Obituaries

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Obituaries

Probably not a new phenomenon, but when a marginally famous cunt kicks the bucket there’s this sudden outpouring of grief, even though in some cases the person was close to a natural death primarily for being a very old cunt indeed!

But that doesn’t stop Twatter and Fuckbook (and ABBC) going into meltdown with all the faux distraught tears of grief and sorrow for a person most of the twatters barely knew in person!

I do sometime wish these celebs who claim to have known the dead person would actually come out with the truth and say “He was a complete cunt and I’m glad the bastard is dead!”

But that would be seen as uncool. So instead it’s “He was a great man, and I shall miss old whatshisface terribly!” (and then they will constantly refresh their Facebook page to see how many likes they’ve garnered)

And another irritation is when a teenager is stabbed and killed by like-minded knife-wielding teenage cunts, the family of said victim subsequently posts all manner of shit on Facebook to say what a charming, happy-go-lucky boy he was; sadly taken away from us; we are broken; RIP my angel…. blah blah fuck off!

But what they forget to say is that their “little angel” was probably a gang leader or drug runner; robbing cars, mugging old ladies and stabbing anyone who got in his way. All of that is conveniently forgotten!

Oh and if the stabby victim is not-white and the attacker is white, then of course the former was killed through a racist incident, and not for being a gang member of a rival gang!

When you’re dead you’re dead. Cut the fake grief, crocodile tears, teddy bears and black arm bands – 95% of the nation don’t give a knuckle shuffle about the dead cunt or his legions of “friends”

Fuck ’em

Nominated by NoCuntForOldMen

73 thoughts on “Obituaries”

  1. Please don’t use that nasty word ‘dead’. The correct terminology is “passed away”.

    • Quite right,BSC…I’ve learned my lesson after the mauling I got following my Euphemisms nom. Didn’t think that I’d ever come back from that one. I should have realised that someone who I’ve never heard of,on a weird internet site called …is a Cunt,had a Passed away relative and refrained from using the brutish term “dead”.
      I’m a verrry,veeeerry howible Cunt.

      • Mr F.- I’m sure such a sensitive soul as yourself would be full of contrition!

      • I’m sure Mr Fiddler was the picture of professionalism when on his Witchfinder duties, name of old crone solemnly scratched off the parchment after being tried and justice served on the ducking stool in the village pond. After, a flagon of ale and getting an eyeful of the local serving wenches.

      • Pity we can’t strap “Dame” Emma Thompson to a chair and drown the old witch!

      • You did right, sir. As an ‘ambulance driver’, we’re told and trained when giving the bad news to relatives to say ‘Dead’ as opposed to any euphemisms. That way, there’s no misunderstanding. Done it too many times…

  2. Sorry to go off topic so soon but I am sure my fellow cunters will be shocked to hear this:

    Suck Ma Dick Khunt is ublner 24 hour armed police guard due to threats of terrorism.
    Oh, the irony. Sorry,forgot, us 4×2’s do not get irony………

    • Not off topic Krav. I wonder what the Camel Shaggers own personal Obituary would say of him ?

      K”Khunt by name , Khunt by nature, Son of ” Buz Dryver” who
      dun good and took whitey’s city and turned it into a complete fucking shithole

      Or words to that effect….

      • Apparently Home Secretary gets a lot of flack from the Feargals and… left-wing loonies… for not being dark enough.

        Just shows you how psychotically thick the latter two effnick groups are.

  3. The only good cunt is a dead cunt.

    Therefore, obituaries of cunts are a positive thing. I would love to read obituaries for Theresa May, Gavin Esler, Dominic Grieve and Anna Soubry this week ( to name but a few). That would make my week.

    • Think carefully about this. If all cunts became dead cunts, then this site would cease to exist. We need to keep all cunts alive so that we’ve got a good choice of cunts to cunt. Still, I suppose when one cunt “passes away” then I suppose there’ll be an emerging cunt to take their place. Interesting debate.

      • Don’t panic. The supply of cunts is never ending. There will never be a shortage. It’s the one universal constant.

      • That’s the word I was looking for. Cunts are cunstant !,☺️

      • Mmcm- it’s got an Oirish ring to it don’t you think?
        As in “I’m in cuntstant pain”

      • And don’t forget that many of us here are constant cunters. I mean cunstant cunters. For instance, Cunstable Cuntbubble is a cunstant cunter.

  4. This is a spot-on cunting. I especially agree that facts go out of the window and people known to be odious unpleasant fuckers when alive are invariably portrayed as Mother Theresa (not her) when they’ve ‘passed’.

    I’ll add a further strand of discussion…… those people diagnosed with cancer and who ‘have a brave fight ahead’ or ‘it’s terminal’. We then have to hear about their daily battle for decades to follow. Clive James and -yep- Danny Baker are two that spring to mind. Both smartass cunts so it’s good to see one of them get his comeuppance now.

  5. I’ve only read one obituary in years… That of the late Scott Walker… The man was a true artist and I am glad there was no celebricunt griefjacking when he went (unlike when Bowie and Prince copped it)… There’s no doubt that Scott would have hated any such fakery and celebrity social media bullshit…

    And every newspaper yesterday: Freddie Starr?!! Why is it when somebody croaks people conveniently forget they were a cunt?… Like St Jo Of The Blessed Cox… She was anti-white, anti-English, anti-Brexit, pro-peaceful and migrants came first over her own constituents…. Now she is seen as Joan of Arc meets Lady Di… It’s also took a decade for the griefmonkeying about Michael Jackson to subside, and only now are the MSM finally acknowledging what a cunt he really was… Freddie Starr? A funny bloke in his day, a total nutcase… But you’d think he was Groucho Marx. Chaplin, Bill Hicks and Richard Pryor combined the way the press are going on….

      • Last time I saw Freddie Starr in the press they were ready to burn the bloke alive, as they wanted a collar in the aftermath of the Sir Jim’ll Fiddles It hysteria… Now they are eulogising Freddie…. No wonder the cunts are known as the gutter press…

    • By the way Norman, Thin Lizzy the only good group to come out of Ireland? Surely as someone from the same musical era as me, you would have liked “Them” with Van Morrison? Fantastic group way ahead of their time. Loved “Baby Please Don’t Go”

      • Them were a terrific band and were reformed in 2012 by Billy Williamson. Gloria was the best ever!!!

      • Oh aye, Them… I forgot they were from the north… They were good and Stiff Little Fingers… But the only band from south of the border was Lizzy…

        Enya was very talented… Crap music, but very talented…

      • Horslips were the best band to come out of Ireland. Highly underrated.

        Taste, with Rory Gallagher, were pretty tasty too.

      • I was looking for all sorts of innuendo with the word ‘Horslips’ but pleasantly surprised to find the group actually existed. Sounds as though this could be my type of music. I’ll give it a play.

      • I think cunters of this musical era should get together to form a band. If ten of us formed a band we could call ourselves the Creampuff Cunters. Or we could shorten it to 10cc. Hold on, I think somebody might have already used that one.

  6. Obituaries I look forward too:

    Anjem Choudhury
    Jeremy Corbyn
    John McDonnel
    Seamus Milne….
    You get the picture!

    • And of course

      Kilary Clinton
      Lily Mong
      Tony Hall
      Madogga
      Banana Gob
      Gary Lineker
      Abbott The Hutt
      David Fucking Lammy MP
      Suckdick Khan

  7. Best cunting of the year IMHO. They make my piss boil completely away. Almost as bad as the cunts who keep initialising on SM IMHO.

  8. When I eventually cease to be, not entirely sure whether I want to go Peacefully, or suddenly. Rather suspect it will depend on the circumstances.

    Perhaps I will be blown up in a terrorist attack, in which case I will go Peacefully AND suddenly.

    • That fuckin Hammond can go and play with his organ, the festering pile of dung. Of all the low life politicians, this creep must be the most underhand, backstabbing animal of the lot.

  10. Probably the most sickening example of the Twitter ‘sleb ‘grief thief’ which I can recall in recent times was walking STD hive shitcunt-laureate Katy Perry, writing a glowing obituary for Professor Stephen Hawking. I fucking shit you not.

    Quite what this utterly vapid and talentless figurehead of modern times knew about Hawking could probably be written on the back of a gnat’s testicle. The shameless drive for digital back-pats makes these media whores look even more desperate, superficial and homogenous than they already are.

      • Kunty Perry is a self serving media whore and a brainless turd…. The daft slag knows as much about Hawking and what he was talking about as I do about fucking golf (ie: piss all)…

        That hidden todger cunt, Ladyboy Gaga is another look at me tosser who tries to appear ‘intellectual’… And I loved what Megan Fox said about Skanklett Johansscunt… Fox may not be the brightest button on the coat herself, but at least she doesn’t pretend she is some sort of clever cunt… Fox said it made her laugh that Johansscunt would ‘learn’ a couple of long or clever sounding words before going on a chat show, and she would then repeat said words throughout the interview on TV in order to appear ‘smart’… Spot on, Megan love…. Skank-Jo is 42 karat cunt…

      • And Madogga milking the death of David Bowie… Claiming she saw him live on a certain tour when she was a kid… But she was full of shit and she failed to realise that Bowie didn’t tour the US (or anywhere) when she claims to have seen him… Also, the first time she ever cited Bowie as an ‘influence’ was after he died… She never mentioned him before that… The fucking old slag….

      • Just wait until she kicks the bucket – can’t be long now!

        All the cunts will come out of the woodwork saying how wonderful she was; and what a great fuck she was.

        Social media will go into meltdown praising the old slapper

      • Madonnas entire career, and probably her entire life, is a sad exercise in delusion.

    • Wonder if he’s having a piss up in heaven with his old mates, Davros and the Cadbury’s Smash Martians?…

  12. At 60 have started to think about whether I will shuffle off Peacefully or Suddenly.

    Suppose there is a chance I could be blown up by IS terrorists, in which case I will go both Peacefully and Suddenly.

    • This must really be worrying you Willie, as it’s the second time you’ve mentioned it this morning. Before you do go, Creampuff and myself would like the return of our investments!

      • I think you’re right: the old cunt is losing it!

        Btw Willie, just before you croak it can you make sure you update your will to make sure I get all your money!

        Thanks, now hurry up and pass

      • Thanks to everyone for their kindness and concern about my mental wellbeing.

  14. I died once (allegedly) two things happened.
    1, an outburst of sympathy from people who claimed to be my mate but were not.
    2, some cunt bought restrike medals had my details stamped on them and sold them as my genuine ones.
    Any way “I got better” found out about it, group one received corrections, as to weather they were or weren’t my friends and the fact I was alive.
    The auction house in london and the dealer received phone calls telling them the items were fake, but didn’t do fuck all about it!

  15. Possibly the most obnoxious and puke 🤮 inducing phenomenon of the modern age……..dead sleb grief jacking and the fake virtue signalling and attention seeking that goes with it. What a pitiful sight they make, pretending that some cunt they never met and know fuck all about had such meaning in their empty little lives and equally empty heads.
    Then, of course there’s the minute’s silence replaced by a minute’s applause because no cunt can be trusted to keep their fucking cakehole shut for 60 seconds these days.
    I was reading the other day about all the trite pop songs popular at funerals these days with, totally predictably, My Way at number one. Fuck my boots, is there no dignity anymore?
    By the way, i’m having “I wanna be your dog” by Iggy at mine and “fuck you cunts.” on the headstone.
    And no cunt is getting any free booze. I’m not fucking made of money.

  16. Lovely bit of cunting, NoCunt.
    I had to laugh yesterday when I saw that the The Current Bun was getting heat for its ‘Freddie Starr is with his hamster’ front page headline. Starr would have probably pissed himself at it.
    One thing that I always wonder about is that thing they say on the news when someone famous pops their clogs. You know that ‘tributes are pouring in’ thing. Where do the tributes actually ‘pour in’ to? Ok maybe I’m just a pedantic cunt…

  17. Oh yeah, and there are a few cunts who better hope there are no such things as ghosts and malevolent spirits because I intend to terrorise the living shit out of them.
    Fucking cunts.

  18. Imagine my shock when I picked up the local newspaper and found myself in the obituary column! I had to contact everyone just to say “the report of my death had been grossly exaggerated”

  19. I do not understand why it is necessary for a public display of grief when someone dies. We all know that one day we will die. So why the fuss? It is not something that can be avoided although there are millions of headbangers worldwide who believe in some form of “life” after death. But in my opinion this is merely the opium of the people – to blunt the realisation of one’s own mortality. A person who grieves on the death of a “celebrity”, who was not known to or even marginally acquainted with that person, needs psychiatric help. Definitely a card short of a full deck. Someone dies. Have a good funeral and few beers afterwards then get on with your life. Because they aren’t coming back.

    • Spot on. If you knew and liked them, then why not raise a glass to their memory, but getting on with life is the main thing.

  20. ‘Sarge, he has a book ‘ere ‘Caricatures of the Negro in the 19th Century’. ‘Yes Constable but here’s a more contemporary one ‘The Media and The Royal Family’.

    ‘Come on Baker, you say it was a comment on our royalty obsessed celebrity society. Ok , I see that. But you used the phrase ‘media circus’ didnt you? And we all know they used to have performing chimps in circuses didn’t they? Be careful what you say Baker the answer that you give could have serious consequences’.

  21. The acid test for me is: “how much would the dead celebrity have cared if I had just died?”. If they wouldn’t have given a shit about me, then I don’t give a shit about them. I think that’s all fair and reasonable.

    The worst ever example was the the mass hysteria when Princess Di croaked. Peoples’ Princess my arse!

  22. Couldn’t give a fuck what’ll be said about me* in my obituary when I fall off the perch – I won’t be here – I won’t be aware. Dead is fucking dead.

    *Utterly repellent cunt, maybe, (I’d like that)

  23. My funeral might be difficult. Ive asked my brother for my cadaver to be sent down the aisle of the church on a zip wire to the theme from Tales of the Unexpected, careen through a stain-glass window and be dumped into a skip.

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