Old Wives Tales are for cunts, aren’t they.
♒
Cunt #1: I’ve finished my white wine, I think I’ll have a glass of red.
Cunt #2: Ooh, ‘Red on white, up all night!’
Cunt #3: Don’t have a beer because that’d be ‘grain on grape’.
Cunt #2: Isn’t it “Never have grape on grain”?
Cunt #1: Yes that’s correct, “Beer before wine, you’ll be fine.”
Cunt #3: Isn’t it “Wine on beer, you’ll feel queer”?
Cunt #4: I thought it was “Beer before liquor, never been sicker”?
Cunt #1: Is liquor the same as spirits?
Cunt #4: Yes. “Spirits before beer, you’ll be clear.”
For Fuck’s sake hammerheads, it’s all alcohol and it’s all nonsense. Next you’ll be telling me not to watch tv or read in the dark because it damages my vision! Perhaps I could eat carrots to improve my eyes?
Perhaps I should avoid horseradish or carry an acorn for longer life? This might help if I swallow gum because it takes seven years to digest and I’d better avoid eating bread crusts otherwise my hair might become curly.
Psh. Cunts.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
that old chestnut “If you do that you will go blind!”,
Well it’s true, I seem to have wanked my sight away.
12
When I was caught I asked my Auntie if it was all right to do a bit and wear glasses 😉
7
Funny cunting. Good one, Capt.
As for the alcohol tale, there is science behind how mixing drinks can make you as sick as a dog. It all has to do with the concentration of the alcohol or alcohol content if you will. If you start drinking a relatively low alcohol content drink, e.g. beer, your body quickly gets used to that level of concentration and the rate at which the alcohol is absorbed into the blood. If you switch to a much higher alcohol content drink, e.g. top shelf margaritas, then it causes a jolt to your system due to the higher alcohol concentration. Depending upon your tolerance, that jolt can take the form of throwing up violently as your body is basically rejects the higher alcohol content fluids. Conversely, if you started with margaritas, then switched to beer you’d be fine since the body has an easier time transitioning from high concentration to lower concentration.
That was a public service announcement brought to you by Imitation Yank. You’re welcome. 😉
9
I’ve worked hard on my alcohol tolerance. Half a litre of coop brandy while listening to music in the conservatory sets me up for a good night’s sleep.
7
I bought a bottle of coop brandy last week. It was not to shabby.
Old wives tales ate not good for your health.
5
Half a litre of brandy in one sitting and you are drinking it neat? that is quite a heroic alcohol tolerance m8 how fast you drinking it tho
5
The biggest pile of shit old wives tale which I ever heard:
“Your democratic vote matters”
10
Hi Empire. Haven’t seen you for a while. How ya been old bean?
3
Sorry I missed your post chap. Not too bad at all, hope all is ok in the US of Trump?
0
‘Masturbating makes you go blind’ bollocks. I’ve been mastur ng f yea an I s nev do e e an harm.
Good evening.
7
When my Auntie Vie caught me wanking she said stop that now Fenton , allow me .
2
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”
It’s true! I eat an apple every day, and not one doctor has crossed our threshold since 1958 when I nearly carked due to acute appendicitis.
6
That’s probably the last time a doctor made a house call.
8
Beth Rigby (Sly ‘reporter’) is an incredibly annoying CUNT.
7
Slys whole political team are plutonium grade cunts
1…. fat ultra smug and intensely annoying cunt Adam boulton
2…. always extremely pleased with himself Faisal Islam , loves a good Brexit bashing
3…. Lewis Goodall …. This spitting, rabid , snarling Gollum toothed ex bbc twat really hates Brexit and can barely control himself when mentioning the B word
4…. isac favourite Kay burley ….. sky’s no1 attack bitch, mention Brexit and burley has the facial expression of a woman who’s just stepped in dog shit whilst wearing her new out of the box louboutins……
5….. Sophie ridge?
She would actually get it ……..
I would like to back stop her….
Old wives tails are annoying but nowhere near as annoying as the cunts who continually use them, my great aunt ( god bless) could actually slip a couple into any sentence….
9
Is Beth Rigby a bloke Ruff Tuff ? She certainly sounds like one with that low monotonous voice ?
2
The Peter Kaye lines taking the piss out of northerners…..
The best one…..” Its that fine rain, the one that wets you ”
Heard that so many times when I was a child, its no wonder the southern shandy sipping cunts think we are a backward race.
5
Peter Kaye is as funny as deep vein thrombosis.
6
Theresa May is an old wife and anything that old crone says is a tall tale.
I loathe the Wretched hag.
6
“Beer before liquor, never been sicker” what a stupid saying combining different alcohols is a must if you want a more complex drunk feeling I had a beer before my old fashioned and I feel just fine fuck I might even have some gin later too throw a lemon slice in, a little dubonett its nice cunters try it sometime
5
“Brexit means Brexit”
“Strong and stable”
Etc.
“Too many cooks spoil the broth and many hands make light work.”
3
Laughter is the best medicine, not if you’re diabetic it’s not
3
If you don’t stir your coffee till all the granules have gone, you’ll have a coffee tree growing in your stomach. That’s why we always drank tea.
2
“If you untie your Belly Button, your bum will fall off.”
Never dared to try it, but I think that’s bollocks.
1