ends up being draped over a mosque door handle.

      • Those 72 virgins are old, maths teacher, perpetually hung over Irish nuns.

      • It’s possibly a mis-translation: some say the original text reads as 72 white raisins (presumably highly-prized and scarce fruits back then).
        But why 72? 7 or 14, etc seem good numbers to wish for, as long as they’re not virgin teenage boys watching porn online – ugh.

  14. That photo isn’t some tart’s flue – it’s a fucking RTA.

    I’m sure there’s a small eye looking directly at the camera, just at the tip of the left-hand scalpel.

    Huge respect to Dick for (yet another) eloquent nomination.

  15. I’m all for these old bints trying to get their flanges looking a bit nicer, but if it was looking like a ripped out fireplace before the op, I think they’re wasting their time trying to salvage it..

  16. Just a diversion but I see that the devout Christian, Israel Folau has been sacked by the Australian Rugby board for his homophobic comments. Now I couldn’t give a fuck about any religion but could you imagine the same happening to a Muslim Australian sportsperson ( and there are many) such as the cricketer Usman Khawaja? Of course not. We complain in this country but we can take some comfort Oz is a country that is even more fucked than we are.

    • It seems a bit ripe, a rugby player complaining about homösexuality.

      Spends all day training/hugging muscley men.
      Spends Saturday playing against/hugging muscley men.
      Post-match shower and a few reach-arounds with muscley men.
      Se ds a message complaining about gay people?

      ‘Rugger’, eh.

      • I couldn’t give a fuck about rugby, captain. It’s the double standards that concern me. However, don’t expect me to be there to pick up the pieces when you broach your main ‘thrust’ with a local rugby team.

      • I avoid those sausage-fests at all times, Blunty. The lack of women, constant tales of ‘The Biscuit Game’, and ironic bumfoolery make me too worried to approach those all-male rugby parties. If they wish to indulge in the cut-&-thrust of bodies clashing, the continual frottage, the post-match towel-whipping, and company of other men, who am I to ruin their fun.

      • Methinks these homophobic rugby enthusiasts doth protesteth too much…

      • Off to the Sin bin with you, Ruff.

        Sin Bin. Even the penalties sound a bit private school, homô-erotic.

  17. The latest opinion polls have given that old fossil Cable a semi for the first time in years.
    “We are shaking up British politics “ he croaks, in between taking his meds.
    Fuck off cunt, you’re getting all the remoaner votes because the remoaners don’t trust the other remoaner cunts. You couldn’t shake the piss drops off the end of your cock you wanker. Die soon.

  18. ‘Designer Vaginas’ huh?
    Is this ITV’s replacement for the axed Jeremy Kyle show?

    • I think that is a rebranded version of ‘Scrapheap Challenge’ hosted by Katie Price.

      • That woman is a genuine grotesque, LL. Ghastly yet fascinating, the sort of thing that might have turned up in ‘The Greatest Showman’.

      • Never got the hype around her Ron, even before the plastic surgeries, marriages to other bottom feeding z-listers and bankruptcy. Girl next door? Only if you lived next to Dale Farm

  19. I may be completely wrong, but surely most blokes couldn’t give a flying fuck how flappy a woman’s beef curtains are, as they are only interested in having a poke. Granted, no man wants to have to navigate through too much excess flappage to reach the promised land, but is it really that big a deal?

    This kind of surgery is simply another cosmetic thing for women who don’t like what they see when putting on their Bridget Jones knickers of a morning. If it didn’t exist, they would just have to live with their dangly labias, like most women of a certain age (or after a certain number of sprogs emerging from their nether regions) have to, who cannot afford the luxury of a surgeon trimming down their pussy flaps.

    For the record, my own nether regions are neat and tidy, thanks awfully. Mind you, seeing as they have not been harassed by a passing sprog and have seen very little action, so the only thing ‘hanging and flapping’ there are cobwebs, it stands to reason.

    SILLY CUNTS.

  20. After Me Too and it’s Hollywood cash-in Time’s Up, there is now You Know Me…
    Something to do with abortions or something… I now expect a load of Hollywood slappers to score points and virtue signal now about being child killers as well as slags….

  21. Breaking news has just revealed that air pollution is damaging every organ in the body. So it’s frequent airline travellers that have damaged my liver, not my heavy drinking. I shall have inscribed on my gravestone “Emma Thompson fucked up my liver”

  22. ……..and Caroline Lucas bored me to death and I gave up the will to live.

  23. Res ipsa loquitur.
    Those of the gayness will now be wanting designer gay-holes.
    Goodnight

  24. It’s amusing because I did a project based entirely on plastic surgery; and actually most women who get this surgery get it because their husbands and boyfriends want them to. They believe “porno” vaginas are how vaginas are supposed to look.

    Most women who go through with the surgery, due to peer pressure from their lovers, end up disatisfied with the outcome.

    Men can be such cunts. It’s all about perspective, lol.

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